Fake x Fate
by kyugan
Summary: Shirou only had the best intentions that night he chose to cast aside his ideals. Now trapped in a strange world where Gods, Angels & Devils run rampant, he's about to learn just what kind of road said intentions have built...provided he can finish his second year without accidentally kick-starting another Holy War.
1. Fake x Calibur 1

Hey all.

To make a long story short, my Pen-drive died, taking with it a lot of my unpublished works, though i kept my notes separate thank god.

To keep from going insane, I'll be rewriting some of my older works, and publishing the few that managed to survive, like this one.

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Fake x Fate**

 _The Sky was burning._

 _If he listened closely, he could hear the voices calling out to him from between the crackling of the flames, begging, pleading with him to save them._

 _He recalled the final moments of a Mother and child before they were crushed beneath debris, unable to do anything but turn away and stagger desperately into the inferno._

 _The Sky was crying._

 _He recalled the final moments of the man he would come to call 'father', unable to do anything but vow to take up the man's flawed dream, burning the sight of his relieved smile into his mind._

 _He recalled a house, too large for one, yet constantly filled with the raucous laughter of a girl too old to be a child, yet too immature to be referred to as a 'woman'._

 _The Sky was Shining..._

 _He recalled the clash of steel between Knights of Legend, a flash of Red & Blue that no mortal warrior could ever hope to compare. On one side, a savage beast in the shape of a wily hunter, on the other, a cracked reflection of a tainted ideal, an existence he could not deny, but refused to accept._

 _He recalled the maddened howl of the Bronze Giant, the greatest of heroes brought low, once again, by the whims of a woman. He recalled the beautiful monster, her form resplendent even as she savagely tore her opponents apart._

 _He recalled the coy magus, her elfin beauty concealed behind a hood, her love for a mortal man once again leading her to damnation at the hands of Death's Left Hand, the skull-faced killer ever-lurking in the shadows._

 _He recalled the final moments of the Lady Knight, his servant and protector, her emerald eyes, now a tainted gold, still burning with the pride of a king as he drove a dagger between her ribs._

 _The Sky was Darkening._

 _He recalled the final moments of the sisters, both of whom held a special place in his heart. A place he'd been forced to close at the sight of the elder laying in the arms of the younger, her aqua eyes rendered dim and lifeless by the darkness that had corrupted her sibling over the years._

 _He recalled the broken smile of the younger, her eyes tainted red by the darkness as she glanced at him, thanking him for ending her suffering even as he pulled the dagger out of her heart._

 _The Sky was Rotting._

 _He recalled the dark tower, that ominous, oppressive existence that had been festering beneath the city like a cancer for close to a century. He recalled standing before it, ready to wipe it from the face of the earth. He recalled the Golden King, proud as brass and bright as gold, his splendor matched only by his arrogance as he sought to keep him from his task, his countless treasures gleaming in the darkness as he stood before him, the final obstacle._

 _The Sky was falling._

 _He recalled the last moments of the Snow Fairy, her pale skin unnaturally cold, her crimson eyes forever shut by the King's first strike, having taken the blow meant for him._

 _Why would she do such a thing? Had she not suffered enough? Had he not promised her that he would save her? That he would stand by her side, no matter the odds?_

 _"Silly Shirou…" she'd laughed, her smile shattering his heart into a million glass shards "It's the duty of the elder sibling to protect the younger, right?" her small hand cupped his cheek "Besides…I told you before…you shouldn't wish for the impossible."_

 _He could not accept that. He REFUSED to accept such a fate. Howling his denial of such a world to the heavens, he had charged the Golden King, his forgeries clashing with their originals even as the Dark Tower lit up, like a beacon in the night._

Shirou awoke with a yell, his eyes wide, his body slick with sweat as he struggled to calm his racing heart, his vision swimming in and out of focus as a burning sensation raced up his left side. 'Dammit…!' he hissed, teeth clenching as his right hand gripped his cloth-clad left shoulder, fighting down the urge to scream despite the contrasting feelings of burning numbness from the limb itself and what was akin to countless ants crawling into his body where it connected to his shoulder.

It wasn't the first time his arm had given him trouble, hell given the situation he should be glad he was alive to feel any pain at all. Though then again, dying at the very least meant he wouldn't need to suffer like this.

'No.' he muttered, eyes hardening as he continued to grip his shoulder, even as his breathing slowly leveled out 'No running away…that's the coward's way out…'

With one last rasping breath, the pain began to ebb, the ants slowly receding, leaving only the uncomfortable numbness that seemed to permeate his entire left side.

'What time is it anyway?' he wondered, turning his attention to the nightstand, only to grimace as the digital clock confirmed that yes, he had well over an hour until he had to get up. 'May as well make the most of it…' he reasoned, tossing aside the sheets with a grunt & rising to his feet to begin his morning workout.

* * *

 **Fake-Life 1: False Start.**

"Morning, Shirou." A voiced called out, the redhead looking up from the stove as his caretaker strolled into the room, dressed, as always, in his usual grey yukata with haori "You're up early."

"Morning, Azazel-san." Shirou replied, the redhead, now clad in a school uniform, not taking his eyes off the stove, more out of a desire to avoid looking at the man than concern for the food "Breakfast will be ready in just a bit, so have a seat."

"If only Vali was as well-mannered." Azazel chuckled, suppressing a yawn as he shuffled over to the table, picking up the morning paper while Shirou turned his attention back to the stove with a sigh.

It had been six months since Shirou had awoken in a private hospital run by one of Azazel's numerous 'subordinates', the man having brought him there when he'd stumbled across him 'lying half-dead in the gutter'. Despite the Faker's concerns, the man hadn't asked too many pertinent questions, which was good, as Shirou doubted he'd be able to answer them.

Fortunately, there was no need to lie to preserve secrecy of Magecraft, as one of the few questions the man asked was how he'd come to possess a Holy Shroud. At first, Shirou assumed he was speaking to an Executor of the Holy Church, as only members of the Burial Division would recognize the Shroud of Martin for what it was. When he'd posed the question however, Azazel had merely laughed at him.

That, and the fact the man clearly wasn't human, had reassured the Faker that he wasn't about to be made an 'example' of.

Not that the man's inhumanity meant anything to the Faker. After rubbing elbows with Counter-Guardians, Demi-Gods & the personification of All-The-World's-Evil, whatever Azazel was, at the very least he hadn't tried drinking his blood or strapping him to a dissection table.

Oh, make no mistake; there was no denying the man was powerful. Even slouched over like he was, casually reading the morning paper while dressed in a yukata & haori, he radiated Prana like an active Noble Phantasm and Shirou didn't doubt for a second he was holding back.

The Man's species aside, Shirou was more concerned with how he'd gotten from the caverns beneath Fuyuki City to a street in Kuoh City, a sentiment seemingly shared by Azazel, who went out of his way try and contact Fujimura Taiga, Shirou's Guardian in Fuyuki, to verify the redhead's claims, only to drop another bombshell on the boy.

There was no Fujimura Taiga. There was no Old Man Raiga, no Fujimura-Group. Even the staff at Homurahara had never heard of an 'Emiya-Shirou', and a call to the hospital shot down any hopes of him being listed as a 'survivor of the fire', the reason being that there never was one.

There never was a Holy Grail War, the Einzbern never teamed up with the Tohsaka & Matou to recreate the Heaven's Feel and so the being known as Emiya Shirou was never 'born'.

Faced with the reality of being stranded in a world where, for all intents & purposes, he did not exist, Shirou naturally went into shock, until Azazel spoke the words that had rocked him to his core:

 _"So kid, you wanna come with me?"_

And so, for the second time in his life, Shirou found himself in the care of a shady, middle-aged man that, by all rights, should not have been able to just walk out the door with him, no doubt using whatever influence he possessed, material & otherwise, to have papers made in Shirou's name, including a birth certificate, passport and even a hanko for any official documentation he may receive in the future.

The similarities to Kiritsugu didn't stop there either. Indeed, there were times when it physically hurt Shirou to be around the Azazel, though thankfully they were few and far between. One of the key differences between them, other than the fact that Azazel was clearly a foreign non-human obsessed with local culture, was that his slothful nature stemmed from his laid-back attitude rather than a curse slowly eating away at his body. Not only that, while Kiritsugu could be kind of a drag, Azazel was almost disturbingly likable, always obsessed with the newest thing on the market.

'It's almost like he's the bastard child of Kiritsugu & Fuji-nee…' he mused, chuckling as he set the food on the table, recalling his guardian's childhood crush on his father, and how they'd both compete for the man's attention

"Mm, perfect as always, Shirou." Azazel complimented, his eyes dancing as he eagerly dug into the humble, in Shirou's opinion, breakfast "I swear your cooking could lead a Saint to sin."

"You're exaggerating." Shirou scoffed, the two of them continuing to dine in comfortably relative silence before he noticed the man suppressing a yawn "Were you working late last night?"

"Ah, one of my cute subordinates passed away some time ago." Azazel sighed, his good humour vanishing, replaced with a grim frown. "And to top it all off, it turns out the reason behind it was due to them running around carrying out errands for another one who's been scurrying around my back for some time now." He took a sip of miso soup "It hasn't gotten to the point I need to step in personally, but if he keeps this up I may need to have him cool his heels for a bit."

Shirou shivered but said nothing, more than used to such conversations after a lifetime accompanying Fujimura Raiga whenever the old man had desired some company. You didn't associate with the head of a Yakuza group, or cohabit with the man's Granddaughter, without learning to filter certain troubling turns of phrase.

"Shouldn't you be heading out?" Azazel wondered, glancing up at the wall-mounted clock for emphasis, Shirou's eyes widening in alarm as he realized he was running late "Don't worry about the dishes, I'll sort them out."

"In that case, I'll be off." Shirou conceded, rising from his seat, making certain to pick up his packed lunch from the fridge before heading on his way, Azazel turning on the television just as the Faker shut the door behind him.

For the first month or so since awakening in this new world, Shirou had done nothing but try to determine just how much it differed from his own. To his relief, the two were almost eerily similar, possessing similar histories & events that had led to the formation of modern society, so it wasn't as if he had to deal with any culture shock on the mundane front.

The Magical side of things, however, was a completely different story, evidenced by the first time he'd tried activating his circuits, only to almost kill himself as the ambient Mana surged into his body, forcing him to trace several blades in order to avoid death by Prana Overload. It was a good thing he'd had the foresight to keep Archer's Arm wrapped up; otherwise he was fairly certain the damn thing would have devoured him on the spot.

As it were, however, that brief experiment had made it very clear to Shirou that either the Laws of Magic were different in this world, or Gaea's influence wasn't as strong. Personally, Shirou was aiming towards the latter, due to the fact that, despite some time passing from his rushed trace, the Traced blades hadn't disappeared until he'd consciously ordered them to do so, leaving only one to monitor in his room until it finally disappeared a few days later.

He wouldn't be able to confirm his suspicions until he came in contact with this world's equivalent of the Association, but from what little he'd managed to observe, and the presence of various non-human entities he'd sensed wandering around town, Shirou had soon concluded that, as bizarre as it sounded, this world's Age of the Gods had yet to end, and indeed had persisted to the modern era.

For less experienced Magi, such a thing would have been seen as a dream come true, a chance for them to take their research to new heights, and perhaps even achieve their clan's goal of reaching the Akashic Record. For Shirou, who had experienced first-hand the power of those who lived through the Age of Gods, it was a daunting prospect.

Still, all work and no play made Azazel bored, and so, despite Shirou's wishes to the contrary, his inhuman guardian had enrolled him at a local high school in the hopes of preventing him from 'Missing Out on (his) Rosy High School Life'. This, more than anything, proved beyond a doubt in Shirou's mind that whatever else Azazel may be, he had to be somehow related to Taiga, as she was the only person capable of saying something so corny with a straight face.

And so, despite his protests & countless hurled objects of a sharp, pointy variety, Shirou found himself walking through the gates of the prestigious Kuoh Academy three months later as a Second-Year Transfer from Fuyuki City.

Ominous name & decidedly Western themed Architecture aside, the school wasn't all that different from Homurahara. Indeed, Shirou soon found himself drawing parallels with his Alma-mater to the point he found himself looking for familiar faces in the hallways, only to hurriedly avert his eyes in order to be mistaken as a creeper by the multitude of young women that filled them.

That was one area where Kuoh differed from Homurahara, as at its founding it had been a prestigious All-Girls School, famous for catering to the Educational Needs of Exceptional, both in terms of looks & academics, Young Women. The Academy had stood the test of time for generations, refusing to open the gates to male students until fairly recently, when the Director, for reasons Shirou had yet to find a valid explanation for, had decided to make the school Co-ed, allowing boys to enroll for the first time in generations.

No one was entirely certain just what had affected this change in policy. It certainly wasn't due to lack of funds, nor was it acceptance rates. Indeed, the entry requirements for Kuoh had actually been LOWERED in order to improve the male turnout for the year…which Shirou was ashamed to admit was probably the only reason Azazel had managed to enroll him, given his lack of school documents.

In order to compensate for this, despite Azazel assuring him that his tuition was paid in full, Shirou had fallen into his old role as 'Fake Janitor', helping out the various clubs and faculty members where needed, never asking for anything in return. Needless to say, this quickly endeared him to most of the Seniors & Staff members, earning him the, slightly more flattering nickname of 'Handyman Emiya' and, more embarrassingly, the 'Kuoh Brownie'.

It also brought him to the attention of the Student Council, a prospect that was both refreshing, in that the President reminded him a lot of his friend, Ryuudo Issei, and concerning, as she, and the entire Council for that matter, not only weren't human, but from their scent were an entirely different species from Azazel.

Fortunately, much like his caretaker, they seemed content to masquerade as ordinary humans, so for the moment he'd kept his apprehensions to himself. It certainly didn't hurt that the scent of Sona and her clique didn't send him racing for the hills, unlike a certain redheaded sempai that seemed determine to speak with him for some reason these last few months.

* * *

 **Kuoh Academy: Student Council Office.**

"Okay," Shirou grunted, his Ochre eyes narrowing in concentration as he examined the mess of wires before him, a screwdriver gripped in his free hand "I think I see what the problem is."

"Sorry to bother you with this, Emiya-kun." Shitori Sona offered, the reserved President looking up from her paperwork to see what the redhead was doing over the rim of her glasses.

"This is the third time it's broken down this month, Kaichou." Meguri Tomoe groaned, the Secretary glaring at the offending Heater "We really should call in a repair-man."

"We wouldn't be able to even if there was room left in the budget." Ruruko sighed dejectedly, the Treasurer slumping morosely across her desk "Kaichou already allocated the budgets for this semester, so there's nothing we can do."

"We wouldn't have to do anything if the last caretaker hadn't been caught hiding cameras in the girl's locker rooms." Shinra Tsubaki opined, the Vice-President's hetero-chromatic eyes flashing in silent anger at the recollection "Honestly, how a pervert like that managed to slip through the cracks for so long is beyond me."

"You mean like how the Perverted Trio are still running rampant?" Tomoe teased, earning a frown from the older girl "Honestly, I'm surprised Kaichou didn't have them expelled from the start."

A sentiment Shirou, and most of the female student body, agreed with, given what little interaction he'd had with the trio of idiots that were unanimously reviled by pretty much every decent human being on campus, staff and student alike.

One of the many downsides of the lowered entry requirements that had quickly raised its ugly head was the fact that, out of the comparatively small handful of male students that managed to pass the exam & earn a place within the hallowed halls of Kuoh, there existed a sizable number who had only done so because of Kuoh's reputation for housing 'babes'.

Case in point, The Perverted Trio, a Trifecta of Stupidity composed of Matsuda the 'Perverted Paparazzi', Motohama the 'Three-Size-Scouter' & Hyoudou Issei, the 'Self-Proclaimed Harem King'.

Somehow, despite all logic, the three of them had managed to garner over 30 detentions and a suspension apiece within the first month of enrollment for peeking & taking illicit photos, though thankfully they hadn't seen fit to try anything of a more physical nature.

A good thing too, otherwise Shirou wouldn't have been the only one with something to say. Nor did he doubt for a second that he wouldn't be the only one letting his fists do the talking.

Some might find this a surprisingly harsh opinion, especially anyone who'd known Shirou in his past life. And truth be told if the trio showed any remorse for their actions, he might not have held them in such low regard.

But no, not only did the three stooges refuse to show remorse for their actions; they honestly believed it was their God-Given right to violate their classmates' basic human rights to satisfy their base urges.

Even putting aside what he'd learned of Sakura's upbringing, Shirou had never been the sort to avert his eyes from wrongdoing, and it didn't get worse than sexually harassing someone. He therefore felt wholly justified about breaking Issei's nose when the little shit had invited him to 'Join Us in the Search for Oppai-tenment'.

Hell, he hadn't even gotten a detention for it, if anything it had only served to improve his own reputation among the staff & student body, to say nothing of Sona's opinion of him.

"Tomoe, Tsubaki, that's enough." Sona intervened, silencing her fellow council members with a stern look before turning to regard Shirou "Well then, Emiya-kun, can it be fixed?"

"Mm," Shirou confirmed with a nod, subtly adding the finishing touches to the heater before closing his circuits "I'd still recommend getting someone to give this a proper look-over if you're not going to replace it. As it stands, this is a temporary fix at best."

"I'll see about making arrangements before the Winter Term rolls around." Sona mused offhandedly, gesturing towards Tsubaki, who diligently made a note of the issue for their next meeting with the faculty "Thank you for your efforts, Emiya-kun. Rest assured; you shall be compensated for your assistance."

"There's no need for that." Shirou countered hurriedly, hoping to dissuade her before things turned into an argument, only to flinch as Sona adjusted her glasses pointedly.

"Emiya-kun," she cut in, her tone all-too-similar to Rin's whenever the Elder Tohsaka sibling felt the need to point out why Shirou was an idiot "While your generosity is to be commended, I cannot in good faith allow you to walk out that door without some form of reimbursement for your time. Not only would it reflect badly on the Student Council, it would mark you as a patsy for anyone looking to shirk their duties."

"I understand, Shitori-Kaichou…" Shirou sighed, rubbing the back of his head absentmindedly "I just don't like the idea that I'm getting paid for something I did on a whim."

"As expected of Kuoh Academy's Brownie." Genshirou Saji chortled, the sole male Council Member smirking at the redhead from the side "Truly, you're a credit to us all."

"Ara, didn't Gen-chan also take advantage of Emiya-kun though?" Tomoe opined, heedless of her colleague's look of alarm "After all, weren't you supposed to fix the heater last week?"

"Saji…" Sona intoned, the boy in question freezing before slowly turning to face the bespectacled president, only to flinch as her glasses ominously reflected the light of the room "Is this true?"

"I think I'd better leave." Shirou opined, wincing as the scent of Sona's power, which had been permeating the room, slowly increased, the Faker wishing Saji all the luck in the world as he made for the door, only to freeze as a familiar, intimidating scent hit him right in the face.

It wasn't a bad smell by any means. Indeed, it carried the sweet undertone of honey that Sona & the rest of the council, sans Saji, gave off. However, unlike Sona, whose power smelled like running water, this scent had every fibre of his being screaming at him to run like his life depended on it.

The last time he'd smelled something like this, he'd been facing off against Gilgamesh before the Greater Grail, the corrupted vessel on the verge of giving birth to 'All the World's Evil'. It was therefore rather off-putting that the owner of the scent possessed such a friendly smile.

"Ah! Emiya-kun!" The tall, buxom redhead greeted, her blue-green eyes brightening cheerfully at the sight of him, a sentiment shared by her dark-haired companion, though her smile carried a hint of mischief "Good afternoon-!"

Shutting the door in her face & locking it for good measure, Shirou proceeded to ignore her surprised exclamations & the bemused looks of the Student Council as he calmly crossed the room to a window, which he proceeded to open & climb out of, pausing only to shut it behind him before turning on his heel and sprinting off into the distance.

"Well…" Tsubaki mused, unable to hide her amusement as Saji seized the opportunity to escape Sona's sight by rushing to open the locked door "That happened."

"Indeed." Sona mused, torn between her disapproval of Shirou's behavior & her amusement at the look on her rival's face as Saji showed her in "Good Afternoon, Rias, Akeno."

"Good Afternoon, Sona." The Gremory heiress returned the greeting, her Queen, Himejima Akeno smiling as she inclined her head at "Was that Emiya-kun earlier?"

"You just missed him." Sona supplied, gesturing to the windows for emphasis, hiding her amusement at her friend's ensuing pout behind a disapproving frown "Was there something you needed him for?"

"Not really." Rias sighed, shaking her head in exasperated disappointment "I'd just like to know why he always tries to run away whenever I try to talk to him."

"Maybe you did something so terrible to him in the past he developed a fear for you?" Akeno opined, not even trying to hide her amusement at the "Maybe he drummed up the courage to ask you out, only for you to carelessly trample over his feelings when you rejected him?"

"Akeno!" Rias chided, flushing at her Queen's imagination "Stop making me sound like the villain in a bad soap opera!" she huffed crossly "Besides, I honestly can't recall ever meeting him before."

"I wouldn't be surprised, considering he only enrolled at the Academy this year." Sona opined, accepting a folder from Tsubaki, Shirou's picture attacked to the front page "He transferred from Homurahara in Fuyuki city, but was forced to repeat a year to make up for his lackluster marks."

"So he's technically a 3rd year, Kaichou?" Ruruko noted brightly, earning a troubled look from Saji, "You'd better get him something nice as thanks for fixing the heater, Gen-chan."

"Ara, so the Brownie of Kuoh strikes again I see." Akeno mused, ignoring Saji's splutters in favor of the aforementioned heater as Rias ran her fingers over it as if testing for dust "Well?"

"Mm, there's no doubt about it." Rias confirmed, her expression unreadable as she drew her hand back & turned to face Sona "It's faint, almost non-existent really, but I can detect some traces of the same magical signature we've been sensing on and off around campus the past few months."

"I see…" Sona mused, her expression just as unreadable as Rias' as she adjusted her glasses in thought "I had my suspicions, but I never would have imagined a Magician would be so daring as to sneak into our territory, especially given recent events."

"You think he could have been affiliated with Raynare's group?" Rias pondered, crossing her arms beneath her considerable bust, much to Sona's irritation "It would certainly explain his wariness around me, and not all of her accomplices were accounted for, Freed Sellzen being a prime example."

"Possible." Sona mused, shivering slightly at the mention of the insane exorcist "Though from what little we know, it seems Sellzen hates Magicians just as much as Devils, so it's unlikely Emiya-kun would have had any involvement with him."

"Could he simply have moved here without knowing this territory was under the protection of the Gremory & Sitri clans?" Reya suggested "I mean, none of the residual magic we've sensed around campus has been remotely offensive, right?"

"True. He only seems to use it to gain a better understanding of the inner-workings of the machines he repairs." Tsubaki opined as she adjusted her glasses "In cases where the magic lingers, it seems to be strengthening faulty components until such time they can be replaced."

"Ara, it would seem his reputation as a 'Brownie' is well deserved after all…" Akeno mused, licking her fingers with a sultry smile, "I can only wonder what secrets he may be hiding…"

Sona said nothing, more than familiar with the antics of her friend's Queen, even if she shared her thoughts on the matter. No matter how highly the staff & student body spoke of him, no matter how well-intentioned his actions may be, the fact remained that Emiya Shirou was an unknown Magician that had somehow managed to slip under their radar in the wake of the 'Twilight Healing Incident'.

True, Rias' 'Occult Research Club' had resolved the issue swiftly, garnering the Gremory two valuable new addition to her peerage in the process, but it didn't change the fact that, somehow, no less than Four Fallen Angels & a squad of Stray-Exorcists had managed to sneak into their territory.

Such a slip-up could be fatal in the future. Hell, it HAD cost Rias new peerage members their mortal lives, so it was only understandable that, even if it turned out he wasn't a threat, Sona wouldn't rest till she learned just what rock Emiya Shirou had crawled out from under.

"For now, I propose we merely adopt a 'wait and see' approach." She suggested, Rias nodding her head in agreement "If it turns out he's simply ignorant, we may consider approaching him." Her glasses flashed ominously "Should his intentions be less than noble, however…"

Her implication was clear, though Sona was surprised to note quite a few people in the room seemed troubled by the prospect of having to kill Emiya Shirou. Herself included.

* * *

 **Kuoh City: After Hours.**

"I'm heading off, Master." Shirou called out, the Faker waving in passing to the owner of Azazel's favorite bar, where he worked part time in order to earn some spending money "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Take care kid!" the mustachioed owner called out, nodding his head from the bar, where he was dutifully cleaning a glass with a clean rag "Tell 'Az' to stop on by sometime, will ya?"

"I will." Shirou called out, stepping out of the bar only to curse as he found himself standing in a rainstorm, the Faker holding his book-bag over his head as he raced for the nearest shelter.

'Of all the times to forget an umbrella…' he muttered, part of him considering using projection to trace one, only to scoff at the idea moments later, imaging the look on Rin's face at such a use for his one skill, his good mood souring instantly at the memory of his first true mentor in Magecraft.

'Where did it all go so wrong?' he wondered, gazing up at the cloudy sky, part of him wishing it would wash his memories away, just like it had that day Kiritsugu had pulled him out of the fire.

If he closed his eyes, he could still see them, see the faces of the people he'd vowed, and failed, to save, from Saber, who had vowed to fight on his side only to die with his dagger in her chest, to Sakura, poor, beautiful, broken Sakura, who had tearfully voiced her love for him as he cleaved her head from her shoulders.

He remembered Shinji's terrified screams and Kotomine's mocking praises. He recalled Lancer's feral grin, Archer's judging gaze. He'd lost count of the times the memory of Berserker's mad howl had shaken him from his fitful slumber.

And most of all, he remembered Ilya's sad smile as she lay dying in his arms.

He'd cast aside his dreams for her, forsworn the borrowed ideals of a hero of justice, sacrificed friend, foe & even his left arm, all for the sake of preserving the smile of a sister he'd never known, who had spent her entire life hating him for a crime he'd never knowingly committed.

It hadn't been enough, after everything he'd sacrificed, it hadn't been enough to save the one person he'd wanted to save above all else.

He recalled snapping, unleashing all the grief, all the anger, all the resentment he had on the Golden King that stood in his way, wordlessly voicing his denouncement of such a world with each blow.

It could not have been called a wish, he had been in no state to coherently voice such a thing, but the sheer fervor with which he denied the world around him struck a chord with the taint at the core of the Greater Grail, giving it all the incentive it needed to manifest a wish.

He had denounced the world that had crushed his dreams, so Angra Mainyu sent him to a new one.

A pained cry snapped him out of his thoughts, quickly followed by the familiar sound of live steel digging into flesh. As if on autopilot, he found himself racing through the rain, urged on by the fading cries for help, pulling up short just as he reached the scent of blood, his eyes narrowing as he peered around the corner.

Lying face down in a growing pool of blood was a Priest, the back of his vestments laced with numerous cuts. Standing over the man was another, younger priest, this one wearing a black overcoat & a crazed expression as he leered at a blonde youth in a Kuoh Academy Uniform sans the blazer.

"Yoo-hoo~" the grey-haired priest called out, his features crazed and mocking as he smiled at the blonde teen "It's been a while, hasn't it? Did you miss me? Prince Shit of the Shitty Devils?"

"Freed Sellzen-!" The blonde spat, Shirou's eyes widening as he recognized Kiba Yuuto, the unofficial 'Prince' of Kuoh Academy, and one of several 'nonhumans' he'd seen associating with she-who-must-be-avoided "What rock have you been hiding under all this time?"

"It must be fate!" the priest, Freed, crooned, his voice sending shivers of disgust up Shirou's spine as he gyrated perversely "I can't help but shed a tear at such a joyous reunion!"

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not in the mood for any of your bad jokes." Kiba muttered, Shirou's eyes widening as a magic circle appeared before the blonde, a sword manifesting itself in his hands.

"That's perfect!" Freed, cackled, waving his own sword overhead, the blade lighting up with a golden aura even as he leered at the blonde "I was getting bored just running around killing priests…!"

"That light-!" Kiba exclaimed, his handsome features twisting in a mixture of alarm and utter loathing as he gaped at the weapon in the deranged priest's hands "That aura…it can't be-!"

"Oh but it can!" Freed countered with a sneer "Nice timing! As penance for your previous actions against my noble self, let's see which is stronger: Your piece of shit Demon Sword, or my Holy Blade, Ex-Cali-Bur~?!"

 _The Sky was crying…_

* * *

And I'll end it there for now.

As you can guess, this isn't the usual 'Shirou' thrown into the DxD verse fic. No, this one follows how I'd perceive a Bad End(?) for the Legendary Lost Ilya-Route to go. And considering most of Ilya's route was absorbed into Sakura's, it makes sense that Shirou would come out of it with Archer's arm.

Now, let me get some things out of the way.

First: NO. Shirou will NOT be joining a peerage. It's been done to death by people with a lot more talent than myself & I have nothing against it but for this story Shirou will remain 100% human...or as human as a man made out of swords can be.

Secondly: Shirou won't be spamming Noble Phantasms. Even UBW Shirou couldn't do that without Rin's help and this one has Archer's arm latched onto him. At the very best he can trace simple weapons but other than Kanshou & Bakuya anything else will require the use of the Artificial Phantasm.

Thirdly: As you might have surmised, things got pretty fubar this route. I'll go into more detail as time goes on but let's just say Shirou's choices had huge consequences, as expected of a protagonist. Needless to say, those consequences have made Shirou different from his canonical self somewhat & so explain any deviations from character.

Fourthly: There will be considerable changes. Normally I'm not one to rock the boat but in the wake of the aforementioned catastrophe I've decided to live a little and have altered certain events, as would be expected of throwing a wrench as considerable as Emiya Shirou into the works. No spoilers but let's just say bitches gonna die.


	2. Fake x Calibur 2

Hey all.

To make a long story short, my Pen-drive died, taking with it a lot of my unpublished works, though i kept my notes separate thank god.

To keep from going insane, I'll be rewriting some of my older works, and publishing the few that managed to survive, like this one.

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Fake Life 2: Heretical Knowledge.**

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not in the mood for any of your bad jokes." The youth known as Kiba Yuuto muttered, Shirou's eyes widening as a magic circle appeared before the blonde, a sword manifesting itself in his hands.

"That's perfect!" the clearly insane priest, Freed Sellzen, cackled, waving his own weapon overhead, the rest of their conversation fading from Shirou's consciousness, the very fall of the rain against his skin halting as the Faker's eyes locked onto the two blades, scanning them, taking in every minute detail of their existence. In the back of his mind, impossibly large gears ground into action, the sound of Forging Iron echoing in their wake as the Blade Works welcomed two more additions to his inner world.

Judging the concept of creation…

 **It was a Demon Sword, born from its master's desire to consume Holy Energy.**

 _It was but a part of the whole, a mere fraction of the original, broken & remade by mortal hands._

Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…

 **A two-handed longsword, designed to overpower foes yet allowing for high-speed movement.**

 _Its basic shape resembled a long Kris, a light, one-handed longsword designed for swift strikes._

Duplicating the Composite Materials…

 **While not forged by mortal hands, the base metals were identical to that of a regular sword.**

 _While divine metal served as its core, base metals had been added to give the shards new life._

Imitating the Production Process…

 **No hand had ever forged this blade. It had been born from its master's will made form.**

 _Originally forged by divine hands, it was restored through the use of alchemy and blessed Metals._

Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…

 **Countless times this blade was redesigned, re-forged, until it had assumed its current form.**

 _Few possessed the qualifications for it to acknowledge them as master & so few had wielded it._

Reproducing the accumulated years…

 **While the blade itself was fairly young, it had stood by its master's side longer than any other…**

 _It was old; it was new, its current form mere decades old, its legend reaching back centuries._

Excelling every manufacturing process…

 **Its name is Holy Eraser, and it would defend its Master by devouring the accursed light that shunned him, submerging those who wielded it in Eternal Darkness.**

 _Forged anew, it stands ready to cleave apart the darkness, to bring the light of God down upon the damned. Though reduced from days of yore, all who aspire to Glory know its name, the greatest of Holy Swords..._

"Excalibur…?" Shirou breathed alongside Freed's crowing, the Faker's eyes widening in disbelief, unable to comprehend the sheer blasphemy of the sight before him.

Excalibur was no mere 'Sword', it was a Divine Construct, the pinnacle of Holy swords, a Last Phantasm, forged by the Planet itself as the crystallization of mankind's prayer for 'Victory'. Guarded by Fairies, it had been entrusted solely to the hands of the Proud Once & Future King of Knights by the Lady of the Lake, who reclaimed it following his death.

It was Saber's most iconic Noble Phantasm, the very symbol of her Legend, so closely tied to her True Identity that she'd been forced to conceal it beneath a sheath of wind, for all who laid eyes upon the Sword of Promised Victory instantly knew its name, and through it the one King deemed worthy to carry the dreams & pride of every warrior, past, present & future who laid eyes upon it.

It was not something that could be 'Broken and Re-Forged' so easily. To even imagine something strong enough to shatter the Sword of Promised Victory, which by its very name signified that it could not be beaten, was blasphemous. How then, could the sword before him exist? Even if he chose to close his eyes and block his ears, his Inner World, that beautiful, haunting field of Unlimited Blades beneath a cog-filled sky, had burned its existence into his very soul.

It was **(NOT)** Excalibur…and yet there was no way it could **(NOT)** be.

It was but a portion of the whole, a fragment, an echo, an offshoot that had garnered a tale of its own through the actions of humans. Much like how Caliburn was descended from Gram, which in turn was descended from Merodach, so too had this sword seemingly descended from the Sword of Promised Victory.

Its name was **Excalibur Rapidly** : **The Holy Sword of Heavenly Flash.**

And it did not appreciate being wielded by a heretic like Freed Sellzen.

The sound of clashing steel snapped the Faker out of his thoughts, blinking just in time to see the two swordsmen lock blades, Holy Sword & Demon Sword struggling against one another. "You know, your shitty face is getting even more messed up." Freed sneered, his tone smug, a stark contrast to the look of fury on Kiba's normally smiling features "It's starting to look like it was made to be the prey of this Holy Sword, Ex-Cali-bur~!"

"Shut up!" Kiba snarled, forcing the priest back before raising Holy Eraser before him, tendrils of darkness erupting from the Demon Sword to envelop its foe as he called out its name, only to be rent asunder by the Holy Aura coating the blade.

"Yeah, sorry." Freed sneered mockingly, the insane priest looking hardly apologetic at all as he straightened up once the light faded away "That little trick's not gonna work this time, Shithead."

"I'd be insulted if it did." Kiba shot back, his tone equally smug even as he trembled with repressed rage "That was just a test to make sure you weren't talking out your ass…" he readied his sword with a glare "Now that I know that's the real thing, I won't hesitate to break you AND your sword!"

"Whoa-there!" Freed exclaimed, backing up hurriedly whilst fending off Kiba's assault. For a moment, it actually looked like the blonde was pushing him, his Demon Sword coming round in a two-handed swing that by all-rights should have severed the priest's wrist from his arm, only for Freed to sneer mockingly, somehow managing to lean back to avoid the swing, delivering one of his own even as Kiba struggled to right himself, the Blonde crying out in agony as dark smoke burst from the resulting wound to his upper arm, dropping to his knees with a grimace.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Freed sneered, his tone mocking as he towered over the downed blonde, the so-called-Excalibur resting on his shoulder "Don't tell me you forgot? This sword was made for the sole purpose of killing piece of Shit Devils like yourself. Got it memorized?"

Wrong. He was wrong. That wasn't the reason Excalibur had been forged.

While it was classed as a Holy Blade, it had never been intended to combat Devils. It was the crystallization of the prayer 'Glory' that was etched in the hearts of those scattered before the sword's radiance, the nostalgic, sorrowful, hallowed dream of those placed on the bloody hell called a battlefield, exposed to the fear of death & despair whilst clinging to the desire to be 'Exalted'.

It was never meant to be wielded by anyone other than Saber. Not even Gilgamesh, Ancient Babylon's King of Heroes, with his infinite treasury said to possess the Prototypes of virtually every Noble Phantasm, could lay claim to the Sword of Promised Victory.

It was never meant to be wielded by anyone but Saber. For anyone else to even consider laying a hand on the blade was to spit on the Legend of the Proud King of Knights and all those who had rallied to her side. Even now, reduced to a shadow of its former glory, the blade silently trembled as it fought to reject the touch of the Stray Exorcist.

Shirou blinked, the Faker realizing he'd started running some time ago, feet pounding against the sodden tarmac as he raced from his hiding spot, the hammer in his mind slamming down, the comforting weight of Kanshou & Bakuya filling his grasping hands as he streaked towards the pair, the married twin-swords clashing against the Holy Sword as Freed, once again, somehow managed to bring the sword up to block.

"What the fuck?!" the insane exorcist yelped, his mad eyes widening in surprise at the unexpected assault before leaping back to give himself some room to manoeuvre "Hey! Who the fuck are you-?!"

Shirou didn't respond, not with words anyway, the Faker choosing instead to lunge towards his opponent once more, the Married Twin Blades cutting through the rain to clash against the Holy Sword of Heavenly Flare again and again, Freed unable to do anything but backtrack hurriedly whilst fending off the assault as best he could.

That was the key difference between the Magus Emiya Shirou & the Exorcist Freed Sellzen. While both of their swords were fakes, pale imitations of the originals, Freed was relying almost entirely on the power of his Holy Sword' to make up for his sup-par swordsmanship, whereas Shirou was augmenting his skill, power & technique with those of Archer, who had spent decades honing his skills, refining them to the point he could face down Heroic Spirits despite being a mere human.

There was simply no comparison. In a battle between two fakes, the one with the better skills was sure to be the victor. Excalibur Rapidly might grant its wielder enhanced speed, but even at his best, Freed couldn't compare to the swift savagery of Cú Chulainn, the monstrous grace of Medusa, the unstoppable force that was Herakles or the might of the King of Knights & countless other Heroes the Red-Clad Counter-Guardian had ingrained into his blades.

"I-! Said-! BACK THE FUCK OFF DAMMIT!" Freed snarled, drawing a firearm from his coat with his free hand & firing it at close range, forcing Shirou to back up a step to avoid the beam of light that emerged, deflecting the ensuing shots with his blades "Fucking Die already, will you?!"

"FREED!" Kiba snarled, the blonde swordsman dropping down from on high, having apparently gotten his second wind during Shirou's initial assault, Freed letting out a curse as he was forced to halt his barrage to avoid being bisected at the last second.

"Damned…Tag-Teaming…Motherfuckers-!" the priest spat between gasps for air, glaring down at the pair from his perch atop a nearby dry-goods store "If you're in such a hurry to die then bring it-!"

He trailed off, glancing sharply to the side, as if listening to some unseen voice. His distraction may have lasted less than a second, but to someone like Archer, who had routinely fought monsters far stronger than himself, a second was all the opening needed.

 _Spirit and Technique, Flawless and Firm._

Hurling the first set of Married Blades at the Priest's neck, Shirou promptly traced a second set even as he lunged forwards, closing the distance between them, his eyes never leaving his target.

 _Our strength rips the mountains._

"Time-out you fuck!" Freed snarled, deflecting the hurled blades easily, only to curse as he brought his sword around to block the follow-up assault "My boss is calling me! He'll be hella pissed if I'm late-!"

Shirou ignored him. Words were simply wasted movement in this dance, the Faker pressing his assault even as the hurled Blades came around from behind, homing in on their respective 'mates', Freed crying out in alarm as the Married Blades sliced into his shoulder from behind.

 _Our Swords Part the Rivers_

"F-Fucking FUCK!" the exorcist spat, going for his gun once again, only for Shirou to spread his arms wide, a cross-like cut appearing on the Exorcists chest as his arms were deflected to the sides "YOU FUCKING-UGH!"

 _Our Names Reach the Imperial Villa_

"Trace Overedge-!" Shirou incanted, burying his foot in Freed's gut, using it as a brace to launch himself into the air, Prana surging through his circuits & into his blades as he flipped overhead, using the resulting momentum to raise the altered blades overhead.

 _The two of us cannot hold the heavens together._

 _ **"Kakyoku Sanren!"**_ Shirou snarled, the reinforced married blades, now resembling a pair of black  & white wings, descending on Freed like the wrath of the God he so despised, the Exorcist's eyes widening in alarm as he brought his Holy Sword up to block the attack, the clash of steel coinciding with a sudden flash of lightning.

* * *

 _ **Kiba's POV...**_

'Damn!' Kiba cursed, the Knight of Rias Gremory shielding his eyes from the flash of light with Holy Eraser, his teeth clenched as he FELT the preceding impact even standing where he was 'Just what the hell is going on here?!'

As much as it chaffed, Kiba would be the first to admit that he'd underestimated Freed earlier. As insane as the Stray-Exorcist was, he hadn't been hailed as a genius prior to being excommunicated for nothing. True, Kiba had managed to hold his own against him during the Twilight Healing incident, but he'd had the advantage of a Knight's Speed and a Demon Sword that devoured Light Energy on his side, not to mention the fact Koneko was literally hurling parts of the building at the freak whenever she saw an opening.

Still, genius or not, there was no way in hell, pun most certainly intended, that a monster like Freed would be qualified to wield a True Holy Sword like Excalibur. Putting aside the sheer magnitude of difference between a True Holy Sword & the mass-produced 'Lightsabres' all exorcists carried, the number of people with the innate ability to wield a True Holy Sword could be counted on one hand with room to spare, a fact Kiba was all-too-familiar with.

How then, had Freed, who'd been excommunicated for being too bat-shit crazy for even the church to effectively control, managed to get his hands on one of their most sacred relics, a Holy Sword whose very name could give High-Ranking Devils pause for concern?

Were it any other Holy Blade Kiba would have probably laughed it off as a bluff even as he took the precautions to avoid being hit. But the moment he'd laid eyes on the priest's blade, once he'd felt the intensity of its Holy Aura, he'd instantly realized it was an authentic Excalibur, and then the rage had taken over.

Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined an Excalibur appearing before him. Oh he'd fantasized about destroying them often enough, but he'd never once harbored any actual intention of storming the churches they were stored in and actually carrying out the deed. For one thing the resulting fallout would most certainly reignite the war between the Three-Biblical-Factions…for another there was no telling what Rias would do to him for worrying her like that."

And so, faced not only with the root of his grudge, wielded by someone the Church would probably thank him for killing, albeit backhandedly, Kiba had let his emotions get the best of him and wound up paying the price, as the still burning cut on his arm could testify.

Simply touching a True Holy Sword was enough to hurt a Devil, and Low-Class Devils often died to the smallest of Scratches from them. While Kiba wasn't weak by any stretch of the imagination, he was still leagues below a Pureblood like Rias or Sona, so it was a miracle he'd only been brought to his knees the moment the blessed steel bit into his flesh. Even now, he could feel his Demonic Power escaping from the wound, unable to properly heal it due to the lingering touch of the Blade's Holy Aura.

That he hadn't dropped Holy Eraser was probably the only reason Freed hadn't decided to follow up the attack right away. Well, that and the fact someone had literally leapt from the shadows to intercept the mad-exorcist mid-taunt, driving him back with a beautiful pair of Chinese Dao-Swords.

'An Exorcist from the Church?' the Gremory Knight wondered, eyeing the corpse of the priest Freed had murdered as the light died down 'No. I can't be certain, but it looked like he was wearing our school uniform…'

"Are you okay, Kiba-san?" a familiar voice inquired, the Gremory Knight's eyes widening in disbelief as his night-vision allowed him to make out the features of Emiya Shirou, the elusive Brownie of Kuoh who had been driving Rias up the wall due to his penchant for running away whenever she tried to say hello "You were cut earlier, is it bad?"

"Ah…no, I'm fine." Kiba stammered, the pain from the Holy-Sword's cut having lessened, though his left arm still stung if he flexed the muscle. "It's barely a scratch; he just caught me off guard earlier." His eyes widened as he realized they were alone "Wait, where's Freed?!"

"He got away." Emiya admitted, an annoyed frown marring his features "He used some sort of flash-grenade the moment his sword broke. By the time my vision cleared, he'd already disappeared."

"Damn it!" Kiba snarled, slamming his left fist against the wall, heedless of the flash of pain in his upper arm "And I'd finally managed to track one down…" he muttered, only to trail off, looking up at the redhead in surprise "Wait…broke?"

"Well…shattered would probably be more appropriate…" Emiya admitted, Kiba's eyes widening as the redhead held up what was clearly the hilt of Freed's Excalibur, the knight only now noticing the plastic bag the redhead was carrying in his free hand, which upon closer inspection contained the rest of the blade "I figured leaving the pieces lying around would be a bad idea, even if that guy didn't come back for them." He glanced at Kiba curiously "I take it this isn't the first time he attacked you?"

"Huh…?" Kiba murmured, shaking his head to clear it, his mind seemingly unable to process the sight of the destroyed Holy Sword "I mean, yes, we've crossed swords before. He threatened two other members of my Club some time ago." He grimaced at the memory of the Twilight Healing incident "We'd assumed he'd been taken care of, looks like it was just wishful thinking."

"By 'we' you mean Gremory Rias-sempai…right?" Emiya deduced, earning a sharp look from Kiba that he quickly regretted due to the pain in his arm "I'm guessing Shitori-Kaichou & the Student Council are involved as well?"

"Not…exactly." Kiba muttered, not wanting to give too much away, but at the same time wondering just how informed the redhead was, as to his knowledge only High-ranking members of the Three Biblical Factions were even aware the Gremory & Sitri heiresses were in japan.

"I see…" Emiya mused, his expression contemplative, Kiba honestly surprised by the concern in those his ochre eyes as the redhead glanced at his arm "You should probably get that looked at…"

"I'll be fine…" Kiba assured him, a wan smile on his face as he rubbed the limb, the cut slowly healing as the Holy Aura was washed away "That being said, I think I'd better be getting home."

"You need any help?" Emiya wondered, only for Kiba to wave his concerns aside, as unlike Issei-kun, he could simply use the teleportation circle to return to the dorms. Besides, as insane as Freed was, he wasn't suicidal, so it was highly unlikely he'd try anything so soon after losing an Excalibur.

What's more, judging by his moment of hesitation prior to Emiya's finishing move, it was clear someone had called him off, most likely whoever had given the lunatic the Holy sword, in which case, it was highly unlikely he'd be seeing Freed again any time soon, as he couldn't imagine them being too pleased with the lunatic for losing such a valuable weapon.

"Well if you're certain…" Shirou mused, the redhead shrugging offhandedly as he turned on his heel and walked off, pausing only to pick up his book bag from where it lay in a puddle "See you later, Kiba-san."

"Ah…" Kiba nodded, watching the redhead disappear into the night, waiting until he was certain he was alone before slumping back against the wall, the strength in his legs finally giving out.

'It's a good thing Rias has been bunking with Issei since the wedding…' he mused, pulling a Flyer out of his pocket, the Gremory crest lighting up as he activated the teleport function 'She'd throw a fit if she saw me like this…'

* * *

 _ **Azazel's Blazer Shining Aura Darkness Bachelor Pad...**_

"Yo." Azazel called out, the rugged older man waving lazily at Shirou from his spot on the couch, an open bottle of bourbon & a shot glass placed before him "You're back late…something hold you up at work?"

"Not exactly…" Shirou muttered distantly, pulling off his wet clothes as he went, wondering whether or not he should inform his caretaker of what happened even as he wiped himself down with a towel.

On the one hand, it was clear Azazel wasn't human, and something about the man, whenever he wasn't fixated on the latest addition to his ever-growing 'collection', made it clear he knew more than he let on. On the other hand, how exactly did one broach the subject of how they intervened in a fight between a crazed Church Executioner & a non-human that ended in the destruction of a Holy Sword?

"Hm? What's this?" Azazel mused, pausing mid-drink, his relaxed expression belied by his sharp, inquisitive eyes as he glanced at the plastic bag lying next to Shirou's sodden book-bag "Picked up something interesting did we?"

"You could say that…" Shirou admitted, deciding to just go wing it and hope for the best, the faker setting the bag down on the coffee table before his caretaker, who looked on in silence as the shards of the Holy Sword were revealed "Don't suppose you'd know anything about this?"

"Quite a bit, actually." Azazel admitted, his amused tone belying the sudden shift in the air around them, Shirou tensing as the man reached down to pick up the handle, only to relax with a sigh as the blade didn't seem to react all as Azazel looked it over with a craftsman's eye "Enough to know it shouldn't be here in Japan…" he glanced up at Shirou "Or in pieces for that matter."

"I ran one of my classmates being attacked by some lunatic who claimed to have killed a priest." Shirou explained, Azazel's eyes narrowing at the mention of a murder so close by "I think his name was 'Free' something."

"Freed Sellzen…" Azazel muttered, his tone laced with exasperation and what sounded like disappointment as he shook his head "I wish I could say I'm surprised, but honestly this is exactly the kind of thing I'd expect his name to turn up."

"You know him?" Shirou asked rhetorically, as Azazel had proven to be highly informed in matters pertaining to the Vatican despite his assurances that he wasn't affiliated with them. _'If I were to ever set foot in a Chapel, they'd probably drive me off.'_ had been his exact words, though Shirou had noted a hint of underlying bitterness when he'd said it.

"By reputation if nothing else." Azazel confirmed, his expression tired as he set the hilt of the blade back on the table "He was considered the most promising exorcist of his generation; there were even those who proclaimed him a 'Genius'." He scoffed "Problem wasn't what you'd call the most…pious of disciples. He never believed in God to begin with and only enlisted so he could kill with impunity."

"And they let someone like that become an Executor?" Shirou demanded, though truth be told, given how Kirei turned out, he probably shouldn't be surprised by the Church's low standards. Alternate Worlds be damned.

"Why not?" Azazel shrugged dismissively as he poured himself a shot "Who better to turn on the Heathens & Devils than someone with an Axe to grind?" he set the bottle aside with a sigh "Truth be told, the problems didn't really start until some genius decided to use him as a test subject for the Holy Sword Program." He paused mid-sip "Tell me, Shirou, are you familiar with the legend of Excalibur?"

"Intimately." Shirou scoffed, unable to help the wry smirk that adorned his features "It's the Strongest Holy Sword, entrusted to King Arthur by the Lady of the Lake." he recited, as if challenging the man to contradict him, "It was later returned to her hand by Sir Bedivere following the King's fall at Camlann."

"That's the official version, yes." Azazel confirmed, neither reacting to the Faker's challenge nor denying a word of it "The truth of the matter, however, is that during the battle with Mordred, Excalibur was destroyed."

Shirou grimaced but said nothing, his fists clenching as he stared down at the shards of Rapidly on the table before them. If he hadn't gazed upon the Holy Sword, hadn't glimpsed its history when it was recorded into his Inner World, he probably would've denied Azazel's words with the same intensity with which he'd rejected the world when Ilya had died before his eyes.

"Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who you ask, the Church managed to recover the fragments, and through trial, error & the use of Alchemy, managed to reforged them into Seven Lesser Holy Swords, which were distributed among the three main branches of Christianity." Azazel continued "However, it takes a rare kind of individual to wield a True Holy Sword. Even reduced as they were, without someone capable of wielding them, the Seven Excaliburs may as well have been glorified paperweights as far as the Church was concerned."

"I'm guessing that was the basis behind the Holy Sword Program?" Shirou deduced, his eyes ochre narrowing in confirmation as Azazel actually scowled, as if he'd recalled something distasteful.

"That was the premise by which it was founded, yes." The man muttered, his expression grim as he emptied his glass and poured another shot "The Project Director, Archbishop Valper Galilei, had always been obsessed with Holy Swords, Excalibur in particular, so when he learned the truth of what happened to the blade, he was equal parts distraught & delighted." He chuckled at Shirou's look of disbelief "I know, right? Who in their right mind would consider Excalibur's destruction a good thing? Thing is, when he learned of the new blades, Valper secretly hoped one of them would choose him as its new wielder."

"I'm guessing that wasn't the case." Shirou deadpanned, earning a snort from Azazel, the Faker honestly more sickened at the thought of such a man being deemed 'worthy' of wielding an Excalibur than he'd been watching Freed wield Rapidly.

"Nope!" Azazel agreed cheerfully, looking decidedly chipper for some reason Shirou couldn't explain, yet strangely felt he could relate to "He didn't take being rejected too well, though mind you even I'd be hurt if I was turned down seven times in rapid succession."

"Unfortunately, his depression did little to waylay his admiration for Excalibur and those deemed worthy of wielding one." Azazel muttered, his good humour vanishing as he stared into his cup "As time passed and the Church's search for those capable of wielding the new Excaliburs continued to turn up blanks, that admiration turned into an obsession, culminating in Valper, who had become an Archbishop by that point, proposing a plan to speed up the process. I won't go into the details, but the short version is that he experimented on those who showed some ability to wield lesser Holy Swords, in order to determine just what it was that made them able to do so."

"He sounds more like a Magus than a Priest…" Shirou muttered, having learned long ago from Kiritsugu and his interactions with Rin & Kirei just what kind of mind-set was needed for one to be considered a First Class Magus by the association. True Magi held few scruples, favouring an 'End Justifies The Means' approach, provided of course that said means didn't broach on research into Vampirism or expose the existence of Magecraft, and even that was only out of a desire to avoid confrontation with the Holy Church.

"Mm, well there's a thin line between 'Wisdom' and 'Insanity'…" Azazel mused, no doubt referring to the biblical definition of a Magi as Wise-Men "Sadly, as much as they'd like to claim he went mad, the truth is Valper was in complete control of his sensibilities when he decided to do away with his test subjects after his research failed to produce the desired results." He chugged back his drink with a sigh "Needless to say, he was excommunicated as a heretic by the Church."

"But not before making use of his research up to that point, right?" Shirou muttered, his expression grim as he held Azazel's gaze "I can't imagine any other reason that Freed would be able to even touch an Excalibur otherwise."

"Sharp as always." Azazel mused, nodding his head approvingly as he poured himself yet another drink "On the surface, Valper was denounced as 'The Genocidal Archbishop' and was forced to go into hiding to avoid being executed for his crimes." He set the glass aside "However, while they publicly denounce the incident as 'Heresy', the fact remained that Valper's research had greatly improved their understanding of the requirements necessary to wield a True Holy Sword, namely that the wielder's body contain a strong Light Attribute."

'Could he be referring to their Origin?' Shirou wondered, his features grim as he pooled over what little he knew on the subject. A person's Origin was the starting point that defines their existence and directs their actions throughout life, a driving force from within the Akashic Record, often referred to as a person's instinct.

Those who awaken their Origin, intentionally or otherwise, become almost unable to stray from it, and there were even those who believed a person's origin & death were related. While Kiritsugu hadn't been particularly religious, typically going through the motions in order to keep up appearances, he'd nonetheless drilled the importance of a person's origin into Shirou, in particular the effect it could have on a person's Magecraft, to the point even someone like Shirou, with his sup-par Magic Circuits, unusual Elemental Affinity & lack of talent could become a Magus.

While Shirou was quite content with his skillset, and had been even before Lancer had gouged his heart out that night so long ago, for those less fortunate, it was possible to alter, or even outright change a person's origin, though from Kiritsugu's explanation, the process bore considerable risk.

'It would explain Freed's bizarre behaviour…' he muttered, recalling the light of insanity that had burned in the Exorcist's eyes even as he'd struggled to block Shirou's blows 'Having his origin changed to the point he could wield a Holy Sword must've snapped his mind.'

"In the end, the church had their Holy Swords and the means to wield them, so they were content to sweep the whole incident under the rug." Azazel continued, his tone dismissive "Though from what I understand, there's still a considerable bounty out on Valper's head, and he's considered Persona Non Grata by just about all of Christendom." He glanced down at the shards of Rapidly "I suppose it makes sense he'd flee to Japan, I can't think of any other reason for Freed being able to wield an Excalibur…" he scoffed wryly "I can only imagine his face when he finds out Freed broke it."

"Ah…you think the church will be mad?" Shirou muttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he debated whether or not to admit to breaking the blade. On the one hand, letting Freed take the flack could push the Church into dealing with the maniac before he killed again.

On the other hand, Shirou somehow knew instinctively that, the moment he revealed his Magecraft to Azazel, everything would change. It wasn't that he didn't trust Azazel, well, not entirely; the man had his own secrets after all. It was simply that part of being a Magus was keeping the existence of Magecraft on a need-to-know basis.

To date, Azazel hadn't asked him any pertinent questions, despite clearly possessing knowledge of the Moonlit World and having all the reason to do so. As such, Shirou had resolved that, should the man ever ask, he'd tell him everything, but not a second sooner.

"Mad?" Azazel scoffed "Try Apoplectic. Bad enough an Excalibur was stolen in the first place, destroying one would probably send the Pope into fits." He chuckled at Shirou's alarmed expression "I'm just kidding, Shirou. While the fact the sword was destroyed might upset them, they'd actually prefer that to the alternative of it remaining in the possession of the likes of Freed and Valper."

'Rapidly certainly felt so…' Shirou concurred, recalling the feeling of rejection the Holy Sword had been emanating towards Freed, only to trail off with a grimace as his arm spasmed 'Shit not now-!'

"Oi, Shirou, you okay?" Azazel wondered, eyeing the redhead in concern as he gripped his shoulder, Shirou's vision swimming as he turned to regard his benefactor, the world tilting sharply before he fell into the burning darkness.

"Oi, Shirou!" Azazel barked, lunging to his feet, one hand coming up to steady the teen as he fell over, still clutching his left arm, the Governor-General of the Grigori's eyes narrowing at the limb concealed beneath a Holy Shroud.

He'd known from the moment they met that there was something odd about Emiya Shirou. Holy Shroud aside, the kid had a yard-long stare he'd seen countless times before, on war veterans and the survivors of great tragedies, or simply glaring back at him whenever he looked in a mirror.

Eyes like that had no place in the head of someone that young in this day and age. Fallen he may be, but unlike many of his subordinates, Azazel never blamed Humanity for his fall, and indeed retained his initial fascination with them. It was for this reason he'd been the first to propose a cease-fire, and it was for this reason the current chain of events was beginning to incite his old anger.

'First Raynare and her cell and now Freed and Valper.' he muttered, glaring at the remains of the Holy Sword of Heavenly Flare with distaste 'Damn it all Kokabiel, just what the hell are you planning?'

* * *

Second Chapter!

For those of you wondering, yes, there is a reason Shirou is fixating so much on the Excalibur Sword that will become apparent as time goes on. Also, the reason he attacked Freed is equal parts him responding to Rapidly's hatred for the Exorcist & his own mind processing the fact the sword is supposedly an 'Excalibur'.

Also, no, Sakura will not be showing up, nor will Saber & Rin. As previously established, Shirou killed Saber Alter with Rin's Azoth Dagger & both Sakura & rin are dead, so if those three do show up, it'll mostly be for cameos.

No. Shirou does not know Azazel is the Governor General of the Fallen Angels, nor has he met Vali or any of Azazel's fellow Fallen, as Azazel prefers his privacy.

Don't expect another chapter too soon. I'm taking my time getting back in the saddle.


	3. Fake x Calibur 3

Hey all.

Some of you have raised concerns about me Nerfing Shirou. Let me assure you that is NOT the case, as even without unleashing Archer's Arm, he can easily trace B-Rank Noble Phantasms as needed. However, 'Breaking' a Phantasm without it blowing up in his face, as is the case with Crane Wing Three Realms, or Tracing a Phantasm above B-Rank, requires the use of Archer's Arm.

So yeah, provided the Noble Phantasm is below B+ rank, Shirou can pull it out and go to town till he's blue in the face or drops dead from prana exhaustion. But for anything higher than B? That requires the use of the arm, and while he isn't in as immediate danger of being devoured thanks to his time spent in DxD world, for the time being, Archer's Arm is still stronger than him, and their Inner World's are still incompatible.

That being said, let's see how things go from here.

* * *

 **False-Life 3: Battle Nuns.**

"Good Morning, Sona." Tsubaki greeted, the tall vice-president falling in step with her King as they made their way to school, inclining her head briefly in greeting whenever one of their fellow students called out a greeting.

"Morning, Tsubaki." Sona returned, the Sitri heiress glancing up from her book to acknowledge her Queen, before promptly returning to her page "Has there been any word on the matter we discussed?"

"Sadly, no." Tsubaki admitted, inclining her head in apology "Other than his medical records, birth certificate and transfer details, I haven't been able to uncover anything about Emiya Shirou's background that may waylay our suspicions."

"I see." Sona mused, her expression calm, though Tsubaki could tell from experience that her King was troubled by the revelation.

Ever since Rias had confirmed that Emiya-kun was the source of the magical energy that had been detected around campus, both parties had done their best to determine his origins. Regardless of his allegiances or personality, having a Magician running around campus was a security risk. The fact that said magician had gone out of his way to indenture himself with the Staff and Student body made it all the more necessary to determine whether or not he meant them ill.

However, despite their best efforts, neither the Gremory nor Sitri information networks had been able to drum up anything on the teen other than basic information that could be easily doctored with the right connections. To make things even harder, he seemed to instinctively know whenever one of them was nearby, which meant Rias' preferred method of cornering her targets with her charm and beauty had been effectively neutralized due to Emiya's strange aversion for her and her peerage.

'But if that's the case, why doesn't he avoid the council and myself?' she wondered, her brow furrowing slightly as she tried to piece together the enigma 'It's clear he knows or at least suspects what we are, yet why go out of his way to avoid the Gremorys but not us?'

Did he not view her peerage as a threat? Admittedly, putting aside their mutual status as siblings to the current Satans, Rias' own reputation as the 'Crimson Haired Ruin Princess' far outstripped her own, but other than their physique there wasn't much difference between the Gremory and Sitri heiresses. Indeed, when it came to strategy and tactics, Sona was Rias' superior, having personally selected each member of her peerage to complement one another, whereas Rias had, almost literally in some cases, been handed her members on a silver platter.

'In hindsight, I should probably have made a move to corner the Red Emperor Dragon sooner…' she muttered, though part of her shuddered at the idea of admitting Hyoudou Issei into the Student Council. Saji was bad enough, but despite his flaws her pawn at the very least knew better than to act on his desires, whereas Sona had little doubt Rias had to abuse said desires just to keep Issei in line.

Still, worrying oneself sick over minutiae solved nothing at this juncture. At the end of the day, while Emiya Shirou was a Magician, he was still a student at Kuoh Academy, which meant that so long as he followed the rules and avoided causing trouble Sona was prepared to cut him some slack.

Well, that and the fact he'd pretty much won the entire council over with his cooking. Rias still flushed as scarlet as her hair whenever Sona brought up the 'Devil's Food Cake' incident.

"Sona…" Tsubaki called out, her calm tone belying a sudden sharpness, the air around her queen thickening as she subtly braced herself for combat "Over there."

Sona glanced up, the book in her hands snapping shut as she followed her Queen's gaze, her eyes narrowing not at the shady looking figures clad in church robes loitering by the school gate, but the object wrapped in bandages one of them bore on her back, the Holy Energies coming off it causing her skin to shiver despite the distance between them.

'A Holy Sword…' she muttered, struggling to maintain her mask of calm as she met the gaze of the Church's Agents without fear 'Just what on earth is going on around here?'

* * *

 ** _A world of iron dust and forge smoke..._**

 _Crawling like ants beneath his skin, his flesh, violated by foreign steel, burned as it fought not to reject, but to incorporate, the steel that was similar yet inherently different to its own._

 ** _His body is made of swords…_**

 _Again he stood upon the Hill of Swords, gazing upon the endless twilight of his borrowed dream, his body perforated with the blades of his enemies._

 ** _His blood is of iron and his heart of glass…_**

 _The sound of metalwork filled the air, the giant gears that filled the sky obscured by smog and iron dust as they endlessly added to his arsenal._

 ** _He survived through countless battles…_**

 _A field of corpses, cut down by his hands, a tree whose branches were laden with cadavers. Young and old, Man, Woman and child, all he had cut down in the name of peace._

 ** _Never once retreating…_**

 _Now his neck filled the noose, the spears of those he fought to protect perforating his flesh as their leaders looked on imperiously._

 ** _Never once being understood._**

 _A ring of light, a promise of aide, a foolishly accepted offer that led to further bloodshed, his bloodied blades wielded against his will in the name of peace. **  
**_

 _ **He was always alone…**_

 _He knelt atop the Hill of Swords, atop the corpses of his enemies, atop the corpses of his allies, surrounded on all side by the pinnacle of weaponry, the blades of Heroes and Villains alike._

 ** _Intoxicated with victory on a Hill of Swords_**

 _Alone he knelt, forever alone, forever denied the rest he deserved, forever denied the right to choose whether to take or save a life._

 ** _Thus, his life has no meaning._**

 _Another battle, another call to duty. Against his will he climbs to his feet, his soul screaming at his body to halt as his once precious blades appeared in his hands._

 ** _His body was certainly made out of swords._**

Shirou awoke with a yell, the Faker's ochre eyes wide with alarm as he reached out as if to hold someone back, only to blink, the ever-distant image of the Red-Clad Counter-Guardian's back vanishing from his sight, replaced with the image of his room in Azazel's mansion.

'When…?' he began, wondering how on earth he'd gotten to his room, only to grimace at the sharp, burning pain in his left side, his right hand coming up to grip his left shoulder tightly as he closed his eyes. 'Go back…' he muttered, visualizing a 'wall' of sorts between the circuits which bout Archer's arm to his body, a purely mental exercise he'd been taught to help differentiate between his and the Red Knight's memories 'Go back…'

There was some resistance, naturally, the Prana of the arm warring against his will as it fought to invade his circuits, but eventually he managed to separate them, the barrier Rin had taught him holding for the moment, allowing only the barest trickle of invasive Prana through.

'It's been a while since I had to fight to force it back…' he muttered, grimacing as he opened his eyes, regarding the wrapped limb as if it were an animal on a leash 'Guess I've been pushing myself too hard…'

Whatever else could be said about Kotomine Kirei, the man's skills as both a Priest and a Magus had been the real deal, allowing him to pull off a feat that, by all rights, bordered on Miraculous when he, in direct opposition to Natural Providence, successfully transplanted the arm of a Heroic Spirit onto a Human.

By all rights, the arm should have disappeared back into the ether when Archer faded away. It was testament to Kirei's skills that the man had been able to graft the limb onto Shirou's Magic Circuits, allowing it to remain in this world by using his own Prana as a source of power.

Shirou honestly didn't know what Archer had been thinking when he'd proposed the operation, but as it stood the arm, or Artificial Phantasm as he'd come to regard it, was both his Ultimate Weapon and Instrument of his Destruction in one.

On the one hand, it passively fed him Archer's memories, history and, more importantly, his Battle Experience and knowledge of Projection Magecraft. On the other, putting aside their shared origins, there was a stark difference between the Magus Emiya Shirou and the Counter Guardian summoned as the Archer of the 5th Heaven's Feel.

Archer had regretted sticking to his ideals after being betrayed by them and in turn being forced to betray them after becoming a Counter Guardian, whereas Shirou willingly cast aside those ideals to protect those important to him, only for the world to spit upon his actions as if punishing him for daring to be selfish after so long.

In the end, they were two entirely different people, and as a result their inner worlds, the very basis of their Magecraft, clashed and tore one another apart in a bid for dominance, as no matter how similar they were in life, a Human Being could not compare to a Heroic Spirit, to the point that even tapping into the abilities of the Artificial Phantasm for a second ran the risk of Shirou being swallowed whole by the 'Flow' of Archer's power.

It was for this reason that Kotomine had given him the Shroud of Martin, a conceptual weapon that allowed them to partially 'seal off' the remains of Archer's Circuits within the Artificial Phantasm. While far from a perfect solution, as even without employing Magecraft Prana continuously flowed through the body, forcing Shirou to subconsciously erect a barrier between his Circuit's and Archers to keep them from activating, it did lessen the strain on him to the point he could live an ordinary life.

On the upside, even with the effect reduced, the passive boost to Shirou's abilities allowed him to easily surpass those of a normal human. On the downside, the resulting initial feedback from moving the arm for an extended period of time with the circuit active was akin to being cut and stabbed by his own body.

During his initial controlled experiment, wherein he partially undid the bindings to test his limits, the sheer agony had been so intense he honestly couldn't recall what he'd been doing when he came to, save that he'd narrowly escaped death atop a Hill of Swords. It had been the first time in ten years he'd truly feared for his life as he had during the night he'd wandered through the Fuyuki fire. Even being hunted down by Lancer, staring down Berserker or struggling against Gilgamesh hadn't scared him to the point he actually feared for his life.

There had even been times he'd considered cutting the damn thing off, but without it he wouldn't have been able to stand beside Rin and Ilya when they'd gone to confront Zouken and Sakura. That, and a part of him had wanted to live up to the idea Kotomine proposed: That if he honed his skills to the point they matched Archer's, he'd be able to make the Arm his own without having to rely on the Shroud to seal it.

As someone whose life had been built upon borrowed, flawed ideals, the idea of moving beyond relying on Archer's skills, to take what the Counter Guardian had developed and make it his own, was something Shirou found wholly appealing. While there hadn't truly been time to experiment prior to setting out to destroy the grail, since awakening and regaining his strength, the Faker had used his free time to carefully build upon what little he'd garnered from Archer's Knowledge on Projection Magecraft.

Despite his growth, however, he still couldn't trace A-Rank Noble Phantasms without relying on the power of the Artificial Phantasm, nor could he 'Break' a Phaantasm without running the risk of it exploding in his face. Still, the fact he was merely bedridden after using the Crane Wing was proof enough that he was far closer to mastering the Arm than he ever would have been back home, a fact he attributed partially to the over-abundance of Prana and the lack of interference from Gaia.

Thanks to these, he was able to increase the amount of time he was able to interact with the limb, essentially allowing him to treat Archer's memories as 'Cheat Notes', which combined with the reduced costs for Tracing made it much easier to progress with his chosen Magecraft than before. That being said, while he could Trace anything up to Rank-B, the only weapons he felt comfortable weilding in battle were Kanshou and Bakuya, the married twin blades that, while Noble Phantasms, lacked a true 'owner', allowing Archer, and Shirou by proxy, to incorporate them into their personal style with relative ease.

'At the very least I know using Crane Wing won't kill me.' he mused, smirking wryly as he rolled out of bed, grimacing at the feel of the sweat-stained sheets, making a mental note to change them as he made for the shower, only to pause at the sight of the sunset outside.

'Damn…missed an entire day…' he muttered, irritation warring with resignation as he grabbed a towel and made for the bathroom, hoping that Azazel didn't forget to call in to explain his absence, as he didn't feel like getting into an argument with Sona, who would no doubt blame it on his part-time job 'Hope I didn't miss anything at school…'

* * *

 **Kuoh Academy Occult Research Club Room...**

The normally jovial air of the Occult Research Club was decidedly tense that afternoon, as the members of Rias Gremory's Peerage assembled for the meeting between their King and two envoys from the Church. That representatives of the Church would seek audience with a Devil was strange enough, that said envoys were in possession of Holy Swords had Rias on guard.

It was instinctual; the mere presence of a Holy Sword was repugnant to Devils, a stark reminder of the bitter enmity between them and Heaven, an enmity which had never truly vanished even during the centuries of cease fire since the last Great War.

It was rather disconcerting for Issei, the Pawn torn between his desire to protect Rias and his fellow Peerage members and his discomfort that one of the Holy Sword wielders was none other than Shidou Irina, his childhood friend who, as it turned out, had actually been a girl all this time.

'Since when did my life become a harem anime?' he wondered, not that he was complaining mind you, hell, if it weren't for the fact doing so would result in Divine Punishment, he'd be thanking God every day for putting him in this situation. It was simply rather disconcerting to find out the guy you'd basically run around naked with was a cute girl who ran around killing Devils on a mission from God.

Though then again, considering the stink eye her partner, Xenovia, was sending their way, it probably wasn't that far-fetched at all. From the moment he'd encountered her during his reunion with Irina last night, the blue-haired girl had given off this oppressive aura, as if she were just barely restraining herself from drawing the massive blade she was carrying and lobbing off Issei's head. As such, Issei felt that Rias' concerns were more than justified, and shared her belief that the sooner they found out what the pair wanted, the sooner they could see the back of them.

"As you know," Irina spoke up after introductions were made "The Church has claimed possession of six of the seven Excalibur Swords, entrusting two to each of the three Main Branches of Christianity."

"Two at the Catholic Church Headquarters in the Vatican; two with the Protestants; and two with the Eastern Orthodox Church, correct?" Rias inquired, earning a nod of confirmation from Irina even as Issei wondered were the Seventh Excalibur could be, the idea of something like that running around unchecked troubling him on an instinctual level.

"Right." Irina continued, her expression as bright as ever, though her words carried an undertone of seriousness as she pressed on "However, not too long ago, Fallen Angels assaulted the branches and made off with an Excalibur from each."

It went without saying that Issei wasn't the only one alarmed by that revelation, though it probably hit a lot closer to home with him, given how he'd become a Devil in the first place. He could still recall the smile on Raynare's face as the Fallen asked him to die, stabbing him in the heart with a spear of light and leaving him to rot like so much roadkill. Even after he'd gotten revenge, even after Rias had used her Power of Destruction to wipe the Fallen from the face of the earth, the pain she'd inflicted on him, and Asia, had left scars that had never truly healed properly, and probably never would.

After all, you never truly forgot your first love, and while it had turned out to have all been an act on Raynare's part, Issei had honestly loved her despite the brief time they were together.

As a result, he'd come to regard the Fallen Angels with more trepidation than their brethren, who to date hadn't really done anything other than administer Divine Retribution whenever he, or any Devil really, made the mistake of praising God or offering prayers in his name. As such, learning the Fallen were in possession of three Excalibur-class Holy Swords came as something of a shock.

"These are from the ones we have left." Xenovia revealed, holding up her wrapped, cross-like weapon for emphasis, Issei shivering at the presence of the Holy Aura he could sense beneath the bandages "I have been entrusted with Excalibur Destruction by the Vatican."

"And mine's Excalibur Mimicry." Irina chirped, smiling cheerfully as she shrugged her cloak aside, giving Issei a brief glimpse of her left breast before gesturing to what appeared to be a lace ribbon wrapped around her exposed held up her arm to reveal a simple ribbon wrapped around her bicep "Thankfully it can assume any shape the user needs, so unlike Xenovia's the Protestant Church HQ didn't have to bribe anyone so I could get it past customs."

"Irina…" Xenovia muttered, the Catholic representative glaring at Issei's childhood friend pointedly, her eye twitching for some unfathomable reason "There was no reason to tell them that."

"Oh come on Xenovia." Irina reprimanded with a pout "Even if they are Devils, given the situation, isn't it better that we extend some trust towards one another?" she winked at the Gremory Peerage, though Issei somehow knew it was meant for him in particular "Besides, I'm not so weak that knowing my Sword's ability will give them an advantage."

"I see…" Rias mused, a deceptively calm smile adorning her features as she regarded the pair before her calculatingly "Well then, having heard all that, I can only assume from your desire to speak with me that there's something your superiors need." She smiled at Xenovia's frown "So tell me how we can be of service to you?"

"Our request…" Xenovia began, only to frown and shake her head briefly "No. Our order is that you do not involve yourselves at all." She matched Rias' glare with one of her own "I'll keep things simple: The coming battle is between the Fallen and the Church. As such, we would appreciate it if you Devils didn't get interfere."

'Are they insane?!' Issei gulped, shivering in anticipation as Rias' power spiked for a split-second, the perverted Pawn stepping closer to a nervous Asia as Koneko clenched her fists and Akeno began to smile in that sexily dangerous way that promised pain and pleasure in equal amount.

"That sounds like an accusation." Rias noted, her tone cordial, yet carrying an undertone of challenge as she continued to match glares with Xenovia "Are you afraid that we Devils will side with the Fallen Angels to keep you from retrieving the stolen Excaliburs?"

"Headquarters did mention it as a possibility, yes." Xenovia admitted fearlessly, Issei's respect for the woman's guts increasing even as he questioned her sanity "After all, you Devils despise Holy Swords. Wouldn't it make more sense for your interests to coincide with those of the Fallen Angels?"

'She's fucked…' Issei muttered, resisting the urge to offer a prayer for the, admittedly hot, Holy Sword user, knowing from experience that only Rias' restraint was keeping his King from reducing everything in front of her to nothing with her Power of Destruction.

"That is why our Superiors formally ask that you stay out of our affairs." Xenovia continued, either heedless or unconcerned by the impending Dead End sitting two feet in front of her "Even if you are the Lucifer's younger sister, should we discover that you have sided with the Grigori, we have been given strict orders to cut you down."

For a moment, Rias actually looked like she was about to unleash hell, literally and figuratively, on Xenovia for her rudeness, but the mention of her elder brother, Sirzechs Lucifer of the Four Great Satans, calmed her somewhat. "I see, the Higher-Ups must be desperate if they went so far as to inform you of my relation to a Satan." she smiled coyly at Xenovia's scowl "However, since it's clear you neglected to do your research beyond that, I'll make this simple for you: There is no chance in Hell that I, or any member of my Peerage, would ever tarnish the name of House Gremory or that of the Satan Lucifer by siding with the Fallen Angels."

"I see." Xenovia noted, actually seeming amused by Rias' words for some reason "Just hearing that is good enough for me. To tell the truth, Instructions from Headquarters aside, I never truly believed that the Lucifer's younger sibling would be so stupid as to ally herself with the Grigori."

"Your faith is humbling." Rias shot back, clearly enjoying herself now that they had reached something of an understanding "However, having said that, you must understand I won't offer aide to your side either."

"Naturally." Xenovia acknowledged "Truth be told we're satisfied with you simply agreeing to not involve yourself at all. Even if it did improve our odds, our superiors would prefer to avoid any potential fall-out that may arise from the Lucifer's sister siding with the Church." she glanced at Irina, the two of them rising to their feet as one "Thank you for your time, we'll see ourselves out."

"Won't you have some tea before you go?" Rias asked, gesturing to Akeno, who moved to prepare the snacks only to pause as Xenovia shook her head, much to Irina's disappointment.

"No thanks, I'm not here to make friends with Devils." The Catholic countered, ignoring the looks being sent her way as she turned on her heel, only to pause as her eyes met a concerned Asia's "I see…when I saw you in Hyoudou Issei's home I thought it may be you…" she turned to face the confused Bishop "Tell me, are you the Witch, Asia Argento?"

Asia flinched as if struck across the face, the former 'Holy Maiden' lowering her eyes in shame even as Issei bristled, his left fist clenching in preparation to summon his Sacred Gear.

"Oh my God it is you!" Irina exclaimed, seemingly unaware of the shift in atmosphere "I'd heard you were banished because you could heal Fallen-Angels and Devils, but this is the first I've heard of you becoming a Devil yourself."

While Irina's tone implied she didn't mean anything by her words, that didn't lessen the effect they had on Asia, who couldn't even muster the strength to look them in the face.

"To think that someone once revered as a Saint could fall low enough to even consider becoming a Devil…" Xenovia muttered, the disgust in her tone like another slap in the face to Asia "Tell me, do you still believe in God, Asia Argento?"

"Don't be silly Xenovia." Irina chuckled, waving a hand dismissively, heedless of Asia's increasing discomfort "She's a Devil right? There's no way she'd still believe in God if she fell that far."

"No." Xenovia countered, her eyes never leaving Asia's trembling form "There are those whom despite betraying the teachings, remain somewhat pious, as if to punish themselves for their sins."

"Really?" Irina wondered, blinking at the revelation, as if the idea of a Devil experiencing guilt was something new to her "Is that true, Asia-san? You still believe in God even after becoming a devil?"

"…It's true." Asia admitted, her voice soft, lined with unshed tears "I've never been able to just let it go…I believed in God my whole life…even when…"

She trailed off, unable to give word to the suffering she'd endured at the hands of the Church, who branded her a witch, and the Fallen, who took her in only to kill her for her Sacred Gear.

"Is that so?" Xenovia noted, her gaze hardening as she turned to face the Bishop, holy sword in hand, though she hadn't removed the wrappings yet "In that case, you should allow us to cut you down this instant in the name of God. As it stands, even if you have sinned, God will extend his hand in forgiveness."

"CUT THE SHIT!" Issei snarled, surprising even Rias, who froze in the middle of rising from her seat, the Pawn stepping between Asia and Xenovia, his teeth clenched to the point of cracking as he dared the Catholic to take a single step closer "You assholes were the ones who put her on a pedestal as a Saint in the first place, but then you have the balls to brand her a 'Witch' for using her Sacred Gear to heal someone in need and cast her out into the world alone? Where the hell do you get off?!"

"A Genuine Saint can survive on the love of God alone." Xenovia shot back, matching the Devil glare for glare "For her to desire anything other than his blessings simply meant she was never fit to be a Saint."

"You're saying that if Asia had truly loved God, then nothing would have happened to her?" Issei shot back hotly, pissed as all hell at her declaration "Funny, I don't recall God's so-called love doing his SON any good."

"Issei-san!" Asia gasped, a sentiment shared by Irina while Xenovia's eyes widened in outrage at the blasphemy the Devil had just voiced, her fingers tightening around the hilt of her sword almost instinctively "You shouldn't-!"

"God didn't do Jack Shit to save Asia, one of the kindest, most innocent people in the world, when the Fallen Angels tried to steal her Sacred Gear." Issei persisted, too high on vitriol and righteous anger to care what he was saying "If you assholes even THINK of harming a hair on her head after she finally got to live the life she wanted, I'll spend the rest of my life making you regret it!"

"Tough words from a low-class devil." Xenovia muttered, her eyes narrowing at the challenge in the Pawn's words "Should I take that as a declaration of war against the entire Church?"

"Even if it isn't, I'll take you all on." A familiar voice called out, Issei's eyes widening as he spied Kiba leaning against the wall, his damnably handsome features set in a fierce scowl as he glared at Xenovia's Holy Sword with murder in his eyes.

"Who are you?" Xenovia demanded, her own eyes narrowing at the animosity she sensed from the Knight, even Irina's perpetual good cheer vanishing in the fact of such open hostility.

"I suppose you could call me your Sempai." Kiba mused, the smile on his lips belying the cold look in his eyes as he glared not at the nun, but her sword "Though truth be told, I was apparently considered a failure."

"I see…" Xenovia muttered, her expression unreadable as she glanced between Kiba and Issei "It seems you've been lax in disciplining your servants, Rias Gremory. I hope you don't mind if I teach them a little lesson in manners?"

"Just take it outside." Rias sighed, holding the bridge of her nose as if fighting back a headache "Also, I'm sure I don't need to remind you of what will happen if you harm them permanently."

"Oh rest assured, we won't need to go all out." Xenovia replied confidently, her tone mocking as she smirked "They'd better come at us with intent to kill, however, otherwise this won't last long."

* * *

 ** _One Epic Beatdown later..._**

And in truth, it hadn't. Even going full throttle, neither Issei nor Kiba had managed to land a decisive blow on either Holy Sword Wielder, though Issei blamed his loss solely on Koneko's interference.

'Seriously, what the fuck Koneko-chan?' he muttered, glaring at the white haired Rook even as she levelled a deadpan glare of her own right back at him 'It wasn't as if I purposefully destroyed your clothes earlier. If you hadn't warned Irina, she never would have known my dress break was coming!'

Not that the sight of his childhood friend in her battle outfit lacked a certain appeal mind you. For the battle garb of a Holy Sword wielder, the scandalously tight black outfit left very little to the imagination. Well, to the normal imagination that is. Issei's was currently working overtime as he recorded every detail to memory.

"I suggest the next time we cross swords, you endeavour to keep your cool, Sempai." Xenovia warned as she walked away from Kiba's prone form, ignoring the look of hatred the Knight was levelling at her back as she knelt to pick up her cloak "I trust you're satisfied, Rias Gremory?"

"Yes, I'm grateful for your diligence in ensuring they suffered no permanent injury." Rias returned as Xenovia replaced her cloak "Just out of curiosity, were you able to determine the name of the Fallen who stole the Excaliburs?"

"We have confirmation that the culprit is a leader of the Grigori Faction." Xenovia replied, her tone grim "More accurately, the culprit has been conformed to have been Kokabiel, the Fallen Star of Heaven."

"Kokabiel…?" Rias exclaimed, even Kiba looking alarmed by the revelation from his prone position on the grass "Wait, don't tell me knowing that, the Church only sent the two of you? Are you trying to die?"

"We will do all that is necessary to keep the Excaliburs out of the hands of the Fallen." Xenovia shot back, her expression cold in the face of the Devils' concern "Even if it means throwing our lives away."

"We understand the dangers all too well, Gremory-san." Irina assured them with a wan smile "There's already been a casualty: a priest from the Orthodox Church who came to scout ahead was murdered last night."

"I know the man you're talking about." Kiba grit out as he struggled to his knees, teeth clenched from the pain of his wound "He was killed by Freed Sellzen…wielding an Excalibur in the shape of a Kris."

"Freed Sellzen…" Xenovia muttered, her expression turning grim even as Issei and Asia voiced their alarm at the lunatic's name "And Excalibur Rapidly…that complicates matters somewhat."

"Maybe not as much as you think." Kiba countered, smirking mockingly at the pair "I don't particularly care if you believe me, but during my fight with Freed, a third party joined in and destroyed the Excalibur."

"What?!" Irina gasped, the Protestant Battle Nun gaping at the Knight in alarm whereas Xenovia chose to instead march forward, grabbing him by the collar and hoisting him to his feet despite the protests of the Devils.

"Who was it?" the blue-haired Battle Nun demanded, pressing the wrapped edge of Destruction against the blonde's throat, clearly in no mood for games "Where did they go? Answer me!"

"I honestly couldn't say." Kiba replied, grimacing even as he glared defiantly into Xenovia's eyes "I'd already been cut by the Holy Sword by that point. If whoever it was hadn't jumped in, Freed would've cut my head off." He ignored Rias' look of alarm "All I know is that he fought with twin Chinese swords that took the shape of angel wings when he destroyed the Excalibur."

"Angel Wings…a Sacred Gear user?" Irina wondered even as Xenovia scowled "Whoever he is, he can't be affiliated with the Vatican or Protestants if he uses Eastern Blades…did you notice anything else about him?"

"Nothing," Kiba countered "as I said, I'd already been cut by Freed's Holy Sword, so just keeping my eyes open was tough enough. Last I saw he was gathering the Excalibur shards after Freed ran away."

"So there's a third party involved in all this." Xenovia muttered, her expression dark as she released her grip on Kiba's collar, glaring down at the Knight as he glared up at her "I thank you for the information, Sempai, but from now on kindly see to it that you don't involve yourself any further in our affairs. Let's go, Irina."

"Ah, right!" Irina stammered, pausing only to offer Issei a farewell and a promise to 'judge him' later before hurrying to follow her partner wherever it was they were going, leaving the Devils of the Gremory group to tend to their own.

* * *

And that's chapter 3.

Sorry for those expecting a more action-packed chapter, but with Shirou recovering there's not a lot changed. Kiba & Issei still get curb-stomped by the Battle Nuns, though now they've got one less Excalibur to worry about.

Also, just to clarify things up: Mimic is able to change it's shape to suit it's wielder, so Irina's comment about 'Eastern blades' not being used by the Protestant Church doesn't apply to her Excalibur. If she wanted, she could easily turn it into a Zweihander or pole-arm, the Katana is simply her choice of preference, most likely due to being of Japanese descent.


	4. Fake x Calibur 4

Last update for a while.

Some of you pointed out that Rias wouldn't have let Xenovia manhandle Kiba like she did in the previous issue. Trust me, if Xenovia had actually unwrapped Destruction to threaten him, Rias would've shown just why she's called 'Crimson Haired Ruin Princess'.

Forewarning, this chapter is devoid of Action for the most part, mainly dealing with Shirou being brought up to speed by the O.R.C & Student Council.

And no, he's not going to pull a Dresden like in Gabrielle Blessing's fic, so for those of you expecting to see Issei penetrated by Anti-Dragon Noble Phantasms...you'll need to wait a bit longer.

That being said, let's see how things go from here.

* * *

 **False-Life 4: Getting to know you.**

"Are you okay, Issei-san?" Asia asked, the shy Bishop placing her small palms on the Pawn's stomach, her Sacred Gear, Twilight Healing, slowly healing the narrow cut Irina's Excalibur Mimic had left with a soothing light.

"Damn it…" The lecherous Pawn muttered, utterly shamed at having embarrassed himself in front of not only Asia, but the rest of the Gremory Peerage after shooting his mouth off like he did "Sorry to worry you like this, Asia."

"I'm just glad that the wound was minimal despite it coming from a Holy Sword." Asia admitted with a sigh of relief, her shoulders trembling slightly "I honestly thought you were going to die back there, Issei-san."

"Hey, I'm the one who should apologise." Issei stammered, waving off the former nun's admittedly well-placed concerns before she broke into tears "I'm the one who messed up and ended up blowing your clothes away!"

"That's alright." Asia assured him with a saintly smile that, were she not a devil now, would've surely been accompanied by a halo & choir "I'm sure you were planning something completely different, right Issei-san? I'm just glad you're okay."

'Are we sure Rias brought you back as a Devil and not an Angel?' Issei wondered, bathing in that radiant smile despite knowing all too well the only thing on his mind at the time had been seeing Irina au natural, the pervy Pawn flinching as Koneko proceeded to massage his shoulders.

"…You might have won if you'd boosted one more time." The taciturn Rook opined, completely heedless of Issei's grunts of pain as she dug her fingers into his soft, tender flesh with all her enhanced Rook strength.

'I'd have definitely won if you hadn't given away my secret technique!' Issei wanted to retort, but thought better of angering the little Rook, especially given she already had a grip on him. One set of injuries was enough, thank you very much.

"So tell me, Yuuto." Rias demanded, the group looking up to see their King sitting across from her Knight, arms folded beneath her breasts, the frown on her face belying the concern in her eyes "How long were you planning to wait before telling me you had a run-in with Freed and an Excalibur?"

"I was actually planning to tell you the minute I arrived at the Clubroom." Yuuto admitted, his tone honest, implying no falsehood, as he gazed at his clenched fists "I'm sorry I let my anger at the Holy Swords put you on the spot like that."

"It's nothing." Rias assured him with a sigh "I'm just glad you and Issei came out of it without permanent injury." Her eyes narrowed "Still, this third party you mentioned concerns me…can you truly recall nothing about them that might determine their allegiance?"

"I only said that to those two so they wouldn't go running after him before we had a chance to ask him ourselves." Yuuto countered, a wry smirk adorning his lips "Well, that and the fact that after he destroyed the Excalibur, he stuck around to check if I was alright before leaving with the shards, so I figured I owed him that much. Either way, I definitely got more than a 'Good Look' at him."

"Nice one, Kiba!" Issei cheered, pumping his fist in appreciation of the handsome Knight's cunning, only to grimace as the cut on his abdomen stung in protest of his sudden actions.

"Indeed," Akeno noted, the Thunder Priestess' sultry smile sending shivers of trepidation down the spines of everyone exposed to it, even Rias "How particularly devilish of you, Kiba-kun, lying to your cute kohai like that, and for a complete stranger too!"

"I wouldn't say he's a stranger," Kiba countered, smiling wanly as Akeno blinked in confusion "In fact, if memory serves, he's been an object of interest for both you and Sona-Kaichou for some time now, Buchou."

"Emiya-kun?" Rias exclaimed, Akeno's eyes widening in surprise even as Issei grimaced at the mention of the Brownie of Kuoh, still nursing a grudge from the time the bastard broke his nose and got off scot-free"Are you absolutely certain, Yuuto?"

"Without a doubt." Kiba confirmed, his expression grim as he gazed at his linked fingers "He walked right up to me after driving off Freed, he even addressed me by name, as well as referring to Sona as 'Kaichou'." He glanced up at Rias for the first time "Also, it would appear he knows that I'm affiliated with you, and I suspect he knows we aren't human, though considering he referred to Sona-Kaichou by her pseudonym 'Shitori', it's possible he doesn't know we're Devils, or at least, not affiliated with the 72 pillars."

"That's…a little troubling, I have to admit." Rias muttered, a sentiment shared by all of the more experienced members of her peerage, Asia and Issei merely looking lost by the turn of events "And you're certain he had the Excalibur fragments?"

"He practically dangled them beneath my nose." Kiba muttered, scoffing wryly at the imagery "If I hadn't been so weakened from the fight with Freed, I'd probably have challenged him for them. As it is, it took everything I had just to activate the teleport circle to the dorms after he left."

"I was wondering why you skipped class today." Rias muttered, concern warring with disapproval as she regarded her Knight with a stern glare "You should have contacted me immediately, Yuuto." She reprimanded, only to sigh after a moment's pause "Either way, I'm glad you're alright."

"I'm far from alright, Buchou." Kiba countered, his tone bitter as he clenched his fists together, eyes boring a hole in the ground "I haven't been 'alright' since that night in the snow…and until I find the ones responsible, I doubt I'll ever truly be alright."

"Yuuto." Rias murmured, her eyes soft, filled with naught but concern for her Knight, only to blink in surprise as he rose to his feet, surprise giving way to realization as he made for the door "Wait, Yuuto!" she called out, rising sharply to her feet as he paused in his tracks "Don't go doing anything drastic. As your King, I won't forgive you if you do anything to bring shame on the name of House Gremory."

"…I understand what you're saying, Buchou." Kiba quietly assured his King without turning to face her "But even if you are my King, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't' for my comrades' sacrifice." His fist clenched around the door handle even as Rias flinched "I won't ask you to forgive this act of selfishness, but I'd never be able to forgive myself if I just let this opportunity pass me by…"

"Yuuto…" Rias murmured, her expression hurt as she watched her Knight walk out the door, though she made no move to stop him, her concern for him warring with her understanding of his situation, causing her to bite her lower lip in consternation "Damn it all…why can't things ever be simple?"

"We do seem to have a nasty penchant for getting caught up in the affairs of others." Akeno mused, though despite her smile it was clear the Queen was troubled by Kiba's actions as well "So what do we do about Emiya-kun?" she asked, clearly trying to take Rias' mind off their errant Knight for the moment "I assume you'll be contacting Sona-san to fill her in on the juicy details?"

"Naturally." Rias confirmed, rubbing her eyes with an exhausted sigh "While the fact he aided Kiba in his fight with Freed is something of a relief, all it means is he isn't allied with the Grigori. For all we know he could be a sleeper from a rogue branch of the church, sent to spy on our operations, or even an unaffiliated party seeking to make a move during the confusion." She lowered her hands to reveal determined blue eyes "At the very least, we need to determine whether he's a threat or not."

'If you ask me he's definitely a threat…' Issei muttered, grimacing as he recalled his first encounter with the 'Brownie of Kuoh', more specifically how the redhead had spurned Issei's heartfelt invitation to join him, Motohama and Matsuda in the act of peeking on the girl's changing room.

Now Issei was no stranger to rejection or violence on his person. Hell, prior to joining the Occult Research Club the only way he'd ever get to see any real-live T&A usually resulted in him and his comrades having the living shit beat out of them by girls on a daily basis. The only time they ever gotten beaten up by guys, it was usually the boyfriend or sibling of one of their targets, so Issei had felt perfectly safe extending an olive branch to Shirou, who had no relatives in Kuoh and, if rumours were to be believed, wasn't romantically interested in anyone either.

The only sign Issei had that he'd made a mistake was Emiya's ochre eyes narrowing in a look of disgust so intense it made the future Pawn feel lower than a cockroach before the redhead's fist buried itself in his face, sending him flying into Matsuda and Motohama, the three of them tumbling Ass over Tits until they came to a halt in a tangle of limbs at the end of the hall.

Used to being punished for his perversions as he was, Issei probably wouldn't have minded the broken nose so much if Emiya had at least gotten detention for it. But no, according to Motohama and Matsuda, not only had the redhead NOT been punished, his reputation among the staff and female students had apparently skyrocketed while theirs plummeted yet again.

In short, the possibility of Emiya Shirou being an enemy was equal parts worrying and welcome to Hyoudou Issei. Worrying due to the fact he could apparently match Freed Sellzen wielding an Excalibur, and even destroy said Holy Blade, and welcome in that Issei could finally return the favour without getting shafted for it by the faculty.

* * *

 _ **Kuoh Academy, mid-day...**_

It went without saying that Shirou's return to Kuoh Academy was a cautious one, the redhead Faker spending every moment twitching at shadows and sudden noises, his hands clenching, ready to summon Kanshou and Bakuya to defend himself.

While Azazel had assured him that not even Freed would be stupid enough to try anything on Academy grounds without considerable back-up, Shirou hadn't forgotten the insanity in the Stray Exorcist's eyes, and it wasn't as if Freed was working alone, as someone had to have given him Rapidly in the first place.

There was also Rias Gremory to consider. After their little altercation, there was no way Kiba hadn't informed the redheaded 'Onee-sama' of Shirou's involvement. And since Rias was apparently good friends with Shitori Souna, there was a good chance the rest of the Student Council now knew about him as well.

While this was admittedly less of a concern since, like Azazel, they apparently harboured no ill will towards humanity, it still left the Faker backed into a corner, surrounded on all sides by non-human entities that not only knew he wasn't 'normal', but had destroyed an apparently Holy Sword.

And so he'd come to school, despite Azazel insisting he get some more rest, prepared to face an ambush, or at the very least an interrogation, only to spend the entire day jumping at shadows. It therefore came as something of a relief when they made their move when Lunch Period rolled round, the Faker opening the door to his class, intending to eat on the roof, where he'd be awarded a modicum of privacy and room to manoeuvre in the event of an attack, only to find Saji Genshiro waiting for him.

"Yo, Emiya." The non-human greeted, his tone and posture so similar to that of the Faker's 'old friend', Matou Shinji, that for a moment he almost lashed out reflexively, only stopping at Saji's look of alarm "Whoa! Simmer down!" the blonde yelped, raising both hands placatingly "I'm not here to cause trouble, Kaichou simply wanted to see you!"

"I see…" Shirou noted, the Faker relaxing slightly now that one of the shoes he'd been watching for finally dropped, offering the blonde a polite nod "Sorry if I startled Saji-san, I've been expecting something like this all day and it kind of made me jittery."

"Yeah, I can understand that." Saji concurred, relaxing somewhat as he gestured for Shirou to follow him through the halls filled with gossiping schoolgirls, pausing only briefly to compliment, or flirt, in passing before growing serious as they arrived at the Student Council Office. "I've brought him, Kaichou." he called out, opening the door and holding it open for Shirou to enter, the Redhead doing so cautiously, several nameless blades ready to be brought into the world at the slightest hint of violence from anyone inside.

"Thank you, Saji." Sona offered, the reserved Student Council President sitting beside Rias on a double chair with Tsubaki and Akeno standing behind them. The rest of the Student Council and Occult Research Club were likewise scattered around the room, the former greeting the redhead with reserved smiles while the latter seemed divided between indifferent, nervous and outright hostile.

'Huh…that's right.' Shirou muttered, blinking at the sight of a scowling Hyoudou Issei, having entirely forgotten that the pervert had joined the ORC some time ago, sometime after he'd been running around claiming to have gotten a girlfriend if memory served. At the time, Shirou hadn't given the matter much thought. Indeed, like most of the student body he actively strove not to think about the Perverted Trio at all if he could help it, but it was kind of hard to ignore when someone's scent changed from that of a human to something distinctly not-so overnight.

"W-What is it?" Issei demanded, the perverts voice snapping the redhead out of his thoughts, realizing he'd been unwittingly staring at the pervert fairly intensely "You wanna start something, bastard?!"

"Issei! Calm down." Rias called out, her tone brooking no argument, the self-proclaimed Harem King flinching at her words before backing down, though he continued to glare at Shirou sullenly "I'm sorry, Emiya-kun." The redhead offered with a smile "I'm afraid Issei's still a little sore with you."

"So long as he keeps his hands to himself, we shouldn't have a problem." Shirou assured her, and in all honesty he didn't care to deal with the pervert's shenanigans at the moment, not with several decidedly more palpable threats staring him right in the face "Here," he offered, holding out the bag he'd brought with him "I figured something like this would happen, so I brought a peace offering."

"My how considerate of you." Akeno chirped, the reason for her amusement apparent as almost every female in the room, excluding herself and Asia Argento, who merely perked up slightly, straightened at the sight of the bag, their eyes locking onto it like heat-seeking missiles "More of your infamous 'Devil's Food Cake'?"

"Nothing so fancy," Shirou assured her, earning looks of disappointment from the crowd, though Sona looked oddly relieved for some reason "Just some Daifuku I made the night before."

At the mention of the ground mochi-balls the disinterested expression on the white-haired loli in the corner was replaced with a catlike intensity that would've almost been cute if looking at her didn't remind Shirou painfully of Ilya.

"Thank you, Emiya-kun." Sona offered, Tsubaki accepting the bag from him with a polite nod before retreating with Akeno to the small kitchenette the Student Council used to prepare tea "I take it you know why we invited you here today?"

"I have my suspicions." Shirou admitted, his tone relaxed as he subtly ran his eyes over the assembled non-humans, only to frown at a glaring absence among them "I don't see Kiba-san, is he alright?"

"Yuuto is…taking a leave of absence at the moment." Rias sighed, her troubled expression heightening the Faker's concern for the blonde swordsman "Oh, don't worry, he's fine." She assured him with a genuine smile "Though I must admit, it does my heart good to see you so concerned for him."

"Which brings us to the situation at hand." Sona cut in, Shirou straightening reflexively as the student council president adjusted her glasses pointedly "Tell me truthfully, Emiya Shirou-kun: Are you, or are you not, a Magician?"

"I'm not." Shirou answered promptly, only to shiver in the face of the bespectacled girl's frown "To elaborate, I'm merely an Apprentice Magus, and a rather poor one at that. If you wanted my official classification, it'd probably be 'Spellcaster' or 'Faker'."

"Aren't those all the same thing?" Rias pondered, tilting her head in confusion, a sentiment shared by Asia and Issei, who actually stopped glaring at the Faker to blink at the redhead in confusion.

"To anyone not in the know there's very little difference between them." Shirou admitted with a nod "However, there are actually several classifications a Magus can fall under, with the title of Magician being the absolute pinnacle one can achieve."

"I'd always wondered just what kind of hierarchal structure the Human Magical Societies possessed." Sona opined, her expression lined with intrigue "I assume that 'Spellcaster' holds some special meaning?"

"It essentially refers to those like myself with relatively low skills in Magecraft who don't adhere to the ways of traditional Magi." Shirou explained, waving a hand to the kitchenette for emphasis "For example, I'm quite at home with most modern appliances, whereas most 'True' Magi would consider using a typewriter instead of pen & paper, or even parchment, to be heresy."

"I see." Sona noted, even as the rest of the group, Rias included, grimaced at the idea of being denied modern comforts such as running hot water or mobile phones "And just what must one do to be classified as a full-fledged Magician?"

"Only those who discover and are capable of wielding a True Magic can be called a Magician." Shirou replied promptly "From what I've learned under my Mentors, there have only been five people worthy of being called 'Magician' in human history."

"What precisely do you mean by True Magic?" Sona inquired, her expression intrigued "And how can there only be five when I know for a fact there are entire schools dedicated to various arcane fields?"

"It's complicated…" Shirou admitted with a grimace, holding up a hand at Sona's frown "Like I said, I'm only an Apprentice Magus, and a 3rd rate one at that." He sighed as she calmed down "Let's see…I suppose the easiest way to explain the difference is that, unlike Magecraft, the effects of a True Magic cannot be replicated by modern technology."

"I think I can see where you're coming from." Rias concurred, her expression thoughtful as Tsubaki and Akeno returned with a tray laden with a Tea set and elegantly arranged Daifuku on a plate "Anyone with a match can set something on fire, and certain branches like Alchemy do share some elements with modern science."

"Hundreds of years ago, the ability to fly or talk to someone across long distances would have been seen as 'Magic'." Shirou concurred with a nod "Nowadays anyone can do either provided they have the time, effort and money to spare."

"It certainly makes more sense the more I think of it." Sona noted, inclining her head in approval, though her expression never changed "Should we therefore assume that your title as 'Faker' pertains to your school of thaumaturgy in some way?"

"It's a title used to refer to a Magus that's proficient in the use of Gradation Air." Shirou confirmed, only to sigh at their blank expressions, holding up his hand and tracing a copy of one of the teacups Tsubaki had set before him for all to see "Basically it allows the user to materialize objects out of thin air in accordance to their imagination and skill level."

"Fascinating." Rias noted, her eyes, and those of Sona glittering as they no doubt considered the possibilities such a skill could provide and jumped to the wrong conclusions like many before them "I take it such a skill must be rather valuable?"

"On the contrary, most Magi consider Gradation Air to be a waste of time." Shirou admitted, allowing the cup to vanish in a burst of Prana "For example, say that I needed a specific dagger for a ritual. While I could 'make' a dagger similar to what I need, due to the inherent flaw in human imagination, it wouldn't be a perfect match and would vanish should my concentration waver for a second."

"What the hell?" Saji chuckled, the blonde Student Council member shaking his head in amusement as he smirked at the Faker teasingly "You sure picked a lousy school to specialise in, Emiya."

"I wasn't really given much of a choice." Shirou admitted with a shrug, more than used to such comments after Rin's not-so-gentle ribbing "Due to my situation, I was ill-suited for Traditional Magecraft and my first Mentor admitted he wasn't much of a Magus, to the point it was all those who came after could do to make me somewhat competent." He smiled self-deprecatingly "Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if I never graduated beyond 'Apprentice Magus'."

"And yet," Sona cut in, her expression serious once more "not only did you manage to drive off a rogue-Exorcist of the Church, an established prodigy no less, but you even managed to destroy the Holy Sword he was wielding at the time."

"Thank you for that, by the way." Rias offered honestly, her smile grateful even as she sat beside the uncompromising Sona "You've no idea how worried I was when Kiba told me what happened."

"I'm just glad he was alright, it looked like that cut he received took a lot out of him." Shirou admitted, inclining his head in acknowledgement of her thanks "Although, I have to ask, why did the sword react to him like that?"

He had his suspicions, how could he NOT after adding Rapidly's history to his inner world? But he'd rather hear it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak, and it was about time they started answering some of HIS questions damn it!

"You don't know?" Rias exclaimed, even Sona blinking in astonishment at the redhead's ignorance "I admit we suspected it may be the case, but could it truly be you enrolled here without knowing anything?"

"If you're referring to the fact I'm the only human in the room then I pretty much sussed that out my first day here." Shirou assured her, earning a round of flinches from the others "Though if it's any consolation, I haven't really looked into figuring out what you all are since it was clear you were content to play human until now."

"That's not…entirely incorrect." Sona opined, her reserved expression returning as she adjusted her glasses before striking a pose similar to Rin's lecturing pose "With the exception of Rias, Koneko, Akeno and myself, everyone in this room was human at one point."

Shirou frowned but said nothing, the redhead Faker merely letting his eyes roam over the assembled crowd impassively. Some of them, mostly the Student Council members, flinched back from his stare as if expecting to be judged unworthy, whereas the ORC were torn between amusement, Akeno, nervousness, Asia, challenging, Issei, or outright ignoring him like Koneko, whose eyes remained locked on the tray of Daifuku.

"I see…" he muttered at length, his eyes lingering on Issei and Asia for a moment, as the scent of change was most recent on them, before turning back to the pair "I take it this isn't just some initiation ritual you people do."

"In ideal circumstances we'd actually prefer if it could be that way." Rias admitted with a sad smile towards her club members "Indeed, Sona's Peerage is all composed entirely of volunteers. Whereas mine…"

"Buchou saved our lives." Issei cut in, his expression heated as he glared at the Faker "Asia, Kiba and I would be dead if it weren't for her, so don't you dare accuse her of anything!"

"Well put, Issei-kun." Akeno concurred, smiling coyly at the youth, though there was something off about her expression as she turned back to Shirou "Rest assured, Emiya-kun, while the circumstances may not have been ideal, all of us made the choice to join Rias' Peerage.'

"You all keep saying that word like you expect me to know what it means." Shirou noted, earning a coy smile from the pigtailed girl as he glanced at Sona and Rias "I take it that it's something to do with your species?"

"Not originally, no." Sona admitted, removing her glasses briefly to polish them, her eyes never leaving Shirou's own as she spoke "Tell me, Emiya-kun; What do you know of Devils?"

Now there was a loaded question if there ever was one.

Shirou would be the first to admit that, as a Magus, his education had been sub-par. Between Kiritsugu's deliberately lacklustre tutelage and his own botched efforts, it was a small wonder he'd even manage to qualify as a Master for the Grail War, and even after partnering with Rin and gaining Archer's arm, there hadn't been much time for improving his background knowledge, instead choosing to focus on not killing himself every time he tapped into the Artificial Phantasm's power.

Still, it wasn't as if all that effort had gone to waste. While Emiya Shirou's tutelage had been flawed, it hadn't stopped the man who would become the Counter Guardian EMIYA from purposefully hurling himself into conflict after conflict, improving his skills and knowledge on the battlefield as he struggled to uphold their borrowed ideals.

And that wasn't even factoring in the 'World Knowledge' that the Holy Grail granted the Servants upon their summoning, allowing even warriors from bygone eras to understand the operation of modern conveniences and weapons, provided they had skills and adaptability to do so.

As such, the moment the word 'Devil' left the reserved Student Council President's lips, Shirou subconsciously lowered the barrier between his circuits and the Artificial Phantasm, wincing slightly as information surged into his brain like a flood.

 _Devils/_ _悪魔_ _/_ _Akuma: Passive, imaginary beings called forth and moulded by human desires, similarly to Heroic Spirits, yet more akin to a curse that acquired material form and a psyche than living creatures. Despite this, they are potentially beneficial to mankind due to understanding human suffering and can take said suffering upon themselves via a contract under the terms of equivalent exchange. In short, in exchange for a Devil granting a human's wish, that human must pay with pain._

He cut off the connection in the middle of a list of various notable 'Demon Contractor' EMIYA had encountered, and killed, over the years, grunting as the sudden halt of information made his head spin.

"Emiya-kun?" Rias called out tentatively, the Faker blinking sharply, looking up to see everyone, even Koneko, eyeing him with the same concern one would give a lit fuse, or a cornered animal "Are you alright?"

"Ah, don't worry." Shirou assured her, taking a breath to settle himself "As for what I know of Devils, unfortunately, my Mentors were all atheists, so my knowledge is patchwork at best." Which was technically true; Kiritsugu had never truly believed in Gods and while the Tohsaka were descended from Hidden Christians the time spent under Kirei hadn't really endeared Rin to the Church. Ironic naming sense aside, the less said about the Einzbern's relation with The Almighty, the better. "Unless you're trying to tell me you're incorporeal spirits possessing the bodies of two schoolgirls who grant people's wishes at a cost."

"Well, the part about granting wishes is right." Rias admitted with a chuckle, a sentiment shared by the rest of the room, the atmosphere in the room relaxing somewhat as the redhead leant back, causing her breasts to bounce pertly "Though I can assure you, this body is all mine."

"Quite." Sona muttered, levelling a disapproving look at her friend, though Shirou swore he saw a hint of envy in her normally reserved features "Indeed, entering into contracts with humans is not only a way of life for Devils, it's actually a mark of status. The more contractors a Devil has, the more influence they are said to possess among their peers."

"Though rest assured that there are certain wishes we cannot grant." Rias cut in at the Faker's troubled frown "More specifically, wishes to kill or otherwise permanently harm humans are strictly forbidden by Devil Law."

"It's also forbidden to demand more than the cost of the Wish." Sona added, light glinting off her glasses as she donned them again "We typically prefer cash or an item of equal value to the service provided, though it's not uncommon to have them perform a favour for us at a later date as well."

"You sound more like a Crime Boss than a Student Council President…" Shirou deadpanned, Sona's cheeks lighting up even as Rias fought the urge to hide her giggles, a sentiment shared by several other members of the group, sans Saji, who looked torn between joining in and defending her honour.

"In-in any case!" Sona coughed, fighting to resume her calm demeanour "As you may have guessed from her name, Rias is the current heir to House Gremory of the 72 Pillars." She gestured to herself while Rias inclined her head "My true name is Sona Sitri, I am the current heir to House Sitri of the 72 Pillars. The two of us share the duty of Overseer for this city."

"Emiya Shirou." Shirou introduced, making a mental note to find out what these '72 pillars' were even as he lowered his head in a polite bow "I have no clan to speak of, but please treat me kindly."

"A pleasure to finally meet you, Emiya-kun." Rias greeted, smiling at the Faker as he raised his head from the bow "I must admit; I was beginning to think we'd never get a chance to chat, what with you running off before I could even say hello." She pouted teasingly "That rather hurt my feelings, you know? Am I really that scary?"

"Terrifying." Shirou deadpanned, earning a snort from Sona that she covered up with a cough, the Faker rubbing the back of his head awkwardly at Rias' pout "It's not anything you've done to me personally. It's just whenever I sense you coming , I get this strong urge to run for my life."

"I'd offer you a shovel, Emiya-kun, but is seems you're doing all too well on your own." Sona noted dryly, looking honestly amused as Rias pouted furiously "Still, if that's the case, why didn't you likewise avoid the Student Council or myself? Is it because you didn't see us as a threat?"

"It's…complicated…" Shirou sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at the challenging look in the Sitri Heiress' eyes "You see, the way I was taught to sense the energy around me was to manifest it as one of my five senses, in my case, my sense of smell."

"Are you saying I smell bad?" Rias demanded, the redhead's expression bordering between outraged and embarrassed while Akeno and Issei looked like Christmas had just come early for some reason.

"I'm not even going to answer that one." Shirou deadpanned in the face of her ire "To put it simply, aside from the scent of sulphur that clued me in that you aren't human, I can identify each of you by the 'scent' of your power. For example, Sona-Kaichou smells like flowing water." the Sitri heir quirked a brow "Akeno-san like Ozone." The pigtailed girl stiffened slightly "And I don't know why but Hyoudou and Saji-san both smell like dragons."

"Hey! how come I'm the only one being referred to without an honorific?!" Issei demanded angrily, completely missing the point of the redhead's statement even as Sona glanced at her startled pawn speculatively "Though I gotta admit I'm curious what Buchou smells like?"

"I honestly don't know." Shirou admitted, pointedly ignoring the pervert's look of disappointment as he focussed on his fellow redhead "All I can tell you is that, whatever it is, it's terrifying."

"He's probably reacting to your Power of Destruction, Rias." Sona deduced, Rias' pout giving way to a look of understanding "You didn't earn the title of 'Crimson Haired Ruin Princess' for nothing after all." She adjusted her glasses "That being said, there's one more important issue we need to address."

"Ah, yes." Rias noted, recovering admirably from her pout as she cleared her throat "Emiya-kun, during the fight with Freed Sellzen, we understand you somehow managed to destroy his Holy Sword." At the Faker's nod she continued "Tell me; what did you do with the pieces?"

"I didn't think it'd be wise to leave them lying around so I took them home with me." Shirou admitted with an offhand shrug "I didn't bring them with me to school if that's what you're asking."

"I'd honestly prefer you avoided bringing a weapon capable of harming our kind onto campus." Sona replied dryly "The only reason we brought it up is because two Exorcists from the Church were sent to retrieve the stolen Excaliburs." She raised a hand in a placating manner at his tensing "Rest assured, they have specifically asked us not to intervene in their hunt. However, as you aren't affiliated with any faction, we believe they won't hesitate to use force to retrieve the remains from your person. For that reason, I would like you to hand them over to us."

"Either that, or you could join one of our peerages." Rias proposed, smiling coyly at the Faker as she leant back, arms tucked beneath her breasts "As a member of a Peerage, you'd automatically fall under the protection of one of the 72 Pillars, so even the Church wouldn't be able to resort to force without considerable political backlash." She smiled coyly "That, and there are a few additional perks to becoming a Devil. So what do you say? Interested?"

"As tempting as the offer sounds, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass." Shirou countered, earning another pout from the redhead "I don't have a problem handing over the Excalibur shards though. Will tomorrow be okay?"

"Yes, that should suffice." Sona agreed, only to frown, looking up at the clock on the wall as the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch "My apologies, Emiya-kun." she offered with a sigh "It seems we lost track of time."

"It's no big deal." Shirou assured her with a smile as he rose to his feet "I'll be heading back to class. Please, feel free to enjoy the Daifuku."

And with that said he left, pausing only to thank Saji for opening the door once more before making his way to his next class, most of his questions answered for the time being, and at the very least reassured that he wouldn't have to fear for his life while on school grounds.

* * *

And that's chapter 4.

For those of you wondering why Shirou's being so open with his intel at this juncture, there are several reasons.

1\. Information: In order to gather more details on the 'Moonlit World' of the DxD verse, he needs to determine any discrepancies in his (and Archer's) knowledge, as evidenced by the difference between Devils from Fate & DxD mentioned above.

2\. Secrecy: While normally a Magus would take their secrets to the grave rather than announce themselves, this is only in relation to 'Mundanes', those kept ignorant of the Moonlit world. Since it's clear from the clash between Freed & Kiba that the O.R.C and Student Council reside within said world, he doesn't need to hide too much.

From this brief exchange, Shirou has learnt of the existence of Devils, that they differ from his world's definition, and that they can change other species into their own.

Won't be updating for a while after this, work and whatnot, and the next few won't be heavily action orientated I'm afraid, so those of you waiting for Freed vs Shirou round 2., sorry for the delay.

Next time, Having acquitted himself well with two out of the three factions, it's time for Shirou to face the third. I'd say 'God Help Him' but that would be ironic.


	5. Fake X Calibur 5

_***Exhales blue vapor as the world slows back down***_

Hello All. As you may guess, I've been neck deep into Phantom Pain and loving every minute of it. Well worth the wait.

Had this chapter lying around so I figured what the hell, may as well post it.

Fair warning, no action this time around either, unless you count Shirou once again showing off how his kitchen swagger can tame the hearts of women.

...I apologise to all my female readers for that last statement.

* * *

 **False-Life 5: Good Samaritan.**

Sona sighed as Shirou shut the door behind him. In all honesty, a part of her was oddly relieved that the kind, helpful teen wasn't an enemy in disguise. There were far too few honest-to-goodness gentlemen at Kuoh and Kiba didn't count due to the simple fact he'd been a Devil for some time before Rias enrolled here.

That being said, while she'd certainly learnt enough to erase him from the list of potential enemies, it wasn't enough to list him as a potential ally either. For one thing, while he'd given reasons as to why his branch of Magic, 'Magecraft' she mentally corrected, was deemed useless by many, he still didn't explain why he'd chosen to continue with it. He also hadn't elaborated as to just what schools his Mentors had adhered to, or indeed, which group of Magic Users they were aligned with.

He had introduced himself as having 'No Clan to Speak of', but did that mean he was never affiliated with one? Or that he was exiled for some reason? Either way would explain for his supposed lack of skill in more 'Traditional' Magecraft seen thus far. However, neither could explain just how he'd not only managed to stand up to a prodigal Exorcist of the church, even if said prodigy was mad as a hatter, let alone destroy one of the Seven Holy Excaliburs said organization deemed the strongest of Holy Swords.

Still, she'd learned enough for today that she was willing to give the redhead some breathing space. At the very least, she'd confirmed he was in possession of the Excalibur shards and had convinced him to hand them over to avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness with the Church. Speaking of which…

"Rias…" she called out, the Gremory heiress pausing in the midst of reaching for the tray of Daifuku to look at her "Back when we informed Emiya-kun of what we were, did you sense anything off about him."

"You mean his left arm?" Rias pondered, her troubled expression confirming Sona's line of inquiry "I must admit, for a moment I thought he was about to pull out a Sacred Gear…but in all honesty it felt more akin to the wards Xenovia used to seal away her Excalibur."

"Except whatever he was sealing wasn't a Holy Sword." Sona confirmed, her expression unreadable behind her glasses "And whatever it was, it clearly has an adverse effect on Emiya-kun's body if his brief reaction was any indication."

"He did seem to blank out for a moment there." Tsubaki noted, her tone tinged with a hint of concern for the Kuoh Brownie "Perhaps his arm is afflicted with a curse of some kind?"

"If it were a curse, we would have sensed the malignant energies even through the bindings." Sona dismissed, her expression thoughtful "No, while whatever it is clearly causes him discomfort, I get the feeling it's not actively malignant."

"Which means it can be put aside for another day, Sona." Rias opined, reaching forward and helping herself to a Daifuku, plopping one of the ground Mochi balls in her rival's lap in passing "For now, let's enjoy these before we have to get back to class."

"Honestly…" Sona sighed, shaking her head in exasperation as she accepted the tea Tsubaki held out to her, the rest of their group digging into the sweets with reckless abandon, some of them already turned to limbless puddles of ecstasy, with the notable exception of Koneko, who was shovelling them in as fast as she could swallow.

So caught up in their confectionary heaven were they, that none of the group seemingly noticed Issei approaching Saji, the Gremory Pawn apparently arranging to meet up with his Sitri counterpart after school.

* * *

 _After school..._

'Well that went well…' Shirou sighed, waving absentmindedly towards the track-and-field team as he made his way out of the gates, intent on heading for his part-time job 'At the very least I won't have to spend my days waiting for Gremory-sempai to pop up around corners anymore.'

It wasn't that her aura was any less intimidating than before. Hell, if anything the fact he'd managed to sit in front of her for so long had been a testament to his resolve and faith in their good will. It was simply that now that he knew just what he was dealing with, he could plan accordingly for anything that may arise in the future. For example, Rias had already attempted to recruit him for her 'Peerage', something Shirou would never consider even if he'd never met Archer, living testament to the fact that 'Contracting with a Higher Being in Exchange for Power' typically came back to bite you in the ass.

Still, for the moment, he had one less problem to deal with, and the sole remaining problem could probably be dealt with simply by handing over the shards of Rapidly to Sona, who would no doubt use them to place the church in her debt, a concept that troubled him less than it should, considering what little exposure he had of the Vatican had come through Kirei and Azazel's comments on the Holy Sword Plan.

Which brought him to his current, most immediate concern, namely the two Exorcists from the Church that were currently in town and, if Sona's information was accurate, packing two of the remaining Excalibur Swords. While he personally didn't have any beef with the Church, from what little he knew and what Azazel had described, these Exorcists were likely to be no better than the Executors back home, Zealots dedicated to 'Purging the Earth of all Blasphemy', regardless of what got caught in their path.

The only saving grace he could think of was that the Vatican's influence on Japan was relatively minor compared to the likes of Europe, meaning the Exorcists wouldn't be able to do as they pleased for fear of drawing attention to themselves. As such, so long as he kept his head down until tomorrow, he'd most likely never have to worry about running into them.

It was therefore par for the course that he should just so happen to run right into a pair of suspicious looking figures in clergy robes standing outside his workplace. Fucking E-Rank Luck.

"Please give blessings unto the lost lamb…" the taller one called out in accented Japanese, her tone making it clear she honestly didn't expect anything from the assembled masses and was slowly losing her temper.

"Please give charity on behalf of the Father in Heaven!" the shorter of the pair pleaded, her tone more energetic and her hands clasped before her in prayer while the other held a donation box.

It went without saying that they had garnered quite a crowd, mostly rubberneckers hanging around to see if there was going to be a performance, though Shirou could spot the odd disapproving old biddies and even the stereotypical pointing child and mother combo loitering about.

'I don't know how or why, but Zelretch is probably responsible for this.' He muttered. He didn't know who the man was, only that he had seemingly played a key role in several events in Archer's life that had wound up screwing the Counter-Guardian over down the line for no reason other than his own amusement.

"So this is the reality of Japan's Economy…" the exorcist holding the donation box muttered condescendingly "This is precisely why I hate Pagan countries, not a whiff of faith to be seen anywhere…"

"Don't say that, Xenovia." Her partner chastised even as Shirou glared for the insult. One of his best friends was heir to a successful temple, albeit in another world, but the point remained that Japan had plenty of faith thank you very much "Just look at it as a trial from God~!"

"A trial from God you say?" Xenovia muttered, her tone bitter as she pointed at a shady looking statue behind the pair "I wonder if you can really call spending all our money on that suspicious-looking painting a 'Trial'."

Shirou grimaced, unable to help feeling sorry for the taller of the two women even as her partner leapt to defend the seemingly 'holy' artefact which anyone with a brain could tell, even without employing structural analysis, was simply an expensive forgery.

"How can you say that, Xenovia?" the shorter of the two demanded, her voice laced with hurt reproval "The nice man at the exhibition assured me that this indeed the painting of a Saint!"

'Hook, line and sinker…' Shirou sighed, palming his face in exasperation at the girl's naiveté alongside her partner 'Good grief, I'd heard that some faiths keep themselves secluded in monasteries, but how the hell did someone like this make it to the rank of Exorcist?'

"Oh? Is that so?" Xenovia demanded, and despite her thick hood concealing her features, Shirou was absolutely certain the woman's brow was twitching "Which Saint then? He certainly doesn't look like one I know."

"…I think it's…" the shorter of the4 pair stammered, peering at the poorly garbed figure in the poorly designed painting desperately for a few seconds before turning to face her waiting partner "Saint…Peter…?"

"Don't mess around! Saint Peter wouldn't look anything like that!" Xenovia snapped, only to groan as her partner persisted in defending her purchase "Good grief…the only 'Trial' here is that I had to partner up with a damned Protestant of all things…"

"Oh as if you Catholics are any better!" her partner huffed, hands on her hips, causing the front of her cloak to bounce slightly "You're so caught up in the old ways you can't even adapt to the times!"

'Just walk away, Emiya Shirou.' The Faker muttered, willing his feet to move past the pair, who by now had devolved to simply hurling the word 'Heretic' at one another like they were playing badminton 'Just ignore the weirdos and go on with your life…nothing to see here…'

GROWL

He froze, muscles tensing as what he first mistook for the snarl of a beast, only to blink as the two clergywomen froze mid-rant, only to collapse bonelessly to the floor, clutching their growling stomachs.

"…In any case, we need to find something to eat soon." Xenovia muttered, her teeth grit from either embarrassment or starvation "Otherwise we won't be able to continue searching for the Excaliburs."

"Hey...I have an idea…!" her partner chirped, gesturing her over conspiratorially "How about we shake some people down for money? Since they're heretics, God will totally forgive us!"

'And this is where it stops being funny…' Shirou sighed, shaking his head in exasperation as he stepped forward, cutting off Xenovia's suggestion that they simply steal a temple's offering box with a cough "Excuse me, ladies, sorry to interrupt your…conversation," he shivered at the suspicious looks being sent his way before gesturing over his shoulder towards a bicycle cop that had been listening nearby "but if you're looking for somewhere to eat, I know a decent place."

* * *

 _A few minutes later..._

For as long as she could remember, Xenovia Quarta had dedicated her Soul and Body to God, throwing herself into her studies and training so that she may properly wield the Holy Swords that were the instruments of Faith he had bestowed upon man in their fight against the Pagans, Heretics and Devils that dared to defile his garden.

Not once had she ever been rewarded for her faith, not once had she ever hesitated to sacrifice in the name of their God. Even her hair, which had been something of a pride for her, had been cut short after it endangered her life during one of her earlier missions, an act Xenovia felt symbolized her casting aside her pride for God.

Now, however, she faced a foe which shook the very foundations of her faith, a foe which assaulted all her senses, belied all her teachings of restraint, and threatened to drag her common sense kicking and screaming into the darkness.

"Soooooo Goooooooood~!" Irina moaned, the Protestant's resolve having already broken beneath the assault, a pile of plates stacked messily beside her "I can't stop eating, it's just so good!"

"I'm glad to hear it." The Devil, or his proxy at least, offered with a smile that had likely drawn in weaker minded fools, but only managed to set Xenovia on edge "Will you be wanting more then?"

"Yes please!" Irina chirped, raising her hand in the air, her eyes literally sparkling while Xenovia fought the urge to slap her upside the head. The daft bitch nearly made her spill her plate!

'Wait! That's not the issue here!' a panicked Xenovia gasped, shaking her head to clear it of such petty thoughts as she panted for breath 'The food is not important! I could care less if it spilled-!'

"Are you finished, Xenovia-san?" the Devil's advocate asked, the concern in his tone a mockery to Xenovia's pride as a warrior, a pride which she shamelessly discarded at the sight of another full plate of food being offered to her by the redhead, the overhead lighting giving him the appearance of having a halo "Will you be wanting more as well then?"

"Y-Yes please…" she stammered, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment as she accepted the gift of food with decidedly more grace than her Heretical Partner, watching the redhead return to the kitchen with a smile on his face.

"Mm, this is the best!" Irina sighed, clasping her hands together around her spoon as her eyes glistened with tears "Dear lord! Thank you for sending this Good Samaritan our way! May you see fit to reward him for his kindness even if he is a Pagan!"

"Control yourself, Irina." Xenovia muttered, though truth be told she was just glad the girl had beaten her to the punch, as she'd most likely have begged the same of their lord "No need to draw any more attention to ourselves."

"Sorry." Irina offered, sticking her tongue out cheekily "But you see Xenovia? It was all a trial sent by God after all! How else do you explain someone like Emiya-kun appearing before us in this City of Pagans and Devils? Truly he is an instrument of the Lord's will!"

"You may be onto something there." Xenovia muttered, her expression thoughtful as she glanced towards the kitchen "Not about the trial, I still blame you for that, but there is definitely something about this 'Emiya'…something about his left arm."

"You noticed it too?" Irina noted, Xenovia's opinion of her partner rising a little at her admittance even as she placed a spoon to her lips "I thought it felt similar to those bindings you keep Destruction in."

"It is similar, yes, but at the same time different." Xenovia mused, her expression unreadable as she watched the redhead cooking through the gap in the wall "Truth be told, I've only sensed something like it once before, back when I was tasked with returning the remains of a Saint to the Vatican."

"No way!" Irina gasped, looking around in case of eavesdroppers before leaning in close to whisper in her partner's ear "Do you think Emiya-san may be associated with the Eastern-Orthodox Church?"

"I can think of no other reason why he'd approach us, especially if he's carrying what I think he is." Xenovia admitted, her expression serious "It's possible he was working as support for our contact that was murdered by Sellzen and sought us out to learn the details."

"So he's definitely a good guy, right?" Irina deduced, smiling cheerfully at the prospect of making a new friend, especially after finding out her childhood one had become a Devil, and the Red Dragon Emperor at that "I mean, come on girl, anyone who can cook this heavenly can't be a bad guy!"

"Temptation was the first sin." Xenovia reminded her flatly, even as her mouth watered at the reminder of the cooling plate before her "Keep in mind, while the Eastern Orthodox Church agreed to help, they didn't offer up their remaining Excalibur for this hunt. It could very well be they intend to steal all the Excaliburs for themselves once the dust settles to use as a bargaining chip."

"So you're saying we should keep our guard up." Irina deduced, her expression troubled yet determined as she pumped her fists determinedly "Don't you worry Xenovia; you can count on me-!"

"Order up!" the man, Emiya, called out, the redhead emerging from the kitchen with a plate of fried rice in one hand and a sizzling hamburger steak in the other "You two ready?"

"YES!" Irina chirped, all signs of her previous serious attitude and determination evaporating into thin air as she all but snatched the food out of his hands, Xenovia's head thumping off the table in exasperation.

'This girl…' she muttered, glaring pointedly at the airhead as she stuffed herself with rice, only to blink as a familiar face entered the café, her eyes narrowing as the Red Dragon Emperor caught sight of her.

* * *

 _Issei's Point of View..._

'Feh, of all the places to run into them it had to be here.' Issei muttered, torn between relief at finally locating the two errant battle-nuns and annoyance in that it was in the self-same café where Emiya Shirou worked 'Why does this guy keep turning up where he's not wanted?'

"Welcome." The redhead called out, glancing over the group, his eyes narrowing briefly at the sight of Issei before smiling at the pouting form of Saji "Good Afternoon, Saji-san, Toujou-san." He greeted politely, seemingly ignoring Issei entirely "Will you be eating in or out? If the former, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave your pet outside, the Manager doesn't allow animals in store."

"Who're you calling an animal, asshole?!" Issei snapped, seriously wishing he could just summon his Sacred Gear and belt the fucker, only to yelp as Koneko pinched his flank with all her rook strength.

"We're with them." The loli deadpanned, gesturing towards Xenovia and Irina, the former of whom was eying them suspiciously while the latter waved cheerfully at Issei between bites of food "Issei-Senpai treat."

"I see," Emiya noted, ignoring Issei's heated denials, which were cut off once again by Koneko pinching his side sharply as he turned on his heel and walked off "Very well, I'll add your bill to theirs."

'Asshole!' Issei swore, unable to do anything but glare pointedly at the redhead's back as Koneko dragged him and Saji towards the battle nuns, the pawn weeping at the sight of the stacks of empty plates they'd already emptied.

"We meet again, Red Dragon Emperor." Xenovia greeted, though the seriousness of her image was somewhat ruined by the presence of rice plastered on the side of her mouth "What can we do for you?"

"Is that really the attitude you should be taking with the guy who just agreed to pay for your meal?" Issei deadpanned, his brow twitching irritably, only to blink as the nuns recoiled as if slapped, looking down at their plates as if they'd betrayed them "Uh…you okay?"

"To think that we'd fall so easily for a devil's trick…" Xenovia muttered, palming her face in mortification while Irina eyed her plates as if they'd betrayed her "This is what we get for lowering our guard…!"

"Uh, hello? Crazy ladies?" Issei called out, only to sigh as they continued to ignore him, blinking as Shirou returned and placed a parfait in front of Koneko, who promptly dug in "Hey, how come you didn't take our order?"

"I figured you'd want to save whatever money you have on you." The redhead shot back, earning a glare from both Xenovia and Issei "Also, I'm sure this goes without saying but no violence will be tolerated within this establishment, am I clear?"

"Rest assured, Emiya-san, that if unpleasantness does arise, it will not be due to Irina or myself." Xenovia assured the man, her expression unreadable though the message to the Devils was clear.

"We're here to talk." Koneko supplied between mouthfuls of ice cream, inclining her head towards the fuming redhead "Issei-Sempai wanted to speak with them about the Holy Swords."

"Is that so?" Xenovia mused, quirking a brow at Emiya's familiarity with the devils she turned to face the pervert "Tell me, what interest does the Red Dragon Emperor have with Holy Swords he can't even use?"

"I'm not interested in them for myself." Issei shot back, his expression firm as he matched the foreign exorcist glare for glaren whislt doing his best to ignore Irina, still creeped out by how hot his bro' had gotten "We want to help you destroy the Excaliburs."

* * *

Shirou's POV...

'He's certainly ballsy, I'll give him that much…' Shirou marvelled, shaking his head at the pervert's nerve as he used the moment the Exorcists were gaping in shock to step back into the kitchen, sighing as he made his way towards the stove 'Not much in the brains department but I suppose demonic resurrection has its limitations.'

Using the brief interlude to get several other orders out of the way, the Faker was rather surprised when he stepped out of the kitchen, a tray of coffee and the bill in tow, to find Kiba had joined them at some point, the pretty-boy regarding the exorcists with a look of reserved understanding even as he openly glared at Xenovia's concealed sword with barely contained resentment.

"…I understand the situation." the Gremory Knight sighed, nodding his head in concession "Though to be honest, part of me dislikes having to ask permission to destroy an Excalibur."

"Consider yourself Lucky." Xenovia countered with a scowl "If it were any other Devil that proposed such a thing, we'd have cut you down for even thinking it." her expression softened somewhat as she met Kiba's challenging glare head on "As it stands, I can understand your situation somewhat, given your involvement in the Holy Sword Project."

"But isn't it thanks to that project that we can even wield the Excaliburs, Xenovia?" Irina opined, only to flinch slightly at the glare Kiba, and Shirou, leveled her way for her naivete.

"True, the information obtained from the original research proved beneficial in the long run." Xenovia admitted "However, the means by which said research was gathered was deemed intolerable by the Church, and the perpetrator was branded a heretic and exiled."

'No mention of an attempted execution I see.' Shirou muttered, his expression grim as Xenovia otherwise confirmed word for word Azazel's story on the Holy Sword Project 'They must not want to admit he got away from them.'

"If memory serves, the one responsible for the massacre was last seen on the side of the Grigori, so it's highly likely he's involved in this incident as well." Xenovia mused darkly "Indeed, I find it highly unlikely for him not to be involved in any incident involving stolen Excaliburs."

'That's putting it lightly.' Shirou deadpanned, recalling what Azazel had described as Galilei's 'obsession' with the original Excalibur, shivering in disgust at the idea of the man being allowed near the other swords even as Kiba finally learned the name of his hated enemy.

"I see…After hearing that, there's no reason for me not to co-operate with you." Kiba opined, his expression unreadable as Shirou placed a coffee before him, and everyone at the table, even a surprised Issei, though his features soon darkened when he realised there was no cream or sugar.

"I'm glad we've reached an accord then." Xenovia mused, before turning her attention to Shirou, who froze in the midst of retreating "I take it you will be providing assistance as well, Emiya-san?"

"If you're referring to the bill then if Hyoudou falls short he can do dishes to pay the balance." Shirou quipped, earning a squawk of alarm from the pervert, who grabbed the bill only to turn a sickly shade of pale at the number inscribed below "As it stands, I have class tomorrow so-!"

"You may as well drop the charade, Emiya-san." Xenovia countered, her tone brooking no argument as her hand clamped around his wrist "I could tell when you first approached us that there was something off about you. I don't know what game it is you're playing, associating with Devils like this, but did you truly think you could hide the presence of a Holy Shroud from a member of the Vatican?"

"Let me go." Shirou warned, internally grateful for the passive boost he received from the Artificial Phantasm as he shook himself free, otherwise he felt certain she'd have crushed his wrist in her grip.

"Holy Shroud?" Saji muttered, frowning in thought at the term "Isn't that a special cloth they use to wrap the bodies of Saints or something?" he blinked "Wait, you aren't talking about that wrapping Emiya keeps on his arm are you?"

'Thank you for that, Saji.' Shirou muttered, glaring sourly at the Student-Council Member even as both of the Exorcists turned their eyes on him, Irina's sparkling with interest while Xenovia's narrowed with confirmation.

"The fact you sought us out, and are in possession of a holy Shroud, lead me to believe you are associated with the Eastern Orthodox Church." The more serious of the two Exorcists elaborated primly "That being the case, I would appreciate it if you dropped the pretense and simply introduced yourself properly."

'Something tells me you and Saber would have gotten along well.' Shirou mused, sighing exasperatedly at the turn of events even as he turned to face the group "Can this wait until my shift is over?" he pleaded, tilting his head towards the kitchen "I'm sure you'd like to avoid drawing unnecessary attention too."

"Very well." Xenovia conceded, her expression stern as she rose from her seat "We shall await you at the fountain nearby." her eyes glinted beneath her hood "Don't try to run."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Shirou countered, stepping aside to let them past, only to grab Issei by the collar as the Pervert made to sneak after them "Where do you think you're going?" he demanded, dragging the struggling boy towards the kitchen "Not planning to eat and run, are we?"

"YOU FIEND!"

* * *

 _After-hours..._

"So let me get this straight." Xenovia muttered, her expression disbelieving as the Faker finished his brief recap of everything he'd explained to Rias and Sona earlier that day, minus an in-depth explanation of his magecraft "You're a Heathen Magician with enough power to destroy an Excalibur," she pointedly ignored his attempt to correct her with 'Magus' and pressed on "Who was entrusted with a Holy Shroud in order to save your life?"

"More like 'prolong my suffering' but yeah." Shirou admitted, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the Shroud of Martin, Irina's eyes sparkling with interest, as she'd never been so close to a Holy Shroud before, whereas Xenovia's narrowed in confirmation "I have a…condition that can't be treated by modern medicine. The Shroud keeps that affliction in check, but it doesn't stop the damage that's already been done."

"I always wondered why you always wore a tracksuit even in summer." Kiba opined, his eyes locked on the Shroud inquisitively "I never would have imagined it was a Holy Shroud however."

"To be fair, I never would have anticipated sharing classes with a Devil either." Shirou chuckled, a sentiment shared by the rest of the group sans the Exorcists and Koneko, who was watching Xenovia warily "I trust this isn't going to be a problem, Xenovia-san?"

"By all rights I should be bringing you in and confiscating the shroud out of sheer principle." Xenovia muttered, the Devils tensing in preparation only for her to sigh "But as it stands I've already sinned by agreeing to co-operate with Devils. So long as you return the shards of Excalibur Rapidly, I'm sure God will forgive me for overlooking your Shroud at this juncture." She glanced up at the group's sigh of relief "Though for the record, I'll need to know the name of the Saint it belongs to."

"The priest who gave it to me called it the 'Shroud of Martin'." Shirou supplied dutifully, already making plans to skip town if need be should she go back on her word "I don't know if that means anything to you specifically, as I'm afraid I'm something of an atheist."

"An atheist he says…" Saji scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief "He's wearing an honest to God-ow! Fucking Hell - an actual Holy Shroud and he has the balls to claim he's an atheist while surrounded by Devils and Exorcists of the Church…"

"Blaspheme aside, the Devil has a point." Xenovia mused, the smile on her face that seemed oddly approving for some reason "You don't seem to understand your situation, do you?"

"You've already said you'll leave me be provided I return Rapidly to you and help you find the others." Shirou countered, channelling some of Archer's iron into his voice "You don't strike me as the type to go back on her word willingly without orders from the top, and even then I doubt you're the type to stab a man that fed you in the back."

"Urk-!" Xenovia choked, her features flushing as she tugged her hood lower to hide her blush, glaring pointedly at Irina, who was giggling off to the side "I-In any case, we've already received the Red Dragon Emperor's contact details from his mother…" she stammered, earning a cry of alarm from Issei "For the time being, we'll accompany you back to your place to retrieve Rapidly, then regroup to hunt down Freed."

"Fine with me, just let me call my caretaker so he doesn't get the wrong idea." Shirou sighed, pulling out his cell phone and hitting speed-dial "Hello? Yeah, it's me. Listen, you remember that stuff I brought home the other night? Well its owners came looking for it so I'll be bringing them over to pick it up…oh, you're out? Fishing? Well whatever, I'll be going out myself so you'll need to sort yourself out for Dinner." He sighed as he hung up "Coast's clear, he's gone out for the evening."

"Then let us move." Xenovia muttered, "The sooner we can secure the shards, the sooner we can focus on retrieving the rest of the blades."

"I'll head back to the church to begin making preparations." Irina offered, smiling cutely at the Issei in parting "Who knows, Issei-kun, maybe if you're lucky and you repent hard enough, God will forgive you for becoming a Devil and let you into Heaven."

"I may be an Atheist, but even I know that no matter how hard he repented for being a Devil, there's no way God would ever let a pervert like that into Heaven." Shirou deadpanned, a sentiment shared by Koneko and Saji, Kiba merely chuckling weakly while Issei flipped the redhead off heatedly as they went their separate ways.

* * *

And that's chapter 5.

And so Shirou's culinary expertise once again brings tsundere swordswomen to their knees.

He was praised by the King of Knights even before he gained Archer's expertise. You never stood a chance ladies.

Things should pick up next chapter but don't hold your breath waiting for it.

In the meantime? Stay awesome.

 ***Lights a Phantom Cigar and watches the world move***


	6. Fake x Calibur 6

_***Exhales blue vapor as the world slows back down***_

Hey all...wow, how long was I smoking that cigar?!

In any case, this chapter was completed between Missions and Hunting sessions but lay forgotten due to only so much brainpower being spared for it.

Lets see how things diverge eh?

* * *

 **Fake Life Six: Archbishop Genocide.**

"Come on in." Shirou offered, pulling his shoes off as he entered the Lobby, Xenovia eyeing her surroundings warily "The shards should be in my caretaker's office. Feel free to make yourself at home while I get them."

"There's no need, please make all haste." Xenovia muttered, her features stern as she took in her surroundings, allowing the redhead to disappear into the structure.

At first glance, it appeared to be a simple bachelor's pad, complete with a bar, assorted games consoles piled neatly near the wall-mounted television and, she was disgusted to note, pornographic magazines hidden beneath other, less illicit types.

What truly set her on edge, however, was the lingering feeling of power permeating the structure. It didn't feel threatening, simply overpowering, and whatever it was, it had clearly been here recently, which made her wonder just who this 'caretaker' Emiya claimed to be living with could be.

'He claims to not be affiliated with any faction or Magical Circle, yet this mansion is clearly the result of serious expenditure, to say nothing of the power I sense within the walls alone.' She muttered, her expression unreadable as she kept an eye out for possible attackers 'Whoever they are, they're easily a match for the Sitri and Gremory heiresses…could it be?'

She trailed off in surprise at the sight, of all things, a King Charles Bible resting on a shelf nearby. A shelf, she was surprised to note upon further examination, that contained copies of almost all the holy texts from the Abrahamic factions, and even examples from other faiths, all in pristine condition and, to her shock, all 'First Editions', though it was clear they'd been read through several times.

"Got them." Shirou called out, snapping Xenovia out of her thoughts, the wielder of Destruction looking up in time to see the Redhead returning with a plastic bag that rattled as he moved "Sorry to keep you waiting. Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing." Xenovia assured him, calming herself with a breath before turning her attention back to the assembled holy texts "I thought you said you and your father were atheists?"

"I am, and he was." Shirou confirmed, following her line of sight and understanding the reasoning behind the question "My Caretaker's something of a completionist. Be it videogames to works of literature, he's gotta have one of each before he can feel satisfied."

"I see…" Xenovia muttered, unsure how to feel about someone treating any holy text, even those not associated with the one true God, as a collector's item but deciding to put such thoughts aside for now. For one thing, it wasn't her job to correct the ways of Heathens, for another, she had a more pressing task to prepare for "Let us be off then."

Still, as she stood waiting for Shirou to lock up, Xenovia couldn't help but feel as if she'd just walked out of the Lion's Den, sending a sharp glare at a passing crow whose sudden flight startled her from her reverie.

"Yeah, the crows like to gather around here for some reason." Shirou admitted, scowling after the feathered fiend pointedly "I keep saying we should get an exterminator in but he says they give the place atmosphere." He paused to look at her in concern "You okay?"

"I'm fine!" Xenovia snapped, instantly on the defensive, only to sigh at his concerned frown "No, it's nothing, really. I'm just frustrated at how things have turned out. First Irina spends all our money on that God-Forsaken Forgery and now we're forced to rely on Devils and Heathens to accomplish our Holy Mission."

"If it's any consolation, you can always say you threatened us to cooperate." Shirou replied dryly, earning a scoff from the girl "Still, I'm surprised the Vatican only sent the two of you in. You'd think something like the Excaliburs being stolen would rate more than a two-man-effort."

"It's precisely because the Excaliburs were stolen that the Church could only afford to send us." Xenovia muttered darkly, "You have to understand, the Excaliburs are a symbol of God's power on earth, a symbol of the unity between the three main branches of Christendom. For even one to be left unaccounted for was a mark of shame on us all, for THREE to be stolen right under our noses, and by a Fallen no less, just rubbed salt in the wound."

"What are these Fallen you keep mentioning?" Shirou enquired, sighing at the look of disbelief the Exorcist sent his way "Atheist, remember? I didn't exactly grow up reading the good book."

"Don't remind me." Xenovia groaned, glancing at his left arm, clearly more troubled by the idea of leaving a Holy Shroud in the possession of a 'heathen' than she was letting on "The Fallen, as the name implies, are those Angels from Heaven who Fell from God's grace due to having 'impure thoughts' that divert from his teachings." She paused to see if he was keeping up "The leaders of the group, who all fell from having sexual intercourse with human women, formed The Grigori faction and typically ally themselves with heretics and those exiled by the church, such as Asia Argento, Freed Sellzen or Valper Galilei.

"Asia-san?" Shirou wondered, blinking at the idea of the sweet little devil girl having anything to do with a homicidal maniac like Freed Sellzen "She doesn't strike me as the type to throw in with them, though then again she doesn't exactly strike me as a 'Devil' either."

"There was a time she was praised as a holy Maiden by the church." Xenovia admitted, her expression darkening, clearly a bitter memory "She possessed the ability to heal all she touched thanks to her Sacred Gear, Twilight Healing." She sighed at his look of confusion "Sacred Gears are Divine Articles forged by God and bestowed upon humanity to enact miracles on Earth. It is said that certain individuals whose names were etched into history most likely possessed Sacred Gears."

'So they're essentially this world's equivalent to Noble Phantasms then.' Shirou deduced, nodding his head in understanding so Xenovia could continue with her explanation.

"In any case, because of Twilight Healing, the upper echelons of the Church began to praise her as a Saint and used her as a means to line their coffers and bring in worshippers." She scowled "However, that all came to an end the day she healed a wounded man in the church gardens that was later revealed to be a Devil." She smirked at his look of surprise "I'm sure you can imagine how that turned out? Needless to say, by the end of the day, the same old men that had praised her as a Saint were denouncing her as a vile, heretical witch."

 _'Never once victorious…never once understood'._

Shirou's fists clenched, the Faker's eyes hardened as he envisioned kind, gentle Asia, whom even the perverted trio tried to control themselves around, being denounced as a witch by those she had trusted, those who, for their own reasons, had built her up as some sort of status symbol only to cast her aside when the need suited them.

It was just like Archer all over again. No, it was worse, as unlike the man who would become the Counter Guardian Emiya, Asia had never been given the choice to live her own life. All her decisions had been made for her, from the moment she was anointed as a saint to the moment they cast her out as a witch, not once had she been given the chance to choose.

'There really is no difference between this Church and the one back home, is there?' Shirou muttered, though perhaps that wasn't entirely true, as last he checked the Holy Church back home didn't have honest to God, pun intended, proof that there was a Heaven, Angels and whatnot. True, the only angels he seemed likely to run into here were the fallen variety, but that only gave strength to the implication that there were plenty of the other sort around.

"So you believe the Grigori were responsible for stealing the Excaliburs?" he pondered, falling into step alongside the battle-nun, his long legs allowing him to keep stride with her despite her fast pace.

"Can you think of anyone else capable of breaking into three of the most secure fortresses of Christendom and escaping with three Holy Swords?" Xenovia deadpanned, as if there was ever any doubt "Besides, the culprit, Kokabiel of the Grigori, made no attempt to conceal his identity from us."

"That doesn't make any sense." Shirou muttered, brow furrowing in confusion as he tried to fit it all together "Why go to all the trouble of stealing the Excaliburs and not bother to cover his tracks? It's almost like he wants to be found."

"Kokabiel is a battle maniac," Xenovia explained, her tone scornful, as if she'd tasted something foul "he loved to fight so much some suspect it was the reason he was cast out of Heaven." She scoffed "I suppose it's only natural he'd team up with monsters like Freed Sellzen and Valper Galilei."

Shirou said nothing, knowing first-hand the kind of monsters that could lurk behind unassuming guises. Most people that saw Kotomine Kirei or Matou Zouken would only see a sarcastic priest and a harmless old man, it was only after scratching past the surface that you saw the monsters that lay within, more-so in Zouken's case than Kirei.

'Not that the fucker didn't deserve what happened to him…' he muttered, recalling how he'd stabbed them in the back on the eve of their assault on the Greater Grail. If Lancer hadn't betrayed the priest, there's no telling what would have happened in the end.

* * *

 _Abandoned Chapel..._

"We're here." Xenovia called out, drawing Shirou's attention to an abandoned Chapel that had clearly seen better days, the stained glass at the front shattered as if something large had been hurled through it.

"This is where Irina and I have been staying," the swordswoman explained, her expression pointedly neutral "apparently it was used by the Grigori at some point, so we deemed it prudent to search for clues here."

"Did you find anything?" Shirou wondered, only to grimace slightly at Xenovia's explosive sigh "I guess the Grigori must have cleaned house before they left…looks like they didn't go without a fight though."

"As much as it pains me to admit it, we have the Gremory faction to thank for purging this house of God of the Fallen's taint." Xenovia muttered, as if admitting to owing the devils anything physically cost her "I don't know the specifics, but apparently Asia Argento was sent to this Church following her being branded a Witch. The Gremory probably felt they were doing her a favour saving her from the Fallen's clutches."

"It's a hell of a lot more that you assholes ever did for her!" Issei called out from the darkness, Shirou and enovia looking up in surprise to see Irina and the pervert standing by the altar along with the rest of his group, the Devils all decked out in priest robes of all things.

"Ta-da! What do you think?" Irina chirped, gesturing to her demonic entourage with a cheerful smile that Shirou couldn't help but like "There was some initial resistance at first but in the end it suits them rather well, don't you think?"

'Devils dressed up like members of the clergy on a mission to destroy Excalibur…' Shirou mused, eternally grateful that he left Kirei dead back in the other world, as he didn't want to imagine the sick grin such a scene would inspire from the nihilistic priest 'Seriously, Fuck You Zelretch.'

"They'll do." Xenovia muttered, though judging by the twitch in her eye, it was clear she didn't exactly share her partner's approval of the Devil's new attire "We'll split into two groups." she instructed, turning to face them all "If something happens, call either Erina or myself without fail."

"Same to you." Issei offered, having already exchanged contact information with Irina earlier, only to blink at the unclad form of Shirou "Hey, which team should Emiya be on?"

"Since he's clearly proven himself capable of destroying an Excalibur on his own, Emiya-san will accompany Irina and myself." Xenovia cut in, earning a look of surprise from her partner "That, and we'd rather nothing happened to his Holy Shroud in the event you're ambushed."

"Glad to see you've got your priorities in order." Shirou noted, only to blink as Irina placed a folded bundle in his arms, the Faker sweat dropping as he found himself staring at church vestments not unlike the ones Kirei had worn beneath his Cassock "You're kidding me…"

"I'm sorry, but we ran out of priest robes in your size." Irina offered by way of apology while Xenovia sent the Devils off to patrol the East side of town "There's a pool in the back used for ablutions, you can change there if you like."

"Thanks…" Shirou muttered, not all that fussed to be honest, the Faker making his way to the back of the church, shivering at the sight of the full moon reflected on the water below.

'Why the hell does weird shit always happen to me on a Full Moon?' he muttered, recalling his entrance to the Grail War and everything that led up to his awakening in this world as he pulled off his clothes 'And people say werewolves have it bad…I'd take fleas over half the shit that's happened to me any day…'

"Those are some impressive scars." Xenovia called out, Shirou freezing in the midst of removing his pants to see the Holy Sword user leaning against the wall, Irina waving at him from the doorway "For a Magician, you've certainly seen your fair share of combat."

"I've been around." Shirou deadpanned, fighting down a flush as he pulled his pants off and slipped into the priest leggings as quickly as dignity would allow "Also, I'm sure I said this before, but I'm a Magus, not a Magician. If you want an official class, call me a Spellcaster or Faker."

"I don't get it." Irina admitted, pouting cutely as she held a finger to her lips while Xenovia's eyes seemed to linger on the scar on his back from where Lancer's spear had exited after piercing his heart that night so long ago "Is there truly any difference between them?"

"A Spellcaster…well, in terms you could understand, a Spellcaster is to a 'Traditional Magus', what the Protestants are to Catholics." Irina perked up at this while Xenovia scowled "While both parties follow the same core teachings, Spellcasters prefer not to limit themselves to the old ways and embrace the modern world and all its conveniences."

"The Vatican isn't that bad." Xenovia muttered petulantly, though it was clear from the blush adorning her cheeks and Irina's grin that the comparison had hit a little closer to home than Shirou intended "So how do those differ from 'Magicians'?" she asked, clearly wanting to change the subject.

"Only those capable of wielding a True Magic are known as Magicians." Shirou replied, seeing no harm in informing them of something the Church back home had been well aware off "In other words, they can perform a feat of Magic that cannot be replicated by modern technology. If you want to get technical, it wouldn't be too far-fetched to refer to True Magics as Miracles."

"I see…" Xenovia mused, looking a lot calmer than Shirou had anticipated she'd be "I had heard that one of the oldest names for certain schools of Magecraft was Thaumaturgy, 'Working Miracles'…it would certainly explain why the Church associates with certain branches despite Magic in and of itself being viewed as a sin against God."

Shirou said nothing, pulling on the rest of the vestments while Irina nodded in thought, only to blink as a cute theme began playing under her robes, the Protestant pulling out a mobile phone "Hai~! Issei-kun! What is it?" her eyes widened in alarm "Xenovia! They found Freed…sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of?" Xenovia demanded sharply, in no mood for her partner's shenanigans, nevermind the Devils' "Either they've found him or they didn't, which is it?"

"They found him…but they can't see him?" Irina repeated hesitantly after listening over the phone, her eyes widening in sudden realization "He must be using Excalibur Transparency! They're getting slaughtered out there!"

"Tell them to hang on till we get there!" Xenovia snapped, racing for the exit only to blink as Shirou pulled up alongside her easily "Looks like you'll get to prove yourself after all, Magician."

"I told you." Shirou countered, his expression grim as he focused on the road ahead "I'm simply a Faker."

* * *

 _A Deserted Park..._

"Dragon Shot!" Issei yelled, launching his signature move only to curse as Freed disappeared again, the Stray Exorcist's cackling echoing around their impromptu battlefield "Dammit! Stop hiding you chicken-shit freak!"

"How rude!" Freed cackled mockingly from the shadows "You kiss your mother with that mouth Devil-shit? Maybe I should pay her a visit, to purify her from your taint with my holy sword!"

"You keep my mother out of this you fucker!" Issei snarled, only to yelp as he narrowly managed to block a strike from Freed's Holy sword with his left arm, the Boosted Gear negating the bite of the Holy Sword though the strength of the blow still forced him back "Dammit!"

"Extend, my Line!" Saji called out, attempting to ensnare Freed with his own Sacred Gear, only to miss as the priest vanished into thin air once more, an enraged Kiba landing just short of his last position, Holy Eraser in hand "Damn it!"

The group had been patrolling the area where the ORC had recently done away with a Stray Devil when Freed and jumped them, armed with a new Excalibur, this one capable of rendering him completely invisible. Fortunately, the Priest's bloodlust foiled the otherwise perfect ambush, allowing the Pawns and Koneko to put up something of a defence while Kiba lunged in to try and take him out.

Unfortunately, even without Excalibur Rapidly enhancing his speed, Freed was a wily fighter and wasn't above taking pot-shots at them with his blessed firearms to throw them off their game. As it stood, Kiba and Koneko were slowly wearing down, and it was all Issei and Saji could do to keep up.

"This really isn't going well for us, is it Hyoudou?" Saji panted, the Sitri pawn practically doubled over, his priest robes, the only protection they had from Freed's Holy Bullets, in tatters.

"If I could just see where the hell he was sneaking up from I'd belt the fucker right in the face!" Issei swore, clenching his fist as he stood back to back with his fellow pawn only to shiver as he sensed bloodlust descending on them from on high.

"It's a shitty devil two-for one sale!" Freed cackled, swinging his Excalibur down to cut the Pawns in two, only to curse, bringing the blade up to deflect two black and white blurs that had been aimed for his neck, the Exorcist back flipping in mid-air to avoid Kiba's counter-attack "Fuck it! Who did that?!"

"Freed Sellzen!" Xenovia called out, the devils looking up to see the Excalibur Wielders and Shirou racing towards them, the Magus tracing a fresh set of blades "For the crimes of heresy and murder, I will cut you down in the name of god!"

"Man I'm popular tonight!" Freed mocked, leering perversely at Xenovia and Irina's bodies as they cast aside their cloaks, only to vanish into thin air as Xenovia brought her sword down, creating a massive crater where he'd been standing mere moments ago "Whoa! Calm yourself sugar-tits! You gotta pay extra for the rough stuff!"

"Don't interfere!" Kiba snapped; all traces of the Gremory Knight's princely persona gone as he rounded on the Holy Sword users with a savage snarl "Don't forget our agreement! He's mine!"

"Our agreement was that you'd aide us in destroying an Excalibur." Xenovia reminded him flatly, her expression dismissive "At no point did we ever say which one or who would confront Sellzen."

"In other words, its first come first served devil-kun!" Irina chirped brightly as she fell in step alongside her partner, Katana in hand "Though rest assured, if we do beet Freed, we'll keep our end of the bargain!"

"Gyahaha-! I love it! The Bitches can't get enough of me!" Freed cackled from the shadows "Hmm, which to pick, I don't want to be accused of being fickle, so I should give everyone a turn…ooh! I know! I'll start with the loli!"

"Koneko-chan!" Issei yelled, turning to face the Rook, eyes widening in alarm as Freed appeared behind her, sword raised overhead, only for a blur to interpose itself between them, the Excalibur clashing against a pair of Married Twin Blades, allowing Koneko to leap to safety "Emiya!"

"Damn it! Hey! No cutting in line!" Freed snarled, pressing down on the locked blades in a futile bid to drive his foe back "Hm, hey wait, aren't you that tag-teaming fucker from the other night?"

Shirou didn't deign to respond, the Faker's eyes instead locking onto the blade in the deranged exorcists hands as, once again, the impossibly large gears ground into action.

Judging the concept of creation…

 _It was but a part of the whole, a mere fraction of the original, broken and remade by mortal hands._

Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…

 _A one-handed longsword, its frame wrapped with a drill-like coil, designed for piercing the enemy_ _._

Duplicating the Composite Materials…

 _While divine metal served as its core, base metals had been added to give the shards new life._

Imitating the Production Process…

 _Originally forged by divine hands, it was restored through the use of alchemy and blessed Metals._

Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…

 _Few possessed the qualifications for it to acknowledge them as master and so few had wielded it._

Reproducing the accumulated years…

 _It was old; it was new, its current form mere decades old, its legend reaching back centuries._

Excelling every manufacturing process…

 _Forged anew, it stands ready to shield the faithful from their enemy's sight, so that they may pierce the darkness in God's name. Though reduced from days of yore, all who aspire to Glory know its name, the greatest of Holy Swords - Excalibur Transparency: The Holy Blade of Transparency._

And like Rapidly before it, the idea that its power was being used to hide a heretic like Freed Sellzen was enough to make the blade scream.

"Lucky!" the Rogue Exorcist cheered, leering provocatively at the Faker as they continued to lock blades, his eyes burning with perverse madness "I was hoping to pay you back for breaking Rapidly-tan!"

"You don't deserve to speak its name!" Shirou snarled, Prana surging through his limbs as he overpowered the Exorcist to break out of the deadlock, Kanshou and Bakuya glinting in the moonlight as he brought them round to decapitate the lunatic only for him to vanish into thin air with a yelp.

"Sheesh! What's with all the hostility man, the hell did I ever do to you?" Freed whined, his voice clearly shaken by the redhead's savagery as it echoed all around the group "And what're you complaining about? A sword's meant to be wielded right? Otherwise what's the point of even having them?"

"The Excaliburs were entrusted to us by God so that we may fight the forces of evil in his name!" Xenovia called out, Excalibur Destruction at the ready "That they should fall into the hands of a heretic like you is a sin no amount of repenting can atone for!"

"Shut up!" Freed snarled, his blade suddenly clashing against Destruction, his face lined with hatred and loathing "Don't you ever mention that disgusting name in my presence again you whore-!"

"FREED!" Kiba snarled, lunging for the Exorcist's back only to curse as he used Xenovia's own counter-swing to put some distance between them, vanishing once again with a cackle "Damn it! I think I preferred when he was using Rapidly, at least then we could see where he was coming from!"

"Sorry about that." Shirou grimaced, not sure why he was apologizing really, though he had to admit, fighting an opponent who could turn invisible was a little out of his depth. Even Servants, who could assume Astral Form, couldn't completely escape the senses of other Servants with the exception of Assassin, and even they needed to assume corporeal form in other to attack.

'If this keeps up he'll just keep picking us off one by one…' he muttered, glaring at their surroundings warily before reaching his decision "Xenovia-san, Irina-san…" he murmured, reaching up to tug the knot of the Shroud "Can you watch my back for a minute?"

"Emiya?" Xenovia wondered, the two Holy Sword wielders looking on in confusion as the redhead undid part of the Shroud's bindings, their eyes widening in alarm as a sudden surge of power filled the air "What in God's Name?!"

"That power-!" Issei exclaimed, the Perverted Pawn shivering at the sudden feeling of thousands of blades brushing past his skin, as if born by the air "Where the hell is it coming from?!"

 ** _"Hmm…interesting_** …" Ddraig noted, the green gem on the Boosted Gear lighting up **"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that guy's about to unleash his Balance Breaker…"**

"Balance Breaker?" Issei wondered, glancing down at the Boosted Gear even as Xenovia and Irina stiffened at the words, eyeing the redheaded Faker warily "What're you talking about, Ddraig?"

 **"A Sacred Gear will grow stronger in accordance with its user."** Ddraig supplied patiently **"However, should the right circumstances be met and the user's emotion peak, it's possible for them to achieve a new level of power that goes against the flow of the world…that is what they call a Balance Breaker."**

"But that's impossible…" Saji countered, bracing himself against the onslaught "Emiya doesn't have a Sacred Gear! Neither Kaichou nor Gremory-sempai sensed one when we checked him out!"

 **"That's what I find so interesting…"** Ddraig elaborated **"Whatever that guy's about to do, it'll be something big for certain."**

* * *

 _With Shiou..._

Heedless of the conversation going on around him, the existence known as Emiya Shirou was currently struggling to hold onto himself as he once again tapped into a world that was similar and yet intrinsically different from his own in search of what he needed.

Judging the concept of creation…

 ** _It was a hound in the shape of a sword, hunting the blood of its enemies wherever they may hide._**

Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…

 ** _An iron longsword adorned with_ _ill-boding patterns, as like to cut as it was to pierce a foe's hide._**

Duplicating the Composite Materials…

 ** _Forged from Iron and tempered in the blood of its foes._**

Imitating the Production Process…

 ** _Countless times it had been called forth to perform heroic feats._**

Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…

 ** _Only once had it failed to bring down its prey, and even then it still guided the hand of its master to it._**

Reproducing the accumulated years…

 ** _Forged in the Age of myths and legends, it was entrusted to the Wolf to slay the monsters in the dark._**

Excelling every manufacturing process…

 ** _It would guide the hand of all who hefted it in battle; anyone who had fought and faced the worst in the gap of danger could place their fate in the Hound of the Red Plains:_**

" _ **Hrunting!**_ " Shirou snarled, crimson Prana surging from his fingertips as he brought his arm around in a backhanded swing, the black, ominous blade of Unferth that had led the Geatian Hero Beowulf to Grendel's mother lashing out at the darkness, driving back the cloaked Freed with a clash of steel.

"Geh! Lucky shot!" the Exorcist snapped, vanishing once more as he leapt back into the dark, intending to circle round and pick off one of the devils recovering nearby, only to yelp as Shirou once again blocked his path, the Exorcist barely managing to bring his sword up to block the black blade aimed at his neck, the sheer force of the blow sending him sprawling backwards "The Fuck?!"

Shirou lunged forwards, not wanting to give the psychopath a chance to catch his breath, the Rogue Exorcist quickly finding his position as the 'Hunter' replaced with that of the 'Hunted', growing increasingly more irate as each and every strike he attempted was parried, blocked, or repulsed while he struggled simply to evade the pinpoint strikes from the stone-faced Faker's sword.

Such was the very nature of Hrunting, the Hound of the Red Plains that would unerringly find the most direct path to its target before relentlessly pursuing it. Even if the blade was parried, repulsed, or dodged at the last second, so long as Shirou saw Freed as the target to be cut down, the Hound of the Red Plains would track the Rogue Exorcist down and bury it's head in his guts.

Shirou had no idea when or where Archer had stumbled across such a peerless weapon, but he could understand fully why the Counter Guardian preferred to fire it as an arrow than wield it as a Sword. Indeed, given the option and enough time, he'd have preferred to snipe Freed from a distance provided there was little chance of anyone else getting caught in the resulting explosion, but in a close-quarters fight like this, he was content to wield the sword as it was intended.

"Mother Fucker!" Freed snarled, managing to land a kick to Shirou's chest to launch himself backwards and onto the roof of the nearby structure "How in the fuck are you able to tell where I am?! Are you using cheat codes or something?!"

"It seems you're having some trouble, Freed." An aged voice reprimanded, the group tensing as an old man in Church Robes emerged from within the structure, his benign expression a stark contrast to the mocking look in his eyes "Honestly, to think you could allow yourself to be cornered whilst wielding an Excalibur."

"Gimme a break, Old-Man Valper!" Freed shot back, shaking Excalibur Transparency at the man like a child throwing a tantrum "And just where the hell have you been? Taking a shit? Jerking off to the other Excalibabes like I know you do when you think nobody's watching?"

"On the contrary, I've been watching this entire time." Valper countered, either outright ignoring or used to Freed's profanities as he stepped forward, holding up a discarded Bakuya with intrigue "Though I will admit, I've been a little busy examining this flawless specimen…such fascinating workmanship…"

"Keep your hands to yourself." Shirou snarled, dismissing the blade with a thought, Valper's smile fading, though his intrigued look remained as he watched the blade dissolve into prana and vanish into thin air.

"Now that was rude," The Archbishop noted with a frown "I was merely complimenting your skill. It's rare that I come across a blade able to match a Holy or Demonic Sword while lacking the Holy Power or Demonic Taint of either." He adjusted his glasses with a smile "I find it even more intriguing that you are able to do so despite clearly possessing no Sacred Gear. Is it some branch of Thaumaturgy I wonder? Alchemy perhaps?"

"None of your business." Shirou shot back, disgusted more at the very idea that part of him could ever agree with a monster like Valper Galilei than the old man's opinion of the Married Twin Blades.

One of the few things that Shirou and Archer shared in common was their admiration for the beautiful, captivating craftsmanship of Gan Jiang's magnum opus, the blades his wife, Mo Ye, had sacrificed herself for in order for him to forge. More than any other weapon in Unlimited Blade Works, the Married Twin Swords had become a symbol of the man who would become the Counter Guardian Emiya. Created without vanity, lacking a true sense of purpose like other swords, they bore neither the desire to defeat others nor the desire to become famous. They were simply swords that were good at what they did,

They were never meant to be held by the likes of Valper Galilei. That a man responsible for so many deaths could share the same appreciation for their craftsmanship disgusted Shirou to his core.

"I suppose it will have to wait for another time." Valper sighed before turning to Freed "Let's be on our way, Freed, it doesn't look like you'll be able to handle those two from the church with just Transparency after all."

"Valper Galilei!" Kiba snarled, lunging forwards, intent on skewering the old man with his blade, only to be intercepted by Freed, who drove him back with a slash to the chest "Damn it!"

"Sorry kiddies, time for bed!" Freed chirped mockingly, wrapping an arm around the old man's considerable waist even as they faded from view "Don't worry! I'll be sure to kill you all next time!"

"There won't be a next time!" Xenovia snarled, bringing Destruction down in an overhead slash, the resulting crater decimating the structure Galilei just exited, only to curse as it was clear neither target had been hit "Damn it! They got away!" she muttered, only to trail off as Shirou dropped to his knees, still clutching Hrunting in his left arm "Emiya!"

"I'm…alright…" Shirou panted, tugging the Shroud back into place with his free hand, blood dripped from one of his eyes due to a burst blood vessel "Don't worry about me…go after them…" he held out Hrunting to a concerned looking Kiba "Take this with you…it doesn't matter where they hiding, Hrunting will lead you right to them."

"Hrunting?" Xenovia repeated, eyeing the ominous looking black blade warily "You mean the pagan blade used by the Geatian Hero, Beowulf? I thought it was lost during his fight with Grendel's mother. How did you come across it?"

"There's no time!" Shirou snapped, glaring up at the trio intensely, "The longer you talk the further those two will get and Hrunting's the only thing that'll let you find them!"

"Emiya…" Kiba muttered, eyeing the redhead in shock before nodding, taking the Hound of the Red Plains in his hands, flinching as the blade seemed to tug his arm in a specific direction "Looks like we have the scent…you sure you'll be alright?"

"I'll feel a lot better knowing those maniacs aren't walking the streets anymore." Shirou shot back wryly, the Knight scoffing in agreement before turning on his heels, vanishing in a burst of speed, Xenovia and Irina hot on his heels.

"Wait, Kiba!" Issei called out, reaching for his fellow peerage member as the trio disappeared into the night, only to look around in alarm as Shirou crumpled to the ground with a grunt "O-Oi! Emiya!"

"Holy! He's burning up!" Saji exclaimed, recoiling from the touch of the Faker's skin even as he checked him over "This doesn't look good, Hyoudou! We need to get him to a healer or something!"

"Goodness me…" a familiar voice called out, the Pawns tensing, turning slowly to face the arrival of their respective King and Queen, Rias' and Akeno's coy smiles a stark contrast to Sona and Tsubaki's bespectacled glares "Just what kind of trouble have you all been getting yourselves into behind our backs?"

* * *

And that's chapter 6.

A little more action in this chapter, and Shirou shows off a little more of his ability.

For the record, I'm still unclear as to just how Hrunting is rated, but considering it managed to take out one of Berserker's lives in UBW I think we can safely say it's ranked somewhere in the upper B class to lower A-Class.

Also, for all of you who are sure to mention this in the reviews: YES, I am well aware that there is more to the whole Catholic/Protestant thing than what Shirou mentioned. I grew up in Ireland for feck's sake, trust me, I know. Shirou however, despite being a redhead, did not, and so did not have to deal with any of that baggage due to most of Fuyuki's residents being happily Shinto. Or, y'know, DEAD. Because of the Fire.

Moving on.

For those who will surely ask: Yes, if Shirou had been given the option he'd have pulled and Archer and just sniped Freed from a distance. And he COULD have made the shot, even if he needed to loosen the shroud (not remove it) to access the knowledge for Hrunting.

That'll be it for now. Should be reaching the climax soon though.

In the meantime? Winter is coming *readies burial blade* And with it, a new Hunt begins.


	7. Fake x Calibur 7

*Dusts off clothes before turning to face the screen*

By Solaire's Swagger they were not kidding about NG+. Even with level a level 10 weapon the bosses just eat your health away. Greetings all, finally got some time to myself so I figured I'd churn this bad boy out.

Lets see how things diverge eh?

* * *

 **Fake Life Seven: The Fallen Star of God.**

Needless to say neither Rias nor Sona were particularly pleased with their Pawns going behind their backs, a sentiment they made certain the two males understood by proceeding to render their backsides inoperable via demonically enhanced spanking, though Issei was given something of a reprieve for offering to take full responsibility for Koneko's involvement, for all the good it did him.

Fortunately for Shirou, while their displeasure extended to him as well, the fact he wasn't affiliated with either Peerage meant they really couldn't punish him for his involvement. Not only that, their concern for his well-being actually seemed to outweigh their displeasure, Rias even going so far as to teleport him to the Occult Research Club Building before fetching her Bishop, Asia Argento, to tend to the Faker with her Sacred Gear, Twilight Healing.

Now Shirou was no stranger to being healed, as even before the Grail War Kiritsugu had apparently pulled out all the stops to save his life after finding him in the ruins of the Fuyuki Fire. Since then, he'd been revived at least once by Rin, to say nothing of the miraculous healing he'd been forced to endure every time he recklessly endangered his life to save her, Saber or whoever happened to need him most at that moment. There was even the bizarre form of 'Healing' afforded to him by his Reality Marble, though he doubted any sane doctor would consider 'knitting his flesh together with swords in the shape of muscle tissue' as 'healing' by any stretch of the imagination.

Regardless, all forms of restoration he'd experienced up till now paled in comparison to the soothing bliss that was Asia Argento's Twilight Healing, the Sacred Gear that was both the reason for her ascension to the rank of 'Saint' and the reason she was condemned as a Witch in the same breath. Not only did it help to alleviate the pain that came from having to partially unseal Archer's arm, he was fairly certain it had healed some of the damage that simply being attached to the limb had wrought.

"Honestly…" Rias sighed, prompting the redheaded Faker to turn and face the Gremory and Sitri heiresses, who were seated on the couch on the other side of the table, their respective Queens flanking them while their errant pawns stood tenderly off to the side, unable to sit down after receiving their punishment for their unauthorized actions "I really don't know how to feel about you right now, Emiya-kun. Part of me wants to thank you for helping Issei and Koneko; another part wants to lecture you for sending Yuuto off with two Exorcists."

"To be fair, he'd have gone after them even if I hadn't intervened." Shirou offered by way of apology and as a means of placating Rias "At least with Hrunting they won't waste his energy looking down rabbit holes."

"Which brings us to our next concern." Sona cut in, a shiver racing up the Faker's spine as the shorter of the two heiresses primly adjusted her spectacles in a manner that somehow came off as menacing "How is it that you came across the weapon of a Legendary Hero?" she demanded "To my knowledge, Hrunting was lost centuries ago when Beowulf cast it aside during his fight with Grendel's mother."

"I don't suppose I could get away with saying 'Trade Secret'?" Shirou quipped, only to shiver as light glinted off her glasses "You remember how I explained how my branch of Magecraft works?"

"It allows the user to materialize objects in accordance to their imagination and skill level." Sona supplied word-for word, her expression unchanging "I also recall you saying it was essentially useless due to the inherent flaws involved in the process."

"Right, to most Magi, Gradation Air is only truly useful if you need something immediately and possess enough understanding of its basic structure to even manifest it." He tapped the side of his head "And for the longest time, I thought I was doing something similar, when in actuality I was actually using a personal variation of Gradation Air I've come to call 'Tracing'."

"Meaning you developed your own style using the basics of Gradation Air as a basis?" Tsubaki pondered, sounding honestly impressed by the achievement, as developing your own variation on a subject, be it Magecraft, sword fighting, or any other form of art, was no easy feat.

"In all honesty, I stumbled into it ass-first after being told what I was doing was wrong." Shirou admitted, honestly embarrassed as he recalled Rin berating him once she figured out why he was having so much trouble reinforcing a lamp, only to shake his head in confusion. That clearly wasn't one of his memories. Rin hadn't offered to tutor him in Projection until after they hatched upon the plan to Trace Zelretch's Jewel Sword.

"So how does your version differ from the official school?" Sona persisted, though her tone was now laced with intrigue, a sentiment shared by Rias as they looked down at him, arms crossed "And how could it allow you to recreate the weapon of a Hero, one missing since antiquity no less."

"My style differs in that not only does it reproduce the shape and substance of an object, it also fully recreates said objects entire history as well." Shirou supplied, earning raised brows from the Kings and their Queens, and looks of confusion from pretty much everyone else "Remember how I mentioned I was unable to learn traditional Magecraft? Part of the reason for that was due to my Origin and Element being unsuited for it."

"Makes sense." Rias noted, her expression understanding "Most people have a hard time mastering an element not their own, Sona's clan is notable for being affiliated with Water, so they have a hard time learning fire spells."

"Whereas the Gremory's have a hard time with delicate spells due to their penchant for passionately charging in head first." Sona quipped, the two rivals glaring at one another for a second before returning their attention to Shirou "What does this have to do with your Magecraft?"

"Both my Origin and Elemental affinity are 'Sword'." Shirou shot back, unable to help chuckling at the dumbfounded expression on Sona's face "I know, that was the same look my Master had when he found out. As a result, while I was ill-suited to any other school of Magecraft, when it came to 'Swords', I was able to comprehend everything about them with a single glance. For example…"

He held out his right hand, teeth clenching as he activated his circuits, the hammer in his head firing as he drew forth a recent addition to the Hill of Swords, Rias' eyes widening as a very familiar Demonic Sword appeared in his grip.

"This is Kiba-san's Holy Eraser." He explained, holding the weapon up for all to see "It's a Demonic Sword he created using his Sacred Gear: Sword Birth, with the ability to seal away the Light Element of Holy Swords." He winced at the pained look in Rias' eyes and dismissed the blade "He most likely designed the blade with the intent of facing the...Excaliburs." he didn't quite grimace at the name "Unfortunately, at his current level it can't hope to absorb the light of a True Holy Sword."

"Fascinating." Sona mused, her expression calculating while Rias simply averted her eyes, clearly more shaken by the sight of Kiba's sword than Shirou had thought she'd be "So you can perfectly replicate any weapon you see?"

"Not perfectly." Shirou admitted "While I can recreate more than just swords, it comes at a higher cost and I can't recreate anything with complex inner mechanisms like a bomb or a machine-gun." Issei and Saji sighed at the admission "Not only that, as with the standard Gradation Air, anything I recreate is slightly inferior to the originals since there's only so much information I can gather from sight alone." He nodded confidently "However, other than that, in addition to being able to remain in manifested for several hours after creation, everything from their accumulated history, special abilities and even the skills of their wielders is perfectly replicated."

"Meaning, theoretically, that if you were to face Kiba-san with a copy of Holy Eraser, not only would you know how he fought, but also how to defeat him?" Sona pressed, earning a sharp look from Rias.

"Possible, but unlikely." Shirou countered, more out of a desire to escape Rias' glare than lack of faith in his skills "Remember, anything traced will be inferior to the original, so even if I knew how Kiba would fight, my Holy Eraser would lose to his."

"Well duh!" Issei crowed, the pervert clenching a fist determinedly in a show of support for his absent peerage member "There's no way Kiba's swords would lose to some cheap imitation!"

"That's enough, Issei." Rias cut in, cutting the Pawn off before Shirou could respond "Unless you want another round of spankings?" she teased, the Pawn shutting up with a yelp, literally covering his ass in fear.

"You say you can record the history of anything your eyes can see." Sona mused, her expression calculating as she glanced between Shirou and Issei "Would it be possible to recreate a Sacred Gear? Say, Hyoudou's Boosted Gear?"

"Sona-?!" Rias exclaimed, looking at her rival in shock before turning to glance worriedly at Shirou, a sentiment shared by Issei and Saji while Koneko, Akeno and Tsubaki looked on with interest.

"Probably not." Shirou admitted with a shake of his head "One of the limitations of my ability is that it can't recreate Divine-level constructs or weapons of extra-terrestrial origin." He shivered at the memory of Gilgamesh's Ea even as the Gremory faction sighed in relief "Don't get me wrong, I could probably make something similar, given time, but I wouldn't be able to recreate the Soul of the Dragon sealed within…"

 ** _"HA! As if the world would be able to bear twice my magnificence!"_** the gem on Issei's gauntlet barked, startling the group **_"Still, that was some trick you pulled off, Sword-Mage. I haven't seen a feat like that for some time."_**

"I'd question how you were able to see anything at all given your situation but I'd rather not think of the horrors you've had to endure attached to Hyoudou's alone time hand." Shirou deadpanned, earning a squawk of indignation from the Pawn even as Asia tilted her head in confusion. "In any case, at my current level, Hrunting should vanish by sunrise. Though considering their targets, I don't think any of them will come back right away even if it did."

"That's alright," Rias assured him with a sigh "Akeno, Koneko and I already sent our familiars out to search for them. If they see anything, they'll contact us immediately."

"In the meantime, I do believe it's time we turned in for the night" Sona noted, glancing at Shirou even as Issei yelped at the time "I expect to see you in class as normal, understood?"

"Shouldn't pose a problem." Shirou assured her, the Faker rising to his feet with a grunt at the devils began to file out, Sona and Tsubaki using a teleportation array while Rias was forced to walk back with Asia and Issei due to the latter lacking the ability to use the gates himself, the four of them splitting up to go their separate ways as they left the school grounds.

* * *

 _The next day..._

Shirou sighed, the redheaded Faker doing his level best to try and ignore the insanity that was the perverted trio roughhousing in the corner. Apparently Issei's two friends, jealous of his sudden popularity with the 'Two Great Onee-samas' and Asia Argento, had begun spreading rumours about the perverted pawn behind his back in a misguided attempt to ruin his already tarnished reputation.

'Seriously, how much deeper than rock bottom can you go?' he muttered, shaking his head at the idiocy of it all while Issei proceeded to vent his anger on them via slapstick, thankfully remembering to reign his strength back, for even as a low-class Reincarnated Devil, he was still much stronger than a human being.

"Um, G-Good day, Emiya-san…" Asia greeted, the Faker turning to find the blonde Bishop smiling shyly at him alongside her friend Kiriyuu Aika, a girl who was apparently Motohama rival for the title of 'Pervy-Glasses', though unlike the trio, she limited herself to giving others, typically Asia, perverse love advice "Are you feeling better?"

"Ah, much better, thanks for asking." Shirou assured her, still marvelling at the speed with which he'd recovered as he clenched his left fist for emphasis. While nowhere as near as demanding as it had been in his world, it typically took half a day's rest for him to recover from loosening The Shroud.

"Hm, oh yeah, you were off sick for a day right?" Aika noted, adjusting her glasses thoughtfully "Or at least that's the official story, you sure you weren't just playing hooky?"

"Hooky?" Asia repeated, blinking in confusion only to flush as her friend whispered something in her ear "A-Aika-chan!" she chastised, her features embarrassed "Emiya-san wouldn't do something like that!"

Shirou didn't know what the girl had been told, but he was fairly certain that, under normal circumstances, he would never purposefully miss a day of education. Maybe it was due to having grown up under the watchful eye of Fuji-nee. Oh who was he kidding? It was precisely because Taiga had been left in charge of his upkeep he wouldn't skip class, the Faker shivering as he recalled her threatening aura. "Any word from Kiba-san?

"Sadly, no." Asia admitted, the little devil slumping in depression as she hung her head, earning a quirked brow from an inquisitive Aika "We haven't found any trace of Xenovia-san or Irina-san either."

'And with Hrunting gone I've no way of tracking them.' Shirou muttered, his expression hard as he tried to find a bright spot in this situation, glancing down at the tip of the Shroud of Martin peeking out from his blazer sleeve, wondering he should bother Activating the Artificial Phantasm to gain Archer's tracking skills.

"Gotta admit, I never took Prince Charming to play truant like this." Aika noted, stroking her chin thoughtfully "It's kinda refreshing to know he's just as flawed and human as the rest of us."

'Except he's technically a Devil'. Shirou deadpanned, a sentiment he apparently shared with Issei, the perverted Pawn sidling over, leaving Motohama and Matsuda's twitching corpses behind, Asia chuckling weakly at her friend's naivete.

"So, Hyoudou." Aika greeted, smiling like the cat that got the cream at the pawn "We still set to go bowling and then Karaoke this weekend? Or did Prince Charming cancel?"

"Seems like it." Issei confirmed with a sigh, shooting an irritated glare at his so-called 'brothers in arms' as they picked themselves up "Dammit, and I was so looking forward to watching Koneko-chan and Asia-chan sing!"

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Aika muttered, though her tone made it clear she really wasn't bothered at all. Indeed, the girl seemed to embody all the sassier elements of Rin with a more laid-back attitude, though thankfully she was nowhere near as perverted as the elder Tohsaka sibling.

'I don't know whether to feel embarrassed or jealous …' Shirou muttered, glaring down at his wrapped arm pointedly as he tried to banish the image of Aika and Rin making out while he, or a version of him more likely, looked on stupefied until the Tohsaka heiress dragged him into the tangle of limbs.

"Humph, chopped liver is far too good for you, Kiriyuu." Motohama shot back imperiously as he adjusted his glasses with a condescending sneer "Seriously, who'd pay to see a stick like you get up on st-AAAAGH!"

"MOTOHAMA!" Matsuda cried, looking on in horror as his friend was sent tumbling backwards ass over tits, Shirou having backhanded the bespectacled pervert right in the schnozzle, shattering his precious 'Three-Size-Scouters' in the process "Damn it, Issei you traitor! Since when the hell did you two get so buddy-buddy?"

"We're not." Shirou cut in, earning an odd look from the pawn, as if he were torn between being hurt and agreeing with him. "I just thought I heard a fly buzzing around and tried to swat it."

"Heh, fly is right, Emiya." Aika cut back with a smirk, her glasses glinting menacingly as she glanced at the downed Motohama and Matsuda "Though considering how unimpressive they are, gnat would be more appropriate." She smirked at a confused looking Asia even as Matsuda grimaced and covered his crotch "Don't worry, Asia-chan, Issei's nowhere near as pathetic as those two." She chuckled as the pawn covered his crotch "Not too big but not too small either, perfect for a girl's first time, though I wouldn't go so far as to call it 'Main Character' material."

"Oi! Kiriyuu!" Issei choked, slapping his hands over Asia's ears in an ironic bid to protect the innocent devil's purity "Stop saying that weird stuff around Asia, you sexual harassment demon!"

"Look who's talking…" Shirou scoffed, the Faker honestly amused by the sight of the perverted trio, two of them anyway, being outdone at their own game, and by a girl no less.

"Sh-shut it!" Issei stammered, glaring at the faker pointedly, all the while keeping his hands plastered over Asia's ears "Acting all big all the time, you think you're so much better than me, don't you?"

"On a basic, fundamental human level? Yes." Shirou shot back, earning an amused scoff from Aika "Then again, humans will typically learn from example, something tells me you'd be just as likely to peek on girls changing now as you are a hundred years from now."

"You're just saying that because you fail to understand the majesty of Oppai!" Issei persisted, releasing Asia's ears to clench a fist dramatically, Shirou looking on in disbelief as the Gremory Pawn began to shed honest to God tears "Small or bountiful it doesn't matter, Oppai are heavier than life itself!"

"You're an idiot…" Shirou sighed, too exasperated by the Pawn's idiocy to even feel disgust for his antics even as Matsuda and a revived Motohama knelt before their friend, shedding tears at his wisdom while a pouting Asia pinched his cheeks, only relenting when he paused to answer his cell phone text, eyes widening at the contents.

"Sorry guys, gotta go, club stuff." The Pawn apologised, grabbing Asia by the hand as they raced off, Shirou waiting for them to leave before rising to follow them, having caught the Pawn's eyes as he raced past.

Something was up. Nothing good either if the look of alarm in Issei's eyes was any indication, a hunch which Shirou confirmed the moment he stepped out into the hall only to find Sona, Saji and Tsubaki marching past "Trouble?".

"Rias-san's familiar found something." Tsubaki confirmed dutifully, Sona merely acknowledging his presence with a nod while Saji waved in greeting "We're going to teleport to her co-ordinates using the circle in the Student Council Room."

Shirou nodded, keeping pace with the devils as they made their way unopposed down the halls, Sona's intimidating stare driving off teachers and hall-monitors alike until they were safe within the walls of the student council office, where a Magic Circle was being prepared by Momo and Reya.

"Ready when you are, Kaichou!" the albino Bishop greeted, flushing slightly at the sight of Saji, only to blink at the sight of Shirou beside him "Emiya-kun? What's he doing here?"

"Emiya-kun offered his assistance in this matter." Sona cut in, her stride never halting as she strode into the middle of the circle "Please ensure that no-on enters the room until we return. If anyone asks, we're dealing with the faulty wiring."

The rest of the council nodded, Emiya ignoring them in favour of stepping onto the now glowing circle warily, noting the centre of the circle smelled heavily of Sona's element just before the world flashed white and he was suddenly outside facing the Occult Research Group. "Sona, you came!" Rias greeted, eyeing her oldest friend and rival with relief.

"Why wouldn't I come after you called me?" Sona scoffed, as if the very idea was ludicrous, ignoring Rias' smile of gratitude only to cry out as Shirou, without warning, whipped around and hurled a suddenly traced Kanshou at the nearby woods "Emiya-kun?!" she began, only to blink as a yelp from the woods preceded a clash of steel.

"How long are you going to keep lurking out there, Freed Sellzen?" Shirou demanded, his eyes hard as he held up a hand to catch the black blade on the return flight, the Devils falling into formation at the mention of the Stray Exorcists name, Issei and Saji summoning their Sacred Gears.

"Tch, fucking spoilsport, ruined my big entrance." Freed swore, the Exorcist stomping out of the woods, Excalibur Invisibility held in hand "And to think I went to the trouble of waiting for those Devil Shits…mm?" his annoyance gave way to a perverse leer at the sight of Asia "Well now, if it isn't the treacherous witch, Asia Argento!" he cackled at her look of discomfort "So tell me, how's life as a piece of shit devil treating ya?"

"Bastard!" Issei snarled, stepping forward, intent on pounding Freed's head into the pavement only to freeze as Rias and Sona stepped to the fore, magic circles bearing their clan's crests literally in hand.

"Whoa-there! Time out four-eyes!" Freed called out, though it seemed he actually had something to say rather than actually fearing for his life "Gotta talk to red for a bit." He leered sickeningly at Rias, who shivered despite herself "That is…my BOSS wants to."

The first indication Shirou had that something was wrong was the devils, sans Rias and Sona, suddenly doubling over as if in pain. While he at first blamed Freed for the act, he soon revised his opinion as the scent of power hit him like a freight train just as the sky darkened overhead.

 ** _Blood._**

 ** _So much blood._**

 ** _Enough blood to drown the world._**

 ** _Enough to stain even the Holiest of Holy Swords._**

It wasn't as intimidating as whatever the hell Rias' scent was, nor was it as foul as the sludge that embodied All-The-World's-Evil, but it was easily a match for the aura of death that had emanated from Saber after being tainted by the Blackened Grail, Shirou's heart threatening to tear itself from his chest as he turned his gaze upwards to watch Death descend on Ten Blackened Wings.

"Kokabiel…" he uttered softly, recalling the words of warning Xenovia had given him back at the church, his eyes narrowing at the sight of the Excaliburs' thief "The Fallen Star of Heaven."

"Hm? Have we met before, boy?" the Grigori wondered, his handsome features regarding the Faker with detached interest, as one might regard a particularly interesting crack on the sidewalk "No matter, as you say, I am indeed Kokabiel of the Grigori." He inclined his head towards the group, more accurately, the scowling forms of Sona and Rias "And unless I miss my guess, I stand before the daughters of House Gremory and Sitri."

"A Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Leader of the Grigori faction." Rias returned, her tone confident, arms crossed beneath her breasts as Sona stepped up beside her fellow King, her features set in a cold mask.

"Such beautiful crimson hair you have." The angel complimented his voice sending shivers down the Devil's spines whereas Shirou was keeping an eye on Freed "It reminds me so much of your brother Sirzechs that it actually sickens me."

"I see." Rias noted, her smile turning decidedly cold "So what brings a Fallen of your calibre to our territory? I'm sure you're aware, but while our elder siblings may be Satans; neither Sona nor myself hold any political connections that may benefit you."

"Rest assured my intentions are nothing like that at all," Kokabiel replied with a dry smile "I merely sought to request a favour of you both. After all, you devils are in the business of granting wishes, right?" he hoisted something from under his arm "Here, I even brought a down payment."

"Irina-!" Issei yelled, eyes widening in alarm as the Fallen dangled his childhood friend by a leg for all to see, her uniform torn in several place, revealing numerous bleeding wounds "Damn it! Let her go!" he snapped, lunging forwards just as Kokabiel hurled the Exorcist at them, Shirou beating the Pawn to the punch, catching the wounded girl bridal-style in mid-air before dropping down with a grunt.

"She's hurt badly." the Faker noted, grimacing as he endeavoured to avoid touching the wounded Exorcist anywhere inappropriate, an impossibility given her state of dress, even as the devils gathered round them protectively.

"She and her little friends snuck into my home like rats, so I made sure to give them all the attention they could expect of such vermin." Kokabiel noted mockingly even as Asia began using Twilight Healing on the worst of Irina's wounds "Unfortunately for this one, it seems her friends ran off and left her behind to fend for themselves."

'So at the very least Kiba and Xenovia managed to get away…' Shirou deduced, transferring Irina to Tsubaki's care as Sona instructed her queen to take the Exorcist back to her home to heal her up, the Faker glaring up at Kokabiel alongside the two heiresses.

"Well then?" Rias demanded, the Gremory heiress glaring imperiously up at the Fallen, as if his mere presence didn't fill her with understandable dread "You wanted my attention, Fallen Angel? You have it."

"Oho, that's a nice look you have in your eyes." Kokabiel noted approvingly, his smile possessing a feral quality, as if he was barely restraining himself from lashing out "I wonder, will Sirzechs' shine as intensely after I've had my way with you and this little town?"

"I'd heard the stories but clearly they do you more justice than you deserve if such insanity can spew from your lips." Rias muttered, her tone derisive "Do you mean to tell me you intend to restart the war between the Three Factions?"

"In all honesty, I was hoping Michael himself would get involved after I stole the Excaliburs," Kokabiel admitted, his features lined with disgust "But it seems he only deemed me worthy of sending a weak Exorcist and two wet-behind-the-ears Holy Sword Wielders. And don't get me started on Azazel and Shemhazai," he spat in disgust, heedless of Shirou's look of alarm "those damned pacifists would sooner chop off their wings before they let a war interfere with their Sacred Gear Research…"

"So you're saying your actions are against Azazel's will?" Sona noted, drawing Shirou's attention to her at the use of his caretaker's name "You must be bored indeed if you'd so openly defy your leader so readily."

"Faugh! That milksop is no true leader!" Kokabiel spat, his disgust apparent "He'd rather waste the day away locked up researching whatever catches his interest or shacking up with whatever harlot catches his eye. The only way he'd care about any of this was if the opportunity presented itself that he could study Sacred Gears."

"I'll never give you my Boosted Gear!" Issei proclaimed, clenching his armoured fist, the gem on the Red Dragon Emperor's gauntlet lighting up in preparation for an attack.

"I could give a rat's ass about the damned thing." Kokabiel shot back mockingly, surprising the devils with his story "Azazel's the one you need to watch out for, he's such a fanatic when it comes to his collections."

"If that's the case then what are you planning to do with the Excaliburs?" Rias demanded, glaring up at the Fallen Star of Heaven coldly despite the intensity of his feral smile "If you simply wanted a fight, you could have done so without them."

"True. Cease fire or not, I hardly need a reason to kill devils and I certainly don't share Valper's infantile obsession with those relics." Kokabiel conceded, his tone insufferably smug "But as I said before, I'm not interested in a schoolyard brawl. I want a WAR, and the only way to do that would be to somehow get all Three Factions involved."

He smiled then, a smile as terrifying as it was beautiful, a smile that promised nothing but the sweet release of death for those who possessed a true concept of mortality.

"I think you'll agree there's no way Michael, Lucifer or Leviathan will be able to sit back and turn a blind eye when I use Heaven's precious Holy Swords to kill the Satans' beloved siblings and paint the town red with the blood of their mortal schoolmates."

* * *

 _Post Kokabiel's Speech..._

Shirou shivered, eyeing the entity above him with the same trepidation with which he'd faced down Gilgamesh. While the Fallen lacked the haughty majesty of the King of Heroes, the condescending nature and the casualness with which he threatened to massacre thousands of innocent lives to sate his own desires was almost a dead ringer for the impossible 8th Servant's.

The difference was, however, that Gilgamesh, as Overseer of Humanity, deemed modern man to be beneath his protection, mere mongrels that had grown fat off complacency and needed a good culling to bring them back to their true potential.

Kokabiel, on the other hand, spoke of ending lives of people who had done him no wrong simply because he was bored. Even Gilgamesh, who was known as a tyrant by modern standards, had never been so flippant about taking a human life, though admittedly this was because the harshness of the times meant it was impossible for him to do so.

Never in his wildest dreams would Emiya Shirou ever have anticipated sharing the same mind-set with the King of Heroes, but right now he was honestly starting to see why Gilgamesh had ended the Age of Gods if Monsters like this were the kind of thing he faced on a daily basis.

"Isn't my boss the best?" Freed cackled insanely, clearly relishing the fact that he was working for someone just as twisted as he was "And people say 'I'M' fucked up!" he sneered, reaching into his cloak and drew another sword "Not that I care, since he gave me these cool toys to play with!"

Shirou grimaced at the sight of the blades in the Exorcist's hands. Not from alarm, as he'd suspected the freak would be carrying more than one Excalibur by now, nor was it from stress as Unlimited Blade Works finished adding Rapidly and Transparency's sister-sword, _Excalibur Nightmare: The Holy Sword of Illusion_ , to the Hill of swords. No, it was simply that weird, incessant feeling that crept over him every time he laid eyes on one of the 'Excaliburs'.

Ever since he'd first laid eyes on Rapidly, something about the Holy Sword had seemed off to him, like an incessant voice in the back of his head that would only sound whenever he thought about their name and histories. It was almost as if the swords themselves were crying out in an attempt to contradict their own legend, with each blade adding yet another voice to Hill of Swords.

 _They were **(NOT)** Excalibur…yet how could they **(NOT)** be?_

"Emiya-kun!" Sona called out, snapping the redhead out of his thoughts just in time to tilt his head to the side to avoid a length of living steel that had been aimed right at it, his eyes narrowing as he followed it back to the cackling form of Freed.

"No dozing off in class there, cock-blocker!" the Exorcist cackled, retracting the metal whip, which swiftly formed into a ribbon around his arm "Don't think I forgot how you wrecked Rapidly-tan the first time we met! Old Man Valper really tore me a new one for that." He sneered as he aimed the Nightmare at Shirou's face "Fortunately, the Boss-Man managed to nab Mimic-tan from pig-tits earlier, so we're all good now."

"You fuckers-!" Issei swore, the perverted Pawn literally chomping at the bit as he glared at the Fallen-Exorcist, only to be cut off by Rias' arm as the Gremory heiress halted him in place.

"Yes! That's just the kind of expression I'm looking for, Red Dragon Emperor!" the Fallen Star of Heaven cackled, his handsome features lined with madness as a magic circle formed before him in mid-air "Let's have a War! Rias Gremory!"

"Everyone get down!" Rias barked, holding up her hand along with Akeno and Sona to erect a shield of demonic power to deflect the spears of light that launched from Kokabiel's circle, only to cry out in surprise as Shirou ignored the warning and instead raced towards the pair "Emiya-kun!?"

"You're not going anywhere!" the Faker snarled, Kanshou and Bakuya clenched between his fists as he hurtled towards the dumbstruck Freed, only to curse as his blades seemingly passed through thin air, the Exorcists mocking cackles preceding a sudden flash of blinding light as he pulled off yet another daring escape "Damn it!"

"They're heading towards Kuoh Academy." Koneko called out from the branch of a tree, the Rook's normally impassive features looking decidedly troubled, a sentiment shared by all of the assembled devils, even before the pillar of light erupted from the sports field.

"This isn't good…" Sona mused, her features calm, though it was clear she was just as troubled as everyone else "A Fallen angel of Kokabiel's level could easily wipe out a secluded city like this."

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Rias countered, her expression cold, the waves of power that for so long had sent Shirou running for the hills intensifying to the point he almost felt pity for the Fallen Angel. Almost. "Everyone, let's go."

* * *

Little less action this chapter but damn for plot developments!

Things are heating up for our heroes? How will this battle end I wonder?

In the meantime, I have Vermin to hunt, though thankfully, I'm no longer alone.

 ***Crouches before the lantern and vanishes.***


	8. Fake x Calibur 8

***Pulls Fist out of a Blood-Drunk Hunter's corpse.***

Here's your damn blood you trigger happy sonnuva...oh hello there, sorry about that.

So yeah, got this one out early too. Spoiler warning, expect the first major deviation from canon near the end.

Lets see how things diverge eh?

* * *

 **Fake Life Eight: The Battle for Kuoh Academy.**

Night had already fallen over the Academy by the time they finally got back to it, however, it seemed Sona had called ahead, as Tsubaki had gathered the rest of the Student Council and they were currently using their combined Demonic Power to erect a barrier over the school grounds, one that even Shirou, with his limited experience, could tell far surpassed the Bounded Field over his or Rin's homes.

The only Field which could have compared to this was the one over Ilya's castle, and then only because it had extended over the entire forest used to hide the damn thing from the outside world. While no-where near as large, only covering the academy grounds, the fact that Sona and her peerage had managed to raise such an impressive bounded field in mere moments spoke volumes of just how powerful Devils were compared to Human Magi.

"If all goes well, it should limit the resulting damage to a minimum." Sona assured them all, having taken her place in the centre of the formation along with a determined looking Saji "However, I'm sure you realise we can't keep this up indefinitely."

"We understand, Sona." Rias assured her friend and rival, the Occult Research Club, sans Kiba, standing ready beside her along with a grim-faced Shirou, the Faker grimacing as he attempted to contact Xenovia "Has there been any sign of Xenovia or Yuuto?"

"None." Shirou countered as he lowered his phone along with Issei, who'd been trying non-stop to contact the errant Gremory Knight "While we can assume from Kokabiel's words that they managed to escape, it could be they were rendered unable to move for the time being."

Rias and Asia flinched, prompting Issei and Koneko to glare at the Faker who, realising how his words must have sounded, cursed Archer's influence before nodding his head towards the pillar of light trapped within the barrier "Still, regardless of whether they're injured or simply scattered, I highly doubt they'd have missed THAT, so it's possible they're already on the way if only to investigate."

"Then we should pray they're in a condition to help out when they do show up." Sona opined, her expression firm as she focused all her power into maintaining the barrier "In all honesty, if Kokabiel decided to fight seriously for even a moment, I doubt this barrier would do little to impede the resulting destruction for even a few seconds." Her eyes narrowed pointedly "As much as it pains me to admit it, I think it would be wise if you called in your brother, Rias."

"If it truly pains you that much Sona, then why didn't you call your Sister first?" Rias shot back, her tone teasing as she smiled at her rival, though there was a look of understanding in her eyes.

"I have already informed Sirzechs-sama of the situation." Akeno assured Sona, her expression calm even in the face of Rias' look of betrayal "Rias, I know you wish to avoid troubling your older brother so soon after the incident with Riser." A look of distaste flashed across the redhead's face at the name "But our opponent is one of the Leaders of the Grigori, I think you can agree there's no shame in asking for the aid of a Satan against an opponent so far out of our league."

"Wait, did you say Satan?" Shirou repeated, looking between the assembled Devils with understandable concern "I was wondering what Kokabiel was talking about earlier...You don't mean THE Satan? The King of Hell itself?"

Even someone like Shirou had heard the name of Satan. You couldn't live in a modern town like Fuyuki without some mention of the 'Lord of Demons' popping up in literature, though admittedly the depictions of him varied from intimidating to outright laughable.

"Ah, I keep forgetting you're an atheist, Emiya-kun." Akeno noted, visibly amused by his trepidation even as several members of the Student Council scoffed at the premise, understandable given the company he was keeping "While you're not wrong in that Satan is the title given to the Ruling class of Devils, it's more a position than anything else, like a 'King' or 'President'."

"Though in the old days there probably was such a thing as a 'One True Satan'." Sona supplied dutifully from her position maintaining the barrier "In more recent times, the title refers to the Four Devils who led our Race during the Great War: Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Leviathan and Lucifer."

"I remember Kokabiel mentioning the last two." Shirou muttered, glancing between Sona and Rias, his confusion evident "He said you were their 'younger siblings', but I thought your Family names were Gremory and Sitri?"

"They are," Rias confirmed with a proud smile "and originally, my elder brother Sirzechs and Sona's elder sister Serafall were the respective heirs. However, the death of all Four Great Satans during the War left a power vacuum that could've reignited the war if their supporters had their way."

"Fortunately, Sirzechs-sama and Serafall-sama possessed power equal to that of the old Satans." Tsubaki supplied to the dumbstruck Shirou "and so together with Ajuka of Clan Astaroth and Fallbium of Glasya-Labolas, they took up the mantles of the Four Satans and prevented the Old Satan's followers from reigniting the war, ushering in the new age of Devil Kind."

"It was Ajuka who invented the Evil Piece system that allows us to reincarnate other species into Devils." Rias added dutifully "It was originally meant to facilitate the low birth-rate of new Devils, but thanks to our siblings' efforts even Devils like Issei and Asia can become High Class Devils."

"I see…" Shirou muttered, honestly shaken by the revelation that freaking SATAN was dead, and that there was more than one of them out there. Hell, if it weren't for the fact he was a Magus, and thus persona-no-grata with the Holy Church to begin with, the fact that Devils could give birth to beings on par with Satan naturally would probably have shaken his faith "So the reason Rias and Sona aren't calling their siblings to help…?"

"Is because neither wants to look like they can't do anything without their elder sibling holding their hands." Akeno chirped cheerfully, earning an irate squawk from Rias and a scowl from Sona, both heiresses flushing scarlet as Rias' hair at the insinuation "Be that as it may, I took the liberty at contacting Sirzechs-sama at my own discretion, and he assures me that reinforcements will be here within an hour."

"That's certainly a relief." Sona sighed, the Council members looking revitalized by the fact one of their Leaders had their back "Very well, in that case, on my honour as a Sitri, I and my peerage vow to hold the barriers until then, no matter the cost."

"Honestly Akeno…" Rias sighed, pouting at her Queen in exasperation before running a hand through her scarlet hair with a confident smile "In that case, we of House Gremory will go on the offensive." She turned to regard her peerage sternly "I want you all to understand that unlike the Rating Game against Riser's Peerage, Kokabiel and his forces will be fighting to kill." she waved her hand to the side "Even so, I will not forgive any of you if you die!"

"The same goes for you, Emiya-kun." Sona pointed out, surprising the Faker by her inclusion of him "I may not be your King, but as Student Council President, I expect to see you in Class tomorrow."

 _"I forbid you to die, Archer!"_ Rin's voice echoed in the Faker's mind, an image of him, no, the Red Knight, facing down Berserker in the hallway of Ilya's Castle, flashing across his vision _"Kill that thing and come back to me!"_

'Good grief, what is it with me and pushy Tsunderes?' he mused, shaking his head at the sheer irony of it all before waving a hand "As you say, Kaichou, I still need to fix the heater for Saji-san anyway."

"Ara? I thought Saji-kun said he'd take care of it personally?" Ruruko wondered, causing Saji to chuckle nervously as both Sona and Tsubaki turned their ire on him, Shirou wisely deciding to enter the barrier along with the Gremory Peerage before things got more volatile.

'Is it wrong that I don't envy him right now?' Shirou wondered, offering a silent prayer for the Pawn's safety as the barrier closed behind them, only to blink as, rather than the moonlit fields outside, he found himself standing under the evening sky "Time suspension?"

"Tsubaki and the others managed to get the barrier around the school just as the pillar of light was formed." Akeno supplied, her expression serene despite the tense atmosphere as they approached the school building "It should keep things from getting too far out of hand, but at their current level it won't do much to reduce the damage to the grounds given our opponent."

"Which is where we come in." Rias opined, turning to face them all "Issei, you'll be providing support for Akeno and I by transferring your boosted power to us when the time is right." She turned to the others "In the meantime, we'll buy Issei the time he needs to fully Charge the Transfer."

"What about Asia-san?" Shirou asked, nodding towards the blonde Bishop who was huddlin next to Issei and fidgeting nervously with her skirt "No offence meant, but she doesn't look like a fighter to me."

"Asia will be providing support along with Issei." Rias assured the Faker, smiling warmly at the newest member of her peerage before turning to face Shirou "However, I'd appreciate it greatly if you could watch out for them, Emiya-Kun."

"I don't need his help, Buchou!" Issei countered, the perverted Pawn stepping between his King and the faker, clenching his fist determinedly "I'll protect Asia-chan with my life if need be!"

"Under normal circumstances I wouldn't doubt it, Issei." Rias assured her perverted Pawn with a fond smile even as Asia blushed shyly "But our opponent is Kokabiel, and he's gathered three of the Seven Excaliburs together." She glanced down at his Sacred Gear "Since you can't attack without resetting the charge, I'd feel better knowing you had someone to intervene in the event they try something underhanded."

"I'm fine with providing support." Shirou assured her, ignoring the resigned glare Issei was sending his way "Though I hope you don't mind if I take a few pot-shots if I see an opening to do so."

"By all means." Rias chuckled, though her smile didn't quite extend to her eyes "Though I feel I should warn you: If you do anything to put their lives at risk, I will never forgive you."

"Join the cue." Shirou shot back, earning a look of confusion from the Devils as they pressed onward, Issei promoting to Queen to heighten his Demonic Powers before activating the charge function of the Boosted Gear as they approached the track field, where the pillar of light shone.

As they drew closer, Shirou realised what he'd assumed to be a pillar was more of a helix, stemming from several magic circles gathered around a central point. Standing outside the circle was none other than Valper Galilei, the Archbishop's face stretched in rapture as he gazed upon the hovering forms of the stolen Excaliburs in the centre of the formation.

"Hey, Emiya." Issei whispered, his tone low to avoid drawing attention until they were in a better position "You're the Wizard here right? What the hell is that old guy doing with the Excaliburs?"

"I'm a Magus." Shirou corrected pointedly "And as I've said before, not much of one. The most I can tell is that he's probably tapped into a local leylines to power whatever ritual he's got going, but as to what it's for, you've got me."

"It would appear the good Archbishop has harboured a desire to re-forge the Seven Excaliburs into a single sword since he first learned of their being shattered." Kokabiel's voice called out from on high, the group looking up in alarm to find the Fallen reclining on an ornate throne in the middle of the sky with one cheek resting on his knuckles and his legs crossed almost lazily "Though if I'd known it would take this long I never would have agreed to wait."

"It's nearly done, Lord Kokabiel." Valper stammered hurriedly, the Archbishop clearly fearing for his life should the Genocidal Fallen's patience give out "In less than five minutes the ritual will be complete."

"Is that so?" Kokabiel mused, sounding placated for the moment "Very well, I leave that to you." He conceded, Valper releasing a sigh of relief as the Fallen turned his attention back to Rias "So tell me, Daughter of House Gremory, is Sirzechs coming? Or Serafall?" his eyes widened in anticipation "Or did you take my request seriously and call for both?"

"My honoured brother's reinforcements will be here in an hour." Rias assured the Fallen, her tone smug as she matched his glare "However, it will be a moot point, as we'll have taken you down by then-!"

If Shirou hadn't been watching for it, if the Fallen's attitude didn't remind him of his fight with Gilgamesh, he never would have seen it coming. As it were, the moment Kokabiel snapped his fingers, the Faker was already tackling Asia and Issei to the ground, ignoring the Pawn's cries in favour of covering them with his body as the Fallen summoned what appeared to be a spear composed of pure light and hurled it at the Gym, his eyes narrowing as the wind and dust died down to reveal the spear standing in the middle of a barren crater where the building once stood.

"Neither huh? Tch, how boring." Kokabiel muttered, his derision apparent as he snapped his fingers once more, dispelling the Spear of Light in a manner so similar to the way Archer dispelled his swords that Shirou felt professionally insulted "Oh well, I'm sure you'll provide some measure of entertainment."

* * *

 _After Kokabiel's attack..._

"Holy shit…" Issei whispered, his whole body trembling with fear as he watched the spear of light vanish back into the ether "You gotta be kidding…he can toss something that big around like it's nothing? Raynare's was a toothpick compared to that!"

 **"Don't tell me you're scared, Partner?"** Ddraig chastised his host, the gem on the Boosted Gear lighting up at his words **"You knew going into this that this guy was on a different level from the ones you fought before. Remember, he's an Angel from antiquity who survived fighting against God and the Old Satans after falling from heaven."**

"I suppose you'd know, seeing as you probably fought him yourself." Issei mused, earning a quirked brow from the Faker, who didn't know of the Dragon's history "So do you think we stand a chance here?"

 **"If worst comes to worst, we'll beat him even if I have to turn most of your body into a dragon."** Ddraig assured the Pawn **"That way, even if you can't beat him, he won't be able to move for an hour, in which case we can leave things for the Satan to clean up."**

'Awfully humble for a Dragon…' Shirou muttered, knowing from his meager studies that Dragons were notorious for being proud of their strength, to the point even suggesting they could not defeat an opponent was to incite their wrath 'Then again, he's talking about Issei's ability to defeat him, so it probably evens out.'

"Now then," Kokabiel noted "while I'm disappointed at the turn-out, since you came all the way out here to alleviate my boredom, I suppose you can start by taking my beloved pet for a walk."

Another snap of his fingers heralded the formation of another glowing magical circle, Shirou's eyes narrowing as the scent of sulphur and brimstone filled the air, only to widen as the light dimmed, revealing a massive hound, easily ten metres tall at the shoulder, it's three heads spewing fire from their mouths, their eyes burning with a hatred that threatened to burn the world to cinders.

Even if he'd never fought in the grail war, there was no way in hell that Shirou could have mistaken Cerberus, Hells Watchdog; the Hound of Hades that guarded the path to Tartarus in Greek Mythology, the same hound that Heracles had been tasked with capturing as one of his infamous labours, a Phantasmal Beast that by all accounts had no place in the modern world.

As if to deny this claim, the Cerberus unleashed a howl of rage at the sight of the assembled Devils that shook the very earth, Emiya's teeth rattling in his jaw as he fought to keep his footing in the face of such malice, the only thing keeping him from bolting in fear being his desire to protect Asia and Issei, and the knowledge that Archer had faced something much WORSE in his life.

After all, as intimidating as Cerberus was, the Hound of Hell's purpose was to guard the souls of the dead and damned to prevent them from escaping to the human world. As such, the threat they posed to humanity was minimal compared to the Hound of Gaia, whose very existence demanded that it killed as many humans as possible simply because 'They Exist'.

"Let's go, Akeno, Koneko!" Rias called out, taking to the air along with her Queen while her Rook charged in from below to distract the hound "Emiya-kun, cover Issei and Asia while he charges his Boosted Gear!"

"You heard Buchou, Emiya!" Issei called out, already on his feet and charging his demonic power, each flash of the gauntlet causing the scent of his power to double in intensity "Get off your ass and get your head in the game-!"

He trailed off with a yelp as Shirou spun round and hurled Kanshou and Bakuya at his head, the married twin swords clipping the pervert's hair as they sailed past. Before the Pawn could open his mouth to berate the Faker, however, an enraged howl from behind caused him to turn sharply, only to pale at the sight of a second Cerberus towering over an equally shocked Asia, pawing awkwardly at one of its heads, which had been blinded in one eye by the hurled swords.

"Worry about yourself before trying to tell others how to do their job." Shirou warned the Pawn, a fresh pair of blades in hand as he rushed past, hurling the blades and retracing them again and again until the second Cerberus was surrounded by a cage of black and white, halting it in its tracks and allowing the Faker to dart in and start hacking away at its legs.

 **"He has a point, Partner."** Ddraig chuckled, Issei fuming silently as he pulled a worried Asia to his side, glaring pointedly at the Faker, more embarrassed than angry at being shown up so readily after trying to act cool, though thankfully he soon forgot all about it when Xenovia arrived, cleaving one of the Cerberus' heads with a single swing.

"Is this a private party? Or can anyone cut in?" the wielder of Destruction asked, her tone coy as she stood over the dissolving head of the Cerberus, Excalibur Destruction slung over one shoulder.

"Feel free." Shirou offered, the Faker leaping back out of reach of the Hellhound's retaliatory strike, allowing Xenovia to race in and split the beast in two, its dying howl sending shivers of sympathy through Issei's body, knowing all too well the effect Holy Swords had on demonic flesh.

'Damn it…!' Issei swore, gritting his teeth as he turned his attention to the other Cerberus, which was still going strong despite the combined efforts of Rias, Akeno and Koneko-chan 'Why am I sitting on the bench at a time like this? Isn't the damn thing charged yet?'

"Hey, partner." Ddraig called out, drawing the Pawn's attention to his gauntlet, which was flashing out of sync with his words "I figured you hadn't noticed, but the Boosted Gear's been letting you know that you've reached the level needed to allow those two to destroy a Cerberus easily."

"Are you kidding me?" Issei exclaimed, eyeing his Sacred Gear in disbelief, noting that the grim in the guard was indeed shining brighter than before "When in the hell did you learn such a convenient ability?"

 **"A Sacred Gear evolves along with its user, remember?"** Ddraig reminded his host patiently **"It must have sensed your impatience and inability to judge the power difference between you and your opponents and evolved to let you know when the desired level of boosts has been achieved."**

A part of Issei felt hurt that the Boosted Gear considered him so inept it needed to do the sensing for him, but it was overshadowed by the fact that he didn't need to sit on his ass any longer. "Buchou! Akeno-san!" he called out, raising his armoured fist in the air for them to see "I've charged enough for you to take down the Cerberus!"

"Nice going, Issei!" Rias applauded, the King and Queen descending while Koneko kept the hellhound busy "By the way, just to be clear, you increased the effectiveness of a Cross and Holy Water during the battle with Riser, right?" she smiled at his nod "So would it be possible to boost both of us at the same time?"

"Ddraig…?" Issei pondered, glancing down at his gauntlet for confirmation only to wince "He says if it's just the two of you it shouldn't be a problem, but you'll only receive 70-80% of the Boost."

"That should be more than enough." Rias assured him, the two of them dropping down so Issei could place his armoured hand on both their shoulders, only to gasp as, with a cry of "TRANSFER!", a surge of Demonic Power filled their bodies, filling them to the point it felt as if their skin would burst if so much as pricked by a needle.

It was also a clearly arousing experience, evidenced by the way their nipples were poking through their blouses and the downright erotic moans they were giving off.

"…We can do this." Rias breathed as soon as she got herself under control, the Gremory heiress smiling confidently at her Queen as they once again took to the skies to continue their assault "Akeno!"

"But of course," the Thunder Priestess chirped, raising a hand in the air as lighting crashed overhead, her eyes locked on the sole remaining Cerberus "Thunder! Resound!"

The Cerberus made as if to run, but Koneko had gotten a good grip on its forelimb and somehow managed to supplex the hellhound onto its back. Before it could rise to its feet, countless swords burst from the ground, impaling the beast, holding it down for Akeno's lighting to fry it to a crisp.

"Sword Birth?" Issei exclaimed, the Pawn's eyes widening in relief at the sight of a familiar figure walking towards them through the settling dust like the damn bishounen he was "Kiba!"

"Yuuto." Rias sighed, smiling in relief at the return of her errant Knight, only to scowl as Kokabiel derisively applauded their success against his pets, the Gremory heiress mustering her charged Power of Destruction in both hands before launching it at the Fallen with all she had "TAKE THIS!"

'So that's her Power of Destruction.' Shirou muttered, his expression grim as he watched the black mass of Prana erupt from the Gremory Heiress palms, shivering in apprehension as his senses screamed at him to run, to put as much distance between that awful power and him as possible.

If the Mass of Darkness intimidated Kokabiel at all, however, the Fallen Star of God certainly wasn't showing it. Indeed, he seemed almost expectant as he casually reclined on his throne, watching the oncoming tide of death draw ever nearer.

Slowly, almost lazily, be brought a hand up before him, as if to casually instruct the oncoming Prana to halt in its tracks. It therefore came as a shock to all when the wave of death did just that, halting dead in its tracks the moment it came in contact with his outstretched palm.

"You've got to be kidding me?!" Issei yelped, dropping to his knees in disbelief at the sight "I charged Buchou with everything I had, that blast was at least ten times larger than the one she used against Raynare and he didn't even flinch?"

As if to further mock the Gremory's' efforts, Kokabiel casually tilted his arm to the side, as if swatting a fly, sending the darkness careening towards the ground, where it promptly carved a massive crater, easily ten times the one he made when he destroyed the gym.

'He's been holding back.' Shirou deduced, his expression grim as Kokabiel confirmed just what kind of monster they were dealing with 'He hasn't been taking us seriously from the get go.'

* * *

 _As the dust settles..._

"How very interesting…." Kokabiel noted, the smile on his face not unlike that of a child whose found a new toy, were it not for the battle-lust in his eyes "So this is the kind of power you can gain when combined with the Red Dragon Emperor's…" he sneered down at Issei "Perhaps there was something to Azazel's interest in you after all, boy!"

Before Rias could voice a response, the light from the centre of the field intensified to the point even Kokabiel had to shield his eyes, the Fallen scowling in annoyance at the interruption until Valper's insane laughter filled the air.

"It's complete!" the Archbishop of Genocide proclaimed, gazing reverently at the centre of the array, where the swords hovered, their forms bathed in a holy light that forced the devils to avert their eyes, Shirou and Xenovia merely scowling as they waited to die down, revealing a single sword hovering in the centre of the field, surrounded by a blue-white aura.

Judging the concept of creation…

 _They who were separate are united once more…yet still their brilliance pales to that of their origin._

Once again, Shirou felt the twinge of discomfort as he gazed upon the fused Excalibur (?), the voices of the swords that made up its form now joined by the voice of Galilei's creation.

Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…

 _A two-handed longsword forged from three separate blades, the vision of a Madman's dream._

Now, however, that the three had been combined, he had a better understanding of how they could have originally been one, and even how Rapidly and Destruction could have ever been a part of them.

Duplicating the Composite Materials…

 _While divine metal served as its core, base metals had been added to hold the shards together._

By examining the combined blade and comparing it to its fellows, he could make out the various imperfections that had been added due to the process of re-forging them into separate swords.

Imitating the Production Process…

 _Originally forged by divine hands, they were combined through the machinations of a Madman._

While Valper's method had been flawed, a mockery of whatever the original creator had intended, by combining the blade like this, Shirou was able to deduce how the original could have been forged.

Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…

 _Few possessed the qualifications for it to acknowledge them as master and so few could wield it._

This blade had never been intended to be wielded by anyone other than its original owner. An owner whose qualifications had been so high that no-other Holy Sword Wielder had ever come close.

Reproducing the accumulated years…

 _It was old, it was newly born, its current form mere seconds old, its legend reaching back centuries._

He knew this sword. More than that, he knew the sword this it was meant to be. And, as such, knew the sword it could not be, for such a sword could not exist anymore, no matter how the world may yearn for it.

Excelling every manufacturing process…

 _Forged anew, its numerous powers stand ready to aid the faithful in the fight against the enemies of God. Be it madman or faithful, all who aspire to Glory know its name, the greatest of Holy Swords…_

"That is NOT Excalibur!" Shirou snapped, his voice cutting through the air, silencing Valper Galilei in the middle of his crowing, the Archbishop blinking at the venom in the Faker's voice before scowling in distaste.

"Humph, what would a Godless Heathen like you know?" he sneered, adjusting his glassing self-importantly as he turned to face them "In any case, now that the sword has been completed, I'd advise you all to leave within the next twenty minutes, otherwise you'll be crushed along with the town once the Earth Shaker spell activates."

"Of course, if you want to stop the spell and save the town, all you have to do is defeat ME." Kokabiel called out, rising from his throne with a mocking smile as he spread his ten black wings for all to see "What say you, Rias Gremory?"

"As if you had to ask!" Rias snarled, summoning darkness in her hand once more even as Akeno launched lighting at the Fallen from on high, Kokabiel grinning ferally as he easily caught both attacks, slamming them together to create a massive sphere of lighting charged darkness that he hurled at the pair with a savage, mocking grin, Akeno taking the brunt of the hit to protect her King.

"Himejima-san!" Shirou called out, sighing in relief as Issei lunged forwards and managed to catch the falling Queen before she hit the ground, only to curse as the Fallen turned his attention to Kiba, who had charged towards Valper with hatred in his eyes "Damn it! RHO AIAS!"

It was shoddy, he could tell even as he hurled himself at Kiba that the projection wouldn't hold, that it wouldn't possess even half the strength it had when he'd traced it against Saber-Alter back in the tunnels leading to the Greater Grail. Still, while it wasn't able to stop the Spear of Light completely, it was able to divert it long enough for Shirou to tackle Kiba to the side, the Faker ramming into the Knight at top speed, sending them flying to the side just as the hastily projected petals shattered and the Spear of Light rent the earth.

"Get off me!" Kiba snapped, glaring hatefully at Valper, shielded from the worst of the blast by a shield of some sort, a sneering Freed Sellzen swaggered in from wherever the hell he'd been hiding.

"Geez, the Boss-Man sure likes to throw his weight around." The Exorcist sneered, a disgusting expression on his face as he took the newly forged holy Sword in both hands, Shirou grimacing as he felt, more than heard, the Blade's disgust at the exorcist's touch "Still, I'll gladly accept the honour of putting this newly upgraded Excalibur-chan through her paces-!"

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF THAT SWORD!" Shirou roared, surprising even Kiba with his fervour as he raced in, Kanshou and Bakuya impacting off the hastily raised holy sword, Valper scrambling backwards in fear as Shirou actually pushed Freed to his knees with the first strike.

"H-Hey! Time out Asshole!" the Exorcist swore, his eyes widening as Shirou bore down on him, delivering a boot to the chest to put some room between them before leaping back "Seriously, just what the hell is it with you? Does destroying Excaliburs give you a boner or something?"

"That blade is NOT Excalibur!" Shirou snarled, the absolute certainty in his words catching even Kokabiel's interest, the Fallen turning his attention from the Gremory Peerage to watch this new turn of events "That blade was meant for one person! It was never meant to be held by the likes of you!"

"Well now, that's a little harsh." Kokabiel noted, the Fallen admittedly impressed by the Faker's vitriol "I'll admit, Freed might not be a natural Excalibur Wielder, but with Valper's research that's hardly an issue-"

"Even if he were a Holy Sword User, that sword was never meant for anyone else to wield!" Shirou snapped "Excalibur is the Golden Sword of Promised Victory, the crystallization of mankind's prayer for 'Victory' entrusted to Arthur Pendragon by the Lady of the Lake, who reclaimed it following his death." He glared witheringly at Valper from where he was cowering behind Freed "It's not something that can be 'Broken and Re-Forged' so easily."

"What are you saying?" Valper whispered, th Archbishop torn between uncertainty and denial as he glanced between the Faker and his masterpiece "If this isn't Excalibur…then what is it…?"

"It's the Holy Sword that symbolises the reign of The One True King of Knights." Shirou revealed, his eyes locked onto the blade "The embodiment of the right of Kingship drawn from the stone, only to be broken and forever lost in a battle where Arthur broke the rules of chivalry."

"Uh, Emiya, isn't that what Excalibur is?" Issei pointed out, scratching the back of his head in confusion "I mean, I'm no expert or anything, but didn't King Arthur draw Excalibur from a Stone?"

"That's how it goes in certain tales, yes." Xenovia admitted with a frown "However, the truth of the matter is that King Arthur was a Holy Sword User of such renown he could wield Two Holy Swords..." Her eyes widened in realization "Don't tell me…!"

"That sword was not forged from _Excalibur: The Sword of Promised Victory_." Shirou declared, his eyes and words carrying such certainty not one person found it in them to deny him "It was forged from the broken shards of _Caliburn: The Golden Sword of the Victorious_ **.** "

* * *

Dun-Dun-DUUUUN!

And yes, I know that DxD has it's own version of Caliburn...however, I did mention there'd be alterations to the timeline, didn't I?

Wonder how the world will react to THIS little revelation I wonder?

Now if you excuse me, It's time I put Gehrman to bed...Pray for me.

 ***Crouches before the lantern and vanishes.***


	9. Fake x Calibur 9

***Reforms at the Nightmare Church Lantern.***

F-!-CKING LUDWIG!... ***SIGHS*** Sorry folks, having a rough time dealing with Horse-face. For some reason I can only bring one summon with me this time, and I swear my Choir Bell isn't working...

In any case, last time I revealed the first major divergence from Canon DxD Lore I have planned for this fic. Judging by your reactions this has been a VERY popular decision, so let's so how the rest of the story plays out, eh?

* * *

 **Fake Life 9: Sword of Betrayal.**

Silence fell over the remains of Kuoh Academy's courtyard as the representatives of the Three Factions gazed upon the lone outsider that had just shattered one of the sole unifying truths of their respective worlds.

All of them knew the story of how the Biblical God had forged Excalibur as one of four Holy Swords, only for it to be broken during the course of the Great War centuries ago. The Church had thus gathered the shards and, through time and effort, re-forged them into what were known today as the Seven Excaliburs, entrusting two to the three main branches of Christendom, while the Seventh had seemingly disappeared.

It was for the sole purpose of finding people capable of wielding the reforged Excaliburs that Valper Galilei had instigated the Holy Sword Project, butchering countless innocent 'test subjects' all for the sake of harvesting their 'Holy Element', a practice the Archangel Michael would seemingly replicate through non-violent means to allow ordinary mortals to wield the blades of his Illustrious 'Father'.

All of them knew this as fact. Indeed, for Kiba and Freed it was a reality, as they both had been subjected to Valper's research at some point in their lives, though it was debateable who turned out the better for it.

And yet, here and now, Emiya Shirou had just shattered their worldview with a few words. Words spoken with such certainty that not even Valper, whose fanaticism for the swords surpassed even that of the most devout zealot, found in him the words to deny them.

"Emiya-san…" Kiba called out, the Gremory Knight unable to keep his voice from trembling as he slowly pushed himself to his feet, his eyes hidden by his hair "How certain are you of those words…?"

"My Magecraft allows me to know everything about a sword simply by looking at it." Shirou replied calmly, his eyes never leaving the blade in Freed's hands "The Age, the Materials used in its production, even the History and skills of the wielder, all of them are perfectly made available to me at a glance."

"So…what you're saying is…that **thing** …isn't even the real Excalibur?" Kiba demanded, his shoulders trembling as he glared at the sword held in Freed's hands "You're telling me that my friends all died for some fake Holy Sword?"

"Yuuto…" Rias breathed, gazing down at her Knight in concern along with the rest of her peerage, even Xenovia eyeing the blonde devil with pity in her eyes, knowing all-too well the atrocities Valper Galilei had committed in the pursuit of his research.

"It's not a fake." Shirou corrected, drawing the groups' attention back to him "Caliburn is a legitimate Holy Sword that rivals even Durandal, the Peerless Sword entrusted to Sir Roland by King Charlemagne." He noticed Xenovia tense at that but ignored it for the moment "Indeed, King Arthur actually preferred Caliburn to Excalibur despite its rank as a Holy Sword being lower, evidenced by the fact it was broken in the first place."

To Saber, Caliburn was equal parts the symbol of her reign and her greatest shame. While she might have regretted the result of her rule, she could not fault the sword for choosing her, as at the time there was no-one more suited to become King, and had been honestly lost when she unwittingly destroyed her closest ally during a fit of pique in the middle of a duel.

It was the Sword in the Stone that chooses the King, descended from Gram, the Sword in the Tree that appoints the Ruler drawn by Sigurd's father Sigmund. It was a Holy blade rivaling Excalibur that would burn away everything it touched, which upon being drawn from the stone caused Saber to cease aging and become 'something 'more than Human, only to be forever lost, never to exist in again.

Until now.

"You…you're lying!" Valper screeched suddenly, spittle flying from the Archbishop's lips as he glared hatefully at Shirou, denial warring with madness as he pointed at the redhead accusingly "What would a Godless Heathen like you know?! I dedicated my entire life to researching the Excaliburs and their wielders! There's nobody more knowledgeable in the subject than I!"

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Emiya-san, Valper has a point." Xenovia muttered, though despite her scowl of disgust her tone seemed unusually subdued, as if she didn't truly know what to believe anymore "It will take more than the word of a heretic to disprove centuries of knowledge."

"True, I hardly expect anyone to believe the words of a virtual unknown Third-Rate Apprentice Magus." Shirou admitted with a shrug, only to glance up at the silent witness to their conversation "But what about the word of someone who was likely there when the blade was forged?"

All eyes drifted to Kokabiel, the Fallen Angel hanging silently in mid-air, his expression indecipherable and the battle-lust that had filled his eyes seemingly gone as he regarded Shirou with renewed interest.

"Yes! Lord Kokabiel!" Valper cried out, turning to face his benefactor with arms spread wide "Tell this godless heathen he's wrong! Tell him how Excalibur was broken, and how only I possessed the skills to re-forge it! Tell him-!"

He trailed off with a yelp as a spear of light missed him by a hair, Kokabiel's expression one of annoyance as he glared down at the Archbishop like he were an annoying dog nipping at his heels.

"Order me to do anything again, old man, and I'll make you wish for the sweet release of death." He snarled, glaring heatedly at the Archbishop cowering behind Freed before turning his attention back to Shirou, a cruel, mocking smile slowly forming on his face "Besides, I find it highly amusing that a so-called Heretic of all things managed to pick out the holes in Michael's little story when a fanatic like you couldn't."

"Then it's true?" Xenovia demanded, her expression one of shocked disbelief as she glanced between the heretofore nameless glowing sword held by Freed, who looked like he was falling asleep of all things, and her own Excalibur-Destruction "These swords…were forged from Caliburn? Excalibur was never truly broken?"

"Do you think a sword that embodies the very prayer of 'Victory' would break so easily, Catholic?" Kokabiel sneered, chuckling mockingly while Xenovia recoiled from the words as if physically slapped "That sword existed long before Father ever designed his Holy Swords, and it will remain long after the human race is nothing more than dust on the winds of time."

Shirou blinked, shocked by the almost reverent tone with which the Fallen Star of God praised the Sword of Promised Victory, a stark contrast to the smug mockery he had displayed thus far. his expression distant, as if he were recalling some distant memory.

"The reason Arthur retains the title as the greatest Holy Sword Wielder is due to the fact he was able to wield two Holy Swords." Kokabiel continued "That being said, as powerful as he was, he was still mortal, and like all mortals he made mistakes, mistakes which lead to his death and Caliburn's destruction."

"Of course, being the 'Good Son' that he is, Michael couldn't very well have word getting out that the Holy Sword forged by Father to anoint the 'One-True King of Briton' broke, especially not after the lengths they went to ensure someone with a strong Holy Element succeeded the throne." He scoffed mockingly before spread his arms wide "So while the mortals fought over who should succeed Arthur, Michael took advantage of Excalibur's disappearance to have the Church cover the whole mess up. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks from there."

Indeed they could, though the ramifications of what that meant left many of them weak at the knees, for despite it's size in comparison to the other superpowers, the United Kingdom of Great Britain is was still one of the oldest, most respected nations in the world, and at one point was the centre of an empire that had rivaled that of ancient Rome, which was fitting considering the two now served as the seats of power for the two 'main' branches of Christendom.

However, despite misconceptions, Christianity was not native to the British isles, having only been introduced to the Pagan Britons during the First Century by Roman traders, during which time it started out as little more than a cult. It wasn't until the Sixth Century, 597 AD to be exact, well after the time of Arthur Pendragon, that Christendom became the main religion of what would come to be known as the British Isles.

Indeed, during the Dark Ages following the Romans' departure, during the invasions of the Angles, Saxons and Jutes, there was a very real possibility that Christianity would be stamped out by the other Pagan Cults due to their staunch intolerance for other 'Heathen Gods'. It would have taken a miracle to save them at that point, and sure enough their God provided one in the form of Arthur Pendragon, the only man 'pure' enough to draw the Holy Sword forged to anoint the 'One True King' of Briton.

With Caliburn as proof of his Divine Right to Rule, Arthur had set about uniting the Kingdom under his rule, banding together a group of like-minded Knights to his court, the most prestigious of which, each a legend in and of themselves, were granted seats at his Round Table, becoming beacons of virtue, honor and chivalry whilst bolstering the position of Christendom as the sole faith of the land.

Of course there were always the skeptics, those who insisted the truth of the matter was far less 'romantic' than the stories made them out to be. That may very well have been the case for any other King, but as someone who not only experienced the charisma of the King of Knights first-hand, but whose existence was as close to being a sword as was possible to be whilst remaining human, Shirou felt he knew better than most why so many people had been drawn to Arthur's banner.

Since time immemorial, as a warrior gained fame, so too would the weapons or tools they wielded. Indeed, more often than not bards would affiliate whatever prowess a hero might have in battle with their signature weapon, be it a bow, a spear, or most commonly, a sword. As a sword forged by the 'One True God' to anoint the 'Rightful' King, Caliburn was a symbol not only of Arthur's virtue, but also of Christianity itself.

However, renown of that caliber didn't come without consequences. While it was true that a Hero's weapon could double as a symbol of their power, there was also the possibility that it could develop into a weakness, if the enemy was able to separate it from the hero. After all, what would be the point of marching behind a warrior who allowed his weapon to be stolen or destroyed?

Imagine then the terror that must have gripped the hearts of those present the day Caliburn, the Holy King Sword forged by the One True God, the very symbol of Arthur's right to rule, was broken during a duel where the King broke the rules of Chivalry. It must have taken some fast political maneuvering to keep the public from finding out the truth until Merlin could spirit Arthur off to claim Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake.

Shirou could only imagine the frustration those in the know must have felt, watching their King, the paragon of Christendom, marching into battle wielding a sword other than the one bestowed upon him by their Beloved God. For while Excalibur was undoubtedly the superior of the two Holy Swords, in the eyes of the church it was forever tainted by it's association with the Fae Vivian and the Wizard Merlin, who was likely an incorrigible troublemaker if he was anything like Saber's adviser.

Time had moved on, and sure enough, despite the Church's might, the legend of Excalibur grew in proportion to Arthur's might until one night Morgan le Fay, determined to see her son Mordred succeed Arthur to the throne, spirited away Excalibur's sheath, thus removing it's protection from, allowing Mordred to strike down his father even as Arthur ran him through during their fateful duel at the Battle of Camlann.

He could only imagine the panic the King's death must have caused, even more so when it was learnt that Excalibur had been lost with him. However, for those in the know, it was the opportunity they were waiting for. And so under the direction of the Archangel Michael, they spread the word that Arthur fell due to favoring the 'Heathen Blade' Excalibur over Caliburn, the Holy Sword forged by the One True God, which they had sequestered away for safe keeping.

However, with both Arthur and the swords lost, they soon found themselves bereft of a champion to send against the hordes of darkness or a symbol with which to unite the nation under their banner. Then some bright spark had gotten it into his head to reforge the broken sword, a plan that had ultimately culminated in the 'rebirth' of the 'Broken Sword of Victory' while Caliburn persisted as the 'Untainted Holy King Sword'. All to ensure Britain remained firmly under the Church's control.

"It can't be…" Valper whispered, his voice like a gunshot in the silence that had settled over the group at this revelation, the Archbishop dropping to his knees in abject disbelief, a haunted expression adorning his features as he stared at his trembling hands "It just can't be…all my research…"

"Yuuto-!" Rias called out, snapping Shirou out of his thoughts just in time to spot Kiba racing past him, the Knight's teeth bared in a feral snarl as he launched himself at his hated enemy with murder in his eyes only to be repelled at the last second by a leering Freed.

"Stay back!" Kiba snarled, glaring at heretics with absolute loathing "Excalibur or not, this monster's research cost my friend's their lives! The fact it allows someone like Freed to wield a Holy Sword just makes my desire to destroy it all the stronger!"

"Hey! Don't go ignoring me you Devil Shit!" Freed snapped, waving the over-sized sword threateningly to make his point "Though I gotta admit, if it weren't for old man Valper, I wouldn't be able to use this baby!"

"Yes…Yes that's right!" Valper exclaimed, rising to his feet, cackling madly "If it weren't for me, then the church would still be looking for people capable of wielding Holy Swords! If what you say is true, and Excalibur truly remains unbroken, then all we need do is find it, and combine it with my masterpiece!"

"You'll be dead before you get the chance!" Shirou snarled, his fury returning at the Archbishops words, lunging forwards only to curse as Freed whipped his sword round, the tip extending to lash out at the group, driving them back "Damn it!"

"Don't get cocky, heathen." Valper mocked "He might have more than a few screws loose, but even before I implanted Holy Element in his body Freed was one of the finest Exorcists the Church ever produced." He held up a shining crystal "Still, if what you say about Excalibur is true, then it looks like we're going to need more Holy Element than the three I originally implanted in Freed."

"So that's it." Xenovia noted, her expression darkening as she glared at the crystal "I'd always wondered what it was the church implanted in those chosen to bear the Holy Swords…so it was Holy Element taken from other candidates?"

"But of course." Valper sneered mockingly "Michael may have altered the procedure to avoid killing the donors, but in the end the only reason you people can even touch those swords is due to my research. And yet they have the audacity to call me a heretic! Those hypocrites!"

"You're telling me you could've removed the Holy Element without killing the hosts?" Kiba demanded, his teeth clenched tightly as he glared at the man "You killed my comrades just because it was easier?!"

"Oh don't act like some sort of martyr." Valper scoffed, waving a hand dismissively "You and your friends were privileged to give your lives for the chance to wield Excalibur even before I decided we'd reached a dead end. The fact I was able to harvest enough Holy Element to implant three of these orbs into Freed is proof enough of that."

"All the others he tried them on ended up dying though." Freed cackled, his expression sickening as he began to gyrate disturbingly for no discernible reason "Guess they weren't special like me!"

"I think the fact it took **three** orbs to allow you to even touch those swords says enough about your character than anything else." Shirou shot back, his tone cold "No wonder the swords hate you both so much, bad enough you killed innocent children, but your own comrades as well?"

"Oh please," Valper scoffed "Holy or not, a Sword is a Sword, they have no feelings or emotions of their own because such things a meaningless to a tool designed to kill heretics." He tossed the crystal at Kiba's feet "Still, if those sub-par dregs mean so much to you, by all means, take them. I've already perfected my technique to the point Mass-Production of superior crystals is well in hand." Spread his arms wide "And with Lord Kokabiel's help, it won't take long for me to amass all the Holy Swords in this world. Let's see how arrogant Michael and his peons are when faced with an army of Excalibur-Class Holy Sword Wielders!"

* * *

 _Following Valper's proclamation..._

'So that's why Kokabiel teamed up with this guy…' Shirou muttered, glaring up at the Fallen, who seemed even more exited at the prospect of such a clusterfuck than Valper or even Freed, understandable considering how much of a murder-boner he must have been harboring since being forced to pull back during the end of the Great War 'I honestly can't tell which is worse, Kokabiel may be in this simply for the fighting, but he's not human so comparing him to Valper, or even Freed, seems a little off somehow.'

Valper wanted revenge for being branded a heretic and having his research stolen by the church. As a Magus, Shirou could understand his frustration, and indeed, from what little he'd managed to gleam from Archer's memories, in the eyes of the Clock Tower Valper's 'Crime' would have fallen under a Morally Grey Area, for while it did cost countless lives, it did produce valuable results, and what did the world care if a few orphans happened to bite the dust?

However, as he had said countless times before, Emiya Shirou was a poor example of a Magus, and would likely never advance beyond the rank of Third-Rate Apprentice. This was not entirely the fault of his lack of training, degraded circuits or the limitations of his Magecraft, but also because he lacked the proper mind-set to ever truly be considered a Magus.

To a Magus, the results of their research were all-important, so important that anyone stupid enough to die without passing on the fruits of their labors to the next generation was typically considered 'No True Magus' to begin with. Provided their research bore promising results, a First-Class Magus could get away with genocide so long as doing so didn't reveal the existence of Magecraft or trespass on forbidden ground.

As a human being, Emiya Shirou's thoughts were far removed from those of the cynical Counter Guardian EMIYA. As one whose life had been saved, and had at one point endeavoured to become a 'Hero of Justice' to save everyone, such sacrifices could never be accepted. Now, as a man who had cast aside his desire to save everyone in favour of protecting those important to him, those who perpetrated such crimes should never be forgiven.

"Everyone…" Kiba whispered, snapping the redhead out of his thoughts to see the Gremory Knight kneeling down to pick up the dimly glowing crystal the sole remnant of his comrades' Holy Element that Valper had so casually discarded as 'dregs', tears streaming from the handsome devil's eyes as he held it reverently in his hands "I'm so sorry…"

As if in response to his words, the crystal began to glow, softly at first, then increasingly brighter, the light spreading out until it covered the entirety of the field, though Shirou somehow instinctively knew that whatever was going on, it meant no harm to anyone here.

From the ground beneath Kiba, orbs of light, like fireflies, rose and coalesced, taking the shape of several people clad in the robes of acolytes of the church. Boys and Girls, ranging from their early teens to as young as four, all clad in the same white robes, all gazing upon Kiba with saddened, downcast expressions.

"They must be Yuuto-kun's comrades…" Akeno noted from the side-lines, her tone solemn as she watched the phantoms converge on Kiba "They must have reacted to his heart and drawn upon the various powers present to manifest."

"Everyone…!" Kiba choked, tears streaming from his eyes as he clutched the gem that held his friend's essence to his chest "I've always…always wondered…was it right…that I was the sole survivor?" his shoulder shook with emotion "Many of you had grander dreams than I ever did…There were certainly those who wanted to live more than I…" he hunched over "Did I truly deserve…to live in peace?"

With each word, Shirou's felt his understanding of Kiba and his fury for Valper grow. Like Emiya Shirou, Kiba Yuuto had 'died' in a crisis, only to be 'Saved' through the actions of others. The difference, however, is that while Kiba had been turned into a devil, he retained all the memories of his past life, whereas Shirou had cast aside everything that he'd been prior to the fire, even his name, so while both had been 'Reborn', Shirou had lost any and all attachment to 'who he'd been before'.

Kiba hadn't lost anything when he'd been revived as a Devil; indeed, the memories of what he'd lost had remained festering within him to this day. As such, while Shirou would continue to envy Kiritsugu for the joy he'd expressed at saving him, all Kiba could do was pray that his comrades had not resented him.

As if to dismiss such thoughts, the spectral hand of a little girl reached up to grip Kiba's sleeve, the Knight looking down to find her smiling up at him, a sentiment shared by all the gathered spirits as they reached out to touch their friend, their lips moving as if in tandem.

" _Don't worry about us anymore._ " Akeno translated, her eyes never leaving the spirits lips as she apparently translated what they were saying for all to hear _"You are alive at least."_

Tears of relief burst from Kiba's eyes, the Knight looking around him in wonderment as his friends bodies dispersed, the lights that composed them swirling around him as a low, rhythmic humming began to play, Kiba slowly, almost hesitantly, began to sing.

Shirou was never the most religious sort, but being acquainted with Ryuudo Issei and working at Bar Copenhagen meant he'd been exposed to various religious events, Sutras and Hymns over the years, and so he could tell even without Asia's tearful whispers that the song that flowed from Kiba's lips had been something precious to him once, the sole relief afforded to the subjects of Valper's research, embodying their hopes and dreams of being able to wield the Legendary Excalibur.

As they all looked on, Valper in horror and Kokabiel with intrigue, the lights gathered around Kiba, moving too fast for Akeno to make out their words before slowly gathering around Kiba's form like a shroud, his body glowing with the same Holy Aura that had exuded from the stone as he turned to glare at the dumbstruck Archbishop of Genocide.

"I can never forgive you…for what you've done." He stated, his features lined with loathing as he stepped towards the cowering Valper "No matter how hard I tried I could never rid myself of the hatred I felt for you and your Holy Sword Project…" he clenched his fist "For so long I thought of nothing but tracking down everything associated with that project and destroying it as a tribute to the comrades who gave their lives for me."

"But they never wanted vengeance." He declared, lowering his fist and marching towards Valper, who backed away from him hurriedly at the sight of the Demonic Sword the Knight summoned to his hand "Even so, I can't rest easy knowing you walk the earth. My comrades will never be able to rest if I allow you to escape to repeat the same crimes over again."

"FREED!" Valper shrieked, staggering backwards like the coward he was, only to sneer mockingly as the Stray-Exorcist once again stepped between him and Kiba, waving his sword threateningly.

"FINALLY!" the lunatic cackled, aiming his sword at Kiba's face "I thought I was gonna die of old age while you lot nattered on like old-hags." He shivered in disgust "And don't get me started on that creepy-ass singing…brrr! I got enough of that shit back in Sunday School! Just hearing it again pissed me off so much I'm about ready to snap!"

"Don't think I forgot about you, Freed Sellzen." Kiba snarled, glaring at the madman "It's not like I needed a reason before, but now that I know my comrades' spirits reside within you, I won't rest till I've ripped them from your cooling corpse."

"Oooh~! I love it when you talk dirty…" Freed sneered, licking the side of his sword mockingly "It makes me wanna carve you open with this Ex-Cali-BOSHIT-!" he yelped, lunging to the side to narrowly avoid the Zwiehander that nearly pierced his head, Valper crying out in alarm as he was encased in a ring of steel by several identical blades "What the fuck?!"

"Trace…ON." Shirou called out calmly, the Faker ignoring the looks of shock he was drawing as he held up his arms, countless blades filling the air behind him, each of them a nameless phantasm, yet none among the onlookers could deny the quality of their make "All projections standing by…"

"O-oi…what the fuck man?" Freed swore, the Fallen-Exorcist paling slightly at the sheer SIZE of some of the blades the Faker was leveling at him with apparent ease, backing up a step out of caution "You ever heard of overkill-?!"

"Sword Barrel Full Open!" was the only response Shirou deemed necessary, the redhead unleashing his accumulated blades as a hail of steel death that tore through Freed's illusions whilst missing Kiba and Xenovia by a yard.

It was a preferred Tactic of both EMIYA and Gilgamesh, raining down weapons on their foes to both limit their movement and drive home just how screwed they were. However, unlike Gilgamesh, whose arrows were all priceless treasures, EMIYA preferred nameless blades that cost less to project, but could be pumped full of Prana to the point they exploded on impact.

In short, Shirou wasn't simply dropping swords on Freed from on high. He was carpet bombing the Stray Exorcist whilst simultaneously setting up a remote minefield that would detonate at his discretion.

And yet, despite it all, Freed was somehow managing to avoid the worst of the assault. Call it the devil's own luck, but by the time the final Sword had dropped, Freed was standing off to the side, his clothes torn to shreds, but still very much alive. And pissed.

"HAX!" he shrieked, pointing at Shirou with his nameless Holy Sword, which was the sole reason he hadn't been reduced to shreds in the opening salvo "I call Hax! Where the hell did you learn a cheap-ass broken move like that you filthy cheater!"

"As much as it pains me to admit, I have to agree with Sellzen on this one, Emiya." Xenovia mused, eyeing the destruction before her warily "Even if the opponent is a Holy Sword wielder…"

"It's precisely because it's a Holy Sword that I'm willing to go so far." Shirou cut in, his expression cool as he continued to glare at Freed "Even if it's a half-assed recreation, it's still possesses the power of three individual Holy Swords. It will take more than this to match it."

"Is that a fact…?" Kiba mused, chuckling weakly at the remains littering the ground around him even as Valper spluttered impotently at the insult to his creation from within the confines of his prison "In that case, I suppose I better step up my game!"

So saying, he held Holy Eraser overhead, the Devil Blade glowing with his Demonic Power even as the Holy Aura he received from his friends rose from his chest to envelop the blade. "Here and now I vow!" he called out, eyes locked on the sword overhead "In the name of my fallen comrades, I vow uphold our dreams! In the name of Rias Gremory, I vow to become the sword that will defend my comrades from harm!"

"Yuuto…" Rias breathed, the Gremory heiress looking on in wonder as her Knight finally peaked, his Sacred Gear, Sword Birth, reacting to his desires and going into overdrive, surpassing its limitations and advancing to the next stage of its evolution, the very nature of the sword in his hand changing in response to his desires.

Judging the concept of creation…

 ** _They who were separate are united once more_** _…to aid their friend in his darkest hour._

It was a sword that neither rejected the Light nor condemned the Dark. It welcomed all its master held dear whilst driving off all who would dare to harm what he sought to protect.

Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…

 _A two-handed longsword that embodies their past dreams…_ ** _and their friend's prayer for the future._**

For so long they had suffered for their selfless act, sacrificed for the sake of a madman's desire while the memory of their loss tormented their beloved friend.

Duplicating the Composite Materials…

 _Forged from the wishes of the Faithful **and the Prayer of the Damned**. No mortal flame could match the passion of the soul from which this blade forged, **nor earthly metal it's dark radiance.**_

Along one side, the blade shone bright as day. Along the other side, the darkness seemed to absorb the light around it. Neither trying to outdo the other, but rather lending the other strength and stability.

Imitating the Production Process…

 ** _Born from a tragedy, given life by a miracle_** _, the Compassion of the forgotten crystalized by the Tears of a Devil they loved as their own brother._

Together they dreamt of holding the most holy of swords, prayed to be deemed worthy of standing beneath its brilliance. Now they sought to forge a blade that surpassed the mockery of that ideal.

Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…

 _Though newly born it carried the hopes and dreams of those who came before, **and would forever guard the hopes and dreams of those who continued to stand by its Master's side.**_

Like Caliburn, this was a sword that had been forged with one being in mind. Unlike the Golden Sword of the Victorious, however, there was no feat required for the wielder to claim it, for he already possessed the loving acknowledgement of those whose hearts were contained within it.

Reproducing the accumulated years…

 ** _For years its master had wandered through darkness, wallowing in despair behind a mask of kindness._** _But through the compassion of friends old and new, he had finally found his way._

Even as its image was burned into his mind, the Faker known as Emiya Shirou knew this was never a sword he would ever be able to reproduce, even should he live to surpass Archer's level of skill.

Excelling every manufacturing process…

 _Even without the Grace of God, it will bathe its Master in light to protect him from the Darkness._

It wasn't a matter of the blade being impossible to recreate. It wasn't like Excalibur or Ea, a Divine Construct beyond human comprehension, or even a 'Lost Phantasm' like Caliburn, which was forever considered lost by the world.

 ** _Even should he be denounced as a Devil, it would devour the light to protect him from its touch._**

It was because he knew in his heart of hearts that just like Caliburn belonged solely to the Proud King of Knights, this sword belonged solely to Kiba Yuuto, and would disappear from this world with him.

 _From betwixt the divide between Light_ **and Darkness, let all who see it hear its name:**

" **Balance Breaker**!" Kiba declared, bringing his new weapon down to clash against Freed's nameless blade, the newly forged blade glowing with both Holy Aura and Demonic Taint " **Sword of Betrayal: The Holy Devil Sword**!"

"Bring it!" Freed cackled, the two swords clashing again and again, the Exorcist's smile fading as the Golden Aura that covered his weapon slowly faded, absorbed by the darkness that composed half of Kiba's "The Hell? Don't tell me this thing ran outta juice already?!"

"You know, part of me is glad that this isn't the real Excalibur." Kiba admitted, his smile almost reverent as he pressed the Exorcist further "Even though it cost them their lives, my friends never once resented the sword itself." His eyes narrowed coldly "The fact this isn't even a fake of the real thing makes it all the easier for me to destroy it!"

"I'd like to see you try!" Freed snapped, shoving Kiba off him with an impressive feat of strength, cackling madly as he lashed out, the tip of his sword extending like living metal to impale the Gremory Knight "Real or not, none of you shits got the chops to step up to this!"

"Want to bet?" Kiba challenged, the Gremory Knight using his superior speed to dodge the living metal spears no matter how accurately they tried to pierce him "This isn't even a challenge…I guess without Excalibur Rapidly, there's not much you can do against a Knight's speed."

"Don't you look down on me you Devil Shit!" Freed snapped, Kiba weaving under his guard to deliver a slash to the chest, only to curse as his blade passed through the Exorcist "Gotcha!" Freed Cackled, his voice coming from all around as several copies of the Exorcist blurred into view, the sword in his hands mysteriously absent "Let's see how you fair against a sword you can't see-!"

"Want to bet?" Kiba challenged, lashing out with the Sword of Betrayal, deflecting countless attacks from the invisible sword no matter what angle Freed aimed for "I'll admit, the first time you faced me with Transparency, you caught me off guard, but now I know what to expect, even if you throw in Nightmare's Illusions, I can tell where you're coming from simply by reacting to your bloodlust."

"Smug son of a bitch…!" Freed snarled, pressing his composite sword against Kiba's balance breaker in an attempt to overpower Kiba, only to leap back with a curse as several swords flew at him from on high, Shirou and Xenovia stepping forward to stand shoulder to shoulder with the Gremory Knight

"A Holy Demonic Sword…" Xenovia noted, eyeing the Balance Breaker with an appreciative eye "I didn't think such a thing was even possible…though it seems it falls just short of that thing."

"Unsurprising." Shirou concurred, his own eyes locked on Freed's blade "Even incomplete, it's a True Holy Sword descended from a sword forged by God. It won't go down without a fight."

"Perhaps I can help with that." Xenovia concurred, stepping up on Kiba's right, Destruction held in her off-hand as she held her right to the side "Petra, Basilicas, Dionysius and Mary the Holy-Mother, please hear my voice."

In response to her words, a golden glyph bearing chains appeared in mid-air, the hilt of a sword, wrapped in chains, emerging from within to rest in her hand.

"In the names of the saints whom reside within this blade," Xenovia called out, drawing a massive golden blade from the circle to the accompaniment of shattering chains "I unleash the Holy Sword, Durandal!"

Shirou's eyes widened at the sight of the Holy Blade Durandal, the peerless Sword, a Holy Sword entrusted to the French King Charlemagne and awarded to the Paladin leader of the Twelve Peers, Sir Roland. Like Caliburn it stood as a symbol of power splendidly forged and to this day is considered to be the symbol of the Battle of Roncevaux Pass.

But unlike with the 'Excaliburs', the sight of Durandal did not cause him any undue distress, despite the existence of a 'Durandal' upon the Hill of Swords. This was most likely due to the last of it's legendary three miracles, for while many knew the sword to be eternally sharp and indestructible, as evidenced when not even Roland could destroy it to prevent it falling into enemy hands, few knew that the third miracle allowed the sword to evolve to best suit the wielder.

As such, while the sword he'd witnessed in Gilgamesh's treasury was doubtless the 'Original', it was highly likely that the 'Durandal' wielded by Sir Roland had a vastly different appearance, just as the sword before him was likely the form the blade assumed in the hands of Xenovia Quarta.

"Impossible!" Valper gaped, the Archbishop's eyes bulging from his skull at the sight of the Holy Sword that surpassed even Caliburn when it was whole, at least in terms of pure cutting power "My research never produced anyone who could wield THAT!"

"I'll thank you not to compare me to the likes of Freed Sellzen." Xenovia countered with a mocking smile, Destruction resting on her shoulder while she leveled Durandal at the imprisoned fanatic "You see, unlike Irina and the others, I'm all natural."

"Flawless Aptitude?!" Valper breathed, his disbelief almost palpable as his eyes roamed over form as if seeing her for the first time "Don't tell me…Durandal chose you to be its wielder?"

"I can only imagine how that must sting, considering how you were rejected by the swords you loved so much." Xenovia noted coyly, earning a scoff from Kiba and Shirou alike even as Valper ground his teeth impotently within his prison "Still, as great an honour as it is, this sword's a little temperamental so I usually keep it sealed away to prevent it cutting what it shouldn't." her eyes narrowed "However, I think I'm willing to make an exception where that abomination of yours is concerned."

"Don't you go looking down on me either blue-tits!" Freed snarled, lashing out with his nameless Holy Sword once more, only to recoil as the tendrils were effortlessly sliced away with a single swing of Durandal "The Fuck?!"

"So in the end even combining three together isn't enough…" Xenovia mused, her tone almost disappointed "I must admit, I was intrigued when Emiya compared the original Caliburn to Durandal, but I guess that's all we can expect from a poorly put together fake."

"Shit! Are you fucking kidding me?!" Freed cursed, glaring at the trio with the remains of his broken sword held between them "Is everyone but me using cheat codes or something?! How the Hell is this fucking fair?!"

"It's over, Freed Sellzen." Kiba declared, advancing on the Exorcist with resolved eyes "That fake holy sword of yours will never be able to sever the bonds between my comrades and I."

"Oh spare me the sentimental crap-!" Freed spat, only to choke as Kiba rushed in, the Knight's Holy Demonic Sword Cleaving through the hastily raised Composite Sword, leaving a gaping cut across the Exorcists torso "D-Dammit…I refuse to lose…to a piece of shit Devil-?!"

"You didn't lose to me." Kiba declared, the Gremory Knight gazing down at the screaming form of Freed Sellzen, watching impassively as the deranged former Exorcist struggled to contain the Holy Element that was currently trying to escape from his body and was clearly ripping it apart from within to do so "You lost to the bonds I share with my comrades

* * *

So there we have it, one of the Major conspiracies of the Church brought to light at last.

Also, yes, I'm well aware of the role 'Caliburn' plays in DxD canon, trust me I've something slated to replace it.

Things should slowly start picking up from here on, at the very least the Kokabiel Arc is drawing to a close.

Let's see who comes out of this alive eh?

As for me? Gonna power level for a bit...God damn but I love Moon Runes.

 ***Crouches before the lantern and vanishes.***


	10. Fake x Calibur 10

***Dusts off Blood after engaging in Porcine-assisted Homicide.***

Death by mutated Bacon...the struggle is real. Hey all, another chapter for you, figured I might as well get it out now it's ready so I can focus on other things.

Like why the hell I can only summon either Valtr or the younger Maderas twin now. Not to mention the fact my Choir Bell doesn't seem to work anymore. Was there a patch or something?

In any case, last time Kiba cut to the heart of his issues. HA. Let's see how that works out.

* * *

 **Fake Life Ten: Forbidden Knowledge.**

"Geez Kiba…" Issei muttered, the brunet scratching his cheek awkwardly even as the rest of their Club cheered for the Knight's victory over the insane Exorcist "Did you have to make it sound so cheesy?"

Still, that was one hell of an Ace the Damned Handsome had managed to pull out of his ass. Issei knew all too well the power a Balance Breaker afforded it's user, having sacrificed his left arm to Ddraig in order to use his own for ten seconds during his fight with Riser, so he knew better than most just how much more powerful the Knight was having unlocked it on his own.

'And then there's Xenovia and Emiya…' he muttered, shivering as his eyes roamed over the golden edge of Durandal and the scattered blades that littered the battlefield where the trio had been fighting Freed 'Seriously…am I always going to be the one on the outside looking in?'

 **"Don't underestimate yourself, Partner."** Ddraig comforted him, or as well as the disembodied voice of a Celestial Dragon can comfort anyone **"Everyone evolves at their own pace. Not all of my former users started out as strong as they became after all, and none of them entertained me as much as you do either."**

"Glad to know you find my life so entertaining." Issei muttered, eyeing the gauntlet with a mixture of annoyance and comfort, understanding that it was simply Ddraig's way of pepping him up "So wait, you're saying you've worked with guys weaker than me?"

 **"Hell no, you're the weakest host I've had bar none."** Ddraig countered, causing the pervert to slump in defeat **"I suppose that's what makes you so intriguing; they say the weakest hatchlings squawk loudest after all."**

"Oh go to hell!" Issei swore, tears of frustration lining his eyes as he clenched his teeth in frustration, glaring at the sword trio jealously "I'm seriously starting to understand how Matsuda and Motohama feel…"

"A…Holy-Demonic sword…?!" a voice stammered, the devils turning to see Valper staring at Kiba's Balance Breaker, the Archbishop clearly torn between disbelief and incomprehension "It can't be…for two polar opposites to not only coexist, but to combine into an entirely new entity? Such a thing should be impossible…!"

"Call it a Miracle or what have you." Kiba muttered, his eyes harsh as he advanced upon the Archbishop, Emiya dismissing the blades imprisoning him with a snap of his fingers "Either way, prepare yourself; Valper Galilei. For the crimes committed against my friends and I; I shall happily do the Church's dirty work and end you myself."

"Kiba…" Issei muttered, torn between his sympathy for the Knight and his morals. While he'd adapted pretty easily to being a devil, Issei had been born Human, and as such was still rather squeamish at the thought of taking a human life, even as twisted a life as Freed Sellzen's.

While he could understand Kiba wanting to get revenge for his comrades that Valper sacrificed for his twisted research, the fact remained that the old man was virtually defenceless without Freed to back him up, and judging by the sneer on Kokabiel's face, the Fallen was enjoying the floor show far too much to even think about intervening on the Archbishop's behalf.

Strangely enough, out of everyone here, Valper Galilei seemed to be the only one ignorant of his situation, the Archbishop of Genocide's eyes locked onto Kiba's Balance Breaker, taking in every nuance of the Sword of Betrayal, as if hoping to divine the secrets of the universe from it.

"Yes…" he breathed, understanding returning to his eyes as he stared at his hands "Yes, I see! I understand now!" He dropped to his knees in reverence "Holy and Demonic! Everything makes sense if the balance between the two is skewed!" he began to cackle madly "Which means…to think that not only the Satans but even God-!"

Whatever he had been about to say was promptly cut off with a torrent of blood as a Spear of Light pierced him from behind, pinning him to the ground, the look of realization giving away to confusion once more before the light faded from his eyes.

"I'm honestly impressed you managed to come to that conclusion, Valper Galilei." Kokabiel mused, his expression laced with mocking approval as he dismissed the Spear of Light with a snap of his fingers "I suppose you weren't known as a genius for nothing."

"What are you playing at, Kokabiel?" Rias demanded, the Gremory Heiress glaring accusingly up at the Fallen, having used the time between Shirou's revelation and Kiba's defeat of Freed to receive healing from Asia, who even now was currently attending to Akeno "Wasn't Valper on your side?"

"Indeed, his idea to create an army of Holy Sword wielders appealed to me greatly, even if his true objectives were so easily apparent." Kokabiel admitted with a dismissive sneer "Still, as capable as he was, I never truly needed his help to achieve my objectives; it was simply amusing to me to watch him fawn over a fake like it was the genuine article."

That's right. From the get go, Kokabiel had admitted that his objective was to restart the Great War. To do that, he'd stolen the Excaliburs and was threatening Rias and Sona, the younger siblings of two of the ruling Satans. In all honesty he didn't need an army of Holy Sword Wielders to start a war. All he had to do was kill everyone in the city and both Heaven and Hell would be out for blood. Add in the centuries of hatred between the two sides and BAM, instant clusterfuck.

"Red Dragon Emperor." the Fallen called out imperiously, Issei's spine tensing as he realized the Fallen was looking right at him "Maximize the power of your Boosted Gear and transfer it to someone else. Anyone will do, just make sure not pick someone weak."

"Are you trying to give us a handicap?" Rias demanded, her temper flaring much like how it had when Riser had looked down on her peerage, though unlike last time Issei knew better than to preemptively attack the Fallen for the slight "Don't insult us!"

"Insult you?" Kokabiel repeated, his tone mocking as he sneered at the Gremory Heiress "I'm the one who should feel insulted. First Michael and now Sirzechs...honestly, just how many of you peons do I have to kill before you understand just how out of your league I am?"

Rias grit her teeth but said nothing, knowing all too well just how sunk they were if Kokabiel decided to go all out. While she was confident that her brother or any of the other Satans could handle him, the fact the situation even required someone on the level of a Super-Devil to be resolved simply put things into sharper perspective.

Kokabiel wasn't the big fish in the little pond. He was a Megalodon in a fishbowl. He was power personified and to make matters worse like all Angels, Fallen or otherwise, commanded the Holy element that was the antithesis to their Demonic Power.

The only one of them that stood the remotest chance of beating him at their current level was Rias herself, and even then she'd probably need to multiply her powers several times over through Issei's Boosted Gear before she even hoped to stand a chance if their last exchange was any indication.

"…Issei. Activate your Sacred Gear." She ordered, entwining her fingers with the Pawn's free hand, Issei nodding in understanding as he clenched his gauntleted fist, the emerald gem flashing with a cry of **"BOOST!"** as they approached the fallen at a sedate walk.

Seconds turned into minutes, the silence broken only by the sound of their footsteps and the cries of **"BOOST!"** from Issei's Sacred Gear, the rest of the gathered warriors unable to move a muscle, their eyes locked on the hovering form of Kokabiel, waiting for the slightest hint of an opening to launch a sneak attack, anything to give their comrades the slightest advantage.

Naturally, no opportunity presented itself. The Fallen merely hovered there, arms crossed impatiently, his expression growing increasingly more eager with declaration from the Red Emperor Dragon until, at last, it began to shine with emerald light, signifying it had reached Issei's current limit. "Finally!" Kokabiel leered, eyeing the amassed power below with an eager expression "Now then, who will you be transferring the power to?"

"Issei!" Rias commanded, the Pervert Pawn nodding in acknowledgement as he once again transferred all of the amassed power to his King, the Gremory Heiress doubling over for the second time that day as the euphoric feeling of power surged through her body, her Power of Destruction feeding on it to the point she was surrounded by a thick black haze of demonic power that could probably be sensed for miles were it not for the barrier.

"Impressive power, Rias Gremory!" Kokabiel applauded, his expression eager, more than used to facing such fearsome energy from his time in the Great War "That is indeed the power of an Ultimate-Class devil, just shy of that of a Satan." He sneered mockingly "It would appear that Sirzechs isn't the only one in the family with a bit of fight to them!"

"BEGONE!" Rias snarled, clearly not in the mood for small-talk, the Scarlet Haired Ruin Princess unleashing the full force of her Power of Destruction as a torrent of crimson-stained darkness that swallowed the Fallen and everything behind him whole.

And for a moment, one precious moment, the assembled warriors thought they'd won. How could anything, Fallen, Angel or Devil, survive being hit point blank by pure, concentrated annihilation?

But then they heard it, softly at first, as if even their own ears dared not believe it, but as time went on they slowly came aware of the laughter of Kokabiel as it grew to the point it practically roared over the rampant destruction.

"EXCELLENT!" he cackled, sounding for all the world like a kid in a candy store as he pushed back the darkness with both hands, his wings spread wide behind him as if to hold him in place "MOST IMPRESSIVE, RIAS GREMORY!"

Rias grimaced, before mustering the very last of her strength, focusing every last drop of her demonic power into an even larger blast, intending to overpower the Fallen through sheer power, only for her legs to give out, the president of the Occult Research Club collapsing to the ground, her comrades looking on in horror as Kokabiel casually scattered her attack with a wave of his hand.

Not that he came out of it unscathed, mind you. It was clear from his tattered black robes and the bloody palms of his once immaculate hands that even he couldn't afford to take another hit like that as cavalierly as before. Unfortunately, it was even clearer to those gathered that Rias had truly given it all she had, and wouldn't be able to fire off another blast like that even if Issei powered all the way up again.

The only other option would be for him to use his ability on someone else. But other than Rias, Akeno was the only one capable of attacking from a distance with magic, and while her command of Lightning was impressive, it was nowhere near as devastating as the Power of Destruction Rias and her brother had inherited from their mother.

Not that it stopped the Thunder Priestess from leaping into the fray. Lighting crashing from the skies at her command as she unleashed her fury on the one who hurt her precious friend with a cry of rage. "You dare to stand in my way, spawn of Barakiel?"Kokabiel demanded, his tone challenging, as if he relished the idea of going up against his comrade's child as he deflected her attack with his wings.

"Do not associate me with that man!" Akeno snarled, the normally coy Queen actually showing more rage than when Rias had been attacked, unleashing blasts of lighting until she seemingly ran out of steam.

"I'd heard you two weren't on good terms, but to think you even went so far as to become a Devil!" Kokabiel cackled, clearly enjoying himself as he unfurled his wings, glancing over the assembled forces "The current Red Dragon Emperor, a Holy-Sword Project Survivor capable of obtaining Balance Breaker, and even Barakiel's bastard." He sneered at Akeno's look of discomfort "I see you taste in servants is just as bizarre as your brother's, Rias Gremory."

"That's enough out of you!" Rias snapped, rising to her feet despite Issei's attempts to calm her "Bad enough you insult my Brother, the Satan Lucifer, but for the insults leveled at my peerage, I won't rest until I've taken your life in exchange!"

"Is that so?!" Kokabiel demanded, dropping from the sky with a crash, his wings vanishing behind him as he spread his arms wide, grinning ferally at the redhead's challenge "Then come at me, Satan's Sister! Master of the Welsh Dragon! Crimson-hair Ruin Princess!" he spread his arms wide, as if daring her to approach "What stands before you is your sworn enemy! Only a coward would let such an opportunity pass them by!"

* * *

 _Following Kokabiel's challenge..._

'Lancer would love this guy.' Shirou muttered, recalling the bloodthirsty smile of the Hound of Ulster, the Servant that had ran him through to remove any witnesses. As much as he resented the Servant for almost killing him, Lancer had been a likable sort, the kind of warrior you could have a drink with despite knowing he intended to kill you on the battlefield the next day.

Hell, the Servant had honestly admitted that the only reason he'd answered the summons was to fight strong opponents, as he'd harboured no regrets in again, while Cu Chulainn had been a demi-god in life, he'd been raised a warrior and so carried himself as one despite possessing the skills of a Caster and savagery of a Berserker. Kokabiel, on the other hand, had never been human. As an Angel created by the Biblical God, his thought processes and obsession with battle were not something that could be easily understood by mortal men, much like the ORT or Primate Murder. Or women for that matter.

"Emiya..." Xenovia murmured, keeping her voice low to avoid alerting Kokabiel "During our initial battle with Freed Sellzen, you somehow summoned the lost sword of a Legendary Hero." Her eyes narrowed as Issei, enraged by the Fallen's insults, stepped up to challenge the Fallen "From what I've gathered, you can recreate any weapon you've seen…so I take it that's not the only sword you have in your possession?"

"Guilty, as charged." Shirou admitted, his features tense as Issei began charging up to attack Kokabiel despite the others protests "Though unfortunately, there's a limit to the type of sword I can Trace on my own."

"Should I assume the reason for that is the same reason you were given that Holy Shroud?" Xenovia deduced, earning a grimace from the Faker "What if you were to amplify your power with the Red Dragon Emperor's?"

Shirou paused, glancing between Issei and the Artificial Phantasm, his mind whirling a mile a minute as he tried to weigh the pros and cons of such an act.

On the one hand, having Issei amplify his power with that of the Red Dragon's would certainly give him a tremendous boost in his abilities, possibly even matching those of the Servant Archer, who while certainly stronger than a mortal man, hadn't been all that impressive statistically as a Servant. Indeed, in one possible future he'd witnessed from the arm, he'd actually fought toe-to-toe with the Red Servant after the latter betrayed Rin for the chance to kill him, even if that Archer had been weakened due to the lack of a Master supporting him.

The downside, however, was that while his power might match Archers, his skill at projection did not. While it had improved by leaps and bounds since arriving, he still needed to rely on the Artificial Phantasm for anything more complicated than simple nameless blades or Kanshou and Bakuya, as evidenced by the reaction he'd gotten for partially undoing the seal to trace Hrunting.

In order to create a sword capable of facing Kokabiel, simply loosening the shroud wouldn't cut it. He'd need to fully unleash the power of the Servant EMIYA, which meant opening himself up entirely to the invasive presence of the Counter-Guardian's Inner World.

It wasn't as if he hadn't done it before. He hadn't hesitated for a second to cut down the twisted shadow of Berserker that had threatened Ilya in the Einzbern Forest, even though he knew his body would pay the price. But back then he'd been in a contract with Rin, and later Ilya, to help alleviate the strain of supporting the arm with his own Prana.

Rin's stopgap had long since disappeared, and Ilya's connection to him had been severed the moment Gilgamesh had run her through. If Shirou undid the seal now, even with his power amplified by Issei's Boosted Gear, there would be no going back.

"Buy me time." He urged, gripping his shoulder tensely, the wielder of Durandal nodding in understanding as she raced into battle alongside Kiba and Koneko, the three of them engaging Kokabiel simultaneously, only for the Rook to be callously swatted aside by the Fallen's wings "Shit, HYOUDO!"

"Emiya?" the Gremory Pawn stammered, crouching protectively next to Koneko alongside a concerned Asia, the Bishop's hands glowing as she used Twilight Healing to tend to the fallen Rook's injuries "What is it?"

"How soon can you fully charge your Boosted Gear?" Shirou demanded, crouching down next to the Rook, cursing Archer's lack of knowledge of healing Magecraft as he removed his blazer to cover the poor girl "I need you to use it on me as soon as you're fully charged."

"Do you have a plan, Emiya-kun?" Rias pondered, the Gremory Heiress leaning against Akeno for support, the King and Queen completely spent from their respective assaults on the Fallen, only to gasp as Kokabiel unleashed a wave of Holy Energy. While Xenovia managed to block the worst of it with Durandal, but the rest was still barreling towards them "No!"

"Get down!" Shirou barked, the redhead cursing to himself as he partially undid the shroud, biting back a grimace as he fought down the sudden heat in his bones long enough to raise his left arm towards the oncoming wall of light "RHO AIAS!"

Unlike last time, which had been a spur of the moment failure, the combination of Shirou's will and Archer's knowledge manifested a perfect replication of the aptly named **_Seven Rings that Cover the Fiery Heavens_ , **the luminescent petals, each possessing the strength of a fortress wall, weathering the assault with nary a struggle, though the impact brought Shirou to his knees, blood dripping from one nostril.

'Just hold on-!' he hissed, urging his screaming body to bear the pain even as he felt the beginnings of countless blades forming beneath his skin as Archer's World invaded his own 'Hold on just a little longer!'

"Hoh~!" Kokabiel mused, his tone intrigued as he stood at the end of the trench his attack left in the ground before him "You continue to impress me, Heathen! Even if I wasn't being serious, I never imagined a shield existed that could withstand my power." He glanced at Xenovia "Almost as impressive as you, Catholic. To think you could fight so well without your Master."

"What are you talking about?" Xenovia demanded, rising slowly to her feet, leveling the tip of Durandal at the Fallen Star of God with a glare as he had the audacity to laugh at her question "Answer me, Kokabiel!"

"Ha! Come to think of it, if I'm going to start a war there's no point in keeping it a secret now is there?" the Fallen mused, shaking his head self-mockingly before leering at the assembled forces "You ask what I mean, Catholic? Then I shall tell you: At the end of the Great War, not only did the Original Four Satans perish, but GOD as well!"

Silence reigned over the battlefield, only the dying echoes of Kokabiel's mocking laughter remained as his opponents tried to process the words that had just spewed from his mouth. "God…is dead?" Rias repeated, the Gremory Heiress gaping at the Fallen in shock "That's impossible…such a thing…such a thing has never happened before!"

"I suppose it's only natural for you to look so surprised." The Fallen mocked, "Still, even if you don't believe me, the fact remains that after the War, Pure Angels could no longer reproduce, and there are very few Pureblood Devils among the 72 Pillars. Things got so bad that all three factions have to rely on Humans just to survive, but since the incompetent sheep can't survive without their precious Shepherd, the Higher-Ups of all Three Factions did their best to keep this secret from pretty much everyone, quietly 'disposing' of anyone that learned the truth." He sneered at Valper's corpse "It got to the point it's almost reflexive to kill anyone who learns the truth…though in all honesty I couldn't care less."

"…You're lying…" Xenovia whispered, the exorcist dropping to her knees, Durandal falling to the ground beside her as all the strength in her body vanished, unable to do anything but shake her head in a feeble attempt to deny the Fallen's words "You're lying…it can't be…"

"What reason have I to lie?" Kokabiel countered with a sneer "I could care less if the sheep learn that their shepherd is dead, humans aren't worth my time anyway." He scowled, "No, what bothers me is that, after all we went through to corner both Heaven and Hell, that bastard Azazel had the gall to order us to retreat! To make matters worse, all three sides suddenly up and decided there was no meaning in continuing the war!"

"I can't bear it!" he snarled clenching a fist so tightly that it actually began to bleed "Can you imagine the humiliation we felt when that bastard ordered us, his own men! To lower our raised fists when we were in the perfect position to land the final blow to both our enemies? He even had the audacity to say there'd never be another war! Don't fuck with me! If that's the case, then what the hell were we fighting for in the first place?!"

And with that, Shirou understood. With that one enraged rant, filled with venom and bitterness, the Faker finally understood just what it was that was driving the Fallen Star of Heaven to such lengths.

Kokabiel was a warrior. Like Lancer, he lived for the fight and probably would have been just as happy to die in battle as to take his enemy's life. No doubt he had seen countless comrades meet their end on the Holy Spears of the Angels or consumed by the Devil's Hellfire, only to persevere, for what else was there to do in a war but kill your opponent?

Finally, despite being outnumbered on both sides, the Fallen Angels found themselves in a position to strike a mortal blow to the other two Biblical Factions, rendered leaderless by the Deaths of God and the Old Satans. A Blow that Kokabiel would've been all too eager to deliver if only his leader gave the word.

The word was given, but not to Attack. Instead, Kokabiel could only look on in disbelief as, despite their sacrifices to reach this point, their leader, Azazel, was the first to call for a retreat, and as if to drive the nail deeper, forbid any of them from restarting the war or revealing the truth of God's death to the world.

And so the warrior was forced to put away his fangs and pretend to shepherd the sheep left unattended in God's absence, now the only means by which his race could ever increase their numbers as a result of the creator's death while the favored son attempted to fill his shoes.

It was a laughable affair, so much so that, were the stakes not so high, Shirou might actually pity the Fallen. While his fate was nowhere near as tragic as EMIYA's, at least Kokabiel retained his free will, so it wasn't as if he could pass the blame for his actions till now entirely on Azazel's head.

"So what?" Shirou called out, cutting off Issei before the Pawn could begin his rant "You say God is dead? Tell me something I don't know, I haven't believed in God from the moment I was born, so I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Emiya-?" Rias exclaimed, the Gremory heiress looking at her fellow redhead in surprise as he slowly rose to his feet, her eyes widening in alarm as she spotted the blood trailing down his face "You're hurt!"

"It's nothing compared to losing an arm." Shirou assured her, smirking to himself as he gripped the burning left limb, struggling to bring it under control "It's nothing compared to being stabbed in the heart, hell, it doesn't even compare to walking through a fire, trying to ignore the screams of people around you."

"What are you talking about, heathen?" Kokabiel demanded, a scowl adorning his features "Are you honestly trying to tell me that if knowledge of God's death were made public, you humans would be unaffected?"

"Oh I'm sure there'll be some fallout." Shirou agreed, his expression wry as he channeled some of Archer's sarcastic wit "But the thing is, it's not humans that are dependent on Gods…its Gods that are dependent on us." He chuckled at the Fallen's expression "It's true, isn't it? Since ancient times, Gods have relied on the faith of mankind to maintain their powers…without it they simply disappear back into the ether, or at best, become mere nature spirits with limited ability to interact with the material world."

"Is he serious?" Issei demanded, sweat-dropping as he glanced between the Faker and Kokabiel, who was eyeing the redhead with interest, and Rias, who seemed to be just as stunned as he was "Buchou, is that really all faith boils down to?"

"There's probably more to it than that…" Rias countered, her expression torn as she kept her eyes on Kokabiel, watching for any signs of attack "But, as far as I can tell, what Emiya-kun is saying isn't entirely wrong."

"With that in mind, what's one more Dead God in the face of the hundreds that have fallen before him?" Shirou continued, earning gasps of shock from Xenovia, even the Devils looking at him as if he lost his marbles "Indeed, considering how often they leave us with the short end of the stick, it could be argued that Humans are better off without any Gods at all."

"Ha! I like the way you think, Heathen!" Kokabiel cackled, throwing his head back as his shoulders shook with mirth "Indeed, you've no idea how refreshing it was to cut loose after being under Father's watchful eye for so long! Endlessly trying to live up to his boundless expectations, to hell with that!"

"No, all you did was run away." Shirou countered, earning a sharp look from the Fallen "You gave up on the ideals which you carried for so long, unable to bear the weight of your convictions, you chose to cast them aside and take the easy route."

Just like Archer, Kokabiel had come to resent the ideals he'd once cherished, used them as a scapegoat for his suffering, when in actuality he had simply buckled, unable to bear the commitments he'd taken on for himself.

Had Shirou not cast aside his ideals himself, perhaps he'd have felt justified looking down on the Fallen for giving up. As it was, however, the only difference between him and Kokabiel was that the Angel had fallen because he'd been unable to live up to his ideals, whereas Shirou had cast those ideals aside to protect something he deemed far more precious.

"I pity you." He admitted, Kokabiel's eyes widening in anger at the statement "Not because you fell, you've only yourself to blame for that. No, I pity you because even though you cast your ideals aside, you didn't do it for something meaningful, but simply because you couldn't live up to them."

"You pity ME?" Kokabiel repeated, his expression indecipherable, a mixture of rage and confusion as he eyed the Faker with disbelief "Do you even know to whom you are speaking? I am Kokabiel! The Fallen Star of God! I have fought and slain Angels and Devils alike! I challenged the authority of the Almighty himself, and laughed at the presumptuous Satans that thought themselves his equal! Even the Celestial Dragons hold no fear over me! And yet you have the audacity to pity ME?!"

"I pity you because I was exactly the same, once." Shirou admitted calmly, shocking the Fallen to silence "Sure, I never stood against Gods or Devils, but I know what it's like to cast your ideals aside only to be betrayed in the end."

"…Who do you think you are, boy?" Kokabiel demanded, his expression unreadable, his eyes taking in every nuance of the Faker's features "You, clad in a Holy Shroud despite claiming to be an Atheist." He gestured to the swords littering the ground around them "You, who can summon steel the likes of which belong in the hands of Heroes, who can block the Light of Heaven with a mere shield…"

 ** _Who are you…Emiya Shirou?_**

It was a question that had been cycling through everyone's minds at least once since they encountered him. Indeed, it was a question Shirou often asked himself whenever he found himself before a mirror ever since arriving in this world where Devils went to school and the leader of the Fallen Angels was apparently obsessed with vintage Super Famicom games and Porno magazines.

He was not the Counter-Guardian, Emiya, who entered into a contract with Alaya and was forever damned to betray his ideals to protect humanity as a species.

He was not the childhood-friend turned lover of Matou Sakura, revived through an incomplete use of the 3rd Magic by his elder sister in a last ditch act to save his soul.

He was not the admirer turned public Apprentice and secret Lover of Tohsaka Rin, who followed her to the Clock Tower only to wind up in a complicated three-way relationship with her rival and distant cousin, Luviagelita Edelfelt.

He was no-longer the Master of Saber, Arturia Pendragon, the Once and Future Proud King of Knights, nor was he the man who helped her accept her place in history by coming to terms with her past.

While he remained the adopted son of Emiya Kiritsugu, he had cast aside the flawed ideals the broken Magus Killer had passed on despite his best efforts to prevent him from following in his footsteps.

He was the Fool who allowed his Servant to be devoured by the Darkness, who cast aside his ideals to save his sister, ignorant of the suffering of his childhood friend until her mind broke, forcing him to kill her after she murdered his Mentor, her own sibling. He was the incompetent who, despite casting aside his ideals, failed to protect the one he cast them aside for, yet didn't have the decency to join her in death.

When all was said and done, just who was Emiya Shirou?

 **"TRANSFER!"** a deep voice declared, Shirou's eyes widening as an armoured hand slapped him upside the head, followed by a sudden surge of power, his underdeveloped circuits burning as they were suddenly filled with Prana to the point they almost burst under the strain.

It was nothing like when he'd entered into a contract with Rin and Ilya to alleviate the strain of using Archer's arm. Indeed, it felt more akin to the 'memory' of sacrificing 'his' circuits to strengthen 'his' connection with Saber, kick-starting her Magical Core that she'd inherited from the Red Dragon.

"What the hell are you doing overthinking things, Baka?" Issei muttered, the Perverted Pawn lowering his armoured hand as he glared at the Faker "You might be an uptight stick in the mud damned handsome, but you're nothing like that fucker." He clapped a hand on Shirou's shoulder "You're you and he's an asshole! So quit moping and kick his ass!"

"Hyoudou…" Shirou muttered, staring at the pervert in shocked disbelief, only to scoff, pushing his armored hand aside with a genuine smile as he walked towards the waiting form of Kokabiel "Thanks…Issei."

The Pawn was right. What did it matter who he WAS? He was all-too-familiar with casting aside the past in order to keep marching forwards. While he would never forget the people he'd failed, neither would he allow them to impede him from saving those he could.

Saber would not have wanted him to give up. Rin would kill him if he dared. Sakura would encourage him to keep marching forward, and even Archer, ass that he was, would challenge him to catch up to him.

He was born from the fires of the Fourth Grail War, forged by the hands of the repentant Magus Killer and tempered by the disastrous events of the Fifth Heaven's Feel. He had been prey to Ulster's child of light, had braved the keep of the Witch of Betrayal, stood firm before the wrath of Zeus' Son and even challenged the King of Heroes to mortal combat.

"You asked me who I am…Kokabiel?" Shirou called out, a wry smile adorning his lips as he reached for the knot holding the Shroud of Martin together, pulling it loose with a flourish even as he locked eyes with the Fallen Angel.

 ** _"I Am The Bone Of My Sword."_**

* * *

The moment you've all been waiting for Ladies and Gentlemen!

Or the build-up to it in any case. Gee, ain't I a stinker?

Now before you all start jumping down my throat: NO. He isn't going to pull of UBW against Kokabiel. While he's come to terms with who he is, sort of, he still needs to train to pull it off, for while Archer's arm DOES give him insight into their shared world, the 'key' to gaining access to it still needs to be forged.

In any case, time for me to get back to work...gotta bring home the bacon, so to speak. M'lady.

 ***Bows to Queen Yharnam in passing before riding the elevator down to the lantern.***


	11. Fake x Calibur 11

***Kick's Diablo's corpse to test for signs of life***

Prime Evil my Nephalem Arse. Hey all, as you can probably guess I decided to take a break from getting my arse handed to me my Horse-face so I finally got around to playing Diablo III, more accurately the Reaper of Souls Edition. Needless to say I'm hooked, both on the game, and it's lore to the point it's even inspired a new crossover idea to take root in my skull.

In any case, last time Shirou decided to nut up and shut Kokabiel up. Let's see how that works out.

* * *

 **Fake-Life Eleven: Pyrrhic Victory.**

 _ **Play: Unlimited Blade Works OST II - #19 Emiya (Unlimited Blade Works)**_

The instant the Holy Shroud was ripped clear, the world around him crumbled to dust, Shirou's vision whiting out as he was pummeled by what felt like a hurricane going a hundred miles an hour, a wall of death and Steel that threatened to rend every living thing in its path to shreds, leaving nothing in its wake but a barren wasteland.

Unlike before, however, where he'd instantly felt like he was about to be crushed under the pressure, Shirou instead felt like he was slowly being cut by countless invisible blades born by the wind. Sharp, but not particularly painful, the sound of his heart pounded in his ears as it struggled to keep his blood from flowing backwards.

And there, standing with his back to him, striding headfirst into the maelstrom of steel and death head-on, was the red-clad back of the Counter Guardian.

It was only natural he'd do so. Even if he came to regret his ideals, even as said ideals had betrayed him, he had nonetheless pressed on, receiving neither thanks for his efforts nor acknowledgement of his deeds. Never looking back at the trail of corpses he left in his wake, or the broken form of the delusional boy who so ignorantly cast aside his ideals yet still aspired to become a hero, never imagining the cost of such a wish.

And yet, despite Shirou's acknowledgment of his crimes, the Red Knight paused, once again tilting his head ever so slightly to regard him those cold, judging grey orbs.

 _"…Can you catch up to me…?"_

Despite the scorn in his eyes, something in the Archer's words implied that part of him still held some belief in the man he left behind. No, more than that, the Counter-Guardian EMIYA honestly wanted to believe that Emiya Shirou, a man who by all rights should not have become a Hero, could surpass all expectations and drag himself to the same level as one through sheer bull-headed stubbornness.

And how could he not? Had he himself not done the same, once so long ago? Though their paths may have diverged, the fact remained that, at one point, Archer had been Emiya Shirou, and so he understood better than anyone just what Emiya Shirou was capable of.

"Don't insult me." Shirou countered, his voice hoarse, yet confident as he took first one, then several steps into the wind, pointedly stepping to the side out of the shelter of Archer's back, his eyes locked on that ever-distant hill beyond the wall of white death and steel, ignoring the gaze of the Red Knight as he strode past him resolutely "I won't settle for 'catching up'…I'm going to surpass you."

Perhaps it was a trick of the light, or maybe the pain of being invaded by Archer's inner world conjured up tricks, but for a moment Shirou swore he saw the Counter Guardian smile.

* * *

 **"I Am The Bone Of My Sword."**

The moment those words left Shirou's lips, the air surrounding the ruined sports field became thick with Power, the Devils, Xenovia and even Kokabiel's eyes widening at the sheer amount of raw magical energy the redhead was giving off, the sudden surge of wind causing them to feel like there were being cut by countless invisible blades.

"What's this?!" Kokabiel demanded, bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, only to blink as, the second he'd done so the redheaded had somehow managed to cross the distance between them, the Fallen's wings barely managing to deflect the black oriental blade of admittedly peerless quality that was seconds away from disemboweling him "You-!"

"So fast!" Kiba gasped, the Gremory Knight looking on in wonderment as Shirou not only dodged the retaliatory strike from Kokabiel's wings, but managed to get above the fallen, forcing the Fallen Star of God to block with hastily summoned Swords of Light "It's almost…no, he's definitely faster than a Knight!"

Even when Freed had been using Excalibur Rapidly, the two of them had been about evenly matched. It was only due to Kiba's state of mind, and the fact the Holy Sword was the natural enemy of Devil-kind, that the Exorcist had even stood a chance, as evidenced by how easily Xenovia had been able to counter both of them despite neither of her swords granting her a speed boost.

However, even after obtaining Balance Breaker and unsealing Durandal, neither Kiba nor Xenovia had been able to so much as push Kokabiel, the Fallen even going so far as to catch Durandal between his fingers, as if to mock it's legendary cutting edge. Yet here Shirou was, not only managing to match Kokabiel in speed and strength, but actually managing to push the Fallen if the way he was backing up were any indication.

Indeed, compared to their efforts, it looked as if Shirou was dancing with the Fallen, landing glancing blows whenever he could whilst predicting the course of the Blades of Light, though perhaps it would be more accurate to say he 'guided' them to specific areas by deliberately leaving them open, allowing him to avoid them at the last minute, more often than not destroying the Fallen's blades with his own, constantly switching out his own blades as they were likewise destroyed by Kokabiel's superior strength.

"My word…" Akeno chuckled weakly, Rias' Queen eyeing the proceedings before her in amazement "If this is what Emiya-kun classifies as 'Third Rate', then I'd hate to see what his Masters are capable of."

"Indeed…" Rias concurred, Issei actually paling as he tried to imagine just what kind of Monster would consider someone like Shirou to be 'Third Rate', the Gremory Heiress' expression calculating as she watched the Magus's twin swords clash repeatedly with the Fallen Star of God's "Perhaps it's a good thing he chose not to join my peerage…I honestly don't know if my remaining Knight or Rook pieces would be enough…"

"You stand a better chance than Sona at least…" Akeno mused, looking on with trepidation as the dance of death continued "I don't see her remaining three pawns and knight measuring up to this."

Before Rias could respond, Kokabiel spread his arms wide, knocking Shirou's blades to the side, the Fallen, whose face had taken on a look of manic glee, bringing his swords down in a bid to vivisect the Faker "No!"

 **"Steel Is My Body…And Fire Is My Blood."**

With a clash, the Divine Swords of Light were repelled by the massive sword that had appeared in Shirou's left hand. No, not a sword, it would instead be more accurate to call the thing in his hands an axe that some giant had crudely carved out of bedrock.

By all rights, the thing was far to large and heavy for any mortal to swing with ease, in all honesty Rias doubted even Koneko-chan could efficiently wield it even with her Rook Strength, and in any case it would likely take both hands to so much as life it.

And yet not only was Shirou clearly able to wield that implausible weapon with one hand, he was able to do so with such speed and precision that it not only shattered Kokabiel's Blades of Light, the sheer force of the blows actually forced the Fallen to leap back to avoid a direct hit.

"Not bad!" Kokabiel applauded, an approving grin on his face as he summoned a fresh sword of light, cleaving through the surprisingly resistant stone blade after a mere second's opposition, only to cry out in anger as Shirou released his grip on the weapon, taking advantage of the brief window provided as it dissolved back into the ether to lunge forward with a Golden Spear, impaling Kokabiel's left hand before leaping back to avoid his retaliatory swing.

"It seems I must commend you, boy." the Fallen applauded, his tone surprisingly honest as he examined his bleeding hand as if nothing could have made him happier than to shed his once-holy blood in battle "It's been so long since an opponent has drawn first blood against me. I don't know what kind of Sacred Gear you're using boy, but it's clearly leagues above that Holy Devil Sword user!"

"I don't possess a Sacred Gear." Shirou countered, dispelling the shattered stone axe-sword before settling into a stance while Kiba glared at the Fallen for mocking the blade of his comrades "I wouldn't even be able to recreate one if I tried."

"Indeed?" Kokabiel mused, torn between intrigue at the admission and disappointment "I suppose there are limits to every ability." raising his wounded hand for emphasis as holy light covered it "Then again, if this paper cut was the best you could manage…" he trailed off as the light from his hand dimmed, eyes widening at the sight of the still bleeding wound in his flesh "What?!"

"The wound didn't heal?" Akeno exclaimed, looking just as shocked as Kokabiel as the Fallen tried again and again to close the wound "That's impossible, a Fallen of Kokabiel's level should be able to heal such a wound instantly."

"It must be that spear." Xenovia deduced, shivering slightly as she stared at the weapon "I can sense it from here; there's a powerful curse on that Spear, comparable to that of a Demonic Sword." She glanced up at Kokabiel "Still, for them to prevent a Fallen of his calibre from regenerating…"

"Now this is interesting!" Kokabiel exclaimed, his earlier frustration gone as he leered at Shirou approvingly "I don't know what trickery you worked on that spear boy," he called out, raising his hands over his head as multiple pinpoints of light forming in the air around him "but you were a fool to waste it on little more than a glancing blow!"

"Holy-!" Issei yelped, looking on in horror as countless Spears of Light filled the sky like a fireworks display, the gathered devils diving for cover as best they could, Akeno and Rias grimacing as they tried to scrounge together enough magical energy to erect a barrier, only to blink as the light from on-high was abruptly cut off by a shadow, prompting them to look up once more.

 **"I Have Created Over A Thousand Blades."**

Swords, axes, spears, an arsenal of weapons, each of peerless quality hovered in the air between them and Kokabiel's Holy Spears. While they had seen Shirou perform a similar feet earlier during the one-sided duel against Freed, the sheer number of blades hovering overhead totally dwarfed said feat to the point that the sheer multitude of blades seemed to blot out the sky.

"Magnificent..." Kokabiel marveled, his voice snapping the onlookers out of their shock, the Fallen Star of God gazing down at the wall of weapons in wonderment "I see now why Azazel is so fascinated with your species..." he noted, only to grin ferally as he snapped his fingers launching the spears at the redhead "Show me more!"

In response to the challenge, Shirou merely raised a hand in the air, his allies looking on in wonderment as the wall of blades between them and the Spears of Light shifted, turning heavenwards as if to challenge Kokabiel's own barrage of Holy Spears. Then Shirou brought his hand down like an executioner's axe and the wall of steel surged upwards to intercept the falling rain of light.

There were no words to describe the sound as the the Fallen Star of God's Spears of Holy Light collided with the Wall of Steel summoned by Emiya Shirou. So great was it that even though they were physically unharmed, the Devils and Xenovia found themselves dropping to the ground in agony in a feeble attempt to shield their ears from the cacophony of erupting explosions that seemed great enough to shatter the world.

And above it all, impossibly, they heard the sound of Kokabiel's enthusiastic laughter.

"Impressive!" Kokabiel proclaimed, the Fallen's features flush with the joy of battle despite the increasingly ragged state of his attire, the light in his eyes a cross between the manic blood-lust of a berserker and the joyful wonder of a child at an amusement park as he he deflected the smaller weapons that managed to slip through his barrage with his wings and swords even as Shirou masterfully deflected his Holy Spears with a crimson spear that shattered them at the slightest touch, though a few crashed into the ground around him, kicking up a dust cloud "I haven't felt this alive in centuries human! Show me more of what you can do!"

As if to answer the Fallen's challenge, a light began to shine from deep within the cloud of dust that had formed around Shirou's last known location. Kokabiel, taking this as a sign of his opponent's location, summoned a giant Spear of Light, easily twice the size of the one used to destroy the Gym even as the dust parted to reveal Shirou crouched below, a strange black Bow in hand as he notched a drill-like arrow back.

No. Not an arrow. Even from this distance, Kokabiel could tell that what the redhead held in his hands was clearly a sword. And not only that, a Demonic Sword whose Curse was even more potent than the Golden Spears from earlier. So potent, in fact, that he could sense it's malevolence from

 **"My Core is twisted in Madness…"** the redhead intoned, his Ochre eyes locked onto Kokabiel's crimson ones as he let his 'arrow' fly even as the Fallen launched his Spear of Light from on high _**"CALADBOLG!"**_

Caladbolg, the legendary Demonic Sword wielded by the Irish Hero Fergus mac Róich, King of Ulster and Foster-Father of Ulster's Child of Light, Setanta, the same child who would one day come to be known as the Hound of Ulster, Cu Chulainn. The prototype of Sir Gawain's Galatine, it was a sword of Light despite being a Demonic Sword, with enough power to cleave through three mountains with a single swing, making it the Irish Equivalent of Excalibur at least in terms of attack power.

Shirou didn't know when Archer had stumbled across such a relic, more than likely he'd simply run into Fergus himself as a Heroic Spirit and had added the King's sword to his repertoire. In any case, the sword the Faker had traced now was not the original, but a bastardization that Archer had redesigned in order to make it more aerodynamic, the Counter Guardian preferring to employ the Spiral Sword's incredible penetrating power as an Arrow rather than a blade.

Once fired, the blade coiled into a spiral, twisting and distorting space around it, causing the air and dust around the Faker to be sucked up in its wake due to the resulting vacuum. Even Kokabiel's Spear of Light was not exempt, the two projectiles missing one another by a hair, only for the Fallen's weapon to be knocked off course by the distortion, spiraling out of control before crashing into the ground far away from the battlefield while Shirou's continued on unabated.

There would be no blocking this. Unlike Rias Gremoy's Power of Destruction, which was designed to destroy, this was an attack specifically designed to pierce any defense and rend what lay behind it to shreds.

Realizing this, Kokabiel didn't even bother to bluff, the Fallen simply hurled himself to the side in a misguided attempt to dodge the blade, only for his eyes to widen in horror as he found himself caught in the distortion left in its passing, his screams as the right side of his body was simultaneously twisted and shredded echoing over the battlefield.

* * *

 _Following Caladbolg's explosion..._

"Jesus…" Xenovia whispered, unable to help the unintentional blasphemy as she crossed herself, looking on in wonderment as Kokabiel's body crashed to the ground, the wings on his right side simply gone "To think he had something like that up his sleeves…"

While the Church typically didn't care for legends outside their own faith, they at least kept track of any potential threats that might arise, and as an Excalibur-Class Demonic Sword wielded by a Pagan 'Hero', Caladbolg held pride of place at the top of the list.

In truth, Xenovia had never truly put much truck in such legends. After all, how could a Demonic Sword possibly hope to match a sword forged by the One True God? Even after learning the truth behind the 'Excalibur' swords, she had simply seen it as proof that nothing could compete with the genuine articles, like Durandal.

Such thoughts were rendered moot the moment Emiya let his arrow fly. If that was the power of a 'mere imitation', then she shuddered to think what the genuine article could do.

"Way to go, Emiya!" Issei yelled, pumping a fist energetically only to gape as Kokabiel slowly began to push himself to his feet "Oh come on! What the hell do we have to do to bring him down?!"

"More than you can imagine, Red Dragon Emperor." The Fallen growled, his voice, once so arrogant and proud, wracked with pain and anger as he glared murderously at Shirou, I'll admit, that last one surprised me, heathen," he acknowledged, raising his good hand in the air as countless Spears of Light formed overhead "But don't think for a moment I'll let you fire off another one-!"

 **"Sacrificing Everything…Gaining Nothing."**

The only warning Kokabiel had that something was coming was the rattling of chains, the Fallen Star of God's eyes widening as he found himself unable to move, his entire body bound by countless lengths of chain, the Spears of Light vanishing as his power was suddenly cut off against his will.

"What the Devil?!" he demanded, grimacing in agony as the chains bound his mauled right arm to his equally wounded side, the muscles in his neck bulging as he struggled to move his left arm, locked in place overhead "What is this!? Why can't I summon my power?!"

"Don't bother." Shirou called out, his voice unnervingly calm, his clenched left hand extended towards the downed Fallen "Those are the chains used by Gilgamesh and Enkidu to bind Gugalanna, the Bull of Heaven that brought Seven Years of Famine to Ancient Babylon. As an Anti-Divine weapon forged with the express purpose of 'Binding the Gods', their strength increases in relation to the Divinity of the opponent."

"A weapon that can bind even Gods?" Rias breathed, her eyes wide with disbelief, having never heard of such a thing. Even the Original Satans, for all their considerable power, could not match the power of The Almighty on their own. Indeed, it was this very fact that forced them to cooperate in the first place, a rarity among devils at the time.

There certainly existed weapons that could kill gods, the prime example being the True Longinus, the Spear of Destiny itself, forged by the Almighty with the express intent of killing other Gods and Buddhas, though in the end it wound up being used against Christ. But for a weapon to exist that could not only bind Gods, but strip them of their power and bring them down to the level of mere mortals?

No such Sacred Gear existed. Nothing even remotely close to such a weapon had ever been mentioned during the war of the three factions. And yet, as if to spite that fact, there Kokabiel stood, the Fallen Star of God, once one of the highest ranking Angels in Heaven, unable to break free from a chain that, by all rights, shouldn't exist.

"Don't bother wasting your strength." Shirou called out, his eyes cold as he watched the Fallen struggle helpless in his constraints "Herakles himself couldn't break those chains despite being only a Demigod. As a Fallen Angel created by the Biblical God, I'd say your Divinity ranks considerably higher, meaning the Chains are even stronger than the ones used to bind him."

"You wretch!" Kokabiel snarled, glaring at the redhead with hatred in his eyes as he nonetheless struggled to break free from his prison "So this was your plan all along! You're going to hold me here until Sirzechs arrives to finish me off!"

"No." Shirou countered, his expression cold as he matched gazes with the Fallen "While it would certainly be easier for me to do so, I have no intention of relying on the power of a Satan." His eyes narrowed at Kokabiel's look of surprise "Humans may not need God in order to survive, but that doesn't mean they should rely on the likes of Devils or Angels either." He clenched his right hand "In the end, that which destroys a monster must always be a human…otherwise there's no meaning to it."

"So you're going to cut me down while I'm trapped like this, is that it?" Kokabiel sneered, his tone mocking even as he resumed his struggles to break free "How very cowardly of you, human."

"You're right, it is cowardly." Shirou acknowledged, his tone accepting, as if he'd long since made peace with such knowledge "The fact of the matter is, compared to the likes of Gods or Devils, humans are weak. Our lifespans measure barely into a century even with modern medicine, and those of us who walk the path of the Magi have death as our constant companion."

"But you see, Kokabiel, it's because humans are weak, that we come to value heroes." He clenched his right hand "Those who aren't afraid the stand against the will of Gods, those who can outsmart the cunning Devils, overpower the strongest monsters and slay the fiercest of Dragons."

"So you think yourself a hero, boy?" Kokabiel sneered, his tone mocking even a he continued to struggle against the Chains of Heaven "In that case, why not release these chains and fight me man to man, as you did before?"

"There are many definitions of a Hero, Kokabiel." Shirou countered, his expression unreadable "For every paragon of chivalry that faces their enemy head on, there will always be the rogue who employs poisoned arrows."

He smiled wanly, a sad, longing smile that caused even Kokabiel to blink at its fragile beauty.

"In the end, a Hero is simply 'Someone Who Kills Monsters'," Shirou proclaimed, even as a golden light filled his hands "so why nit-pick over how they get the job done?"

 _ **Play: FitnessGlo - Time Bomb.**_

 ** _Judging the concept of creation…_**

 _From its inception, it had been used to determine the One True King._

 **Hypothesizing the Basic Structure…**

 _A Long-sword embroidered with Blue and Gold, the runes along the blade denote its purpose._

 **Duplicating the Composite Materials…**

 _Only the Finest Steel could bear such majesty, passed down from antiquity._

 **Imitating the Production Process…**

 _Descended from the Sword of the Sun, it burned all that opposed it in brilliant light._

 **Sympathizing with the Experience of its Growth…**

 _From the moment it was drawn, those it chose ascended beyond mere mortality_

 **Reproducing the accumulated years…**

 _From Ancient Babylon to Northern Europe, it eventually found its way to a stone in Briton,_

 **Excelling every manufacturing process…**

 _It was the Holy Sword which bestowed the Divine Right of Kingship on those deemed worthy. Though forever lost, those who aspire to glory still seek The Golden Sword of Victory…_

As Xenovia and the Devils looked on in wonderment, the light in Shirou's hands intensified to the point it resembled the morning sun. As Devils, those who were most at home in the darkness, such intense light should have weakened them, to say nothing of the effect of the Holy Aura on their injured forms. And yet, for some reason none of them could fathom, they found themselves unable to avert heir eyes, drawn to it not like moths to a flame, but rather a lost child upon finding its mother.

This was not a 'Sword of God' but rather a 'Sword of Man'. While it was a Holy Sword of the highest calibre, it had only ever been meant for the hands of mankind. As such, it could never be used to harm an innocent, regardless of their race, nor would it allow itself to be used to commit an ignoble act. Indeed, the last time someone had attempted to do so, the Blade had failed them and been forever lost.

It was a sword that should not exist, COULD not exist anymore. A dream of a bygone age that, once forgotten, could never be viewed again no matter how the heart may yearn for it. And yet here it shone, as bright as the day it was forged. Drawn from the Hill of Swords that rested within his soul, The Golden Sword that Chooses the King shone brightly in Shirou's hand.

"It can't be…" Kiba breathed, the Gremory Knight dropping to his knees, tears streaming from his eyes unchecked as he gazed uncomprehendingly at the sight before him, his heart swelling with emotions he thought he'd long-since buried along with his comrades "I…wanted to destroy that…?"

It was unthinkable. Such a sword should never have been destroyed. Indeed, gazing upon it, he could actually understand Valper Galilei's mad obsession with re-forging it, and why his friends bore no grudge against the man despite being sacrificed for his mad ambition.

"That light…" Kokabiel whispered, the Fallen's struggles ceasing as he gazed reverently at the sight of the Golden Sword held in Shirou's hands, the expression on his face one of wonderment, almost longing "it cannot be…this cannot be real…"

"In a sense you are right." Shirou admitted, his tone almost sad as he raised the sword "Even at my best, this is but a pale imitation of the real thing…" his eyes hardened as he firmed the resolve "Even so, there's no law saying a copy can't surpass the original."

He braced himself, teeth clenching and hair spiking up as he pumped every last drop of Prana he had into the blade, the Golden Sword of Victory shining ever brighter even as the chains holding Kokabiel shattered as the Prana manifesting them was diverted.

It would have been so easy for the Fallen to attack at that moment. Even wounded as he was, it wouldn't have taken a second for him to summon a Spear or Sword of Light to impale the Faker before him, before turning his attention to the Devils littering the grounds behind them.

But Kokabiel did not move. No, the Fallen Star of God merely knelt before that impossible sword, tears streaming from his eyes as he found himself unable to look away from the Divine Light that had anointed Humanity's most Beloved King, the same light from which he had been born untold Millennia ago, only to turn his back on it, unable to compare to its radiance.

"Father…" he croaked, his features filled with an almost childish innocence and longing as he reached out with his one good hand as if to touch some ever-distant figure only he could see deep within the glow "Oh Father…Forgive me…"

"CALIBURN!" Shirou roared, the Golden Sword of Victory shining like a miniature sun in his hands as he brought it down on the Fallen Star of God, Kokabiel's form vanishing under the intense pillar of light that burned all in its path, blinding all those watching from the sidelines with its intensity.

As such, none but Shirou saw as, just before he was swallowed by the light, Kokabiel's face relaxed into a wondrous, beautiful smile, the years of bitterness, resentment and pain that had warped him in life falling away to be replaced by almost childish innocence. Nor did they hear the words the Fallen whispered, so soft as to be non-existent over the roar of Caliburn's cleansing light.

 _"Thank you."_

* * *

 _As the light fades..._

"Is…Is it over?" Issei whispered, the pawn raising his head hesitantly, Asia blinking in concern from her spot in the Pawn's arms, Issei having leapt to cover her with his body the moment Shirou had pulled…whatever the hell that was out of his ass.

"I think so…" Akeno opined, the normally confident Queen's tone laced with uncertainty as she gazed through the dust that had arisen following the flash of light "I can't sense Kokabiel's presence anymore…it's just…gone."

"I don't believe it…" Rias breathed, the Gremory heiress rendered speechless as she allowed a concerned Akeno help her to her feet "He actually managed to defeat Kokabiel…?"

"As hesitant as I am to say it, that would appear to be the case…" Xenovia confirmed, the exorcist likewise rising to her feet, using Durandal as a prop "So…that's the true power of Caliburn…" she noted, shivering with reverent apprehension "I've never sensed a Holy Aura of that magnitude before…even Durandal's doesn't even come close, though admittedly I've yet to fully master it."

"I think you and Sona had best give up on this one, Rias." Akeno teased, though her voice trembled slightly despite her amusement "Even if it were possible, I don't think even combining your Knight pieces will be enough."

"I highly doubt he's worth THAT much, Akeno." Rias countered with a huff, though she sounded uncertain even as she said it "Remember, he was only able to pull that off because Issei used his 'gift' to transfer the Dragon's power to him."

'Yeah! That's right!' Issei cheered, primping himself up at his King's words 'Emiya only managed to take Kokabiel down because I helped him! Hell, if the guy hadn't beaten me to the punch, I'd have clobbered that damned Fallen myself!"

"Look-!" Asia exclaimed, the Bishop's friend following her direction just in time to see Shirou's back emerge from the dust cloud, the Faker leaning on his sword, clearly spent from that last attack.

"Yo! Emiya!" Issei called out, jogging towards the Faker confidently "Nice going man! You nailed that chicken-shit fallen but good!" he paused at the redhead's lack of response "Emiya? Hey, you okay man?" he reached out to grab his shoulder "Answer me dammit!"

 **HIS BODY IS MADE OF SWORDS!**

"What the hell?!" he yelped, recoiling sharply from the contact, his eyes widening in alarm as the golden sword in the redhead's hand shattered as he doubled over with a cry of agony "Hey, Emiya-!" he called, only to blanch in terror as something burst out of the redhead's back.

Blades, as the horrified Devils & Xenovia looked on, countless blades erupted from every inch of the redhead's flesh as if they were buried under his skin, extending and interlocking in a manner not dissimilar to what Issei recalled of Ddraig's Scales the first time the Dragon had invaded his dreams.

Unlike his partner, however, these scales weren't meant to protect Emiya's innards, evidenced by the blood which marred their impeccable sheen, a sizable puddle forming on the ground where Shirou had fallen.

"Emiya-kun!" Rias called out, the King rushing over on unsteady legs to kneel beside her fallen comrade in concern, her features blanching as she realized the full extent of the damage to his body "Asia…Asia hurry!"

"Y-Yes!" the terrified Bishop stammered, crouching down next to the still form of their friend, eyes wide with concern as she placed her hands over his chest, hesitant to touch him due to the blades emerging from his skin."I-It's no good!" she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears "The swords keep coming even as I heal him! It's almost as if his entire body is turning into swords!"

 **Iron Is His Blood…**

"Not ALL of him, it would seem." Akeno noted, the thunder priestess' eyes locked onto the redhead's left arm that, until now, had been covered by the Holy Shroud. Now that the cloth was gone, however, it was quite clear that the limb was vastly different from the rest of the Faker's body, not only because it was larger, more developed and had a different skin tone, but because it was giving off a tremendous amount of magical power.

"I think this is the cause of Emiya-kun's situation…" Akeno mused thoughtfully, running her fingers over the toned muscle of the limb "I can't be certain, but I believe it's similar to when Issei sacrificed his left arm to the Dragon."

"Can you do anything, Akeno?" Rias wondered, looking on in confusion as her Queen knelt beside the Magus, taking his left hand in both her own as she probed it with her own magic.

 **And Glass Is His Heart**

"Impossible…" she breathed, her eyes widening as she grasped the limb's true nature "This isn't anything like Issei-kun's arm…his limb hasn't been transformed because this isn't his limb to begin with…I don't know how or why, but someone actually managed to attach the arm of a Spiritual Entity to Emiya-kun's soul."

"Is that even possible?" Xenovia demanded, the group gaping at the Queen in alarm even as Asia struggled to heal the unconscious magus' wounds even as more and more blades punched through his skin.

"By all rights it shouldn't," Akeno assured the Catholic "Spiritual entities can't interact with physical ones save through possession, yet somehow, the arm is able to manifest itself by using Emiya-kun's soul as an anchor." Her eyes narrowed in concern "The downside is that while Emiya can draw upon its power, doing so seems to allow it to invade his body to try and convert it."

"That must be what the Shroud was for." Xenovia deduced, eyeing the red cloth wrapped around the teen's wrist reverently "It must halt the spread of the infection or even seal it away completely." She shivered apprehensively "He did mention there'd be a price for removing it…but I never imagined it would be something like this!"

"Can you halt the encroachment like you did with Issei, Akeno?" Rias asked, only to curse as the despondent Queen shook her head "Damn it! If only we had some Phoenix Tears…"

"Don't give up yet!" Issei urged, placing his armoured hand over Asia's as his gauntlet lit up again, transferring his power to her Twilight Healing "Come on Emiya, open your eyes dammit!"

 **He Survived Through Countless Battles.**

As if in response to the Pawn's words, Shirou's eyes fluttered before slowly cracking open, the golden orbs gazing unseeingly at the sky above, "Issei…that you?"

"Save your strength." Rias urged, supporting the Magus' head on her lap while a frantic Asia did her best to try and heal his wounds "My brother's reinforcements should be here any minute! Just save your strength and try to hold out until then!"

 **Never Retreating...**

"Gremory...Sempai…?" Shirou murmured, tilting his head back to look at her only to break out into harsh, wracking coughs, the Devil's eyes widening as blood stained his lips one ochre eye shutting from the strain "Are…are the others…alright?"

"We're fine, Emiya-kun." Akeno assured him, his left hand clasped to her bosom as she continued to try and reduce the excess power pouring into his body from the arm as best she could "Though I can't say the same for Kokabiel…"

"I'll say!" Issei agreed, grinning down at the redhead, all enmity forgotten as he tried to psych him up "There wasn't anything left of that bastard to bury in a matchbox! You really stole the show, you damned handsome!"

"Then…everyone…made it out...alive?" Shirou asked, his tone almost hesitant, as if hardly daring to believe, the others slowly chiming in to confirm their continued existence.

Then he smiled. A beautiful, wondrous smile that seemed to emanate from the bottom of his heart, tears of gratitude forming in his eyes as gazed upon them all with unseeing eyes. To Issei, who up till now had only recently come to grudgingly respect the redhead, it seemed as if he was thanking them. As if by saving them, they had somehow saved him.

 **Yet Never Victorious.**

And in that instant, Issei knew that he would never see that smile again. That in the next moment, those golden eyes would lose their lustre, and the Man behind them would be lost forever.

"Hey! Stay with me, Emiya!" he barked, tears streaming from his face as he gripped the redhead's collar tightly "Open your eyes damn it! You don't get to just die like that! I still haven't paid you back for my nose dammit!"

"Emiya-kun…" Kiba muttered, his expression grim even as Xenovia gripped her crucifix, torn between her desire to offer a prayer to their comrade and her knowledge that there was no point in doing so. After all, how could she beg God for assistance when he'd been dead for centuries? "Rias-Buchou," the knight called out "Isn't there anything you can do?"

"Don't you think I tried, Yuuto?" Rias muttered grimly, holding up her remaining Rook and Knight pieces, which she'd apparently been attempting to place into the Faker's chest "Neither of them reacted…either he's worth more than a single Rook or Knight…or he's too-far gone to be revived."

"Well that certainly won't do." A voice declared from above, the group tensing as they glanced upwards just in time for a blue light to shatter the barrier around the Academy, their eyes widening as a figure on eight wings of blue light, his form clad in white plate armour inlaid with several blue gems, descended from on high "I can't have someone so interesting die before I've had a chance to fight him."

* * *

Figured I'd get this out as thanks for some of the advice people gave me regarding power-leveling.

Did you guys like the fight? Did you like the ending? Originally I was planning to just 'Gae Bolg' Kokabiel to a wall but I figured that'd be way too easy...and there's no way in hell Kokabiel would just stand still long enough for Shirou to activate 'Impaling Barbed Death', especially considering how even humans can sense the spear's malevolence when active.

Still ending on another cliffhanger, but I'm sure the fans out there can guess who showed up right?

In any case, I figured now's a good enough time as any to answer a few questions.

 **The Artificial Phantasm/Archer's Arm:** Isn't going anywhere. It's bound to Shirou's soul for crying out loud and due to the unique nature of their existence you couldn't even begin to separate them if you tried. As a result, while Shirou's skills will eventually develop to the point he won't need the arm, he will eventually begin taking on more of the Counter Guardian's traits and mannerisms.

In short, his existence will become something similar to Saber's, a being who belongs in the Throne of Heroes yet isn't due to a technicality. In Saber's case, she entered into a contract with the world to seek the Holy Grail. Even in Fate Route, where Shirou convinces her to put her desire aside, thus negating the contract, she is taken to Avalon after her death, thus sparing 'that' version of Saber from the Throne of Heroes.

In the case of Shirou/EMIYA, despite their contract with Alaya essentially perverting their ideal, there is little doubt that EMIYA is indeed worthy of ascending to the Throne of Heroes based on his skills alone, a rarity for a magus from the modern age. However, unlike Saber, whose contract was negated unfulfilled, EMIYA is not so lucky in that the only way for him to be freed from the Counter-Force is if people learn his true name & come to revere him as a Hero.

In short, Fake x Fate isn't just about Shirou finding a new lease on life after having virtually everything he valued torn from him. It's about Shirou slowly developing into an existence that surpasses that of the 'Counter Guardian Emiya' to become the true 'Heroic Spirit Emiya Shirou', not out of any childish ideal to become a Hero like before, but simply because he cannot sit back and ignore the chaos that's going on around him.

 **Shirou's Humanity:** A lot of people have been asking me if I intend to have Shirou join a peerage or become some other form of Magical entity like an Angel or a Dragon of all things. Let me be the first to say that Shirou will remain 100% a Sword.

Lol, I kid I kid, but in all honesty Shirou will remain human, though he will receive a few tempting offers down the line.

 **Shirou's Magecraft:** Will eventually grow to surpass that of EMIYA, both in terms of skill and due to the reduced limitations of the DxD world. Since the Gods are still faffing about, albeit in a reduced capacity, Gaia hasn't seen the need to develop a consciousness, though it might not be the same for Alaya since Humanity's drive to survive is pretty much universal. That being said, weapons like Ea  & Excalibur remain beyond him.

Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna gonna go make sure Gehrman gets a decent night's sleep again.

 ***Bows to the Doll before marching over to kneel before the Hunter's Nightmare Tombstone***


	12. Fake x Calibur Final

***Places Aldrich's ashes on their throne***

Only one more left...So as you can probably guess I've been balls deep into Dark Souls 3 and dear lord does it not disappoint. Everything I hated about DS2 is gone and everything I loved about 1 is back with a vengeance...though I'll admit I miss a few things from 2. I loved the way your body literally dissolved into ash when you died, and while I never actually used it myself the loss of 'power stance' will be sorely missed.

I also wish they'd brought back all the old outfits. I mean, as cool as it is to see the DS1 Sets I'd still have preferred more from DS2. I also can't help but feel the sorcerer class got nerfed, though I was glad to see Pyromancer's back as a starting class.

In any case, as many of you have probably guessed, this is the last Chapter in the Fake x Calibur Arc. I'll be moving onto the other arcs soon enough, but updates will probably be slow since I'm trying to find a balance between the novels and anime and my responsibilities at work.

* * *

 **Fake Life Twelve: Vanishing Dragon.**

"Scale Mail?" Issei stammered, recognising the similarities to his own Balance Breaker instantly, the Perverted Pawn trembling with apprehension as he felt the eyes of the figure wash over him, only to clench his teeth in sudden anger when he glanced away dismissively, as if the Pawn wasn't worth his attention "Damn It! I don't know why but something about this guy pisses me off!"

 _ **"It's only natural."**_ Ddraig opined, his tone guarded, as if he too was agitated by the newcomer's presence _ **"That man is your polar opposite. The one who wields the power of my rival, the White Dragon Emperor, Albion the Vanishing Dragon."**_

"Vanishing Dragon…Albion…" Issei muttered, glancing up at his fated foe with understandable apprehension. And how could he not when, from the looks of it, not only had the guy unlocked his Scale Mail Balance Breaker, but he clearly had more than enough power to keep it active even while in flight, unlike Issei, whose demonic power was so weak even sacrificing his entire left arm only allowed him to use the Mail for 10 seconds.

To make matters worse, the one time he'd done so had been during an unofficial Rating Game, where there were rules in place to keep either opponent from seriously injuring or killing the other, and his opponent had been a stuck up pretty boy high on his own ego. There were no such rules now, and if what Ddraig said was true about the two Celestial Dragon's wielders, then he was here for a fight.

Best case scenario, only one of them would be walking away. Worst Case scenario, they'd take each other out. In either case, the collateral damage to their surroundings would likely be more akin to the aftereffects of the King of Monsters going for a stroll in downtown Tokyo than the admittedly limited damage Kuoh Academy had suffered.

"Stand down, Rias Gremory." The White Dragon Emperor commanded, his tone brooking no argument as he descended on them from on high "I'm not here to pick a fight…Indeed, my original objective was to bring Kokabiel in for interrogation, but it seems I arrived a little late for that."

"So the rumours are true…" Rias muttered, her expression grim as she continued to kneel with Shirou's head in her lap "I'd heard that the Vanishing Dragon had sided with the Fallen Angels…so Azazel truly didn't authorize this attack?"

"As if." The white dragon scoffed "From what I can tell, he only learned of Kokabiel's activities while investigating the actions of Raynare's rogue cell." Issei flinched at the mention of his first 'girlfriend's true name "While he has professed an interest in the Boosted Gear, he's actually ordered all of our forces to steer clear of him for now, per my request."

"I see…" Rias noted, her eyes narrowing in comprehension "I was wondering why no retaliation followed in the wake of their execution…Azazel isn't the type to abandon his comrades for any reason."

"I think we can both agree that going against his orders and deliberately murdering Sacred Gear Users in Devil Territory are hardly the actions of a 'comrade'." The White Dragon Emperor concurred "But enough of that for now, it doesn't look like your friend there has much time left." He knelt down before them, extending his left hand towards Shirou's prone chest, the gems embedded in the white armour glowing.

 **"DIVIDE!"**

Almost immediately, Issei felt the energy coming off the comatose Magus plummet to half its intensity, the perverted Pawn looking on in wonderment as Shirou's breathing actually steadied, the blades that had been spreading non-stop receding slightly, as if something was drawing them back under the skin.

 _ **"Albion's Sacred Gear is 'Divine Dividing."**_ Ddraig explained to his dumbstruck partner _**"It allows him to steal half his opponent's power every 10 seconds to add to his own."**_

"So that's what you meant when you said he was your polar opposite." Issei realised, looking on torn between relief and frustration as his 'Destined Rival' continued to draw the excess power from Emiya's body, allowing Asia's Twilight Healing time to tend to his wounds.

"Don't just sit there, Red Dragon." The White Dragon Emperor chided, his tone mocking as Issei jumped at his words "At the rate she's going she'll collapse before the job is done unless you use your 'Gift' to amplify her power."

"I was going to do it without you having to tell me, asshole!" Issei shot back, glaring up at the smug-sounding prick, who neither acknowledged the insult not moved at all from his position, the pawn seething silently as he used his Boosted Gear's ability for the third time this night "Boosted Gear: GIFT!"

 **"TRANSFER!"** Ddraig declared, Asia's cheeks lighting up as the Welsh Dragon's power was added to her own, Twilight Healing's light increasing to the point it lit up the night that had rushed in with the destruction of the barrier like a rising sun.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, the blades began to withdraw beneath the skin, which slowly stitched itself back together until only pure, unblemished flesh remained where several bloody sword-tips once punctured.

"His heart rate is stabilizing." Akeno sighed, opening her eyes to smile reassuringly at the others "It would appear that he's in the clear, for now, though just to be on the safe side, I think it would be best if we rebound the Holy Shroud."

"I'll do it." Xenovia offered, earning a look of surprise from the group "I'm used to caring for and handling the bodies of saints returned to the Vatican. Besides, I don't think you devils would be able to touch a Holy Shroud in the first place."

"Well that's certainly true." Rias admitted ruefully, the Gremory Heiress slumping backwards in relief along with Issei and Kiba, Akeno continuing to clasp the Faker's left hand in her own to help Xenovia re-wrap the Shroud while Asia stubbornly continued to use Twilight Healing, tears of relief staining her cheeks "Thank you for your assistance, White Dragon Emperor."

"I couldn't very well allow him to die after showing me something so interesting." The White Dragon countered, his tone amused "Well, that and the fact Azazel would probably be pissed. As it is, he's likely to chew me out for letting Kokabiel bite the dust. Traitor or not he was still a Fallen."

"Why would Azazel care for the life of an unaffiliated Magus?" Rias demanded the Devils and Xenovia tensing, the two swordsmen readying their swords while Issei placed himself between Asia and the white Dragon "Do you mean to tell me he'd seek revenge for Kokabiel's death?"

"Nothing of the sort." The white dragon scoffed "My orders were to bring him, Kokabiel and Freed Sellzen back alive, though in the case of the latter two I could decide whether they arrived unharmed." He shrugged "As for why, if I had to wager it's so he doesn't have to go back to living on takeout." He scoffed at their expressions "Honestly, the way he goes on about the guy's cooking, you'd think he was a doting parent instead of his caretaker."

"Wait, they LIVE together?" Issei yelped, Xenovia's eyes widening as she suddenly realized just what she'd been sensing from the Faker's domicile, her skin paling at how close she'd come to running into the Leader of the Grigori Faction "I thought Emiya didn't even know what the Fallen were!"

"He didn't, not till he bumped into you lot anyways." The White Dragon confirmed "It was actually kind of amusing, watching Azazel play human in order to help the guy adapt. He always did have a soft-spot for strays."

Rias blinked, surprised at the armoured man's almost whimsical tone, only to gasp as, without a moment's warning, he reached down and grabbed the Faker by his shirt, hoisting him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes despite Asia's cry of protest.

"Thanks for the help, we'll take it from here." He offered, taking to the sky, only to pause, turning towards the distant form of Freed Sellzen "Almost forgot about him, oh well, two out of three isn't so bad."

"Hey hold on-!" Issei called out, the perverted Pawn glaring at the white-armoured warrior as he casually ignored them all in favour of swooping down to pick up Freed's unconscious form "Dammit, listen to me-!"

 _ **"So are you just going to ignore me, White Dragon?"**_ Ddraig's voice called out, startling the Devils, as this was the first time they'd heard him speak beyond crying out **"BOOST!"**

 _ **"So you were awake after all, Red Dragon."**_ A different voice chimed from the white-armoured figure, the same voice that had called out **"DIVIDE!"** in order to cut the power coming from the arm in half, the blue gems on the armour lighting up in response.

 _ **"Ah, though to be honest, I didn't expect to run into you this soon."**_ Ddraig admitted, sounding resigned yet determined to throw down _**"Seems you've been active a bit longer than I have."**_

 ** _"You always were a slow-starter."_** Albion noted offhandedly, as if commenting on the weather **_"Still, it's to be expected. The two of us are destined to fight no matter what the age. Chances like this shouldn't come as any surprise."_**

 _ **"As you say, White Dragon."**_ Ddraig concurred bluntly, his tone carrying a subtle hint of mockery _**"However, why is that, despite knowing that, I can't feel any hostility from you at all?"**_

 _ **"Like you're one to talk."** _ Albion scoffed, his host scooping up Freed by his collar like a stray cat **_"Your blood-lust is so weak I thought you were still asleep when I first saw you."_**

 _ **"As hard as it is to believe, it looks like we both found something that interests us more than combat."**_ Ddraig admitted, his tone self-mocking even as Albion scoffed _ **"In any case, until my partner catches up with yours, I'm fine putting our fight on hold."**_

 _ **"The same for me."**_ Albion agreed, earning a sigh from the onlookers, as a fight between the Two Celestial Dragons was the LAST thing anyone wanted to have a front-row seat to _ **"There are still plenty of things about this world I haven't experienced yet. I'll come for your head later. Fair enough, Ddraig?"**_

 _ **"Sounds like fun."**_ Ddraig agreed with a hint of honest amusement, as if the two had agreed to a friendly match rather than a duel to the death _**"Just make sure you wash your neck till then, Albion. This kid won't lag behind for long."**_

"I should hope not." The White Dragon's Host scoffed, glancing at Issei over one armoured shoulder pauldron as he turned his back on the pawn "Grow stronger, my rival, otherwise our destined duel won't be much to look forward to."

And before anyone could do or say anything to stop him, the White Dragon Emperor vanished in a flash of light into the night sky, leaving behind more questions than answers even as the Lucifer's reinforcements arrived, the members of the Student Council leading the way.

* * *

 _Play: Now we are free..._

Shirou opened his eyes.

That, in and of itself, was not something he'd ever expected to do again, for even if he somehow managed to retain the physical capability to do so, by all right he should have lost all sense of 'self', so it would be more akin to a blank slate or machine activating than a human being rousing.

Such was the fate that awaited him for abusing the power of the Archer's Arm, the Artificial Phantasm, while a powerful Trump Card, was still too deadly a poison to be taken sparingly, simply opening himself up to it for practice costing him precious seconds off the end of his life.

The first time he'd cast aside the shroud against Dark Berserker, his mind had 'shattered' in places and cracked in others. He'd lost all feeling on one side of his body, and it was only by allowing the arm to rampage out of control that he'd managed to bring the corrupted Servant down, and even then he'd needed Ilya to pull him back from the brink.

He didn't recall what he'd seen during that brief moment before Ilya literally dragged his mind back into his body, but he could hazard a guess it didn't involve a vast field of green.

There was no grass on the Hill of Swords, that impossible, beautiful world was never meant as anything other than a place where fire and wrought iron were forged to reproduce the pinnacle of steel. While fields certainly existed, they were fields of steel and iron-dust, the air so thick with iron ash it almost obscured the great gears that blocked out the sky.

The field before him was rich and verdant, each blade of grass blowing gently in the wind beneath a perfect blue sky, lit by a golden sun. It was paradise given form, a haven of peace and tranquility, far removed from the struggles and toils of the world he knew, it's beauty surpassing definition, and yet…

'I know this place.' he realized, gazing into the distance reverently, not even bothering to question how he could know such a scene, as it clearly wasn't anywhere he'd ever been to before 'this place is…'

"Shirou."

He froze, his heart, which he was surprised to find was indeed still beating, catching in his chest at the sound of that voice. The same voice that, on a moonlit night, had vowed to stand beside him, to strike down his enemies and lay her life down for him. The same voice that had tried to discourage him from proceeding past her, her concern for his well-being remaining even after she was tainted by the filth of corrupted grail.

The same voice he had forever silenced, driving a dagger into her heart just as her own people had stabbed her in the back all those years ago.

She stood before him, clad in the same blue dress he remembered from that first night, her tiny figure, so soft and feminine, yet possessed of a greater strength than anyone could imagine, bereft of the armour with which she had adorned herself, her long golden hair, normally tied up in an intricate braid, swaying softly in the breeze.

"Saber…" he croaked, his eyes filling with tears he'd thought he'd long since shed as they gazed into her emerald ones, his heart soaring as she smiled at him, both welcoming and yet strangely sad "Saber-!"

He rushed forward to embrace her, to hold her in his arms, but she held out a hand to stop him, her fingers, so delicate despite the strength he knew they possessed, resting softly yet immovable against his chest.

"I am sorry, Shirou." She offered, her tone soft, caring, her eyes shimmering, almost as if it hurt her to refuse him after so long "You do not belong here…it is not your time yet."

"Saber…?" Shirou stammered, blinking at the Proud King of Knights in confusion, only to blink, his eyes widening as he felt something dragging him away from her despite not moving a muscle "Wait! I don't understand!"

"Honestly," another voice sighed, Shirou's eyes widening as he found himself the victim of a familiar glare, those aquamarine eyes, framed by long black hair done up in pigtails, torn between exasperation and fondness as she too reached out to push him back "For a guy whose Element is 'Sword', you really aren't all that sharp, Emiya-kun."

"He can't help it, Nee-san." A third voice giggled, Shirou's heart stopping as a familiar doting smile once again graced the features of his childhood friend as she too placed a hand over his heart "It's part of his charm after all."

"Rin…Sakura…" he croaked, gazing at the Master of Archer who had taken him under her wing and her estranged younger sister who had silently supported him for years despite her own situation.

The last time he'd seen them, a broken and tainted Sakura had been clutching the remains of Rin's ravaged body to her chest, the elder sister having given her life to try and save her younger sibling from the darkness Zouken Matou had forced upon her soul. In the end, Shirou had been forced to carry out his promise to the Tohsaka heiress and put his childhood friend out of her misery, leaving them clutching one another as he went on to destroy the Greater Grail.

There was no trace of the Grail's taint in Sakura's smile now, only a strange sadness and resolve as she joined her sister and Saber in keeping him from advancing towards them. "It's not your time yet, Sempai." She explained softly, though her eyes showed she wanted to embrace him "Don't worry, we'll wait for you."

"Don't take that as an excuse to go rushing headfirst into danger though." Rin cut in, her tone sharp, brooking no argument as she glared at the redhead "If you die doing something stupid, I'll kill you myself."

"Live, Shirou." Saber urged, her smile loving as she gently pushed him back "Illyasviel would not have wanted you to throw your life away."

* * *

The mention of his sister, of Kiritsugu's biological daughter, struck the Faker's brain like a bolt of lightning, his eyes snapping wide as he lunged forwards, only to blink as, rather than the gold-drenched field, he found himself resting in the four-poster bed in his room at Azazel's mansion.

"Ah! You're awake?" a voice gasped, the Faker turning to find himself gazing into the shocked blue eyes of a young girl, a middle-schooler unless he missed his guess, dressed in an unfamiliar school uniform under an elaborate cloak with fur collar, a stereotypical blue witch hat atop her head.

"Who…?' Shirou wondered, gaping at her in shock, not from the hat and cloak, as from what little he knew most magi tended to be old fashioned about such things and at least she managed to pull the look off, even if it did make her look like something out of Harry Potter.

No, what surprised the Faker was the fact that, aside from her age, apparel and the colour of her eyes, the features of the girl bore a startling resemblance to those of Saber.

"He's awake, Vali!" the girl called out over her shoulder, drawing Shirou's attention to the silver-haired figure leaning against the wall, clad in a high-collared black leather jacket over a dark green V-neck and burgundy jeans with black chaps "I'll be going now, okay?"

"Give Arthur my regards." The teen, Vali, offered, pushing away from the wall as the girl turned on her heel, offering Shirou a cheerful smile before summoning a magic circle and vanishing in a flash of light "So you're Emiya Shirou…" he noted, the redhead shivering as those icy blue eyes roamed over his form with an evaluating air "I have to admit, when I first laid eyes on you, I couldn't see why Azazel was so interested in you." He smirked conspiratorially "Though after seeing what you did to Kokabiel…yeah I can see why he'd put you up for as long as he has."

"Your name is Vali, right?" Shirou noted, his expression guarded as he regarded the advancing silver haired teen warily "And from the fact you know Azazel and Kokabiel, you're probably a member of the Grigori."

"Something like that." Vali admitted, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the bedpost with a scoff "Azazel picked me up a few years ago, not unlike how he did with you actually. You could say the old man has a soft-spot for strays, provided they catch his interest."

"It certainly explains how a High-Class Devil would be on good terms with the leader of the Grigori." Shirou noted, Vali quirking a brow at his statement "I can tell from your power, it's not all that different from a classmate of mine…though you're definitely stronger than him."

Now there was an understatement if there ever was one, as comparing Vali to the likes of Issei was like comparing the Sun to a Matchstick. Not even Rias or Akeno came close to matching the Demonic-Power he could feel coming off the teen, though Rias' still felt the more terrifying of the two.

"You mean the Red Dragon Emperor?" Vali deduced, only to scoff at the Faker's look of confusion "I mean Hyoudou Issei." He elaborated "He and I are destined to fight someday, but don't worry, I don't like picking on the weak." He glanced at the Faker, eyes glinting with intrigue "After all, why not let the fruit ripen on the vine while more interesting opponents are available."

Shirou grimaced, preparing to summon a rain of steel to drive the figure off, only for him to scoff at the Magus' expression. "I told you to relax." He chided, waving a hand dismissively "I didn't drag your ass back to life just because you look like you can handle yourself." He shrugged offhandedly "Besides, Azazel will be up any minute from interrogating Freed." He looked up as the door opened, admitting a haggard looking Azazel, clad, as usual in his kimono "Speak of the devil, he spill anything?"

"Nothing cohesive that I'd repeat in polite company." Azazel admitted with a sigh, scratching the back of his head "Kid was ranting about that Knight from Gremory any chance he could get." He smiled wanly at Shirou, who schooled his features to remain still "Good to see you're awake, Shirou."

"Sorry if I worried you." The Faker supplied, Vali stepping back to let them chat things out in relative privacy "I'd offer my condolences for Kokabiel, but I won't apologize for putting him down."

"Your condolences are welcome, but your apology is unneeded." Azazel assured him with a smile that bordered on saddened "I'm guessing you have your fair share of questions..."

"Not really." Shirou dismissed, earning a quirked brow from Vali and a look of surprise from the Governor-General "I knew you weren't human when we first met, but since you didn't pry into my background, I figured it only fair not to dig into yours." He shrugged "Besides, I already got the basic rundown on things from Sitri-san the other day, so it's not like you'd be telling me anything new."

"Spoil my fun, why don't you." Azazel muttered, his rugged features entirely unsuited for the childish pout he sported as twelve black wings emerged from his back, the faker unable to hide his awe at the sight of them, as unlike Kokabiel's, which reminded him of a crow's, each of Azazel's feathers were like an endless abyss. "So what now?" the Governor General asked, snapping the Faker out of his reverie "Now that you know the truth, what do you intend to do?"

"How long was I out for?" Shirou demanded, flinching as Azazel gestured to a calendar on the wall, a gravure one naturally, which showed he'd been out for most of the week "Kaichou is going to kill me…"

"You mean you intend to go to back to school?" Vali demanded, sounding stunned, though also intrigued, as he gaped at the redhead "Back to pretending to be something you're not?"

"I can't very well play hooky after Azazel went to all the trouble of enrolling me." Shirou countered, gazing down at his left hand thoughtfully "Besides…I can't be relying on others forever. Sooner or later I'm going to have to stand on my own two feet, and to do that, I need to at least graduate from High-School."

"You're on your own for University though." Azazel warned him coyly, his eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room "Don't give me that look! It's to help you grow more independent."

"That, and your school fees and registration apparently cut into the budget Shemhazai set up to pay for the junk he orders online." Vali smirked, Azazel pouting ineffectually at the teen's ribbing.

"Oh yes, there's someone else that's been waiting to see you." Azazel suddenly recalled, snapping his fingers before turning to the door with his usual lazy smile "You can come in now."

"Excuse me…" a familiar voice murmured, Shirou's eyes widening in alarm as Xenovia Quarta, Exorcist of the Church and Holy Sword Wielder, stepped into the room carrying a tea tray. However, rather than her presence in Azazel's home, what alarmed Shirou was the girl's attire, namely a French Maid outfit that somehow accentuated her figure more than her battle suit had.

"Oh, you're awake, Emiya-sama." The exorcist noted, snapping the redhead out of his shock to see her smiling at him in relief "Thank goodness, we were beginning to think you'd never wake up."

"X-Xenovia-san…" the understandably flummoxed magus stammered, his features heating up as he tried his level best to keep his eyes locked on her face "What…what are you doing here?"

"The little lady came knocking on our door a few days ago." Azazel revealed, accepting a cup of tea from the proffered tray with a smile "Seems she recently severed all ties with the Catholic Church due to…extenuating circumstances." He waved a hand at Shirou's look of alarm "She only really intended to check up on you before moving on, but I couldn't just turn my back on one of Shirou's cute little friends so since she didn't have anywhere else to go I hired her as a live-in maid to brighten up our little bachelor's paradise."

"You can't be serious…" Shirou choked, glancing over at Vali for confirmation, only for the silver-haired devil to roll his eyes, clearly used to such antics "But…what about your mission?"

"There's no need to worry, Emiya-sama." Xenovia assured him, her tone confident "The cores from the destroyed swords are being returned to the Church branches by Irina." She flinched slightly at the mention of her partner "It may take some time, but I'm certain they'll be able to re-forge them into Holy Swords once more."

"Well, I guess that's a relief…" Shirou conceded, honestly relieved that, at the very least, the swords weren't lost forever. While what the Church had done to create them might be heinous, the swords themselves had been forged with the express intent of protecting humanity, and provided they were allowed to choose their own wielders, Shirou was certain that no harm would come from Caliburn's descendants "But what about you, Xenovia-san? Are you sure leaving the church is what you want?"

"Yes." Xenovia confirmed, no trace of hesitancy in her voice, though Shirou could tell from her eyes that the decision had cost her "Ever since I was a child, no, from the moment I was born I was raised to dedicate my life to God. To me, there was no greater reward than to serve under him, and that no honour could match that of giving my life for his cause. I cast aside all traces of humanity and gender, in order to become a more efficient instrument of his divine will."

She grimaced, hugging her elbows to her sides "Can you imagine, therefore, how it felt to learn that the God I'd so adored, the God I'd sacrificed every other mundane happiness to serve, was not only dead, but had died centuries before, his place filled by the Archangel Michael, who ruthlessly branded those who learned the truth as heretics, regardless of their devotion prior?"

Shirou winced, knowing all too well what it was like to have your worldview shattered.

Never would he have imagined that the kind, gentle Kiritsugu could be a ruthless assassin feared by all. Never could he have imagined the horrors that Sakura had been forced to endure. Never would he be able to forget the sight of Ilya's small form collapsing under a hail of beautiful golden death, his sibling struck down by the King of Heroes despite everything they'd sacrificed.

"But then I heard your words." Xenovia continued, taking the startled Faker's hand in both her own "I watched as you not only faced down the Fallen Star of God, but even denounced the need for Gods or Devils to exist."

Azazel and Vali perked up at this, the former's eyes eyes filled with intrigue and the latter's with approval.

"You proved that humans were capable of existing without relying on Gods, you even went on to show it was possible to surpass them." Xenovia continued, her tone bordering on reverent "At that moment, I realised that all along I'd simply been clinging to my faith like a child with a blanket, when all along I should have been facing the world with my head held high. In the end, when the mandate from Lord Michael came exiling me from the Church, I took it more as a blessing than a punishment. When Governor Azazel offered me a place to stay, I figured I had nothing left to lose."

"The Grigori have always been willing to take in anyone the other factions chased off." Azazel admitted, glancing at Vali briefly as he sipped his sake "Still, I can only imagine how those old men in the Vatican are panicking now that they've lost Durandal."

"Wait, you took Durandal with you?" Shirou stammered, staring at the former Exorcist in disbelief, his eyes widening as the hilt of the Peerless Sword appeared in a flash of Gold beside her outstretched palm "Isn't that, like, stealing?"

"How can it be stealing when Durandal itself chose me to wield it?" Xenovia countered with a scoff, returning the blade with a wave of her hand. "Besides, it would only wind up collecting dust if I returned it to them, much like I expect Destruction will once Irina returns it to the Vatican. But enough about me, Emiya-sama, let's see about getting you cleaned up."

"Eh?" Shirou stammered, wondering if he'd heard her right, only to flush as the former Exorcist leaned in, apparently heedless of what this did to her already low neckline, and promptly began unbuttoning his clothes "O-oi! Wait a minute!"

"Don't struggle so much, Emiya-sama." She chastised, ignoring his futile attempts to break free with her impressive strength "You haven't got anything I haven't seen before. Indeed, I've seen it enough over the past week between changing and bathing you."

"BATHING?!" Shirou yelped, his face flushing as red as his hair as he struggled to keep her hands from his pants, glancing up at the others for help just in time to see them sneaking out of the room, Azazel with a shit-eating grin on his face while Vali merely smirked at him, the Devil hanging a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door handle before shutting it behind them "NOOOOOO-!"

* * *

 _Ah youth..._

"Something the matter, Issei-kun?" Kiba asked, the Gremory Knight looking up at the pawn in concern as he was booed off stage by his two human friends for singing the theme song to his favourite anime "You seemed a little distracted at the end there."

"Ah…it's nothing, Kiba." Issei assured him, his expression a mixture of confusion and jealousy "It's just…I don't know why, but for a split second there I felt like punching Emiya in the face…"

Kiba grimaced, understanding just how the Pawn felt, as everyone from the Occult Research Club and Student Council had been affected by the near-death and apparent kidnapping of the Brownie of Kuoh. Some of the more excitable members of Sona's peerage had even considered launching a rescue attempt until the Sitri heiress put her foot down.

They had barely managed to survive against Kokabiel, who even acting on his own had managed to almost kill Rias and her peerage, to say nothing of the damage done to the school grounds. There was no way in hell they were going to mount an assault on the headquarters of the Governor General of the Grigori, who was apparently allied with the White Emperor Dragon, even if they knew where to find it.

Not even Sirzechs-sama, the Lucifer himself, could authorize such a strike for fear of kick-starting a new war between the Three Factions, which would have defeated the purpose of beating Kokabiel altogether. Especially not for an unaffiliated Magus, classmate or not.

"That idiot…" Issei muttered, the perverted pawn sipping on his drink with an irritated scowl "Smiling like that while he's dying… I always knew there was something weird about him."

"I suspect it has something to do with survivor's guilt." Kiba opined knowingly "I only came to terms with it myself the other day, so I think I can understand why he smiled like he did."

For years, Kiba had wondered if he deserved to have survived when so many had died. Once his friends had confirmed it, he'd felt such joy he honestly wouldn't have minded dying right then and there, were it not for the matter at hand.

The smile on Emiya's face had been one of gratitude. Not for being saved, but for allowing him to save them, to atone for his sin of being the only one to survive.

"Issei-kun." Kiba spoke up, his tone serious as he glanced at the Pawn, who paused in his muttering to regard the solemn Knight "I just wanted to say Thank You. For everything I mean."

"Psch, the hell you getting all sentimental for?" Issei scoffed, smirking at the Knight "But if you really wanna thank me, then let's sing the next song together." He smirked at the Knight "I gotta warn you though; I can sing the Dragon Ball intro non-stop for 24 hours!"

Kiba chuckled weakly, the two of them rising once their turn was called, spending the rest of the evening singing away, heedless of the rumours that would soon spread through the halls of Kuoh Academy of the Prince of Kuoh's 'Steamy Forbidden Relationship' with the self-proclaimed Harem King of the Perverted Trio.

Needless to say, one way or another, all three members of said trio found themselves beaten senseless the next day…though for some reason Kiba seemed more popular than ever.

* * *

And with that, the Fake x Calibur Arc comes to a close.

Were any of you expecting this? Anyone Expecting worse? Better? Feel free to let me know in a review below.

From here we'll be moving onto the Peace Talks and the 'Training in the underworld' arcs, which Shirou may or may not take part in. For the record, he won't be taking part in any Rating Games because he won't be becoming a devil. That being said he can still get into fights since trouble follows the ORC like Invaders seeking scrubs for dinner.

Don't expect an update for a while now, this was just to satisfy your itch for the time being and close out the arc.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go cut down a Giant, you ready Siegward?

Siegward: MAY THE SUN SHINE!

 ***Jumps on Siegward's shoulders while Dual-Wielding Stormrulers as we storm into Yhorm's Throne-Room backed by Guren no yumiya***


	13. Fake x Treaty 1

Hey all.

As some of you might have guessed, things have been rather hectic lately. Between being let go, my computer crashing and looking for a new job, I've had to re-assess my priorities somewhat.

That said, in the few moments of peace I can get, I'll be writing, so while i can't promise regular updates, I can at least get something out.

That being said, due to the death of my hard-drive and loss of my original notes, some of my older fics are being discontinued & other rebooted. If you'd like to adopt one of the ones destined for the recycle bin, contact me to let me know and I'll mention it on my page.

For now, let's get this show on the road!

* * *

 **Fake Life Thirteen: Revelations.**

Xenovia Quarta was nothing if not dedicated. Indeed, whether it was her faith in the one true God or her skills with a blade, there were few who could compete with the sheer level of devotion she committed to her duties. And how could she do anything less, having been raised since birth to be a sword of the church, entrusted to wield not one, but two of their most sacred weapons against the heathens and Devils that threatened the sanctity of Christendom?

At least, that had been the way she'd seen herself, back when she'd still been a member of the Vatican, back when everything made sense, back when she hadn't had her eyes forcibly opened, her faith shattered, by the callous words of the Fallen Star of God. After all, how could she have faith in a God that was dead? Worse still, a God that had been dead since the end of the great war Millennia ago?

All this time the Vatican had lorded it over the other faiths how only the Almighty had come out of the battle unscathed, while countless other 'so-called' gods and even Lucifer himself had been slain, when in actuality Christendom barely had a leg to stand on compared to all the other faiths.

In short, Xenovia's entire life up until that point had been based upon a bed of lies and deceit. How could she, in good faith, judge the so-called 'Pagans' and 'Heretics' when they, at the very least, still had Gods to pray to? How many of her former targets had been truly guilty of their 'crimes', and how many had simply been branded as 'sinners' for learning the truth?

It had been a crushing blow, not just to her faith, but also her pride and her sanity, to the point she hadn't even questioned it when word reached her from the Vatican that she'd been excommunicated for the sin of 'consorting with Devils and Heretics'. She'd simply entrusted Excalibur (Hah!) Destruction to Irina, hoping against hope that at least by returning it she could spare her partner from suffering her fate before going into hiding with Durandal.

You might be wondering, if she truly wished to sever all ties with the Church, then why not return Durandal to them as well? After all, unlike the so-called 'Excaliburs', Durandal was a True Holy Sword forged by God himself, one of the few that currently remained within the Church's arsenal, and one they would most certainly try to reclaim by any means necessary, even if a new wielder might not show up for centuries.

The reasoning behind her keeping the blade was actually two-fold. For starters, as much as it hurt to admit, having something that had been personally forged by her beloved God close to her made the pain of learning the truth more bearable, as if by keeping it by her side, she hadn't truly cast aside her beliefs.

As for the second reason? Well, the simple fact remained that Durandal was HERS. Out of countless other Holy Swordsmen, including die-hard fanatics that held close ties to high-ranking members of the clergy, none had been able to so much as touch Durandal.

It was only to be expected really, as a True Holy Sword forged by God, Durandal could not be wielded by just anyone. Much like how Excalibur, or Caliburn rather, had only accepted King Arthur, Durandal had been entrusted solely to Sir Roland, and following his death no-one had been able to wield the blade properly until centuries later, when the now Legendary Vasco Strada laid his hands upon it.

If there was a single person Xenovia would openly admit to admiring to the point of idol-worship, it would have to be Vasco Strada. And how could she not? Was he not the prime example of what a true Exorcist should be? Not only that, but despite his overwhelming power and influence, despite Devils and Heathens alike shuddering at the mere mention of his name, the man in question was not only as gentle as a lamb, but possessed of the compassion of a saint.

It was these traits that had earned him the undying loyalty of all those placed under his authority, with many of those who studied under him rising to become high-ranking members of the clergy. Unfortunately, despite all of his saintly traits, at the end of the day Father Strada was but a mere mortal, and like all mortals he could not cast aside the shackles of old age, and so it was that, despite numerous pleas to reconsider, he was forced to relinquish the blade when it became apparent his skills had begun to decline.

Though he remained a valued member of the clergy, even reaching the position of Cardinal, his absence from active duty, and Durandal's refusal to acknowledge another wielder, had been a harsh blow to the Exorcist forces. And could you really blame them for being so despondent? After all, who in their right mind honestly believed they could step up to the legacy of the man hailed behind closed doors as the 'Fist of God?'.

Now that Xenovia thought about it, Cardinal Strada's retirement from active duty had probably been one of the many factors that led to Valper Galilei's Holy Sword project being green-lit. As amusing as it was to imagine the collective soiling of robes the old men had suffered once they realized that not only had they lost their strongest warrior, but his weapon had essentially been reduced to a decorative ornament, she could still understand their desperation to produce a warrior even half as competent as Father Strada.

That being said, while the Vatican had eventually realized just what sort of monster Valper was and reacted accordingly, the fact they were content to use the insane Archbishop's research to further their own agendas only served to remind her of how corrupt the Vatican had become. And in the end, just what had the research afforded them? Even with Lord Michael supervising the extraction and implantation of Holy element into candidates, none of their acolytes were deemed worthy enough to wield one of the few remaining True Holy Swords.

And then Xenovia had come of age.

Like many potential exorcists from the current generation, Xenovia had been one of many orphans entrusted to the Vatican that was deemed capable of undergoing the trials necessary to become a Blade of the Church. As a result, her earliest memories involved indoctrination and harsh training in the combat arts, as was typical of all Pages prior to accepting a particular path.

While the agents of the Church were collectively referred to as 'Exorcists', they were actually divided into several 'castes' in order to maximize efficiency by covering a variety of fields. The first and arguably the most iconic caste were the Knights, those who excelled in close quarters combat with Holy Swords. Though their prestige had fallen somewhat following Cardinal Strada's retirement, the implementation of Valper Galilei's Holy Sword Project had resulted in a recent influx of new members, though few were deemed worthy of wielding a 'True' Holy Sword, not even Irina, who hailed from a long line of Exorcists herself.

This proved a stark contrast to the Dragoon class, which specialized in the use of ranged combat. Unlike the Knights, the Dragoons had only benefited from the passage of time and the advancement of firearms technology in particular, allowing them to supplant the Knights as the church's go-to field agents for a time, resulting in something of an unofficial rivalry between the two castes.

Thankfully, the three 'support' castes didn't possess any particular grievances towards one another, though that didn't really mean much when you considered how both the Knights and Dragoons tended to look down on them despite how valuable they were.

Take the Doctor caste for example; as their name implied, members of this caste specialized in the treatment of wounds, both natural and those inflected by Demons, spirits and what have you. Or the Arias, so named for their ability to exorcise and severely weaken Spiritual and Demonic entities by reciting verses from holy scriptures. And finally there were the Tamers, those who possessed the ability to summon and control various 'Contract Spirits' to both attack and provide support.

While their overall combat ability tended to be weak, and few, if any, possessed the talent for summoning required to become a Tamer, not even the most die-hard fanatic could deny that the Support Castes provided a much-needed service, to the point most Exorcist teams typically possessed at least one support caste member among their ranks.

That being said, while most of her fellow pages quickly found themselves a niche to fill, Xenovia proved decidedly harder to place. Despite her faith and ability to recite the bible by heart, her lack of patience, blunt demeanor and general preference of confronting her foes directly made her ill-suited to become an Aria or Doctor, while her general disdain for firearms and anything even closely resembling heathen 'Magic', eliminated any chance of her becoming a Dragoon or Tamer.

Fortunately for Xenovia, her skills and dedication to the way of the sword had not gone unnoticed by her instructors, and she soon found herself apprenticed to Griselda Quarta, a high-ranking Exorcist who took her on as her personal Squire, even going so far as to become her legal guardian. which proved to be an…interesting experience, to say the least.

Oh, make no mistake, Xenovia was eternally grateful for her master's tutelage, but that didn't change the fact Griselda could by bloody terrifying when she wanted to be, usually simply to get a reaction out of her Squire. Despite all that, Xenovia would freely admit that Griselda was the closest thing she'd ever had to a mother figure, and for the longest time she'd done everything she could to earn her approval.

She could still remember the smile on her master's face the day she'd passed the Knight Trials, the same day she was deemed worthy of wielding Durandal. To this day, it remained one of her fondest memories, and following her excommunication it served as one of her strongest motivators for retaining Durandal. So deep was her respect for Griselda, in fact, that despite being excommunicated, despite casting aside her faith and throwing in her lot with the Grigori, Xenovia hadn't cast aside her teachings, which was why she was currently gasping for breath, Durandal held before her as she glared at her opponent.

It would be no exaggeration to call this place a battlefield, an arid wasteland marred by the scars of battle, the land itself scorched by raging flames, littered with shrapnel from scattered blades and shattered earth. On one side stood Xenovia, clad in her skintight battle suit, the blessed fabric, which was designed to deflect small arms fire, littered with tears, exposing the glancing wounds she'd received over the course of the battle, a stark contrast to her opponent, who despite breathing heavily from exhaustion, was completely unharmed.

"Do you wish to continue, Emiya-sama?" she called out, looking on warily as the self-proclaimed 'Faker' caught his breath, part of her secretly hoping he would choose to continue, as she hadn't had such a satisfying duel for some time now.

"No, I think that's enough for today." The magus gasped, rising from his crouch, the beautiful Chinese falchions he seemed to prefer vanishing back into the ether as he wiped the sweat from his brow, drawing her attention the shock of white that interrupted his formerly red hair "Thanks again for the workout, Xenovia-san."

"Think nothing of it, Emiya-sama." The former Exorcist assured him even as she returned Durandal to its storage dimension "Governor Azazel has entrusted me with your well-being, so it is only natural that I assist you with your swordsmanship training."

And in all honesty, Shirou needed all the help he could get. While his combat skills and fighting style were certainly impressive for his age, especially given his claims of having received no formal training outside of basic Archery, it meant little if he faced an opponent who could simply overwhelm him with pure force or speed, which were the bread and butter of Devils who chose to engage in close-combat.

"Still, I can't believe Azazel had something like this set up…" Shirou mused, gazing around at their surroundings. At first glance, one would be forgiven for believing they were standing in the middle of a rocky desert filled with dead trees beneath a cloudy red sky. Barren, that is, save for the ornate Silver door that was conspicuously standing right in the center of the rock-strewn land. A door that Shirou knew for a fact led to the basement of Azazel's mansion back in Kuoh "He really does have a lot of time on his hands."

"Supposedly he got the idea from an…anime? Am I saying that right?" Xenovia mused, tilting her head to the side in confusion "Regardless of its origins, I cannot fault his design. Having a suitable place to practice one's skill is truly a Godsend-!"

"Xenovia-san?" Shirou blinked, looking over at the former exorcist in concern as she trailed off with a wince, only to frown as she averted her eyes from his own "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes…No…" Xenovia sighed, shaking her head in frustration "I honestly don't know, Emiya-sama. Physically I am fine, and mentally I have resolved myself to put my past behind me…" she placed a hand over her heart "It's just…I fought so hard to uphold my beliefs, sacrificed everything to uphold the doctrines of the Church…" she closed her eyes with a grimace "Despite having learned the truth, a part of me just can't bring myself to cast aside those beliefs I once cherished."

Shirou said nothing, the 3rd-rate magus regarding the former exorcist with concern, understanding all-too-well the dilemma she was facing, as it was one he'd faced himself not too-long ago. While their situations were different, Xenovia having cast aside her ideals after being betrayed, as someone who had cast aside his ideals only to be betrayed, Emiya Shirou was quite possibly the only person the former exorcist could relate to.

"Xenovia-san…do you still believe in God?" he asked, only to mentally kick himself for his bluntness when the girl turned to stare at him "What I meant to say was: Do you still believe in his teachings?" he elaborated "I'm not talking about what you were trained to do as an exorcist, but whether or not you still believe in the teachings passed down by God before he passed away?"

"But of course!" Xenovia exclaimed, as if insulted that he'd even have to ask "Though the Church may have twisted them to suit their own ends, the teachings he passed down are not wrong!"

"Then why should it matter if he's alive or dead?" Shirou pressed, scratching his cheek awkwardly at her look of surprise "I'm probably not the best person to say this, given my stance of Deities in general, but I think your God would be more than content that people still follow his teachings even after he died." He smiled wanly "I'd think he'd find that preferable to being forgotten by everyone after all."

Whether they were Gods or Heroes, history had long since proven that the absolute worst thing that can happen to a person after their death was to be forgotten. It was for that exact reason that even to this day people continued to retell the old stories, glorifying the Heroes whilst vilifying the Villains. Though the Age of Gods had long since passed in his own world, they would never truly be forgotten so long as people continued to remember the roles they'd played in countless legends.

'Even if some Gods would be better off forgotten…' he mused, scowling at the memory of the Black Grail formed by Servant Avenger and cursing the Einzberns for their stupidity for the umpteenth time.

"Emiya-sama…" Xenovia whispered, drawing the Faker's attention back to the exorcist turned battle-maid, only to gape at the tearful smile adorning her features "You are right, of course." She agreed, her smile never changing even as she wiped the tears from her eyes "Though the Lord is gone, his teachings remain with the faithful." She placed a hand over her heart "And so long as people truly adhere to these teachings, he will never truly be lost to us." She beamed at him gratefully "Thank you for reminding me of that…truly, you are wiser than your years."

"I can think of several people who would argue otherwise…" Shirou countered with a weak chuckle, a bead of sweat running down his cheek as he recalled the countless lectures he'd received from the various women in his life "If you really want to thank me, then drop the 'sama', okay? My friends call me Shirou."

"Very well then Shirou-sa…Shirou." Xenovia conceded, smiling gratefully at the redhead "Yes, I must admit it sounds right to do so. But I shall only consent if you call me by my own name."

"Um…sure, I guess?" Shirou stammered, honestly startled by how closely the former exorcist's smile reminded him of Saber's, back when the two had sworn to aid one another "C'mon, let's get cleaned up so I can get started on dinner. Did Azazel say he wanted anything in particular?"

"Not that I can recall, no." Xenovia admitted with a shrug as they strode out the door, holding her chin in thought as she went over her last conversation with the Governor General of the Grigori "In fact, I think he said he'd be busy entertaining a guest."

* * *

 ** _Azazel's Lovely Suite..._**

"That was one hell of a Sneeze, Devil-kun. I'd say 'bless you' but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be received very well."

"You'd be right about that." Issei chuckled, wiping his nose on the back of his hand before turning his attention back to the screen.

To say things were looking up for Hyoudo Issei would be an understatement. For the longest time the self-proclaimed 'Harem King' had been forced to accept that the closest he would ever get to actual T&A without having to resort to the literal mountains of porn he kept in his room would typically involve getting the shit beat out of him by angry schoolgirls.

However, following his death and revival as a pawn of Rias Gremory earlier that year, the teen's prospects seemed to be perpetually on the rise, especially after the stellar debut he'd made, crashing her engagement party to rescue her from the grasp of that yakitori-bastard Riser Phenex. Ever since then, and Rias' subsequent decision to move into his home along with Asia, the perverted pawn hadn't so much as looked at a gravure magazine or dirty video.

After all, what need had he to spend his money on static images when he had real-life oppai bouncing on display 24-7? As a result of this, his poor wallet, usually barren post allowance day, was practically bursting at the seams due to the excess of funds he'd accumulated…or at least it would have had he not been forced to pay for a certain pair of exorcists' meal due to the deviousness of a certain suicidal Damned Handsome.

"I mean, seriously, where the hell does he get off trying to act all cool like that?" he muttered, glaring at the screen with his tongue between his teeth, tilting his Famicom controller awkwardly in an attempt to make his car turn faster "Bad enough he totally stole the show, but then he goes and almost offs himself only to disappear on us for a week!" he snorted bitterly "Seriously, why does he get to lay low while we deal with the fallout?"

Now that was putting things likely. Putting aside the original political drama that came with the original theft of the swords & Kokabiel's involvement, the past week had seen both his Master and Sona-Kaichou in almost constant correspondence with representatives of both Heaven and Hell.

In the case of the former, while they were 'grateful' that the situation had been resolved with minimal loss of human life, the fact that all of the Excaliburs barring Xenovia's Destruction, the Roman-Orthadox's Blessing and the missing Ruler had been destroyed hadn't exactly earned the Kuoh faction any favors with the church.

To make matters worse, Xenovia had disappeared with Durandal following the battle with Kokabiel, though not before entrusting Excalibur-Destruction to a confused, heartbroken Irina in what Rias deduced to be a noble attempt to lessen the punishment that likely awaited Issei's childhood friend upon her return to the Vatican.

Then again, Issei could hardly blame Xenovia for running off like she had. Considering the political minefield the Gremory & Sitri peerage were currently dealing with following their exposure to the dark truths behind not one, not two, but three of their ancestral enemy's most closely guarded secrets.

Now Issei had never been particularly pious growing up, unless lusting after Oppai counted, in which case he was probably the best candidate for Pope, Buddha or what have you of whatever perverse religion based itself around such, but from what little he recalled of Irina's family gatherings prior to her moving back to England, he could sort of understand how big a deal the death of their Patron Deity had to be for them.

With that in mind, he'd completely understood when Rias ordered him to keep the secret behind Xenovia's excommunication from Irina, even though it had cut him to the core to see the cold dismissal and shame in his childhood friend's eyes, his heart going out to the pig-tailed exorcist as he watched her leave to return the shattered remains of the Excaliburs to the Vatican, alone.

Though her mission was technically a success, it was entirely thanks to the efforts of the Gremory and Sitri peerages, the same Devils she and Xenovia had been ordered to 'politely' ask to refrain from getting involved, rather than anything of her own doing. To make matters worse, not only had she allowed the stolen swords to be destroyed, she'd lost her own and her partner had done a runner, taking with her one of the few remaining True Holy Swords in the Vatican's arsenal.

Issei might be a pervert, okay screw it he was quite possibly one of the most perverted individuals to walk the earth in the current age, but nothing hurt him more than seeing a girl cry or being unable to help a friend, so watching Irina walk away with her head lowered in shame, unable to offer her so much as a hug or word of encouragement, had been a devastating double blow that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Thankfully for all those involved, things on the Infernal spectrum had been slightly more bearable, partly due to the fact that the reinforcements sent by Rias' elder brother had handled all of the clean-up and political maneuvering, thus allowing the members of the Occult Research Club and Student Council to get some much-needed rest.

That being said, things weren't exactly a bed of roses, as evidenced by the lecture delivered to them by Greyfia-san herself the day immediately following the battle. While Sirzech could not, in good faith, condemn his beloved little sister for her actions, and indeed had praised her & Sona-Kaichou for acquitting themselves against a superior opponent, the fact the heiresses hadn't immediately contacted their elder siblings upon learning that Kokabiel was involved out of misplaced pride hadn't earned them any brownie points with the Lucifer.

Nor, it seemed, had it done anything to improve Grayfia's temper, a fact the 'Strongest Queen' made abundantly clear despite never raising her voice the entire debriefing. Sirzech-sama had apparently been in the middle of a highly important meeting when word reached him about the situation in Kuoh and it had taken the combined efforts of Grayfia and Ajuka Beelzebub to keep the Lucifer from going in guns blazing personally and instead send reinforcements to back them up.

In short, while Rias & Sona had acquitted themselves well given the situation, the fact remained that their stubborn, childish pride had made the whole affair far more complicated than it needed to be. Had they informed their respective siblings, or at the very least passed word along to Grayfia from the get go, Sirzechs could have put together a covert task force to assist Irina and Xenovia from behind the scenes whilst luring Kokabiel out into the open, thus putting the Church in their debt without risking the lives of the civilian populace or putting their own fledgling, inexperienced Peerages in harms way.

Such actions were not befitting of a 'King', never mind the respective heiresses to House Gremory and House Sitri. As the joint overseers of Kuoh City, both Sona and Rias had a duty to uphold the laws as laid down by the Four Satans, which included placing the overall safety of the human population above all else. If their failure to do so was a result of their inability to set aside their childish pride, then Sirzechs would have no choice but to strip them of their authority and call them both home.

Such harsh words from her normally supportive older brother had shaken Rias to her core, and from what little Issei had managed to get out of Saji, it was clear that while Sona hadn't been as personally hurt, the Lucifer's words had impacted her just as harshly, which only served to show how respected Sirzechs Lucifer was by the underworld community.

As bad as that all sounded, however, it wasn't all doom and gloom on the Kuoh front. For one thing, Kiba had been livelier than Issei had ever been before, the Damned Handsome actually smiling authentically instead of simply plastering on a fake smile for his fan-girls. He'd also begun to hang out with Issei and Saji more often, the three of them united by the common trend of being the only members of their respective Peerages to possess a Y-chromosome, and he even turned out to be pretty decent at karaoke so that was definitely a plus.

Another surprising upside was that, despite everything that had gone down since Spring-Term, the only faction that wasn't currently giving them a hard time were the Grigori. Setting aside Raynare's cell, who had apparently been acting on their own, even going so far as to disobey direct orders from Azazel and Shemhazai, you'd think the Fallen would be up in arms following the death of Kokabiel, but so far they hadn't sent so much as an angry postcard.

Actually, no, that wasn't strictly true, as Rias had apparently received a vintage anime-postcard, autographed by Go-Nagai himself, shortly after the battle from the Governor-General himself. From what little Issei had been able to make out, Azazel had apparently apologized for the whole affair and essentially reassured them that no attempts to avenge the Fallen Star of God would be authorized by him or Shemhazai.

As reassuring as the missive had been, the fact it had apparently been sent from within Kuoh City, and the fact he'd also assured them that Shirou was doing better, and would likely return to classes the following week, only served to solidify the fact that not only had the Governor-General of the Grigori been living right under their noses for a considerable amount of time, but that he apparently considered Shirou to be under his protection.

This, as you might imagine, presented a considerable problem. While Shirou had made it abundantly clear that he didn't view Rias & Sona's Peerages as enemies, the fact remained he was the first mortal in recorded history to actually slay a Fallen. While far from immortal, Fallen-Angels were still Divine Beings created by the Biblical God, so the odds of a mortal, Mage, Hero or what have you, actually managing to kill one was nigh impossible.

Add to the fact that Kokabiel was not only a veteran of the Great War, but one of the few beings capable of going toe-to-toe against the Super Devil Sirzechs Lucifer, and you could probably understand why Shirou's alignment with the Grigori was so worrisome. Things had been bad enough when the rumors of Divine Dividing's wielder allying with the Grigori were confirmed, that the Fallen had a Mage capable of slaying a Super Devil among them led to many a sleepless night for both heiresses.

Thankfully, as much as he'd like to alleviate his King's stress, preferably with a hot bath followed by a massage session, as a 'mere Pawn' Issei didn't have to worry about all that political stuff, or so Rias kept assuring him. And so, in order to keep from worrying her, he had thrown himself back into his old routine of accepting whatever requests he could in order to earn enough points to improve his ranking as a Devil.

It was slow going, primarily because he still couldn't use the damned teleportation circle without tagging along with someone else, but it certainly helped to take his mind off all that stressful shit…normally anyway.

"I see…that does sound worrisome." His client agreed, his eyes never leaving the screen before them, his posture decidedly calm even as he guided his digital racer around the track with practiced ease "And he hasn't contacted you?"

"Not so much as a text!" Issei seethed, cheering internally as he hit a new speed record for finishing the current lap "I mean, sure it's great he's alive and all but would it kill him to pick up the damned phone?"

His client merely chuckled, his eyes glinting with mirth as he casually directed his own racer to overtake the irate Pawn's, earning a squawk from Issei as he struggled to close the gap between them.

If Issei were forced to describe his most frequent customer in words, the first that would probably pop into his head was eccentric. Or at least that would be the case if he bothered to actually develop his vocabulary. As it were, the actual word he'd use to describe the man, if pressed to do so, would be 'weird'.

Oh, don't get him wrong, he was more than happy to accept the man's repeat patronage, every complete request counted towards his eventual dream of forming his own harem of beauties after all, but who in their right mind summons a devil simply because they wanted a drinking partner? Or to go fishing? Or to play outdated Famicom games for that matter?

Oh make no mistake he'd ended up playing loads of video games during his other requests, especially whenever he filled in for one of Koneko or Asia's, but those were typically because he couldn't really fulfill their client's original wishes, which strangely enough seemed to revolve mostly around cosplay (shudder) and so he'd been forced to settle for either marathoning anime series he normally wouldn't care for or playing video games until he could see the individual pixels in his sleep.

And just why was this Mid-20-something foreigner relying on a teenage Devil for company? Issei had absolutely no doubts as to his sexual preference but even he could tell that, unlike Kiba, who girls fawned over for his 'pretty boy' face and gentlemanly manner, his regular had the kind of 'rugged bad-boy' charm that could only be obtained from experience courting mature women. By all rights, if he wanted a drinking partner he could walk into any bar or hostess club and have his pick.

Oh well, it wasn't up to Issei to reason why. If the man valued his companionship that much then who was Issei to argue? Not only that, but the guy was apparently loaded to the gills despite never wearing anything other than a dusty old men's kimono, as evidenced by the fact he lived in one of the few actual western mansions in Kuoh City and often payed for Issei's services with expensive gifts in lieu of cash.

A prime example of this was the rare painting he received for his first job, which had ended with him keeping the man company as he drank. Rias had gotten the piece examined by a critic affiliated with her family in order to verify it's worth and ensure her 'precious subordinate' hadn't gotten shafted, so you could probably imagine the look on her face when it turned out he'd been paid with a missing masterpiece from the Louvre that had gone missing sometime during World War II.

To put it simply, the painting was worth more than Issei was likely to ever earn in his lifetime, both in terms of cash and in terms of value to the world of art, and the man had only continued to impress, his subsequent payments including rare jewels, precious tomes, and even gold nuggets! Seriously! How much wealth could one guy have that he just threw away lumps of pure gold like it was pocket change?!

As such, despite her earlier misgivings, Rias had officially encouraged her pawn to accept any and all requests from the man for the foreseeable future, especially given how he only ever seemed to request Issei, no matter which other members of her peerage were available. Hell, it had even gotten to the point where he'd requested Issei's phone number to bypass the summoning ritual altogether, though Rias had made certain that Issei got the man to stamp the satisfaction forms regardless.

Still, there was a limit to what even a high-value customer could get away with, and Issei swore if he had to go shopping for limited edition bread at the nearby store in the middle of the night again he was going to lodge a formal complaint. Low-ranked or not he was supposed to be a proud Devil, a member of Rias Gremory's Peerage, the current Red Dragon Emperor and the man who would become the undisputed Harem King! Not some God (OW!) Damned errand boy!

"I see, looks like you've had a rough time of things." His client mused, smiling enigmatically as his car proceeded to pass Issei's despite the pawn's attempts to cut him off "Well, that just means we've got to make up for the time we've missed, right?"

"You got it!" Issei grinned, the two of them sharing a laugh before turning their attention back to the race on screen "Still, I can't believe you called me out to play video games of all things."

"What can I say?" his client chuckled, his eyes never leaving the screen even as he somehow managed to manipulate his cart while stroking his goatee"Our trip to the arcade last session really got me hooked."

"I'll say…" Issei deadpanned, one eye roaming over the multitude of gaming consoles, both retro and cutting-edge, that took up the majority of the far wall. Hell, there was even a customized gaming computer off to the side, the tower looming over the rest of the room like a black obelisk "You don't do things by half, do you?"

"What can I say, I've always been something of an avid collector." The old man admitted with a wry smirk "Truth be told, I tend to get a bit fanatical whenever something catches my interest, it's actually a bad habit of mine."

'Huh…now that I think about it, didn't I hear something like that a while back?' Issei wondered, his eyes narrowing in confusion as he tried to place the memory 'Who were we talking about again…?"

"Ah, looks like I've got the gist of things now." His client mused, snapping the pawn out of his thoughts just long enough to see his racer passed by the older man's "You snooze you lose, Devil-Kun!"

"No way!" Issei yelped, the pawn's fingers a literal blur as he fought to reclaim the lead, only to slump in defeat as he watched his racer cross the finish line seconds behind his opponent's, his fledgling pride in his gaming skills plummeting as the words YOU ARE LOSE blazed across his half of the screen "My perfect win-streak…" he sobbed, "Dammit, how're you so good for a first-timer?"

"Don't take it too-hard, Devil-kun." The older man chuckled, patting the dispirited Pawn reassuringly on the back, his tone only half-teasing, as evident by the twinkle in his eyes "You can't win 'em all after all."

"Dammit! I demand a rematch!" Issei exclaimed, his pride as a gamer triggered by what he perceived as the older man's condescending tone. Client or no client, nobody looked down on the future Harem King and got away with it! "C'mon! Best two out of three!"

"You're a real sore loser, aren't you Devil-kun?" the man chuckled, clearly amused by the pawn's zeal "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, Vali was much the same way when I picked him up, and Lord only knows Shirou's too stubborn for his own good half the time…" his smile faded somewhat "or rather he would have known, if he'd lived long enough to meet him."

'He looks so sad…' Issei noted, the Gremory Pawn staring at his client in concern, his mind searching for something to say, only to screech to a halt as the older man's words fully registered in his brain 'Wait…what did he say just now?'

"Azazel-sama…" a familiar voice called out, snapping the teen out of his thoughts just in time for the door to open, his eyes bulging at the sight of a certain former exorcist in a French Maid outfit "Pardon the intrusion, but Shirou-sama has asked me to inform you that dinner is ready."

"X-Xenovia-san?!" Issei exclaimed, gaping at Irina's former partner in disbelief, and more than a little approval, for while it was hardly as revealing as her 'battle outfit', even a pervert like him could appreciate the charm of a Maid Uniform.

"Hmm? Ah, good evening, Hyoudo Issei-san." The former Battle Nun greeted politely, inclining her head in greeting with her hands clasped before her before turning her attention to his client "Will he be joining us for dinner, Azazel-sama?"

"Is it that late already?" his client mused, rolling up a sleeve on his kimono only to whistle at the time "I don't see why not, it's certainly late enough and I'm sure Shirou won't mind another mouth to fill." He smirked at the gaping pawn "What do you say, Red Dragon Emperor? Wanna join us for dinner?"

"You-I mean-she…what?!" Issei stammered, his brain, unable to process the sheer amount of information currently being dumped into it, slowly grinding to a halt even as his client rose to his feet with a dark chuckle.

"Oh, that reminds me, I never really introduced myself, did I?" he mused, chuckling at the Pawns look of alarm, which only intensified as twelve jet-black wings burst from his back, each individual feather like a bottomless abyss that seemed to draw in all the light around him "My name is Azazel, Governor General of the Grigori." He smirked cheekily "I know it's a lot to ask, but please make sure to keep an eye on Shirou-kun at school, would you?"

* * *

So yeah, not a lot of action this chapter, but hey, a slow start is better than no start.

As some of you might have noticed, I've left references to other series in this as both Easter-Eggs and to flesh some things out.

Reference 1: The Exorcist Castes from Blue Exorcist. I used these to flesh out Xenovia's backstory somewhat, though that doesn't necessarily mean characters from Blue Exorcist won't show up in some capacity later. Maybe. No Promises.

Reference 2:The Fist of God. This is a reference to the Dresden Files Character, Michael Carpenter, who is ironically enough not only the 'former' wielder of a 'True Holy Sword', his universe's equivalent to Excalibur no less, but also a direct descendant of King Charlemagne, who bestowed Durandal on Sir Roland.

Reference 3: Shirou's hair. This is a reference to his counterpart in Prisma-Illya, Miyu's older brother. While he currently lacks the brown patches of skin, he does have a shock of white in his hair now due to the backlash from Archer's Arm.

Reference 4: Urahara's Basement Training Room. I probably don't need to spell this one out, but for those of you who've never read or watched bleach, just imagine the room Kisuke trains Ichigo in, only without the ladder leading up to the ceiling because Magic (snort-snort).

As before, let me know what you think in a review!


	14. Fake x Treaty 2

This was originally supposed to be a Halloween Update but life got in the way.

Some of you have rightly pointed out my flaw with Shirou's stance on religion. Rather than an Atheist, who do not believe in the existence of a God, Shirou does acknowledge that Gods exist, he simply doesn't worship them due in part to Kiritsugu's teachings and EMIYA's past experiences bleeding through.

For now, let's get this show on the road!

* * *

 **Fake x Life Fourteen: The Twin Dragon Emperors.**

"Unbelievable!" Rias exclaimed, the normally cheerful redhead looking decidedly agitated as she paced behind her desk, biting her thumbnail in irritation "This isn't a joke! Where the hell does he get off acting so cavalier about this?"

Such was the scene Shirou and Xenovia walked in on upon arriving at the Occult Research Club the evening following Azazel's big reveal. After assuring a terrified Issei that yes, he was fine and no, Azazel wasn't about to go Mad Scientist on him, the perverted pawn had quickly made his excuses to escape having dinner with them before setting a new speed record cycling back to his house, where he'd wasted no time informing his King of just who his number one contractor was.

"Maybe we should come back later…" Shirou mused aloud, unable to help shivering in apprehension at the waves of destructive energy Rias was subconsciously emitting in her anger.

"Oh nonsense Emiya-kun!" Akeno insisted, guiding the pair towards the sofa reserved for guests, even going so far as to offer them tea while the rest of the peerage sat around them "Rias is just a little upset at the moment."

"I'm more than just upset! I'm absolutely livid!" Rias proclaimed, rounding on the group with her arm outstretched "It's bad enough that the Governor General of the Grigori managed to infiltrate our territory without either Sona or myself catching on, but not only has he been interfering with my affairs, he's been secretly making advances towards my precious Issei-kun!"

"Now that I think about it, Kokabiel did imply that Azazel was interested in researching Issei-kun's Boosted Gear." Kiba mused from his spot on the wall, only to smile reassuringly at the Pawn, whose expression of disgust at the thought of Azazel's 'advances' turned to one of alarm at the reminder "Ah, don't you worry, Issei-kun," he reassured the teen with a smile so pure for a moment Shirou swore he saw roses sprout around him "As a Knight and your comrade, I'll protect you with my life! Between my Sword of Betrayal and your Boosted Gear, there's nothing we won't be able to overcome!"

"…Did I miss something?" Shirou asked Akeno, looking on in confusion as Issei proceeded to recoil in disgust, physically and verbally, from the Knight, who looked honestly heartbroken by the rejection. When Akeno's only answer was to titter suggestively, the Faker wisely decided not to press the issue for the sake of his sanity and Asia's purity, the former nun tilting her head in confusion from her spot next to Koneko.

"Uh…I don't think you need to worry about Issei all that much." he countered awkwardly, more out of a desire to get the subject back on track than any real concern for Issei's safety "Azazel might be…okay no, he's definitely a letch," he corrected, only to wave his hands placatingly as the Rias' aura intensified "but I'm 100% certain he prefers women!"

"I can also confirm that with utmost certainty." Xenovia assured the Gremory heiress with a nod "Indeed, judging from his selection of reading material, the only members of your peerage that could possibly fear his advances would be yourself or Himejima-san, and considering her relation to Barakiel," Shirou blinked as Akeno visibly flinched at the name "It is highly unlikely Azazel would lay a hand on her."

"What Xenovia is trying to say is that if Azazel had truly intended harm to Issei, he could've easily done so well before now without having to reveal himself." Shirou hurriedly added in an attempt to diffuse the situation, "He certainly wouldn't try anything that would jeopardize the upcoming summit."

"So, it's true then?" Koneko inquired, the normally taciturn Rook looking up from her ice-cream at the mention of the summit "The leaders of the Three Factions are seriously going to meet?"

"It's true." Rias confirmed with a huff, Shirou releasing a sigh of relief as the Gremory heiress finally seemed to calm down, the destructive aura vanishing, though her scowl remained full-force as she leaned back against her desk, arms crossed beneath her breasts "Sona and I were informed of the decision earlier today." She turned to regard Shirou and Xenovia "I don't suppose either of you could shed some light on what they intend to discuss?"

"I'm afraid not." Xenovia countered, her tone apologetic as she bowed her head "The only thing Governor-General Azazel hinted at the time was that it had to do with the relationship between the Three Factions."

"Did he now…" Rias mused, her eyes narrowing in contemplation "Huh…how typical of that old crow, giving us just enough information to whet our thirst for more despite never revealing anything." She scoffed bitterly "I'd almost applaud him if it didn't frustrate me so."

"Azazel always did have a nasty habit of teasing people he was interested in." a cultured voice chuckled from behind, Shirou's eyes widening as he turned to face it, only to freeze as a sudden wave of Magical Energy caused his mind to blank out.

 **Power.**

 **Absolute Power.**

 **Power Enough to Destroy the World.**

 **Power Enough to Destroy Everything.**

Before Shirou even realized what he was doing, he had already leapt to his feet, Kanshou and Bakuya appearing in his hands as he whipped around to confront the source of such a murderous aura.

A part of him, the part that wasn't driven by the instinctive urge to kill the threat before him before it had a chance to kill everyone in the room, was dimly aware of Rias crying out in alarm somewhere behind him. It also dimly noted a similarity between the scent of his target and Rias' own Power of Destruction, albeit on such a different scale as to make any comparison incomprehensible.

Oh, make no mistake, Rias' Power of Destruction terrified him, and her skill with it was well deserving of the epithet 'Crimson Haired Ruin Princess', but even if she were to amplify her power through the use of Issei's boosted Gear, she couldn't hope to match the sheer malevolence of this new presence.

It was like comparing a pool to an ocean, a flamethrower to a solar flare, the sky to the depths of space. The sheer amount of terror he felt simply standing in its presence surpassed anything he'd felt when he first laid eyes on the Blackened Berserker in the Einzbern forest.

 _ **"EMIYA-KUN!"**_

And then, just as suddenly as it came, the overwhelming force vanished, leaving Shirou blinking in confusion, only to blink as a pair of small arms wrapped around him from behind, looking down to see a wide-eyed Koneko holding onto him for dear life "Koneko-san? What are you-?"

"Ara, have you regained your senses, Emiya-kun?" Akeno enquired from the side-lines with a benign smile, though Shirou didn't miss the lightning arcing from her fingertips as she lowered her hand, an equally relieved Kiba dismissing his Sword of Betrayal "I must admit, I never took you for the jumpy type."

"Jumpy she says…" Issei stammered as he lowered his Boosted Gear, the pawn looking like he was two seconds away from having a heart attack "The guy almost attacks Maou-sama for sneaking up on him and she calls him 'jumpy'?"

"Wait, I did what?" Shirou stammered blinking at the pawn in alarm only to shiver as a soft chuckle drew his attention back to the pair of Devils, at least he assumed they were Devils, standing before him.

The first was a tall, breathtakingly beautiful woman with silver eyes and hair that flowed all the way down to her back, save for twin braids on each side of her face. Despite being clad in an expensive French Maid outfit, she possessed a regal countenance, that reminded Shirou all-too-painfully of Saber.

She was also currently glaring at him, clearly unimpressed with his attempted assault on her and the man she had just stepped in front of. A man who bore a strikingly unnerving resemblance to Rias, right down to his sapphire blue eyes and the mane of crimson hair that trailed down his back.

"Calm down, Grayfia." The man chuckled, placing a hand on the maid's shoulder as he stepped out from behind her with a smile "I suppose this is what I get for dropping in unannounced…if I'd known Ria-tan had guests over I'd have taken better care to reign in my power."

"S-Sirzechs Onii-sama…!" Rias stammered, the heiress looking torn between relief that Shirou hadn't assaulted her elder brother and shocked by said elder sibling's presence in her club-room "What are you doing here?"

"Nii-sama?" Shirou repeated, blinking at the normally cheerful heiress in confusion even as he dismissed his blades, much to the relief of Kiba and Koneko, who stepped back with twin sighs of relief "Wait…isn't Rias' brother-?"

"Sirzechs Lucifer." Xenovia supplied from the side, the former exorcist's gaze locked firmly on the redheaded man, her body trembling, as if repressing the urge to flee with all her willpower "Former heir to the house of Gremory, Leader of the Four Satans and the strongest Devil in recorded History."

"It would appear my reputation precedes me." Sirzechs chuckled, looking honestly flustered by the attention as he rubbed the back of his head "If memory serves you must be Xenovia Quarta, Durandal's chosen wielder, correct?" he turned to regard Shirou "Which means you must be Emiya Shirou."

"Ah, yes." Shirou stammered, the redhead hurriedly offering a polite bow towards the Ruler of Hell, shivering as the sheer magnitude of what he'd almost done finally struck home "S-sorry about earlier…"

"Don't mention it. I tend to have that effect on people when we first meet." Sirzechs assured him with an amused smile "Though I have to admit you surprised me. Regardless of species, most people tend to faint or run away when I forget to reign myself in." he chuckled, looking honestly amused and strangely approving "You're the first to try and attack me, it's actually rather refreshing!"

"Your...welcome?" Shirou offered, glancing between the chuckling Satan and the rest of the room, only for Rias and the maid, Grayfia, to sigh in exasperation, the two women clearly used to the man's behaviour, while Akeno merely tittered behind her hand, clearly enjoying the spectacle.

Then again, Shirou could kind of understand why Sirzechs could be so cavalier about his attempted murder. Even though the wave of power from before had vanished, he could still smell traces of it emanating from the man, as if someone had erected a dam in a failed attempt to hold back an ocean.

Not even Kokabiel had possessed that much power, and Shirou had only managed to defeat the Fallen Star of God through the use of Archer's arm in combination with Issei's Boosted Gear. The fact Sirzechs could be so friendly despite possessing such overwhelming power just made him all the more terrifying.

'At least he isn't an arrogant ass about it.' Shirou noted, recalling how Gilgamesh had lorded his superiority over everyone and everything he laid eyes upon. True, the Golden King of Heroes had a reason for his arrogance, but it was still a refreshing change of pace, pants-wetting terror aside.

"You still haven't answered my question, Nii-sama." Rias cut in, the heiress coughing into her fist to draw her elder brother's attention back to her "Just what brings you to the Human World?"

"You honestly don't know?" Sirzechs mused, a teasing smile forming on his face that reminded Shirou far-too-much of Fuji-nee whenever she was in one of her more playful moods "Isn't it almost time for open-house?"

'Was it seriously that time of year?' Shirou wondered, ignoring Rias' squawk of alarm in favour of marveling at how quickly time had flown. While he'd never really paid much attention to Open-house back at Homurahara, the other students had really invested in the occasion, treating it like an unofficial sporting event of festival.

"I have to admit, both father and I have been rather looking forward to seeing how seriously Ria-tan has been taking her studies." Sirzechs gushed, clearly enjoying Rias' embarrassment in a way only an older sibling could, to the point Shirou actually felt sympathy for the girl, as Lord only knew he'd suffered similarly with Fuji-nee as a guardian.

"Grayfia!" Rias exclaimed suddenly, rounding on the silver-haired maid with an indignant glare, her features a mask of betrayal "It was you, wasn't it? You're the one who told him, aren't you?!"

"But of course." The maid, Grayfia, confirmed, her calm, reserved tone a stark contrast to Rias' own indignation or Sirzechs' amusement "As the Chief Maid of House Gremory, I have been entrusted with overseeing all the reports from the school, and as Lord Sirzechs' Queen, it is my duty to keep him informed of any and all developments here." She turned to regard Shirou with an unreadable expression "Regardless of how minor."

Shirou shivered, unable to help drawing parallels between the demonic maid before him and Sella, the older of the two Homunculus maids that had been entrusted with caring for Illyasviel during her stay in Fuyuki. While he hadn't spent much time in her company, it was clear from her posture and clipped tone that she highly disapproved of his presence, and that it was only Ilya's orders that she endured it.

"Even if that's the case, putting Father aside, it's still highly irresponsible of you, Nii-sama!" Rias persisted, clearly unwilling to give up without a fight "What would the people think if they learnt the Devil King ignored his duties to attend something so mundane?"

"You really are a good girl, Ria-tan." Sirzechs chuckled, reaching out to ruffle her mane of crimson hair, earning only a halfhearted resistance from the girl "But don't worry, do you really think Grayfia would've consented to my coming here if it would adversely affect my work?"

"That's…true I suppose." Rias conceded, flushing slightly as her brother continued to ruffle her hair dotingly "But then why have you come today? Open House isn't until tomorrow?"

"We have two reasons for coming early." Grayfia cut in, drawing the attention of the entire room "First, to satiate my King's desire to check in on you and your peerage." Rias sighed at that while Sirzechs merely chuckled "Secondly is to perform a thorough examination of Kuoh Academy in order to prepare for the upcoming conference between the Faction Leaders."

"The conference is going to be held here?!" Rias exclaimed, turning to Sirzechs for confirmation, only to gape at his nod "Out of all the places you could have chosen, why on earth would you pick my school?!"

"Well, the truth of the matter is we really don't have many other places we could hold it." Sirzechs admitted with a chuckle "In case you forgot, the Three Factions are still an outside party here in the East." He glanced towards Shirou and Xenovia "And while I cannot speak for the Grigori, unlike the Church, who at least have a foothold here, we Devils have a decidedly limited amount influence outside of Kuoh due to the influence of the local pantheons."

'That makes sense…' Shirou mused. After all, despite how well they'd integrated into local society, the fact remained that Rias and Sona were heiresses to House Gremory and Sitri of the 72 Pillars, which, depending on your mythology, were either founded by or held close ties to the Biblical King Solomon.

While he could only begin to speculate their level of influence in the west, where Christendom had taken root, it was safe to say they were on rather thin ice in the East, where Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism and countless other faiths reigned supreme.

Hell, there was even a point when Christendom was almost stamped out of Japan entirely, the Tohsaka Clan were apparently descended from Hidden Christians after all, so he could only imagine how hard the Biblical factions had struggled to get settled here.

"But why Kuoh Academy?" Rias persisted, clearly not liking the idea of such a delicate political event being held anywhere near her school, a sentiment that Shirou found himself supporting one-hundred percent. While he doubted Azazel would start anything, and despite his overwhelming power Shirou got the impression that Sirzechs wasn't a violent man, recent events and his own past experiences had left him more than a little paranoid when it came to the Church "Surely we have other venues within the city that could be utilized?"

"It's precisely because we own such venues that we cannot use them." Grayfia supplied "One of the conditions Heaven set down before they would consent to this conference was that it be held on neutral ground. And while it is true that Lord Gremory acts as the Academy's Administrator, the school itself remains under the control of the local government."

"That, and the fact that despite our best attempts at maintaining a façade of normalcy, the school seems to have a rather bizarre penchant for attracting interesting individuals." Sirzechs mused, the Lucifer letting his eyes roam over the assembled teens, lingering perhaps a little longer on Shirou before closing with a smile "I do believe you'd be hard pressed to find a place better suited to host all three factions." He clapped his hands together "But enough about that for now. The hour is late and Grayfia and I really should be getting a move on if we hope to find accommodation for the evening."

"Ah, Maou-sama?" Issei spoke up, halting the Lucifer in his tracks as he raised a hand in the air "If it's alright with you, would you like to crash at my place for the night?"

* * *

Casa d'Azazel

"He seriously said that?" Azazel cackled, the Governor General shaking his head in amusement at Shirou's nod of confirmation "Good grief, I knew the kid had more balls than common sense but I never heard of anyone willingly inviting the Devil Himself into his house!"

"It certainly took Rias by surprise." Shirou recalled, earning another round of laughter from the Fallen, the Faker having just finished recounting his meeting with the ORC "You think he'll be okay?" he wondered, shivering at the memory of Sirzechs' power and Grayfia's cold glare "I know he's Rias' brother and all but…it's Issei."

While his opinion of the Pawn had improved from their initial encounter, partially out of a bond of camaraderie and partially due to witnessing how he visibly restrained himself around Asia, the fact remained that, when it came to anything remotely erotic, and especially anything erotic involving Rias, Issei still tended to put both his feet in his mouth.

To make matter worse, he dimly recalled Akeno mentioning that, aside from both being Satans, the one thing both Rias and Sona's elder siblings had in common was that they doted on their younger siblings to the point of obsession. With that in mind, and factoring in the sheer, gut-wrenching terror he'd felt at the feeling of Sirzechs' unrestrained power, it should've been no-surprise to anyone that knew Issei that Shirou didn't value the boy's chances if the Lucifer perceived some slight to his sister's honor.

"Who cares?" Vali scoffed, the silver-haired Devil having decided to join them for breakfast instead of simply heading out to wherever he went during the day, something that was becoming increasingly common as of late ever since meeting Shirou "If he dies, then good riddance, maybe Ddraig's next host won't be so weak."

"Now Vali, that's hardly fair." Azazel chided with the patience of a parent "Keep in mind that, unlike you, Hyoudo Issei was just an ordinary human until Rias Gremory revived him." he nodded his head in approval "Not only that, but my investigation shows absolutely no traces of magical heritage in his background, so even comparing him to the likes of Arthur-kun would be out of the question."

Vali scoffed but didn't deign to refute the argument, instead choosing to quietly finish his meal, the conversation seemingly coming to a halt until Xenovia and Shirou began arguing over who was to clean up "Hey, what time are you two heading out?" he rolled his eyes at Shirou's look of confusion "To school I mean, what time do you have to be there?"

"Eight O'clock, though I usually head there early in order to see if there are any clubs that need my help." Shirou admitted, eyeing the silver-haired devil warily "Why do you ask? Don't tell me you're planning to enrol there too?"

"As if I'd waste my time with something so trivial." Vali scoffed "I just thought I'd tag along to see what the big deal is…" his smile turned predatory "that, and I think it's time I properly introduced myself to my rival."

"Vali." Azazel warned, his words carrying an undertone of power that sent shivers down Shirou's spine, reminding all those present that he wasn't the Governor General of the Grigori for nothing.

"Relax, I'm not going to fight him as he is now." Vali scoffed, waving a hand dismissively "He and I are destined to battle one day, I'm more than content to wait for his skills to catch up to mine." He smirked at Shirou knowingly "Especially considering there are other, riper fruit to experience first."

Shirou said nothing, having grown used to such comments from the silver-haired Longinus User ever since they'd been introduced.

At first, he'd compared the teen to Gilgamesh, and true enough Vali did tend to give off an air of cold arrogance, caring little for the trappings of a mundane life and supremely confident in his ability to crush any foe beneath his heel. However, unlike Gilgamesh, who viewed even fellow 'Kings' to be beneath his regard, Vali seemed to take an inordinate amount of joy in seeking out strong opponents to challenge, not out of a desire to prove his superiority, but to surpass his own limitations.

Setting aside his arrogance and general disdain for modern society, Shirou couldn't help but draw comparisons between Vali and Lancer, to the point he actually found it easy to get along with him. Both were battle junkies obsessed with fighting worthy foes, proud warriors that would gladly accept death provided it was to a superior opponent, and would just as happily share a drink with their rivals the night before their final battle.

That being said, while it was actually rather refreshing to find someone so brutally honest after dealing with the various political machinations of the other Factions, if Vali tried to start anything in the middle of town Shirou wouldn't hesitate to cut him down. A fact that Vali not only knew, but actually seemed eager to put to the test.

"Just what is your deal with Issei anyway?" the Faker asked the silver-haired devil "You keep calling him your 'rival', does it have something to do with your Sacred Gears?"

"It's a little more complicated than that." Azazel interposed, drawing the faker's attention to him "It actually dates back to the start of the Great War between the three factions, back when the lines were being drawn in the sand." He scoffed bitterly "You see, Humanity weren't the only ones caught up in that clusterfuck, the other races, Fairies, Spirits, Phantasmal Beasts and even the Eastern Youkai, all of them were forced to pick a side…save for one race."

"The Dragons." Shirou deduced, earning a nod of approval from Azazel and a proud smirk from Vali, the Faker completely unsurprised by this revelation given what little he knew of Dragon Kind.

As the pinnacle of Phantasmal Species, Dragons were more than just 'Magical Creatures', they were extensions of the world itself, created in a form independent from nature, yet possessed of intelligence that surpassed human understanding. So tightly intertwined were Dragons with human folklore from the Age of Gods that it was not surprising for them to appear as both allies and enemies depending on their temperament.

While typically incompatible with humankind, conflicts between the two races were typically the result of human action or hubris. With that in mind, he could understand why none of the Three Factions dared to try and force the Dragons to choose a side. Much like how man could not command the Tide, there was nothing that anybody, God, Devil or what have you, could say that could force a Dragon to do anything it didn't want to.

"Got it in one." Azazel applauded with a smirk "See, while a few of the Dragons did end up siding with God or Lucifer for some reason or other, the vast majority didn't believe the war had anything to do with them and were content to ignore it and live as they pleased." He chuckled darkly "I'd almost envy them if it weren't for what happened next. See, partway into the war, Two Dragons with powers comparable to God and the Four Original Satans decided to have a pissing contest of their own, and like any contest between Dragons, it quickly devolved into a clusterfuck for everyone around them."

"I can imagine." Shirou shivered, recalling all-too-well the sheer overwhelming presence one of his alternate selves had been exposed to during a ritual to ignite Saber's magical core "So just what were they fighting about anyway?"

"Who knows?" Azazel shrugged, glancing towards Vali for confirmation, only for the silver haired teen to return the gesture "Hell, it's been so long I doubt the dragons themselves even truly remember what set them off in the first place. Not that Dragons need a reason to fight mind you, for all we know they probably just didn't like each other and happened to make eye contact."

'What are they, delinquents?' Shirou deadpanned, a sentiment clearly shared by Xenovia, the two of them glancing at Vali for verification, only for the silver haired devil to scoff, clearly uninterested in the 'why'.

"In any case, the conflict between the two Dragons eventually spilled onto the battlefields of the Three Factions, resulting in heavy casualties on both sides." Azazel continued "Needless to say, neither Faction particularly appreciated the interference, so a cease-fire was called to get them out of the picture."

"I think I remember reading about that." Xenovia opined "If memory serves, King Lludd of Britain lured the Dragons into a pit filled with mead, then buried them alive as they slumbered."

"That's about right," Azazel confirmed "Of course, the only reason he was able to pull it off was because all three factions came together to help dig the damned pit. So much high quality mead, wasted…" He sighed remorsefully before coughing into his fist "In any case, with the Dragons gone, it didn't take long for the Three Factions to go back to killing one another, it was also around that time that Father began experimenting with Sacred Gears and Holy Swords."

"But wait, if the dragons were buried at the start of the war, then how did they get into the Sacred Gears?" Shirou wondered, even Vali frowning at the apparent discrepancy "Don't tell me someone actually dug them up?"

"Okay I won't tell you." Azazel chuckled, only to pout at the scowls leveled his way by the three teens "I'm kidding! Sheesh, so serious. Our story picks up again around the tail-end of the Great War, coincidentally around the time of Uther Pendragon's death."

Shirou stiffened at the mention of Saber's father. While Saber hadn't really talked about the man much, no doubt due to having been raised by Sir Ector, he was still a key figure in her legend, if only in passing.

"See, when Uther died without leaving a male heir behind, every single one of his allied feudal-lords suddenly decided they were best suited to wear the pointy hat. Wanting an edge over the competition, Uther's brother Vortigern" both Shirou and Vali shivered at the name "decided to build a brand spanking new castle to stake his claim, and guess where the dumb son of a bitch decided to build it?"

Shirou couldn't help but facepalm at the imagery. After all, how unlucky, or bloody stupid, did you have to be to build a castle on top of not one, but two sleeping dragons? Even if time had reduced them to mere legends and folklore, as was regrettably the case when it came to human memory, you'd think the leaders of the Three Factions would've at least set someone to watch over the site.

"Needless to say, Vortigern soon got tired of his castle walls being knocked over, not only did it hurt his image, it didn't do his coffers any favours either but instead of moving like a sensible person, he ended up seeking out the Greatest Wizard of the age…" Shirou's eyes widened in anticipation "who just so happened to be Lucifer's bastard."

"Wait, WHAT?!" Shirou gaped, staring at the Governor General as if he'd sprouted another head. And he wasn't the only one, Xenovia going so far as to cross herself and even Vali stiffening in surprise, the silver-haired teen suddenly paying rapt attention.

"Yeah, not many people were aware of Merlin's true parentage." Azazel chuckled "Not that Lucifer ever truly cared for the kid mind you, so far as the Morning Star was concerned his progeny was simply supposed to assume the role of the Anti-Christ." He scoffed "Fortunately for all involved, Merlin's mother went behind Lucy's back" Vali snorted at the nickname "and had the kid baptized at birth. Sensing the kid's potential, and no doubt hoping to make amends for casting out Lucifer, Father took Merlin under his protection so as to set the stage for the coming of Arthur."

"Unfortunately," Azazel continued with a grimace "whether it was due to Father's doting or Lucifer's blood, Merlin grew up to be something of a trickster, so when Vortigern showed up demanding consul, the cheeky brat instructed the would-be King to excavate the hill, freeing the dragons, who were none-too-happy let me tell you."

"I can imagine." Shirou grimaced, shuddering at phantom memory of staring down the embodiment of Saber's Magic Core. That time had only been the lingering essence, a hollow shade made to represent her possessing the blood of Dragons, he could only imagine the sheer fury that Vortigern had unleashed that day "It must have been a massacre."

"And then some." Azazel confirmed grimly, reaching for his glass with a trembling hand "Remember, even when the Dragons' Fury was solely directed towards one another, the Factions still suffered heavy casualties. Now that their fury was locked directly on them, it looked like the Great War would end in the unanimous destruction of all three factions."

He downed his drink before pouring himself another with an admittedly weak grin, a stark contrast to his normally lazy confidence.

"I still have nightmares about it, to be honest." he admitted solemnly, waving a hand at their looks of concern "But in the end, the Leaders of the three Factions had no choice but to put aside their differences and join forces to cut the Dragons down, and to ensure they didn't reincarnate, God sealed their souls into the Divine Dividing, which was bestowed upon Vortigern, allowing him to unite the Country as King, and the Boosted Gear, which was sealed within the infant Arthur Pendragon."

"Huh, so that's how things went down." Vali mused, the Silver-haired devil looking highly intrigued by this new revelation while Azazel poured himself another drink from the bottle "I can see why Albion doesn't like talking about it…"

It also explained why he got along so well with the Pendragon siblings. After all, how ironic was it that this generation's Arthur Pendragon would have a Half-Devil descendant of Lucifer as a companion? Were it not for the fact that Arthur lacked a Sacred Gear and Vali possessed Divine Dividing, you'd almost be forgiven for thinking History was repeating itself.

"To think that the great Merlin Ambrosius was the Anti-Christ all this time." Xenovia whispered, shivering in apprehension as she subconsciously crossed herself "That explains so much, and at the same time raises so many other questions."

"That was Merlin in a nutshell." Azazel admitted with a long-suffering sigh, though despite that he seemed almost amused by the Wizard's antics "Kid had a good heart, and honestly meant well, but just couldn't help causing mischief whenever things got too boring."

'Now there's an understatement if there ever was one.' Shirou deadpanned, recalling several of the tales Saber had recounted of her advisor to his myriad alternate selves. While there was no denying that Artoria owed a considerable debt to the Magus of Flowers, hell were it not for Merlin it was likely she would never have been born at all, that didn't stop the Wizard from making an absolute pest of himself just to see how his apprentice would react.

In a sense, it would not be inaccurate to compare Saber's relationship to Merlin to the relationship Shirou's myriad selves had witnessed between Rin and Wizard Marshall Zelretch. While Shirou had never personally met the Master of Kaleidoscope, a fact he was growing increasingly more grateful for the more he was exposed to his alternates' memories, there was no denying that there was an almost unnerving similarity between the Magus of Flowers and the Old Man of the Jewels when it came to trolling people for their own amusement.

'At least Zelretch isn't a philanderer.' He sighed, shuddering at the mental image of the resulting carnage if the old vampire had tried even half the shit Merlin had put Saber through, both before and after drawing Caliburn 'Forget the Clock Tower, the entire Magus Association probably wouldn't be left standing.'

"Well now, I do believe I've kept you kids long enough." Azazel mused, rising to his feet with a chuckle as they noticed the time "Do try to keep it in your pants around Hyoudo-kun, okay Vali?"

"Funny." The silver-haired devil scoffed, clearly used to such ribbing as he stalked off with his hands in his pockets "I'll be waiting by the main gate," he called out to Shirou "don't keep me waiting too long, Emiya."

'When the hell did life get so complicated?' Shirou sighed, shaking his head in exasperation as he and Xenovia hurried to clean up the remains of breakfast 'I wonder if Issei has to deal with crap like this?'

* * *

 ** _Meanwhile-Outside Kuoh Academy..._**

"Are you sure you're alight, Issei-san?" Asia wondered, the former nun regarding her not-so-secret crush in concern as the teen recovered from an impressive surprise sneezing fit.

"Ah, I'm alright, Asia." Issei assured the girl, blinking tears out of his eyes even as he fought to suppress a jaw-cracking yawn "I'm just a little beat is all. Spent most of the night chatting with nii-sa-I mean, Sirzechs-sama." He corrected hurriedly, not sure how Asia would take his referring to the Lucifer so affectionately, given her recent rivalry with Rias for his affection.

"Is that so?" Asia mused, smiling at the memory of the charismatic Satan "I have to admit, I was a little intimidated when I first learned that Rias' older brother was THE Sirzechs Lucifer, but after meeting him I can't help but marvel at his kindness."

"Yeah, Maou-sama's pretty awesome, isn't he?" Issei mused, unable to help smiling at the memory of his late-night conversation with his King's older sibling, only to flush as a certain topic they'd discussed reared it's beautiful head, forcing him to slap his cheeks in order to avoid upsetting Asia.

'It's a good thing Buchou went on ahead to show Maou-sama and Grayfia-san around." He sighed 'I don't think I'd be able to keep myself from testing out Maou-sama's theory.'

Seriously, how could he, the self-proclaimed Harem King, not have thought of using the Boosted Gear to enhance Rias' already bountiful bust? Until Sirzechs-sama, no, Maou-Nii-Sama had suggested it, the idea had never crossed his mind!

'Truly, he is well deserving of the title of Devil King.' The perverted pawn wept, clenching his fist as liquid manliness streamed from his undeserving eyes. To think it wasn't even a year ago he'd once been considered a social pariah, now here he was, rubbing elbows with high-class devils, with the undisputed ruler of the underworld offering to call him family! "Looks like things are finally looking up for ol'Issei-GH!"

"Issei-san?!" Asia exclaimed, looking on in alarm as her crush dropped to his knees, the pawn letting his schoolbag drop to the floor in order to grab his left wrist.

"Shit, what's going on?" he swore, so caught up in his agony that he completely forgot to reign in his vulgarity around Asia "Dammit Ddraig, what's got you so riled up?"

"That would probably be me." A familiar voice called out, prompting the devils to look up to see a tall, silver-haired foreigner standing nearby "I honestly pity the Great Welsh," he scoffed "to be raring to go yet unable to cut loose because his vessel can't handle his full power."

"Who the hell are you?" Issei demanded, gritting his teeth as he pushed himself to his feet, something deep within him refusing to allow him to appear weak in front of the foreigner.

"You seriously don't remember?" the damned handsome scoffed, looking honestly amused "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, this is only our second meeting and I never properly introduced myself last time."

"Last time?" Issei repeated, his eyes widening in realization as he finally placed the teen's voice, his features paling as he realized precisely who was standing before him "That mean's…you're…!"

"It seems you do remember." The teen mused as he strode towards them "Just as you host of the Welsh Dragon Ddraig, I am the host of the Vanishing Dragon Albion, this generation's White Dragon Emperor." He smirked at Issei's look of alarm "But since that's kind of a mouthful, you can just call me Vali."

* * *

Another action-free chapter, though to make up for it I fleshed out Ddraig and Albion's backstories.

And yes, for those wondering, the stuff I listed above is, for the most part, accurate. King Llud really did bury two fighting dragons and Vortigern really was stupid enough to build a castle on top of the hill they were under and even stupider for following Merlin's advice to dig it up.

The bit with Merlin being the Anti-Christ is debatable. Merlin is sometimes depicted as having a Devil or Incubus as a father, though his being baptised seems to be a common trend.

The idea of DxD Vortigern being the original Wielder of Divine Dividing comes from Type-Moon Vortigern, who according to the wiki is said to have taken the power of the White Dragon in contrast to Saber, who was gifted with the aspect of the Red Dragon.

With this, there is now yet another parallel between Shirou's World and the DxD world...with more possibly on the horizon.


	15. Fake x Treaty 3

Happy new year folks!

Have a bit of an announcement to make but that can wait till later, for now, let's get this show on the road!

* * *

 **Fake Life Fifteen: Elder Sibling Problems.**

"Thanks again for the help, Emiya-san." Saji sighed, the Sitri pawn slumping back against the wall while rotating his shoulder "Kaichou's been running us ragged with preparations for the upcoming conference so having an extra pair of hands to handle open-day really helps out."

"I can imagine." Shirou mused, knowing all-too-well how much of a perfectionist the Student Council President could be, even before discovering her true nature "Is there much more that needs to be done?"

"Not really, we're pretty much set for this evening." Saji sigh in relief "Still, I can't help but envy the ORC," he admitted with a scowl "Especially that damned Issei, lucky pervert hasn't a care in the world."

"I wouldn't go THAT far…" Shirou grimaced, recalling the tense meeting between the two Dragon Emperors. After all, just because Vali had promised to refrain from starting anything didn't mean he'd back down from a challenge, and it just so happened that the White Dragon Emperor had a nasty habit of choosing his words to deliberately get a rise out of people.

Put simply, had Rias not shown up with her brother & Grayfia at that very moment, it was highly likely that Issei's short fuse would've led to him assaulting his 'Destined Rival', thus giving Vali carte blanche to beat his inexperienced ass into the ground, an act which would have dragged in the rest of the Gremory Peerage, and quite possibly the Lucifer himself.

In short, Saji's assessment that Issei had nothing to worry about couldn't have been more incorrect. If anything, the Red Dragon Emperor had more to worry about than any other Devil at Kuoh save for Sona & Rias, given their responsibilities as overseers and the upcoming conference.

"By the way, Emiya…" Saji began hesitantly, snapping the Faker out of his thoughts, only to blink at the look of concern the Sitri Pawn was sending his way "Are you sure you're alright? According to the report Kaichou received, you got messed up pretty bad."

"Ah, I'm all better now." Shirou assured the blonde pawn, surprised and honestly flattered for his concern, no doubt a testament to his close relation with the Student Council "I just pushed myself a little too hard, that's all."

"If you're certain." Saji trailed off, looking unconvinced, only to flinch as the bell rang, signalling the start of the school day "Crap, you'd better get back to Class Emiya, Kaichou will have my head if you wind up tardy because of me."

"Understood, take care, Saji-san." Shirou offered, the two going their separate ways, the redhead jogging lightly towards his classroom, pausing occasionally to greet and assist several adults that had gotten lost on the way to a specific classroom, which was only understandable considering the size of the Academy.

'So this is what Taiga had to go through every year…' he mused, chuckling at the memory of his hapless guardian running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything ready, even as the now familiar ache in his heart kicked up at the reminder that he'd never see her again 'Such a shame Kiritsugu could never make it.'

"Ah! Good morning, Shirou-san!" a familiar voice greeted as he opened the classroom door to be greeted by a smiling Asia Argento, accompanied as ever by a smirking Kiriyū Aika. To this day, Shirou still could not comprehend how the Innocent Devil (and wasn't that an oxymoron?) had befriended what was essentially this world's incarnation of Tohsaka Rin in terms of sass, as he was fairly certain Aika was unaware of the existence of the Moonlit World or Asia's true identity.

"Morning, Asia-san, Aika-san." He greeted, having learnt the hard way that referring to the bespectacled girl by her family name was to invite trouble, only to blink at the sight of a scowling Issei nursing a swollen cheek "What happened to him?"

"Just a couple of parasites showing their true colours." Aika scoffed, earning a glare from Matsuda and Motohama "It's kind of sad how Hyoudo persists in calling them his friends no matter how many times they stab him in the back."

"Shut your mouth, Kiriyū!" Matsuda snapped, the former jock clenching his fist in anger though wisely deciding to remain in his seat in the face of Shirou's warning glare "Issei's the one who betrayed us first! How dare he be so popular with women without sharing the wealth?!"

"That's right, Matsuda-kun!" Motohama preened, adjusting his glasses in what he probably thought was a superior manner but really just made him look a prick "Did we not vow to share everything together? As his brothers in arms it is only natural that we punish him for his transgressions."

"In short, they can't accept the fact that Hyoudo's surrounded by hot babes while they're stuck with their left hands." Aika sneered, causing the two to slump in defeat as a funeral bell chimed overhead "I'd almost pity them…if they weren't so pathetic. Almost as pathetic as what they're packing."

"Like you're one to talk, Kiriyū!" Matsuda snapped, the shaved-headed teen covering his crotch reflexively along with every other boy in the classroom sans Shirou "Even we aren't desperate enough to ask a twig like you out on a date!"

"You say that like I should care." Aika scoffed, though Shirou caught a flash of hurt in her eyes before she covered it up with her usual mocking smirk, the bespectacled girl sidling up to a confused Asia "After all, what need have I for weeds when I'm surrounded by blooming flowers?"

'Definitely like Rin…' Shirou mused, shaking his head in exasperation as he strode towards his seat, doing his level best to ignore Asia's flustered squeaks and Issei's half-hearted attempts to 'protect her purity' only to blink at the lump of PVC clay waiting on his desk "What's this?"

"It would appear our instructor wants to put on a show for the visiting parents." Xenovia noted, Shirou's brow quirking at the former exorcist, the Faker unable to help admiring how well the Kuoh Girl's uniform suited her "I believe he said the theme was to be 'inspirational' or something to that effect."

'Isn't this supposed to be English Class?' Shirou deadpanned, sighing in exasperation as he slipped into his seat, ignoring the cheers from the onlooking parents as they yelled encouragement to their progeny, or in the case of Issei's completely ignored him in favour of Asia, the Faker glancing down at the lump of clay before him with a bored expression 'Something inspirational, huh…'

Now there was a painful subject to tread, and not just because of the memories it called up, but the fact that, as he was now, Shirou doubted his right to even aspire to his once treasured ideals. He had cast away Kiritsugu's dream of becoming a Hero of Justice, the same tattered ideal that in countless lifetimes had always invariably led to him donning the mantle of a Counter Guardian, a nameless, faceless Hound of Alaya, dedicated to dealing out 'Justice' regardless of how cruelly it tarnished his beliefs.

But despite casting them aside, he'd failed in his selfish desire to protect those important to him. To be a Magus was to walk with Death. Even a third-rate Magus like Shirou had grown up accepting this truth, and yet he simply hadn't been able to accept it until that night. His ignorance of Sakura's suffering had led to her being consumed by the darkness. His naivete and lack of skill led to Saber being devoured by that self-same darkness. His inability to wield the full power of the Artificial Phantasm against Saber-Alter had not only cost Rin her life, it also forced him to end Sakura's with his own two hands.

And above all else, he'd failed to uphold his promise to Illyasviel, the daughter Kiritsugu had lost, the sister he never truly knew, all because of the machinations of bitter old men unable to let go of the past.

If he closed his eyes, he could still remember that night in the park, the night where everything had fallen apart. He'd stumbled out of Kotomine's Church, unable, no, unwilling, to come to terms with the idea of sacrificing Sakura to save the world, a sacrifice that Rin, her own sister, was willing to accept not out of some overblown sense of duty, but to finally put an end to her younger sister's decade of suffering.

There had been no chance that Sakura could be saved. From the moment she was entrusted to the Matou, no, from the moment the Einzbern summoned Avenger during the Third War, her fate had been sealed.

He'd sat there, wallowing in his own ineptitude, his mind literally on the verge of snapping, torn between the weight of his borrowed ideals and the harsh reality of his situation, only to be confronted by the deceptively cheerful voice of a snow fairy, one whose deceptively fragile form hid a calculating mind whose self-admitted reason for participating in the war, orders from her family aside, had been to murder Shirou as slowly and painfully as possible in place of the father who abandoned her.

At first, her cavalier dismissal of Saber and Sakura had led the Faker to lash out at her, verbally of course, as even without the threat of Berserker looming in the background, Emiya Shirou wasn't the kind of scum who would strike a child, but instead of leaving him to wallow in his impotence, Illyasviel had stayed by his side, dismissing his harsh words with a gentle smile.

 _"I don't know what happened, but it be too bad for you if I hate you._

 _So, I'll be your ally, not matter what you do."_

For the second time in his life, Emiya Shirou found himself saved. Not by words or actions, but by a smile so pure it tugged at his hollow heart and eased all of his woes. It was almost ironic, really, that the child of the man he'd come to idolise would save him from buckling under the weight of her father's broken ideals, but in that moment, Shirou had vowed to do whatever it took to protect that smile. Even if he was mocked as a fool, he would assume the role Kiritsugu had been forced to abandon, the role he'd been denied by her family's machinations, and protect his sister from anything that tried to harm her.

Illyasviel had mocked him of course. After all, how could he, who lacked not only Kiritsugu's skill in Magecraft but his ruthless resolve to cut down anything in his path, save her when she was destined to die in order to bring about the Heaven's Feel? None of that had mattered to Shirou. He would bear all the scorn, endure all the pain, so long as he could protect the purity of his sister's smile.

"You're such a pervert!" a voice cried out, snapping him out of his thoughts, the Faker turning to see just what kind of shenanigans Issei had gotten himself into only to blink at the small crowd that had gathered around the Pawn's desk "I can't believe Rias Onee-sama would associate with such a brute!"

"Issei!" a desperate looking Matsuda exclaimed, holding up a rather…interesting…clay statue for his on-and-off 'friend' to see "I'll trade you for my masterpiece-!"

"Don't you listen to that idiot, Issei!" Motohama exclaimed, the bespectacled pervert shoving the lolicon aside while adjusting his glasses "Instead of that trash, I'll give you 5000 Yen for that masterpiece!"

"What the hell?" Shirou deadpanned, sweat dropping as the rest of the class jumped on the bandwagon, several of the girls even going so far as to offer tens of thousands of yen for whatever it was Issei had crafted "Just what the heck did he make?"

"Oh nothing, just a perfect PVC model of Rias Gremory's naked body." Aika snickered, as she sidled up to his desk alongside a pouting Asia "I have to admit it's rather tasteful…and scaled to model too, he must've gotten really familiar to get her sizes down pat."

"Issei-san…" Asia pouted, the former nun's cheeks puffed out like a hamster as she glanced between the object of her affections and the statue of her King/rival for said affections jealously.

"It is of surprisingly fine make." Xenovia concurred, the former-exorcist holding her chin in thought as she sidled up to the group "Though by no means is it inferior to your own, Shirou."

"Eh?" Shirou blinked, wondering what on earth she was talking about, the redhead turning his attention back to his desk only to stiffen at the sight that lay before him.

 _Play: Unlimited Blade Words OST II: Sorrow._

There, molded from clay by his unskilled hands was a small, fragile figure, clad in an elaborate robe and crown that only served to highlight her ethereal nature. Though he'd only seen it once, the very eve of their disastrous final assault on the Grail, there was no way Shirou could fail to recognize the Dress of Heaven, the treasured Mystic Code of the Einzbern family, the very heart of the Greater Grail, the central control mechanism if you would.

If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine the golden sheen the dress had exuded, the way the scarlet raiment had matched Ilya's eyes, or the way the seven rings set into the dress had shone like a beacon in the darkness. It was a beautiful gown, worthy of a Queen, but much like the ritual it was designed to control, the sacrifice needed to craft the garment still sent shivers down Shirou's spine to this day.

"It seems we have another artist among us." The voice of their sensei opined, snapping Shirou out of his musings with an approving clap on the shoulder "Keep it up Emiya-kun, who knows, maybe you and Hyoudo-kun have found your true calling!"

"She's so pretty, Emiya-san!" Asia exclaimed, the former nun clapping her hands together in appreciation, her earlier jealously seemingly forgotten "She almost looks like an angel or a fairy!"

"It is an amazing piece." Xenovia applauded, the former exorcist nodding her head in approval as she held her chin "The length of the skirt aside, it bears a startling resemblance to the ritual robes used by higher ranked members of the Vatican."

"…It's pretty cute I guess…" Issei admitted grudgingly from his seat, the pawn continuing to fend off his would-be comrades as they tried to swipe his own masterpiece "Buchou is still better though…"

"Yeah, because you're not biased at all." Aika scoffed, ignoring the pawn's glare in favour of admiring Shirou's handiwork "Still, I have to admit it's pretty impressive for just a model…you been holding out on us Emiya? Got a girlfriend stashed away somewhere?"

As one might expect from such a casually flung comment, the earlier hubbub almost immediately died down as the girls in the class quit trying to bid for Issei's masterpiece to await Shirou's answer. After all, as one of the few 'decent' guys on campus, any bit of information was critical if they hoped to stand any chance against the competition.

Only Xenovia seemed to notice how intensely Shirou was staring at the model, the former Exorcist frowning as she came to an unsettling conclusion "Shirou…was she someone important to you?"

"…Her name was Illyasviel von Einzbern…" Shirou revealed, his expression unreadable as he continued to stare at the statuette on his desk, as if afraid it would vanish the moment he took his eyes off it "…My older sister."

"Eh?! You have a sister, Emiya-san?!" Asia exclaimed, a sentiment shared by several members of the class, the girls breathing a sigh of relief, only to perk up in interest, as up until now they hadn't heard anything about the redhead's family. "But wait, you said her last name was Einzbern…"

"We're not related by blood." Shirou corrected, causing the females in class to stiffen in alarm "My father originally married into the Einzberns but lost custody following the death of his wife. He adopted me shortly after, I only learnt of her existence after he died."

"An unrelated Foreign Loli Onee-sama?!" Matsuda and Motohama exclaimed in sync before Issei could stop them, the two idiots glaring at the redhead with tears of blood dripping from their eyes despite the onlooking parents "What are you, an Eroge-Protagonist?!"

"Would you two shut up?!" Issei yelled, the Red Dragon Emperor actually going so far as to physically assault his suicidal partners in perversion in front of their parents to keep them from further angering Shirou, only to blink as the teen in question seemingly failed to react to their words "Emiya…? Hey, you okay man?"

Shirou's only response was to rise from his chair and asked to be excused. The Teacher, upon seeing the look on the teen's face, merely nodded in understanding before ordering the rest of the class to resume their seats, the Faker calmly making his way out of the class, unaware of the looks of concern sent his way by his classmates and several parents.

* * *

 _Hours Later..._

Shirou sighed as he watched the arrow bury itself into the target, ignoring the exclamations & cheers of his audience as he calmly notched another arrow, drawing it back with practiced ease, feeling the tension in his body seep into the bowstring only to evaporate the moment he let his arrow fly.

Even before the Holy Grail War, the Faker had always found Archery to be a relaxing activity. While he'd initially only joined the club out of admiration for its principles, that didn't stop him from occasionally stopping by the range after-school to let off some steam, knowing full well that Ayako & Taiga would be okay with his presence, as unlike the full-time members he at least cleaned up after himself.

It was for this reason, and also to ensure his skills remained sharp, that he'd sought out the Archery Club not long after enrolling at Kuoh Academy, though much like at home, he'd put off officially joining despite the many, many attempts of the Team to convince him otherwise.

"So, this is where you disappeared to." Sona noted, adjusting her glasses pointedly as she stepped onto the Archery Range, drawing Shirou's attention to the impressive crowd of students and parents that had gathered while he was blowing off steam "It would seem Fujimatsu-san wasn't exaggerating her assessment of your skills during our last meeting."

"Sorry about that, Kaichou." Shirou offered with an embarrassed smile, knowing all too well how insistent the Archery Club captain could get in her attempts to get him to join the club "Did you need me for something?"

"Not really," Sona admitted, walking alongside him as he went about returning his equipment, the Archery Club members assuring him they would retrieve the arrows, allowing the Sitri heiress to lead him out of the range "I'd just finished a meeting with the chess club when I received a report that you'd been excused from class earlier." She regarded the Faker carefully "Is something bothering you, Emiya-kun?"

"…I'd be lying if I said I was fine." Shirou admitted solemnly, recalling how tense he'd been when he'd arrived at the Archery range "It's nothing immediately serious however…just bad memories."

"Regarding your 'Sister'?" Sona pressed, adjusting her glasses primly at his sharp look "I apologise if this comes off as prying, but as President that's simply one of my duties. As the teacher's report didn't say precisely why you left the class, I had to rely on input from your classmates, quite a few of whom claimed Hyoudo Issei's…compatriots," she couldn't quite keep her lip from curling in distaste "were responsible."

"That's not the case at all." Shirou assured her with a sigh "My leaving wasn't on account of anything they said, though if you need a reason to reprimand them, they've been purposefully spreading rumours about Issei and Kiba being in some sort of affair to rile up the student body."

"Ah, yes, those." Sona sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation "Rest assured, Tsubaki will be taking them into account for that, among other things." She promised with a hint of dark amusement before reverting to her normal prim and proper tone "That being said, regarding my earlier question?"

"My sister died prior to my enrollment at Kuoh." Shirou replied flatly, not wanting to discuss the matter further yet unwilling to take his frustrations out on Sona. After all, as Student Council President it was her job to ensure the physical and mental well-being of the Students, and just like his old friend Issei she took her duties very seriously "I'd be lying if I said I was over it, but it won't interfere with my studies."

"I…see." Sona noted, her normally stern visage replaced not with pity, but understanding "My apologies, Emiya-kun, as a younger sibling myself, I should've known better than to press you about something so personal."

"You were just doing your job, Kaichou." Shirou assured the girl, honestly more surprised than anything that she'd actually felt the need to apologise, the two of them walking in silence as they made their way back to the main building "I'm guessing open house is almost over for the day?"

"Yes, thankfully." Sona sighed, looking honestly relieved, as if she'd somehow dodged a bullet "All that remains is my meeting with Lord Zeoticus Gremory to discuss the upcoming summit."

"That'd be Rias-san's father, right?" Shirou noted, dimly recalling Akeno mentioning that the Gremory Clan Head was the current Director of Kuoh Academy, only to blink as a veritable stampede of male students thundered past on the way to the gym "What the hell?"

"You there!" Sona snapped out, Shirou suppressing the urge to shiver at the feeling of power in her voice even as those students at the tail end of the stampede froze in their tracks "What is the meaning of this? Why are you acting in such an inappropriate manner?"

"Ah, sorry, Shitori-Kaichou." One of the poor sods stammered, trembling in the face of Sona's shining glasses and stern glare "But Matsuda & Motohama" both Shirou and Sona sighed in exasperation at the mention of the pair "spotted a Magical Girl Cosplayer performing at the Gym and we were in a rush to…"

Shirou blinked as Sona stiffened at the words 'Magical Girl Cosplayer', the redhead looking on in growing concern as the normally composed Devil slowly turned several shades paler, her pupils shrinking behind her spectacles "Kaichou…Sona-san?" he pressed, using her first name when the use of her title got no reaction "You okay?"

"It can't be…!" Sona whispered, her normally composed expression replaced with one of dawning terror, as if all her ghosts had come back to haunt her and brought their friends along for the ride "She can't be here…not today! I took extra precautions this time!"

"She?" Shirou repeated, honestly a little unnerved by the normally reserved Devil's change in demeanour, only to blink as she suddenly took off like a bat out of hell, pun intended, leaving him and the other teens gaping after her in shock.

"I…think you lot had better steer clear of the gym for a bit." He warned the stragglers, earning a round of affirming nods from the teens, who wisely decided to make themselves scarce while he made to follow the distraught heiress. As he drew closer to the Gym, he caught a crowd of muttering teens marching the other way, several of them, Matsuda and Motohama in particular, cursing Saji for being a Killjoy.

"Bastard probably wants to keep her for himself." The Three-Sizes-Scouter grumbled, "It's bad enough he and Issei are surrounded by beauties, but at least Issei can't boss us around!"

"I wouldn't mind being bossed around by Sona-Kaichou." Matsuda admitted with a perverse grin "She might not be as Moe as Asia-chan or Koneko-chan, but her figure's close enough to prgh-!"

"Sorry, thought I saw a bug." Shirou deadpanned as he lowered his fist, leaving Motohama to keep Matsuda from 'going into the light', possibly because he knew all too well that was hell his comrade was stepping into, the rest of the crowd parting like the red sea as the redhead strode towards the gym, only to blink at the sight before him.

"Sona-chan!" a perky young woman cried out as she literally tackle-glomped a mortified looking Sona, though aside from her colourful outfit and star-themed baton, which for some reason summoned a flash of Rin, Luvia, Illyasviel and some other poor girl in similar attire, Shirou couldn't see anything particularly intimidating about her "What's wrong, Sona-chan? You're blushing like crazy!" she exclaimed, stepping back with a look of concern only to pout at her silence "You've finally been reunited with your beloved Onee-sama, shouldn't you be a lot happier to see me?"

"Onee-sama?" Shirou repeated, drawing attention from the other occupants of the hall, which consisted of the members of the Gremory Peerage and a flustered looking Saji "Wait, isn't Sona's sister…"

"Serafall Leviathan." Xenovia supplied dutifully as the Devil in question continued to gush in front of her younger sibling, the former exorcist having accompanied the Gremory Peerage due to conversing with Asia "One of the Four Great Satans, and former heiress to House Sitri of the 72 pillars."

Shirou…honestly didn't know how to respond to that. Rather than being unable to say anything, he just couldn't bring himself to comment on the situation playing out before him.

He hadn't forgotten the overwhelming power he'd sensed when Sirzechs had teleported into the Occult Research Clubroom, that soul-crushing presence that belied the handsome, gentle features of the man behind it. While he'd been assured by several parties, most notably Rias and Azazel, that the current Lucifer was a benign figure who valued peace, there was no denying the fact that, personality aside, Sirzechs was a monster that surpassed anything Shirou had ever experienced, even factoring in the memories of his alternate selves. The only thing that even came close to surpassing him had been-

I̲̎ͣ͝t͕̪̥͛s̀́̄ͪ̋̃ͨ ̱ͦͩ̽n̻̩̻̗̣͔̒̊͗ȃ̖̹̱̯̰͢ͅm̢̎͑ͤͤ͂̏e̳ͅ ̺̬̺̣̺̗̰͋̒̓̀ĭ͉͓͍ͨ͋̐̄ͥͨ́s͉̟̭̈ͤ̆ͦͫ́ ̠͈ͨ͌͗͌͂ͤͥͅB̬͇̩͍͖̮̅͑ͨe̸̫̘̠͍ả̡̭̐ṡ͢ṱ̻̫͓̈̂̍̏̽ͯͪ ̠͇̩̓̐Ḭ̬̬͕̟͎̳͒̈́͌͗̊͗,ͣ̒̃̏͌̓̅͏ ̶̔ͪ̽ť̝͎͙̭͈̣͖̔͒̋͊̀̋h͐ͬͥͫͨ̚҉͈͕̦e̜̰̿̋̃ͪ̀̕ ̛̒̇̓̀͛͛B̹͚̖̭̝̃̾ͅe̬͉̰̗̫̒͛̑́a̲̝̥̻͍͍͑̿ͤ̈́s̺͎̪ͣ̽̎ͫͯ̊́ͅẗ̳͚͉̹͙̞̪ ̪̲̦̪̹̪̱͠ț͋̒̂̀͜ḧ̗͕̩̥͉̗̐̎ͨa͜t͔͕̲͍̘̻ͮ̇̈ͥ̌̉ͅ ̿̾̎͏̝͚c̙͕͉͍͉̮͂ͩ̍͆̌͒̚a͙͎͚̞l̨̺͙̻̦̱̱l͊̔̿͒e̡͓̳̳̒d͗ ̬͖̠̮̹̏ịͭ́t̗̍͂̆̓̈́̕s̜̻̯̗e͕̘̦̖̭̓̾͊̏̓͌̕ͅl̺̖̿̏ͅf̝̫͢ ̡͕͎̖̪ͮ̓͐͋̌K҉̞i̛̞̟͉̹̒͋ͦͪ͒̾n̻͙͓̅ͥ̽̉͊͒͞ͅg͖̹̼̱̯̦̲ͯ͑͌̿͒ ̛̟̂̉ͭo̴̗̝̦͎̖͆̍͐̿ͅf̖̐́̇̅ͣ̌ ̨̥͓͚ͯ̓͒̾̇̿ͅD͔̘̦̰̥̼̹ͪͬ̂̈̋̉͡ėͨ̿̚m̻̭͕̩̩͖̼̋͒̋o̺ͨn̠̗̣͖̱̣s͇͖ͫ͆̊̆͗͆̕,̭̥̮͇̭̞̪͌ͥ ̫͚̹͙̰̦̱͒͗̕c̫̞̘̱̭͇̃̚͝a͑ͪ̽ͤ̇͏̲͚̬͉̤̮͎r̖̆̆ͩ̄̊̾r̷̞ͪͬ̆͛̅y̜̹͔̜̺ͥ͛ͩ̎̽̓̔ͅi̹̪̭̋n͉̼̩̼͇̼̐ͨ̏̌g͔̹̏̿ͧ ̺̱̤̜̥̟͔͆̂̏̑ṱ͒͒̽ͮh̦̞̖ͨ͋ͧ͗̑̽ͅẻ̷̤̤̙̣̟ͤ̐͆̋̇ ̙p̦̣̣̯͓̍̓̍ͮͣͧ͞r͚̬̼͕ï̤̰̭̄̄͡n̻̭͓͔͎͙̺͘c͕̘̰͆̐͑̐͒ͫ͝î̶̙̙̝̜̠ͫp̡̹͓̼ͫ͑l͖̹̦̩̲̝̗̿̉ͫẹ̯̹̰͌̾ ̸̞̟͈̟̅̀o͏̩͍̞̰̘̩f̬̾̇̃͂̋ ̥̰͖̱ͣͣ̅͐͢'̯̅͐̅p̤͈̀i͈̠̬̤̭̐̓̏̉ͨ̈́͝t͚̲̘̻̄̓̔y̗̰̔͟'̤͙̠̩͔̄̆ͮ,̂҉̳̹̣̙̫̝͙ ͚̮͉̗͓̱̭͊̏ͯ͋̄ͪ̍a̯̦̤̱̗͔ͦ͡ ̽͛̏ͥ̋ͩ̀ş̜͚̆̌͆ͭŷ͓̮̳̬̆ͪ̍͌́̍͝s̲̙͙͕ͣt̬́ȅ̳͉̟͉͕̺͋̀ͪ̀̚m͈̯̊̆͊̊ ̛̰̙̿̉t̪ͩ̊ô̙͎̱͚ͦ͌̇͞ ̭̘̗͈̀̄̂e̜͓̫̻̗ͫ͋ͪ͆ͨ̔̎f̛͙̙̥̗̱̏f̴̗̼͚̖ͨ̀͐ͯǐ̷̮ͭ̒̉̂ͤc̵͕̄̈̐̌͋͊ịͭͬ̍͑e̩ͩͤ͌̓n̜͖̜͎ͨ̊ͩ͑͛tͮ̽ͥ́҉̮̜̭͙̗̳ͅḽ̻̥͉͕̜͙ͤy̛͗ͬ͛͐ͪ̓ ̮͈͙̓̂̍ͅp̯̼̪̠̀r̥̻̭̲ọ̗̭̤̞̬ͮ͒̈́͊̔mͬ͋̑͊͒ͫ̎o̞͚̐͋͋̆̃t̸̺̺̉̎è̻͛ ̛̲̫̼̱͌̋ͤ̋ͩ̑ͅp̅ͯͮ͒͑r͕͎̘̞ͯ̆ͤͩ̍̔ͣo̳ͮ͒͑p̪̺͍̤̝e̮̹̬̼ͪͦͫͮ́̄͞r͓̈́͋̾͌͐͡ ̒ͧ̔̅̇͘'̺͈̝̖̬̟ͫ̃ͪ̌r̹̩͉̬̖̋͒̽̑̓̂e̝̮̦̹̗̳̘ͫ̒̍ͪ̕ả̧̤ͦ͋ͧ̚s͉̳̰̤͆ǫ̞͖͇̬̥ͣͪͩ͐̿̉n͖̦̹̘̮ͅ'ͪ͒̈́̽ͤ͑ ̯̳̳͇̈́t͍̩̮͗ͥh͔͓̝̦ͭ̌ͦͫͥa͇̼̗̘͉̲̺ͤ͌̿̃̿̽̽t̅ ̮̮ͯͭ̓ͩ̄̾̃ͅbͭ͏͎͍͈̜̰̪̣ẹ̢͙̣͔̈́ͧ̚c̢ͮͬ̌̈̔a̗̒̌ͅm̢̦͙͎̻̮͂̐ͨͨ̏͊ͧͅe͇̜͎ͅ ̥̖a͈̬̮̼̦ͩ ̰͔͙̠ͭͧ̊ͫ͆̔ͩc͙͍͓̠͚ͨ͋͠u̻̙͐r̸͖͍̺̹͙͖̆ͣ̍̏ͅs͍͕̑e̦̻͇ͩͧ̒ ̯͎̲̪̣ͅt̷̰͓̟ͣȯ̬̪̪̙͓̹ ͖̳̤̞̣͉̺̏̀̚ḁ̤͙ͥͧ̆͘t̨̙̮̤͈̊̈́t͙̞̮̫̠͉̚͟a̵̺̥̘̹͔͕ͮ͊̓̎i͍͉̙͍̱̾ͅn̟̫͋͌ͦ͂ ̯̫̭̑͝t̽ͨŗ̗͍ͭu̞̥̹̥̤̱̮̒͒ͫͨ̊̄e̍́͒ ͎̤͙͇̪̌ͬ͂̉̓͐w̱͎̖̠ͦ̉̋͂ͥ͛̊i̊͌s̋ͧͮd̜ͥͅo̪̦̼̮̬̠̣͆̽ͦ͂͑m̼̙̠̻͖ͯͪͩ͒ͥ.ͤ͋ͯ͗̌̎

"Whoa, Emiya, you alright?" Issei called out, snapping the Faker out of his thoughts with a hand on his shoulder "Dude I know she's hot and all but I don't think perving on one of the Maou is a good idea, especially since Kaichou's right there!"

"What are you-?" Shirou began, only to trail off at the taste of iron on his lips, his eyes widening as he reached up to examine the area only to find them bloody as they pulled back "How did-?"

"Your nose just started bleeding while you were staring off into space." Sirzechs supplied, the Faker turning to see the Lucifer standing next to a concerned looking Rias and an older gentleman who could only be their father, given the color of his hair and eyes "Though contrary to Issei-kun's belief, I doubt it was any fault of Serafall's."

"Not for lack of trying, mind you." A familiar voice chuckled, Shirou's eyes widening as he whipped around to see Azazel smirking lazily at him, the Governor General dressed, as always, in his usual kimono, though he'd thrown a Haori over it, giving him the appearance of a rugged vagabond from a samurai drama "Nice to see you're as perky as ever, Serafall."

"Azazel?" Shirou stammered, earning looks of alarm from the younger Devils sans Asia, who merely blinked in surprise as Issei leapt in front of her while Saji interposed himself between Sona and Serafall, though the elder sister didn't seem overly bothered by the Fallen's presence "What're you doing here?"

"It's open day, where else would I be?" Azazel scoffed with a wry smirk "Just because I don't interfere in your rosy high school life doesn't mean I'm not your legal guardian y'know?"

"So he really is under your care." Sirzechs mused, the Lucifer clearly not sharing his younger sibling's concern at the revelation, if anything he looked intrigued, possibly even relieved "You always did have a penchant for taking in interesting individuals."

"The Grigori have always welcomed those who were cast aside by the other factions." Azazel confirmed with a shrug "Hell, I was the one who arranged for Asia Argento to be transferred here after the Vatican kicked her out." He smiled apologetically at the Bishop "Sorry about that, by the way, if I'd know what Raynare was up to, I'd have come to collect you myself."

"I-It's alright, Azazel-san!" Asia stammered, bowing her head hurriedly "While it's true I faced some hardship, in the end I was able to meet Issei-san…" she blushed before beaming gratefully at the stunned Fallen "So, thank you, Azazel-san, if it weren't for you, I never would have found my new family."

"Asia-chan-!" Issei wept, his and Saji's eyes literally waterfalls as they gaped at the former Holy Maiden, even the normally reserved Sona smiling at the girl while Rias hugged her Bishop from behind.

"Honestly…" Azazel scoffed, the normally unflappable Fallen shaking his head to hide his obvious embarrassment "What the hell was Michael thinking allowing them to excommunicate you…?"

"Don't be so hard on him." Sirzechs, of all people, countered with a knowing smile "After all, as someone who likewise had large shoes to fill, I can somewhat understand the weight of his responsibilities, even if I don't condone them." He nodded towards Serafall "After all, unlike Michael, I had people who could share the burden."

'Why do I have the strangest feeling Kirei would be loving this?' Shirou deadpanned, shuddering at the idea of Rin's mentor stumbling across a world where God was literally Dead and Lucifer was playing Advocate for the Archangel Michael?

"In any case, I actually had other reasons for stopping by today." Azazel admitted, smirking at Sirzechs and Serafall coyly "For one thing, I wanted to scope out the location for the meeting, since having both representatives of the Devil Faction here might give Heaven the wrong idea."

"Wouldn't you being here technically make the situation worse then?" Issei wondered, looking concerned at the prospect of the peace treaty breaking down, only for Sona to shake her head.

"I could understand why you would think so, Hyoudo-kun, however you should know that, recent events aside, the Fallen Angels have always done their best to adhere to the cease-fire." She nodded towards Rias "If you'll recall, when you were confronted by Fallen Angel Dohnaseek, he immediately withdrew after learning you were part of Rias' peerage instead of a mere stray."

"The elimination of Strays has always been a grey area." Sirzechs admitted with a weary sigh "That being said, Azazel was the first to propose the cease-fire despite his faction possessing the upper hand during the war. In a sense, you could say that if it weren't for him, we probably wouldn't have been able to overthrow the Old Satan Faction." He regarded Sona and Rias solemnly "I'm sure I don't need to spell out what that would mean for both of our societies as a whole."

* * *

Rias grimaced, and even Sona looked humbled by the revelation.

While things hadn't changed overtly much since the fall of the Old Satans, the new government had brought with it several changes that made life much easier for many members of Devil Society. For one thing, under the rule of the Old Satans, Rias would not only have been unable to attend Kuoh Academy, she would have had no means of challenging her engagement to Riser Phenex.

It was only because of Sirzechs and Serafall pulling strings behind the scenes that she and Sona were allowed to act as Joint Overseers of the city following the untimely death of their predecessor, citing that nobody with a functioning Brain Cell would target the Satans' younger siblings, thus allowing Rias to postpone her marriage until she'd graduated High-School or assembled a strong enough peerage, whichever came first.

Normally the Gremory Heiress would have milked the opportunity for all it was worth and purposely repeated a few years. After all, what kind of respectable Devil wouldn't abuse such a loophole in a contract? However, even if Sona weren't the kind to frown on such behaviour, one of the stipulations for their remaining as Overseers was that they both took their education seriously and did their best to graduate.

After all, and she swore she could feel the mocking sneers of their detractors as she read the fine print, how could they be expected to oversee a town when they couldn't even graduate from a mundane High-School?

And so, in the end, Rias' only means of opposing Riser would have been to challenge and defeat him in a Rating Game, something that had only been implemented after Ajuka Beelzebub, formerly of house Ashtaroth, created the Evil Piece System to replenish the Devils' waning numbers.

Without Azazel proposing a cease-fire, the New Satan Faction would never have been able to amass the forces necessary to overthrow the Old Satan Regime. Without Sirzechs assuming the position of Lucifer, Rias would never have been able to visit earth, let alone attend school there. Without Ajuka assuming the position of Beelzebub, she would have had no means of assembling a peerage, reducing her to little more than a brood-mare to ensure the line of Pureblood Devils remained unbroken.

And that was without factoring in the effect such a thing would have on her Peerage. While most if not all of Sona's had been volunteers, almost all of Rias' Peerage had been in some state of distress when she recruited them, Kiba, Issei and Asia having been literally on death's door whereas Akeno had been hunted by her mother's clan for the 'sin' of having a Fallen for a Father.

Setting aside Koneko and Gasper, who both had issues of their own to consider even after she took them in, it was clear to Rias that not only she, but the entirety of Devil Society, and most likely Heaven itself, owed a considerable debt to Azazel the Scapegoat for being the first to call for a ceasefire.

That didn't mean she'd forgiven him for his earlier transgressions mind you. It simply meant she wouldn't vaporise him with her Power of Destruction unless he tried to lay a hand on her or any of her peerage without permission.

"As nice as it is to hear you sing my praises, it's getting late and I'm sure these kids have had more than enough embarrassment for one day." Azazel mused, winking at Sona and Rias as he thumbed over his shoulder "With that in mind, how about I treat you all to some drinks before you head home? There's this nice little bar I highly recommend."

"Sounds like fun." Sirzechs opined, his father nodding his head in agreement before turning to regard Serafall with a smile "What do you say? Care to join us Serafall?"

"If Az is paying that's fine by me!" the Maou-Shoujo chirped, Shirou mentally applauding Issei for the well-fitting title as the Leviathan managed to squeeze in one last glomp on her flustered sister before skipping over to lock arms with Azazel, practically dragging the Governor General out of the hall alongside Rias' chuckling brother and father "Bye Son-tan! Don't stay out too late!"

"I should be the one saying that-!" Sona exclaimed, the frazzled looking heiress reaching up to cover her face with both hands, groaning into her palms as Rias crossed over to pat her on the shoulder with a long-suffering smile.

"Ah yes, before I forget…" Sirzechs called out, causing the girl to stiffen imperceptibly as her elder brother turned to look at her over his shoulder "Rias, when we get home, we need to speak about your other Bishop."

* * *

Yet another Action-free chapter building up to the Big Conference.

Rest assured another will be released Shortly to tide you over for a bit.

As mentioned above, some of my older fics are being discontinued due to the lack of my Pen-Drive and my need to focus on other matters. I'll still update my newer ones, but most of the older ones that have been dead in the water, so to speak, will be put up for adoption or retired within a week or so.

Currently, the list of stories being discontinued are as follows:

 **Most, if not all, of my old Naruto fics:** Let's face it, most of these have been dead in the water for years now. I might try to reboot a few, but till then first come first served.

 **The Herwald von Einzbern Series:** Yeah, recent revelations from devout Type-Moon fans have pretty much blown this series out of the water. Sorry.

 **Kamen Rider Vandread-O:** Yeah admittedly I kinda shot myself in the foot with this one.

 **Geass Rider Zero Knight:** Sadly I don't see this one finishing anytime soon.

Anyone interested in picking up where I left off, send me a PM and I'll let people know before I take the fic down. My reasons for doing this is to both focus on getting my life together as well as ensuring I actually complete some stories within my lifetime (Lol). More on that next chapter.


	16. Fake x Treaty 4

Second part of my New-Years Update.

I've more to say but it can wait till later, for now, let's get this show on the road!

* * *

 **Fake x Life Sixteen: Gasper Vladi vs The World.**

"You look like you had a good time last night." Shirou noted as he set out breakfast for everyone the following morning. While his comment was directed at Azazel, who had staggered into the house drunk off his ass in the wee-hours of the morning, it could also be attributed to Vali, who likewise had disappeared for the day following his near-altercation with Issei in front of the Academy.

"What can I say, it's been a while since I could bitch about the old days with people who know what the hell I'm talking about." Azazel chuckled, sighing with relief as he downed his first cup of coffee for the day "Still, it's good to know politics hasn't changed Serafall all that much. She always was a ray of sunshine once the Great War ended, especially considering how dour her predecessor was."

"You mean the original Leviathan?" Xenovia pressed, honestly intrigued, as aside from their descriptions in the Bible, which were hardly the most flattering, there wasn't that much known about the Original Four Satans, or any of the founding 72 pillars for that matter, with the exception of Lucifer.

"Yeah, a real sourpuss that one." Azazel sighed, shaking his head at the memory of the fallen Satan "Hell of an Alchemist but her people-skills left a lot to be desired…kinda like Falbium really." He noted as an afterthought.

"The current Asmodeus." Xenovia supplied dutifully for Shirou's benefit "He's considered something of a tactical genius even by the Vatican, but since he doesn't appear in public that often, not much is known about him."

"He's just a lazy know-it-all." Vali supplied from the side, his tone dismissive as he poured himself a cup of coffee "The only reason he accepted the position of Satan was because he could fob off all the work on his subordinates."

"While that isn't entirely untrue, I wouldn't go underestimating him, Vali." Azazel cautioned, his tone decidedly smug "After all, while I won't deny his laziness, he didn't earn the position of Chief of Military Affairs for nothing. It was Falbium's strategies that allowed the current Satans to overthrow the Old Satan Faction, after all."

"The descendants of the Original Satans and their followers." Xenovia supplied dutifully at Shirou's quirked brow "Even with the might of two Super Devils backing the Reformists, the Old Satan Faction were so deeply entrenched in Devil Society that it looked like the Civil war would go on until Judgement Day."

"And maybe even beyond that." Azazel continued "You'd think after the loss of countless lives during the Great War the dumb bastards would see the sense of a cease-fire but instead they decided to keep things going out of misplaced pride." he scoffed mockingly "Needless to say, Falbium was having none of that. About a week after he threw in his lot with Sirzechs, the conflict was over and Falbium was dozing in Asmodeus' sinfully comfortable desk chair."

Shirou shivered, more than a little impressed by the New Satan's achievement. From what little he'd managed to gather of the politics of Devil-kind from Sona, after she'd calmed down enough to stop trying to smother herself with her palms, while the current reigning Satans had more than earned their respective positions both during the Great War and the ensuing Civil War, that didn't mean there weren't those who took advantage of the new state of affairs to make pests of themselves.

Under the reign of the Old Satans, there had been no 'dissidents' or 'opposing factions', no 'parliaments' or 'discussion'. You either toed the line and did as you were told, or you were dead. End of story. One of the reasons Sirzechs had risen to such popularity, achievements and power aside, was that he and his allies fought to rid the Underworld of the old system, thus giving the Devils the power to choose, to speak their opinions without fear of repercussion.

Unfortunately, much like with humanity, there were those who abused this new freedom and while this had tapered off for the most part, due in part to the sheer Power of the New Satans, the implementation of the Rating Games had presented a venue for those who disagreed with them to oppose their motions, even outright challenge them without risk of death.

Of course, no-one in their right mind dared to challenge Sirzechs. This wasn't simply due to his sheer power, something Shirou understood fully, but the overwhelming superiority of his Peerage, which was widely acknowledged as the strongest despite possessing no Sacred Gear users. Likewise, the idea of challenging Ajuka Beelzebub, the CREATOR of the Evil Piece and Rating Game Systems, was also considered an exercise in futility, even setting aside the fact he was Sirzechs' equal in terms of power.

Serafall and Falbium, however, were another story. Many assumed that simply because they weren't veritable Juggernauts of power like Sirzechs and Ajuka, they'd be easier pickings, a notion that wasn't helped by their personalities and work ethics. Even following the Civil War, the fact that remained that power was the absolute measure of a Devil's worth in the Underworld, no matter how hard Sirzechs fought to change things. Indeed, the fact he, a Super Devil, held the post of Lucifer, only served to hurt his campaign by adding more weight to the outdated ideology.

Fortunately, despite her recent obsession with the Magical Girl genre and penchant for embarrassing her younger sibling, Serafall was no slouch in terms of raw power, to the point she publicly considered the Archangel Gabriel as her rival, though Sona had admitted in private that said rivalry was one-sided, as to date there had never been a meeting between her sister and the Seraph hailed as the 'Strongest, most Beautiful Woman in Heaven'.

Falbium, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter. Having earned his seat due to his wits, rather than any feat of strength, he was considered by many to be the weakest of the new Satans and had initially been the one many sought to replace in order to further their own objectives. An opinion that Falbium had been more than willing to correct, albeit if only to ensure it didn't cut into his nap-time.

As the statistically weakest Master in the Grail war (Shinji didn't count for obvious reasons), Shirou was all-too-familiar with the importance of strategizing, especially when it came to discerning and exploiting the weaknesses of the Enemy. As Archer had so eloquently put it: even wielded by a master, a sword could only kill a single opponent at a time, whereas a master tactician could defeat an entire army, even bring low an entire country, with one well-placed blow.

Saber's opinions on the Counter-Guardian's methods aside, Shirou couldn't deny the validity of his words. That Falbium had not only managed in a week what Sirzechs and Ajuka, with all their terrible power, had struggled to achieve in God only knew how long, but had also managed to retain his position as the chief of military affairs despite countless attempts at overthrowing him by far more experienced parties, only served to emphasize just how dangerous the current Asmodeus was.

"Don't let it bother you so much, Shirou." Azazel chuckled, rightfully reading the Faker's mood from his silence "Falbium might be a strategical genius, but he's about as ambitious as a rock." He shook his head with a wry smirk "A good thing too, setting aside Michael, who couldn't lie to save his life, at least with Sirzechs and Serafall I can somewhat predict what they'll bring to the negotiation table."

"You truly believe that Archangel Michael will be in attendance?" Xenovia pressed, the former exorcist looking torn between concern and awe at the very idea, for obvious reasons.

"I wouldn't bet against it." Azazel confirmed with a nod "With Father dead, Michael is the highest authority in Heaven at the moment and he was never one to delegate if he could avoid it. If he didn't come himself, I'd expect him to at least send Uriel or Raphael as representatives."

"What about lady Gabriel?" Xenovia asked, only to flush at the Fallen's quirked brow "I'm sorry, it's just, out of all the Seraphs she was the most popular among the trainees growing up."

"Yeah, she's always been Heaven's Idol." Azazel agreed, a whimsical, almost longing smile on his face, as if remembering a fond memory "Still, she isn't likely to come unless Michael himself does, and then only if one of the other Seraphs abstain in order to protect Heaven." his scoffed bitterly "Michael always was over protective of her. Damned Closet Siscon…"

'I'm guessing there's more to this story than he's letting on.' Shirou noted dryly, the Faker feeling a strange sense of camaraderie with the Prince of the Hosts as he, and Vali surprisingly enough, deadpanned at Azazel from across the table.

"What's that look for?" the Governor General demanded, glaring defiantly back at the pair, who merely rolled their eyes at his actions "Ah piss off the lot of you! You're running late as it is."

"Crap!" Shirou swore, shovelling the rest of his food down before rising from the table alongside an equally flustered Xenovia, Vali offering a mocking wave of farewell as he continued to help himself to the spread.

"Seriously, that idiot's too helpful for his own good." Vali scoffed with a shake of his head, though whether it was from concern or amusement was debatable "He could afford to be a little more selfish."

"You say that, but something tells me you'd be singing a different tune if he stopped cooking." Azazel snarked, earning a glare from the White Dragon Emperor, who up until recently had subsisted mostly on Take-Out or Cup Ramen when forced to cook for himself.

While Azazel wasn't much better in the kitchen, his penchant for treating each potential meal as a 'culinary experiment' having driven most of his subordinates to avoid headquarters on the off-chance he was feeling adventurous, at the very least his culinary expertise extended beyond 'turn on the kettle'.

* * *

 **Kuoh Academy Student Council Office.**

"Thanks again for the help, Emiya-Kun." Sona offered as she finished going over the paperwork on her desk along with Tsubaki "With everything that's transpired recently I'm afraid we've fallen a bit behind in regards to this month's paperwork."

"It's fine, Sona-Kaichou." Shirou assured the heiress with an understanding smile "You and Rias have had a lot on your plates recently, and that's not even taking into account the upcoming Peace treaty."

As overseers of the city, Rias and Sona were not only responsible for ensuring the safety of the human populace, but also for ensuring that, with the exception of their clients, humanity remained ignorant of the existence of what Shirou persisted in thinking of as the 'Moonlit World'.

In a sense, it was not unlike how Rin described her responsibilities as Second Owner of Fuyuki, though unlike the Tohsaka heiress, who had been woefully uninformed of events in town due to Kirei's mismanagement of her resources prior to the Grail War, Sona and Rias had access to their clans' information networks, which allowed them to step in as need be to minimize casualties and exposure to the best of their ability.

Admittedly, it wasn't a perfect system, the fact the Grigori were able to set up shop right under their noses and that Azazel, of all people, managed to bypass the screening process to lodge requests was proof enough of that, but it worked well enough for the most part and it wasn't as if anyone short of Falbium Asmodeus could accurately predict the Governor General's next move.

"By the way, I noticed that Xenovia-san isn't with you today." Sona noted in a tone that to anyone else would have come off offhand, the Sitri heiress having been decidedly slower to welcome the former Exorcist into the fold than Rias, partially out of understandable caution, given her past and current allegiances, and partially because she wasn't as quick to trust as her fellow King to begin with.

"She's been spending a lot of time with Argento-san at the Occult Research Club." Shirou provided dutifully as he helped move another stack of paperwork out of the way despite Momo's protests "Apparently they got to talking and found they had quite a lot in common."

"I suppose that makes sense." Tsubaki opined, the Vice-President adjusting her spectacles with a look of concern "Situations aside, they probably gravitated towards one another out of a need for closure and comfort. It hasn't been that long since either of them were excommunicated...among other things."

Shirou grimaced, recalling how callously Kokabiel had revealed the truth of God's demise during the Great War. While Xenovia carried herself well now, barring the odd moment in private, according to Azazel it had taken some time for the former Exorcist to come to terms with the truth, and even then it was only after she began sparring with Shirou that she'd regained her previous vigor.

With that in mind, Shirou could only imagine how devastating the truth must have been for a gentle soul like Asia, who despite being cast out and reincarnated as a Devil remained as pious as it was possible for a Devil to be, to the point she shed actual tears at not being able to read the Bible anymore.

'Kirei must never learn of her existence.' Shirou vowed, shuddering at the idea of Rin's mentor learning of Asia's predicament, his experiences, combined with those of his alternate selves, had painted a dark picture indeed of the overseer of the Grail War "As for what they're doing...I believe they mentioned something about Rias' other Bishop during lunch."

"Gasper Vladi." Sona noted, a look of realization flashing across her features as she nodded "I see, so that's what Sizechs-sama was talking about yesterday. Rias must have finally undone the seal on his power."

"Due to his inability to control his Sacred Gear, Gasper-kun was sealed away within the Occult Research Club until Rias-sama grew strong enough to keep him in check." Tsubaki supplied for Shirou's benefit "Given recent events, it's highly likely Sirzechs-sama believes Rias has grown strong enough as a King that she can help him keep that power in check."

"That, or he believes things are only going to grow more dangerous from here on out, so it would be better to have Gasper get some actually combat experience than to have him caught flat-footed later." Sona opined from the side, earning a nod from her Queen, as either option made sense "Possibly both."

"Is he really that powerful?" Shirou wondered, glancing over at the rest of the Student Council, who merely shrugged, most of them having never met the other Gremory Bishop due to his being sealed before they were scouted by Sona.

"Aside from Akeno, he was Rias' strongest piece until Hyoudo-Kun unlocked the true form of his Sacred Gear." Sona supplied, smiling primly at the redhead's look of surprise "However, in terms of contracts completed, he is easily the strongest member of her peerage." She added with a sigh "As much as I hate to admit it, having him sealed away allowed me to close the gap between Rias' peerage and my own."

"To be fair, Gasper-kun had a bit of an unfair advantage over us, Kaichou." Tsubaki countered with a soft smile "After all, most of his clients tend to relate to him on a personal level due to their shared anxieties." She nodded her head at her King's frown "And do recall that it is mostly thanks to him that we were able to held several former-shut ins to gain the confidence needed to return to School."

"A fact Rias used to lord over my head until she was forced to seal him away." Sona reminded her Queen with a sigh "That being said, releasing the seal on Gasper is one thing, convincing him to actually leave the old school building will be a battle in and of itself."

"Is he likely to get violent?" Shirou wondered, worried more for Asia's sake than anyone else, as Xenovia would likely tear the bishop apart if he tried anything, only to blink as Sona actually snorted, the equally composed Tsubaki covering her mouth to restrain her amusement at the statement.

"Hardly," the Sitri heiress chortled with honest amusement "I won't go into his personal history out of respect for Rias, but let's just say there's a reason he's able to relate to his clients on a personal level."

Before Shirou could ask what Sona meant, a high-pitched girlish wail drew the redhead's attention to a nearby window, his eyes widening in alarm at the sight of Xenovia, Durandal in hand, chasing after a little girl that bore a startling resemblance to Asia, albeit with shorter hair and paler skin, threatening to exorcise the poor child if she slowed down.

"Ah, I see Rias succeeded in convincing Gasper to leave his room after all." Sona noted, sidling up alongside the redhead, completely unfazed by the sight of her rival's Bishop being threatened with a True Holy Sword, most likely due to the lack of any Bloodlust on Xenovia's part and the presence of Issei, Asia and Koneko in the background.

"Wait, that's Rias' Bishop?" Shirou exclaimed, eyeing the wailing, effeminate figure that was somehow able to outrun Xenovia despite literally Shoujo-running, complete with raised hands, closed eyes and the odd sparkle in the background.

'The only thing missing is the Benny-Hill theme…' the more cynical part of his mind, which had been growing more pronounced of late, something he attributed to being invaded by Archer's memories, noted as he watched them circle the building several times, the Faker idly noting Saji sidling up to Issei, only to collapse on his knees, looking like the entire world had betrayed him 'Yeah, I'm not getting involved in that.'

* * *

 _Meanwhile! Behind the school building..._

"Uuuuu…I don't understand…" Gasper whimpered, the cross-dressing Dhampir-Devil gazing up at the blue-haired woman in abject terror from his spot on the grass, more terrified of her than the Holy Sword she was wielding "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"A healthy mind resides in a healthy body." Xenovia recited calmly, one hand resting on Durandal "If you truly are a Day-Walker as Rias claims, then you should be more than capable of running during the day."

'She certainly looks like she's having fun.' Issei noted, the Pawn sweat dropping as he stood off to the side with Asia, ready to jump in to help if things got out of hand, for despite Xenovia's assurances that she knew what she was doing, Durandal had been letting off a decidedly ominous aura ever since she'd drawn it.

'I don't even want to think what it'd be like if she so much as scratches one of us with that thing.' He shuddered, recalling the unbearable agony he'd been forced to endure during his and Kiba's duel with the exorcists, and those had been mere Fragments of a True Holy Sword. He soon snapped out of his thoughts, however, at the sight of Asia's pout "Something wrong, Asia-chan?

"Eh? Oh, it's nothing, Issei-san." The former nun assured him with a smile, only to sigh as she watched Gasper run wailing away from Koneko, who gave chase whilst carrying several cloves of garlic "It's just…I've wanted to meet my fellow Bishop for some time now…but as things stand it doesn't look like I'll get the chance."

Issei grimaced, wanting nothing more to comfort the former nun but in all honesty he couldn't really blame Gasper for his situation, as from what little he'd managed to gather from Rias the poor kid had plenty of reasons for being as introverted as he was, and his status as a Dhampire was only the tip of the iceberg.

'Seriously, when the hell did my life become an Anime?' he wondered offhandedly 'Don't get me wrong, Buchou and Akeno-sempai are sexy as hell, Asia and Koneko-chan are the cuteness alliance and even that damned handsome Kiba isn't too bad once you get to know him, but I draw the line at a Crossdressing Hikikomori Dhampire.'

No, seriously, the sinfully cute kid currently running shoujo-style, sparkles included, from the deadpan Koneko-chan was not only a Dhampire, which in hindsight partially explained their shut-in nature, but was also 100% male in defiance of all the laws of the universe. To make matters worse, Issei had apparently been entrusted with rehabilitating the shut-in, which meant he had to put with all of his shenanigans for the foreseeable future.

'Don't think of it like that.' He chastised himself, clenching his fist in determination 'After all, Buchou wouldn't ask this of me if she didn't think I could handle it! And even if he's my Senior as a Devil, he's still my junior in school, so it's my duty to make a proper man out of him!'

"NO~!" Gasper wailed, prompting Issei to look up just in time to see the Dhampire Trap hugging onto a tree for dear life, heedless of the show he was providing for his onlookers due to Xenovia poking at him with Durandal from below "Stop poking my butt! It hurts~!"

'…Why Boner?' Issei wept as he fell to his knees, a sentiment clearly shared by Saji, the Sitri Pawn having suffered the exact same reaction upon learning the truth of the trap that lay beneath that girlish figure 'Why must you confuse me so?'

"Hey there, Sekiryuutei." A familiar voice called out, the groups' eyes widening as Azazel stepped out of the woods, the Governor General dressed in the same dusty old Haori over a men's kimono that he always wore whenever Issei came over "And Xenovia, I see you're as lively as ever."

"Ah, Good evening, Governor-General." Xenovia greeted politely, lowering her sword and offering a polite bow to the Fallen, who merely waved it off with a lazy smile as he advanced towards them "Have you come to meet with Sitri-san or Gremory-san?"

"Actually, I was just out for a stroll and figured I'd pop in to see if that Holy Demon Sword kid was around." Azazel admitted, chuckling at Issei's look of alarm "Don't get your Schwartz twisted kid, as much as I'd like to examine his Balance Breaker, I'm not about to try anything without his King's permission, especially not with the summit just around the corner. Though speaking of Balance Breakers…."

He glanced at the cowering Gasper, who yelped in alarm before ducking behind a tree. "You're the Dhampire with Forbidden Balor View, right?" Azazel pressed, chuckling as the only answer he received from Gasper was a terrified squeak "For a support-type, that particular Sacred Gear can be a little volatile if the user's capacity is too low. If you don't learn to use it properly, you'll only wind up hurting yourself and those around you."

"Do you have any advice on how to proceed, Azazel-sama?" Xenovia enquired, earning looks of apprehensive interest from the Devils "As the foremost expert on Sacred Gears, you must know some way to help him develop faster."

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to claim that title." Azazel scoffed "After all, the only person who truly understood the Sacred Gears was God. My knowledge was gained from my own research and attempts to reverse engineer Sacred Gears recovered by my subordinates, though thanks to that I will admit to being more knowledgeable than Devils on the matter."

He glanced at Saji, who had summoned his own Sacred Gear just in case the Fallen's visit proved less than benign "Case in point, that's the Black Dragon's Pulse: Absorption Line, right?" he continued despite Saji's look of confusion "Try using it on Dhampire-kun whenever he invokes his Sacred Gear, that way you can bleed off any excess power until he learns to do so himself."

"W-Wait, are you serious?" Saji stammered, glancing down at the black, chameleon looking sacred-gear that he'd instinctively summoned upon Azazel's arrival "My Sacred Gear…it really possesses such an amazing ability?"

"What, you didn't know?" Azazel sighed, shaking his head in exasperation "Typical, that's the problem with you Modern Sacred Gear users, none of you bother to put the effort into studying what they can do until your backs are against the wall." He nodded at the teen "In any case, what you have there is one of several Sacred Gears created using the soul of the Evil Dragon King Vritra."

 **"So that's where he ended up."** The voice of Ddraig murmured, the gem on Issei's Boosted Gear flashing at the mention of the Evil Dragon, though the teen chose to remain silent, allowing Azazel to continue.

"While each of Vritra's Sacred Gears possess different abilities, Absorption Line can absorb the power of anyone it comes in contact with and transfer it to whomever the user desires." Azazel revealed, chuckling at their look of shock "The downside, of course, is that it lacks the Boosted Gear's ability to raise the user's power on its own, and unlike Divine Dividing must remain connected to the target to drain their power."

"And that's what only a part of the Evil Dragon's soul can do." Xenovia mused, honestly impressed by the revelation "I can only imagine how powerful the Sacred Gear would have been if God had sealed all of Vritra's soul in it."

"Well it's not like he had much choice." Azazel admitted with a shrug, "Keep in mind, Dragons aren't the most agreeable creatures by nature and the Dragon Kings are only a step beneath the Heavenly Dragons in terms of power so he couldn't have taken him on without heavy casualties. It took Indra ripping the poor bastard to shreds, body and soul, before Father could seal him away."

 **"Vritra never knew when to back down from a fight."** Ddraig opined from the Boosted Gear **"Not that I'm one to talk, mind you, but even I would've thought twice before challenging Indra in his own domain."**

"You still would've totally done so, wouldn't you?" Issei deadpanned, the pawn sighing in exasperation at the gruff snort of confirmation he received "So if Saji connects his line to me and Gasper, he'd have an easier time controlling his power?"

"Yep, and as an added bonus, this doubles as training for him as well." Azazel confirmed, nodding towards the Sitri pawn "The stronger you become, the more energy you'll be able to drain and faster, and the number of lines you'll be able to connect will also increase."

'Ok, seriously, how the hell is his Sacred Gear so OP?!' Issei exclaimed, glaring at his fellow pawn in frustration while the latter gaped at his Sacred Gear in disbelief 'I had to bust my balls and sacrifice my arm to get to where I am today, and all he has to do is keep using his Sacred Gear and he'll get better? And to make matters worse, it doesn't even have the whole Dragon's soul in there?'

 **"If you're going to blame someone, blame your own ineptitude."** Ddraig chided from within their shared mindscape, the place he chose to speak to his host whenever he didn't want anyone listening in **"If you have the time to complain, use it to get stronger. Albion's host will not be content to put off our destined duel forever."**

Issei grimaced, recalling his meeting with Vali the other day all-too-clearly, shuddering at how easily the silver-haired teen had taken him by surprise, almost goading the Pawn into attacking him in front of Buchou and her brother just so he could claim he didn't start the fight.

'If Emiya and Xenovia hadn't been there I probably would've snapped just as Buchou showed up.' He mused, his fist trembling at the memory only to blink as Azazel patted him on the shoulder.

"By the way, Shirou told me what happened with Vali the other day." The Fallen admitted "I won't tell you to forgive and forget but try not to let him get to you. You two might be destined to fight, but that doesn't mean you have to throw away your lives before you get to truly live them." He chuckled "After all, as a man whose had several harems over the centuries, it'd be a shame to see you die before you start your own."

'S-SEVERAL-?!' Issei exclaimed, gaping at the Governor General in wonderment, the perverted pawn unable to voice his admiration for the Fallen beyond a strangled squawk even as the rest of the group either sighed in exasperation, sans Gasper, who merely blinked in confusion, Asia, who pouted cutely at the teen, and Saji, who was eyeing Azazel with a hint of respect.

"Of course, if you really want to speed up their growth, there's a much simpler method you could use." Azazel opined, catching everyone's attention "It's only a theory, but records have shown that it's possible for Sacred Gear Users to boost their power using the blood of the Red Dragon Emperor." He chuckled at Issei's look of alarm "In Dhampir-kun's case, he might develop faster if you let him drink it straight from the tap, though if you want to test it first, try nicking yourself and letting some drop on Absorption Line."

"What am I, a doping agent?!" Issei exclaimed, shivering at the looks he was receiving from several of his would-be comrades with the exception of Asia and Gasper, the latter of which looked horrified at the idea of being forced to drink blood.

"Well, since the Holy Demonic Sword user isn't here I'd better be off before Serafall's sister notices my presence." Azazel noted offhandedly, patting Issei one last time on the shoulder "I'll be seeing you tomorrow evening, Little Devils. Xenovia, try not to kill anyone till then, kay?"

"Yes sir, Governor General, sir." Xenovia offered, inclining her head towards the fallen as he stepped casually into the woods surrounding the school, his presence vanishing the moment he was out of sight "Now then, shall we resume training?"

* * *

And we'll draw to a close there. As you can see, being on better terms with Azazel means he opened up a little more.

Shirou didn't have much involvement in this chapter simply because I don't want the focus to solely be on him. While he plays a major role in the story, it's not as if the other characters have ceased to exist so they need room to grow.

In any case, as mentioned earlier, some of my older fics are being discontinued. If anyone cares to adopt them, send me a PM and I'll let people know.

As mentioned earlier, this is to allow me to focus on those fics which need to be completed, namely:

 **Fics to be Completed:**

 _Fate: Hunter's Moon -_ In all honesty this one won't take much longer to complete, as it essentially derails Volume 3, making volumes 4 & beyond a non-issue.

 _Fake x Fate_ \- Updates will be slow due to the upcoming 4th Anime but thankfully the Novels provide plenty of basis. Warning: Expect more changes to DxD Canon.

 _JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven -_ As the basis for all by JoJo-Related fiction, I'll finish this if it kills me.

 _After Heaven - Remnants of Destiny -_ At the very least I intend to get as far as Volume 3.

 _RWBYLOVANIA_ \- Again, I at least intend to go as far as Volume 3.

 _Bloodstained Arc -_ Might take some time but I intend to cover Jaune's travels through Yharnam.

 _Fate: Zero Requiem -_ You better believe i'm finishing this.

 _Code Decade: The Rider Rebellion -_ Same as above, definitely finishing this.

 _Dark Defense_ \- I really should finish this one shouldn't I?

 _Code Tekka: The Geass Knight -_ This one 'Might' get rebooted if I don't decide to finish it as is.

 _Sailor Moon GSL: Geass Speed Love -_ This one is LITERALLY stuck on the penultimate chapter isn't it?

As stated last chapter, my reasons for doing this is to focus on getting my life together while ensuring I actually complete some stories within my lifetime (Lol).


End file.
